The Right Kind Of Wrong
by dinky
Summary: A.U. Naley. After High School Nathan and Haley had found themselves at the crosswords of their relationship and mutually decided to end it. Sometimes letting go is harder then imaginable. What happens when they cant let go? What happens when their torrid
1. Chapter 1

**Title: The right kind of wrong**

**Author: queena**

**Pairing: Nathan and Haley. With mentions of other characters**

**Disclaimer: I dont own anything but my thoughts**

**A.N. Hey all i've been writting this for a while and thought i'd bring it over enjoy :)**

**Right Kind of Wrong**

I had always been the type of girl who knew right for wrong. I was considered a good girl in high school and had lived my life that way content on being that good girl everyone thought I was until he came into my life. He changed for the good and the bad. He had offered me the one chance to escape a life that I had hated as a good girl, had helped me break out of my shell and I liked it. We had mutual friends so we were always in contact with one another. He was the dashing ladies man and I was the girl that was way too smart to fall for his charms, of course that didn't mean I'd pass up on the opportunity to have a little fun with him. When we first got together it was like an explosion two people with opposite personalities daring to try to make it as a couple and it was just the kind of spice I had needed in my life.

At first we hated each other. It was pure and simple, I hated him and he hated me. In fact we hadn't had the same circle of friends one of us meaning him would have been in a better place...meaning hell. We had continued to hate each other up until the summer before junior year and then something changed. Nathan had been sprouting off about how every girl wanted a piece of him and I had known better. One day he was even more so annoying then usual and I had to bring him back down to size. Once he had muttered his assumption about all women wanting him I had stepped up saying that all women didn't want him and I was proof of that. Being the arrogant jerk that he was- he wanted me to prove it and me being the one person to bring him to knees I agreed to do so...only to fail. At first it had been a battle of wills he wanted to be right and so did I, I couldn't let him continue to think that he was gods gift to women because he just wasn't, or at least I thought so.

_Flashback_

_"Well, if it isn't Tree Hills own pretty, pretty princes" he said casting his eyes in her direction as she walked briskly past him. Holding a beer to his lips her looked her up and down, took a gulp and then spoke again. "What cat got your tongue?" he asked letting out a chuckle at the way she abruptly stopped. It looked like he had pissed the princess off, oh what a horror!_

_I had promised myself that I would not get into it with him tonight, that I would ignore him but he made it so hard to do so. Spinning around I set my eyes on him. The wind was blowing rather hard making my bangs fall in my eyes which caused me squint-as if I weren't doing that already._

_"Do us all a favor Nathan" I said walking back to where he was and leaning toward him this time, my breath hit his ear hopefully harshly. "How bout you go right back to hell" I said smiling sweetly at him. He was such a bastard he thought the world was his and everyone had to follow his words because he was the golden one. Golden one my ass! He may have had the whole town infatuated with his blue eyes, his tone body, basketball skills and lets not forget his supposed sexual longevity, but he didn't have me fooled. Nathan Scott was an ass that ran our town and I would not be the next girl on the list to follow him around like a lost puppy._

_He nodded in response still sipping out of the beer that was in his hand. "Well you see Hales I'll gladly take that trip- as long as you go first" he said raising his eyebrows up at her, only to gain a glare from her. "You know im sure hell has a spot for you Haley James. You know on your knees" he said raising his eyebrows up suggestively. "If you want you can even give it a go right now" he said looking to each side of him "know one's watching" he said seriously._

_I found myself rolling my eyes at his words. Of course girls with brains and those who didn't fall on their knees for him were suppose to go to hell then service everyone else. That was Nathan for you- straight up jerk."Don't call me Hales, Natey Poo" I said snidely. He had no right to call me Hales, my friends call me Hales and he was unfortunately an acquaintance. And that wasn't even by choice. "And for the record I'd rather be in hell then be with you...any part of you" I said looking southward with a raised brow._

_"I saw you with the boyfriend" he said his eyes sliding over to her face, she was biting her lip and not in the good way that made her look sexy. This was different. He had never really admitted how hot she was, or at least do it so consciously."He didn't look happy-maybe it was because you were calling my name and not his" he said smirking widely at her before setting his drink down_

_"Not in this lifetime buddy" I said standing before him. Nathan needed someone to put him in his place and I was of course the person who was woman enough to do it._

_"Oh wait your dating the virgin boy, so now I know you were calling my name when your all alone" he said cracking up at his joke. "You know Haley its ok to think about me in bed, you know to take the edge away"_

_He thought he was winning this battle but he had been so wrong. I had more up my sleeve I'd just wait till the right time. Seeing the glint in his eyes and quickly snatched his beer draining the rest of it. I looked over my shoulder and saw that Jeremy was looking my way, he looked disappointed but I didn't care. For so long I had done what he wanted to do, I stopped partying with my friends, I stopped living my life and basically lived his, now I was living my own life on my terms. Which meant I was due to have a good time and telling Nathan to go to hell was on the top of my list of things to do. "Trust me Nathan, you would be the last person I would be calling ever" I said looking him up and down like he was the biggest piece of crap ever._

_"Your boyfriend is looking over here" he said nodding in the direction of Jeremy. " let me guess he's insanely jealous of my gorgeous features and like me, he thinks you want to ride the big Scott"_

_I shrugged my shoulders " if so its not my problem, he's not my boyfriend anymore' I said as carelessly as possibly. But the truth was, I was kind of hurt by my recent breakup with Jeremy. My parents had really been free spirited and because of that hadn't really spent much time with me. Jeremy was interested in me and gave me the attention I needed, and I guess I clung to him because of it. My boyfriend had broken up with me because he claimed I had been talking about Nathan too much, he said it was almost like I was dating Nathan and not him, which wasn't true. I was just trying to prove me damn point. He also didn't like me staying out all night with Brooke and Rachel, he thought they were a bad influence and I had wanted to tell him to fuck off, but that's not something you say to the son of a minister._

_"Good" he said causing me to look up at him."You don't need someone who wants to change you " he said being honest for a second. Haley may have talked to much, she may have been a bitch but she didn't deserve to be held back from who she was and that was what Jeremy had done. She needed someone that could go toe to toe with her, and give her as much crap as she had given other people. Someone with a personality_

_"Why you never liked him, in fact you said we wouldn't last long" I pointed out easily. It was true despite being told by Brooke many times and even Lucas, Nathan had still treated Jeremy horrible and we had all wondered why. He said that the guy would never fit in our world and I guess he had been right, Jeremy didn't fit in my world and I didn't fit in his._

_"I heard you two arguing about your partying ways and how his girlfriend couldn't party like a rockstar if he was the boy scout leader." he said looking at her for a moment. "I may not like you all that much but even you don't deserve to be treated like crap"_

_For a moment I almost believed him but then I realized that I was talking to Nathan Scott he was all source of evil. "Save your fake sympathy for someone else Nathan- it wont get you into my pants, or in this case" I said looking down at my bare legs "up my skirt"_

_He nodded I response the mood shifting already. "Is that what im trying to do" he asked zeroing in on her body. Truth be told he wasn't trying to get up her skirt, at least not yet. Now he was willing though, her words had meant she had been thinking about him doing so which had spurred his actions._

_"That's exactly what your trying to do, hence the nice guy act suddenly." I said giving him a wink._

_He let out a chuckle in response "I haven't even tried little girl" he said moving forward causing her to move back. He wondered where all the fire had gone, she was hot and practically burning his skin with her tiny hands poking into his chest, but now that he had turned the tables on her, she was showing her true behavior. She couldn't resist him, he saw it in her eyes. And to be honest with himself he knew he wanted her just as bad. He had always wanted her that was the truth, he wanted to posses her, to take over her body...to have his wicked way with her over and over again_

_"Really I beg to differ" I said licking my lips. I knew it was wrong and in the morning I would regret it but for tonight I wanted him. I pushed my body up against his and smiled to myself at how he had reacted to me. I felt him through his pants pressed against me "I think you want me Nathan Scott" I said whispering. My hand had trailed up to the nape of his neck where I tugged at his hair to bring his face close to mine. If I were smart I would have just gotten him to admit that he wanted me, and then left but I knew I couldn't turn my back on this...even if it proved that he was right._

_"And I think you want me just as bad Haley James" he said letting his tongue out to lick across her plump lips. It was no secret they fought like hell, he thought she was a bitch, she thought he was arrogant jock and really it made no sense at all that they were spending so much time together yet here they were close to almost combusting and not a article of clothing had been shed._

_It was crazy how hot things were getting. My skin tingled at the mere touch of his hand on me. He had made contact with me and I loved it. I loved how I held power with him, I could see it in his eyes he wanted me and that had given me the upper hand on things. I had never noticed how attracting her was when he was cocky. He was a perverted asshole, but man was he hot. Usually I was too busy trying to plan his demise to really look into those piercing blue eyes of his. And now I had just been dumped, after I had been everything Jeremy had wanted and I wanted to have a little fun- even if it meant arguing with Nathan._

_"Admit it Hales" he said grinning when her eyes flashed "im your ticket out of the life you created for yourself, im just what you want" he said his breath kissing her skin._

_I chuckled at his true statement. We both knew where this was headed, probably to hell but every now and then you needed to shake things up." shut up and kiss me"_

_He looked at her really looked at her, her eyes were practically glowing she liked this, she craved it._

_I let out a startled moan as he continued to kneaded my skin. His strong big hands were traveling up my thighs "this doesn't change a thing you know, I still think you're a vile creature ," my words were cut off my his lips and then his tongue thrusting into my mouth._

_End of flashback_

That night had changed everything between Nathan and I, we realized that all the fighting and harsh words was our way of saying hey I like you. Our lives had taken a drastic change that night opening up the our separate worlds and making it one. We had started dating about two weeks later and had lasted well over two years. We were the couple you could easily see fighting in the middle of the quad one minute then making up or making out the next second. We had a twisted relationship but it worked better then anything else. We were as different as night and day yet it worked. After High School we had ended things. The wild love that we had once knew had died out and took a little bit of us with it. Our relationship had never been hearts and flowers all the time we fought like hell but we loved each other dearly. When things ended I was crushed although I knew things had to end and till this day I still don't know what it is that we hold over each other because no matter what we always end up right where we started from, which in our case is either loving each other or hating each other. Which brings me to now, presently I was having an affair with Nathan Scott.

This wasn't what I had pictured for my life. I never expected that I would be having an affair with a man I knew I could never really be with...a man who could never really be with me. Yet here I was back at his door because when everything was said and done I would still be here with him. Like always I debated with myself which was something I had done on a daily basis maybe I could let go maybe I could break my habit and his as well, we'd be free both of us. I knew that would never happen though- I couldn't loose him even the little piece that I had of him. I knew it was wrong that my affair with Nathan needed to end, we were both in relationships and had been for quite some time now, yet we always had come back to one another. I knew that our affair wouldn't change things, wouldn't fix things in our lives but I couldn't let go; And that's what I hated. Im sure he hated it too because obviously he couldn't let go either

As I stood on the porch I tried to tell myself that this was nothing that it was pure physical but the little voice in the back of my head said otherwise. I wanted to believe that we had kept this affair going because we were attracted to one another, because the sex was incredible but I knew better. I knew I had a good life, I had a great relationship that had the potential to be something special. All I needed to do was walk away - end things with Nathan. He could rot with Peyton and I could try with Chase. So what if my relationship was boring it was something that could be bigger if I had given it a chance. All I had to do was turn around and not look back and it would be over, it sounded good in my mind but I knew I wouldn't leave Nathan, I wouldn't end the affair...I couldn't. But what I could do was stall meeting him for a little bit longer. Turning on my heels I headed away from his place only to hear the tumble of his superior voice. He was still a cocky ass after all.

"I was wondering when you were going to stop debating and do what we both want" he said looking her up and down quickly before settling his blue eyes on her brown eyes. This wasn't anything new. She'd do this once in a while, act like she was ready to end it but he knew better. She couldn't leave him and he couldn't leave her that was truth He had watched her for some time now, as he did most times when he had arrived early, especially when they had come to the beach house. He was sure she had never noticed, she was too busy trying to figure out ways to end it, even though they both knew she would never do it. It always ended the same and always started the same. They might pick a fight with one another or maybe they wouldn't fight...maybe they'd rip each others clothes off and grind till they couldn't see straight. Either way it had started with a kiss, and ended with them in bed after touring the wall and floor.

At the first sound of his voice I had nearly jumped out of my skin. I hated how my body reacted to the mere sound of his voice. Or the way my heart beat sped up by seeing him. When I was around him I felt alive, and when we were apart I felt like a part of me had died. When we were together I didn't feel like a piece of me had died that cold day..I felt free. I didn't need to turn around to know that he was starring at me, I could feel it. Sometimes I hated what we were doing but at the same time I loved it. I had been tempted to call off the affair, once twice, ok many times but one thing had always brought me back, it wasn't his glowing personality because we often had clashed over one thing or another, it could have been his smile or the fact that he made my temperature soar, it was purely the sex. Or at least that was what I had told myself over and over again. Their was nothing special about what we were doing, it was purely physical. If only we hadn't needed each other that night, if only we had stayed content on hating each other really, hating each other then we wouldn't be here today in the same spot we always ended in together.

_Flashback_

_I had come to the party despite being begged by my friends. I needed this, I needed to get away if I had stayed in that house one more day I would go crazy. And really I was probably past crazy by now. I mean why else would I have thought Nathan and I could live a normal life. Walking into the crowded house I smiled at the guys that were starting to stare at me. Nathan and I had been broken up for about two weeks and in that time I had been keeping a low profile. I knew some people knew what had happen and that had effected the way they looked at me but for the most part guys were just happy to see some leg. Taking a swig of my drink I turned around to run smack dab in to him._

_"Haley" he said surprised, I almost let out a giggle. I looked good and I knew it and so did he. He probably thought I'd be at home still crying my eyes out and well that had been true earlier, I had decided to take back some of my life. I mean if he could move on past everything that had happen between us then I sure as hell could do the same. Our relationship was an accident waiting to happen anyway- so it should have been able to forget about it._

_"Nathan" I shot out annoyed that he was even in the same space as I was in. When could both keep moving and act like nothing ever happen like we had never happen._

_"What are you doing here Haley?" he asked trying not to look her in the eyes. It had been hard on both of them, the fighting, crying, and finally the breakup. What happen between the two of them had made an impact on both their lives and he was sure they'd both carry it for the rest of their lives. He had never loved anyone the way he loved Haley-had never thought he'd love someone the way he loved Haley and even though they weren't together he still felt very connected to her._

_"not looking for you if that's what you think" I said trying to push him aside but he wouldn't move. I looked up at his eyes which was a big mistake and glared in his direction. "We aren't together remember Nathan," I reminded him which had been harder to say then I had thought. We had actually had little to no contact after the break up. It was like my life had fallen apart. My feisty behavior had been drained from me. " there is nothing between us anymore, so if you'll excuse me I've got some partying to catch up on" I said letting out a bubble of laughter at the look on his face. I had hit the bottle before coming here I needed some kind of courage on the night I would enter the land of living again. When he refused to let my arm go I looked at him again deciding that maybe hurting him with my words would work"Your free now, no longer do you have to play the role of boyfriend of..." the words were on the tip of my tongue but somehow I couldn't finish my sentence. It hurt too much to think about it-to say it._

_"Did you come here alone, where's Brooke," he asked looking around still not letting go of her arm._

_He wasn't her boyfriend anymore but that didn't mean that he stopped caring for her. She would always hold a piece of his heart, if not his whole heart. They had been through so much together. He had never thought he'd fall in love with anyone let alone Haley and he did, he loved her then and he still loved her now. He had to leave her though, they were dying together and someone needed to pull back. He loved her enough to leave her, and she didn't understand now, it was too early but she would when she was happy again._

_"Hopefully beating the hell out of your brother" I said tipping my cup and finding it empty. I Focused back on him and saw that he looked so good, what I wouldn't do run my tongue along his lips, to feel his hard body pressed to mine. I'd love to run my fingers down his back and watch him shiver, love to send him over the edge with the swirl of my tongue, but that would never happen. Not again, he left me like everyone else did in life and he was suppose to be the one to stay- what a load of bull._

_"so tell me Nate are you missing me in your bed already?" I questioned against my own judgement. I moved closer to him so that my our bodies were now touching. "I know I've missed you in mine" I said giving him a sultry smile "it might be fun you know for just a little while huh"I asked motioning toward the stairs. Their would be a room available somewhere and if not he was Nathan Scott he could get away with murder and the town would still love him. And I would still love him too._

_"Haley" he said swallowing thickly. When she looked at him like that, when she stood before him looking so hot, he wanted to rip her clothes off, but he knew it wouldn't solve things. He almost let out a chuckle, who would have thought he would be turning down the offer of sex, or even the prospect of sex- especially with her. "You should get home" he said taking a step back. It was hard to resist her, especially since he knew how good it was between them. "You shouldn't be here" he mumbled loud enough for her to hear._

_Putting on my best smile I spoke "im fine Nathan you don't have to look after me anymore" I said touching his hand but then dropping it quickly at the electric shock that ran through me. I'd never let him know how wounded I had been by his words. He wanted me to go away and that hurt. "Go back to your date" I said looking in the direction of Peyton Sawyer. He and Peyton had been together long before I had admitted to myself that I had liked him and later feel in love with him. I never thought they had anything connecting them together, they were mismatched, I thought she was a bitch and before we started dating I thought he was an ass, but I thought even he could do better then her. Obviously I was wrong...they obviously had a connection or else they wouldn't have started dating again. Especially after what had happen between us. I thought he might want space but I guess I was wrong. Maybe I was the problem._

_"Hales" he said suddenly feeling bad. It was too soon he knew but if he didn't make a clean break neither one of them would ever get better. He hated seeing her like this, seeing her so broken and knowing that he could do nothing for her. He hated knowing that he contributed to the pain etched on her face. It had taken all his strength to leave her, to end things and he did it so she could be happy and maybe so that he could be happy too- but now seeing her this way...it only made him feel pain. He had promised her that no matter what he wouldn't leave her, that he'd always love her and it was true to some extent. He'd always love her he just couldn't be with her. "Im sorry"_

_Grinning once again I let my hand run down his neck. I noticed that he shivered involuntary and brought my lips close to his, thanks to my heels I was a lot taller tonight. "Im a big girl Nate I can take care of myself" I said before pressing a wet kiss to the side of his neck and then walking to find someone else to numb the pain. I wanted Nathan, I needed Nathan. He was the only person that would understand, that could understand. The problem I had with wanting and needing Nathan was that I'd never admit that to him-ever._

_I had seen him a couple times with Peyton running into them accidently and every time I did so I wanted to just walk away. Better yet I wished that I had never come to this party. When he'd hold her I always wished the same thing and that was, that the two of us had never ever touched that first time, and that he had never fallen in love with me and vice versa. I'd rather fight him then love him and that was the sad truth._

_I had partied the night away and at the end of the night when I had someone who wanted me, I realize I didn't want them. I had lost Brooke and figured that she and Lucas were making up, they were almost as messed up as me and Nathan though I knew we were far more worst. Standing outside I let the cool air surround me. It was sobering to be out here all alone. It made me realize that I was still dying and that I was still in pain. Brooke and Nathan had been right, it was too early to party, I wasn't over it. Without even realizing it I had started crying, my makeup was probably smeared but I just didn't care. I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted to be the same Haley I was before Nathan before everything but I knew that I would never really be the same. Nathan seemed to have moved on from it much easier then me, but I couldn't not when I knew, what we had how precious it was and how easily we lost it._

_"Haley" he said softly before standing close to her. They weren't even that close and the heat of her body was already suffocating him. He needed her just as much as she needed him._

_I didn't say anything and soon launched myself onto him. Our lips had met instantly and I felt the broken pieces of my heart start to fall back in place._

_He knew what she was feeling, he felt it too. He watched all night, and kept tabs on her. He had even told the bartender to stop giving her drinks. They coped with it differently. He had lots of anger and had taken to physical sports to get his mind off of what they had lost, while she had gone silent, sometimes she wouldn't even speak to him and he knew why. In the end he knew that he needed to leave her because the two of them together was too much. Wrapping his arm around her pressed his lips to hers once again. He wanted her to know that he understood, that he hurt to._

_"Make the hurt go away Nate please" I said after moving my lips to his neck. I felt his hands all over me and I knew he would give me what I wanted. Pulling back I looked into his eyes then to the pool house, if we were lucky it would be empty if not, Nathan would take care of it. "Please" I begged knowing that it made me look weak. I just, needed something and I knew he was the only one that could give me that something._

_"I'll make it better for you baby, I promise" he said before capturing her lips again and leading her to the pool house. He undressed her slowly knowing that she needed to feel loved, that she needed this and he needed it to. Pressing her into the mattress her covered her body with his, he kissed every bit of exposed skin on her. He had her sobbing with pleasure before even entering her, and the moment he did enter her, he knew that it was beginning of something that neither of them were ready for._

_End of flashback_

The sound of him calling me had brought me back to the present. He was cocky he thought he knew everything and I wanted nothing better then to prove him wrong. The night we had started our affair I was still reeling from everything but now I wasn't as emotional. Though a piece of my heart would forever be gone I was much better. It was almost like we had gone back to the way things were in high school with the loving each other one minute then hating each other the next. "Who said im not here to end it" I said turning around to look him in the eye. "Maybe I opened my eyes enough to see that im a hell of a lot better staying away from you"

"Me" he said standing up. 'Your not here to end it and we both know that". When he was a breath away from her he stopped walking. He let his eyes scan over her ever so slowly. Today she was wearing short cargo shorts that showcased her legs, he loved her legs and she knew that. He'd put money on the fact that she had dressed specifically for him. Of course she would never admit it though, that would make things too easy. And he knew as well as she did that easy wasn't their choice. They liked to do things the hard way.

"You don't know me" I replied cooly. The look on his face had faltered for only a second before he was smirking again my way. When he looked at me I wanted nothing more then to wipe that smirk off his lips. I wouldn't make it easy for him, not today. With each second my heartbeat sped up, and I swear I could practically hear the thumping sound. It happen all the time he was around me; there was something about him that always had gotten to me and till this day I didn't know what it was. My body was begging for the pleasure only he could bring to it, but I had remained in front of him unfazed by his appearance. He was shirtless which really wasn't a surprise, Nathan knew he was attracting and showed off as much as possible. My eyes raked over his rock hard abs before trailing lower to the low hung swim shorts, that made my mouth run dry.

He let out a little chuckle, she thought he didn't know her how wrong was she? "I know you better then anyone, including that boyfriend of yours" he said looking at her pointedly while she glared at him in return.

"Don't bring Chase into this" I said through gritted teeth. I didn't want him to mention Chase because then I'd remember that while Nathan was making me feel alive which he would do once we stopped playing this game, I would remember once again that I had stood up Chase yet again. Chase was a good guy too good for me.

He chuckled again at the fiery in her eyes, he loved that about her, she was a fighter always would be and he'd always love that about her. Bringing his hand out he caressed her face before bringing his thumb to trial along her plump lips. "I know that the only time you feel is alive is when your with me" he said bringing his voice to a shocking whisper. He had known all about her feelings because it was the same with him. It would always come back to the two of them in the end, always.

"Its your decision Hales, you can go or you can stay" he said before disappearing into the room leaving the door wide open for her to follow. She would follow of course she would, but if he knew anyone he knew that Haley would make it hard - she'd take her time knowing that he wanted her, knowing that she wanted him just as much.

I watched as he walked through the door and let out a puff of air. God I hated him. I hated that he was right, hated the fact that he was the first to leave when it should have been me, hated the fact that something that destroyed us was the reason we were still bonded together. I loved him and I knew he loved me, we wouldn't work in a real relationship that was why we had settled for this. It was all we had left. I finally followed him inside closing the door behind me. I found him scotch in hand. "We're in hell you know that" I said my eyes getting only a tiny bit watery. I mean that what this had to be...this cycle that Nathan and I had gone through day after day, the hate and love...it had to be some sort of hell or our lives were really just screwed up.

Putting down his glass he walked to her slowly deliberately, watching as she bit her lip in anticipation of what he'd do. He held her gaze for a moment or two wondering what she were thinking? Was she wishing for something they both couldn't have? Outstretching his arm, he jerked her in his direction so that she was closer then before.

"I hate you" I whispered while our foreheads were smashed together. My eyes were closed because I knew if I looked into his eyes I'd know the truth and it was easier to pretend that this was just an affair. I knew it wasn't just any affair this was Nathan and that meant something.

"I hate you too" he said cupping her face. For a moment he didn't make a move he just watched her with her eyes closed and then he placed a kiss to her both her cheeks before nibbling on her bottom lip. He was going to make her admit that she wanted it, that she could never end it. She'd beg for him to take her and then once he was satisfied he'd take her any way she wanted.

His mouth had cascaded onto mine nearly knowing the wind out of me. Our situation was so intense. One day would could be hating each other and then we were all over each other. The say hold habits die hard and they were right. Nathan and I we were two peas in a pod...one in the same. His hand had worked like magic on me removing my clothes while his lips had worked hard on an assault of my body. With each second that passed our kisses got harsher, more frantic. My hands hand tugged on the little bit of his hair as some kind of leverage. I needed to get a hold of myself, I needed to control myself. I felt his lips suckled paretically hard on the spot below my ear and let a moan.. He was driving me crazy...making me feel like I was to that was getting wound up in hopes of being released at the end. "God Nathan" I said letting my hand run across his back. I raked my nails against his flesh breaking our number one rule which was no marks that could later get us in trouble. The way he kissed me made my head spinning.

"I knew you'd like it" he said boastfully. His eyes had done a quick scan of her, laying in front of him, her hair messy- her lips swollen, her face flushed from the frantic kisses they had shared. She was beautiful, simply beautiful. Grabbing for her hands he easily put them above her head. Her eyes had shone with this wild bright color and he knew she liked what he was doing. She may have claimed to "hate" there affair but he knew better. She loved it as much as he did, loved it as much as they had once loved each other...as much as they loved each other now.

Our bodies had melted together as the passion had taken over. We moved together almost effortlessly. The heat of our bodies were reaching the final flame as a felt myself spiraling. Our hands were clasped together as the stars had fallen upon the two of us. In that moment we weren't thinking about the outside world about our obligations to other people. The only people that mattered in those moments were the two of us. Nothing else mattered or would ever matter more.


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N. Hello everyone! Im glad that your all enjoying this story. Thank you very much for all that read and replied. **

**Enjoy**

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 2**: **Bittersweet**

_Bittersweet your gonna be the death of me_

_I don't want you but I need you_

_I love you and hate you at very the same time_

_Bittersweet_

After my latest rendevous with Nathan I had made a conscious effort to suppress my urges and stay away from him. Things were getting a little to close for me and if I weren't carful I could easily find myself falling completely in love with him. The first time I had fallen for Nathan it had nearly knocked my equilibrium down. I couldn't understand how someone I had thought of as the source of all evil could make me feel so many things...mainly love. Watching him walk away from us was one of the most painful things I've had to suffer and I had promised myself that despite what we were doing, despite the way he still made my heart beat speed up I'd never fall for him again.

For the last two days I had ignored all of his calls and suppressed all of my urges to run to him. It was hard but it had to be done. That of course didn't mean that I hadn't missed him because I really did. I missed the way his voice sounded over the phone the low rumble of a voice sparked with so much passion, such masculinity. I missed the way he looked at me, when he thought I wasn't looking, or the way he smirked my way after a very ravaging session. In all I missed the way he made me feel. Granted most of the time he had pissed me off there were other times when he had given me any and everything that I needed. With Nathan there was no pressure. I could be myself and knew he'd accept me for it. If I was having a bad day he would give me exactly what I needed wether that be space or to be told the brutally honest truth and I was grateful for it.

There was something about Nathan- that infuriated me yet comforted me at the same time. Our relationship was weird, at times I never wanted to leave him and other times I couldn't run away fast enough. Despite our tremendous role we had played in one another lives, Nathan and I had an honest relationship. I knew no matter what we would always have this bond that brought us back together in the end. Nathan and I were bound together by something bigger then the two of us. Nathan had this insane hold over me, I gravitated to him and although he scared the hell out of me he was the only person I wanted...the only person I needed. And thats why I needed to stay away from him. We weren't suppose to be together he had Peyton and I had Chase but something always brought us back together

_Flashback_

_When it was all over I found myself once again laying next to him in bed. Our breathing had finally settled and now we were looking up at the ceiling. My skin was hot from his touches, from his kisses yet I still I felt cold. Pulling the sheet up my body I didn't dare look his way, I could feel his eyes already burning through me. One look from him and either lust would rush through my veins or hatred and right now, I was thinking lust was due to resurface._

_"Your modest now" he said putting his hands behind his head. He shut his eyes for a brief moment knowing that all to soon they were going to leave this place and go back to the real world. He liked it here, he liked it with her, and he knew she liked it as well. It was the only time they had peace._

_"Im a very modest person" I said relaxing for a bit. Usually one of us had escaped from the bed by now, usually it was me. I liked to leave first so that I could get the walk of shame over with. But for some reason I didn't move not yet. I just looked at him. He was dangerously handsome, even with his eyes closed. Sometimes when we were like this I wished that things had never ended. When in the wee hours of the night we had found silence with each other, I thought about a life we could have shared together and ached for it._

_"Sure you are" he said opening his eyes and looking at her. Her big brown eyes were in turmoil and he knew what she was thinking about. She was thinking about going, but he wasn't ready to let her go just yet. "Come here" he said reaching out to touch her cheek only to see her sit up. He didn't want to fight her, but if he needed to he would. She made things harder then they were, right now nothing else mattered but the two of them. It was easy for him to see but harder for her._

_"I should go" I said looking down at the comforter. I didn't want to leave him, I never wanted to leave him but there was a world outside of this place we created- one where we had other people to think about then ourselves. "They might be looking for us" I admitted casting my eyes over to the clock._

_He too sat up placing a kiss on her shoulder "if they haven't called by now then they wont call which means we've got time" he said as his kisses had gone from her shoulder to the spot just below her earlobe. I nodded in agreement he was right, we could lock ourselves away from just a little bit longer. I mean what harm could do?_

_Grabbing a hold to his face I kissed him with all of me. I wanted him to know everything I felt without saying anything at all. Somehow I had pushed him back down and began to place tiny kisses along his chest, before reaching his lips once more. Our mouths met in a heated kiss that could go on forever but ended shortly. I let out a small yawn and put my head to his shoulder. For some reason I was so tired, I felt so warm...I think it had to do with being in his arms. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and the mere touch almost made me cry. We hadn't cuddled in long time it kind of brought me back to the times we use to wake up in each others arms. Swallowing back unleashed tears I spoke "this is nice" I said softly. His hand had been rubbing up and down my arm in a calming way. This is what I liked about him, he knew me, knew what I needed and though I had hated at times, I loved it as well._

_"I know it is" he said continuing to stroke her arm. Neither one could say a word because then the spell would be broken and he didn't want it to break just yet. He knew when they both awoken later that the moment would be long gone. He was holding onto with every fiber in his body. He let out a straggled breath after a few seconds had passed between them and was surprised when she spoke._

_"Its always going to be like this isnt it?" I asked biting my lip at his silence. Sometimes I thought we were trapped together and other times I thought we had this special connection. Most of the time I was confused about everything regarding Nathan and I._

_"What?" he questioned already knowing what she was talking about but deciding to change the subject "you wanting to ravish me at every chance you get...yeah" he said chuckling when she looked up at him._

_"Full of yourself aren't you" I asked settling back down._

_"You were full of me too" he said chuckling again at the mock glare she had sent his way. "Ok to answer your question, you its always going to be like this- your said it yourself babe we're in hell" he said cracking a smile. Hell didn't sound so bad with her at his side._

_For some reason I laughed out loud Nathan and I in hell together, worst things could have happened. "Well if I were to take anyone with me it would be you"_

_He winked her way "right back at you" he said bringing her back down so that she could rest on his chest. He knew that was the closest thing he'd get to a declaration of love and he'd take whatever he could get from her. He loved her...he loved her so much and nothing could change that._

_End of flashback_

Sitting up in bed I looked at a picture of Chase that was by bed. I had kept it near my bed to remind that I had a second chance at being happy, but all it had done was bring me heartache. Chase was a good guy and if I didn't have so many issues im sure I would have fallen for him. The truth was I didn't love Chase, I liked him admired him but I wasn't in love with him and if I was really honest with myself I knew I could never really love him. The only real reason Chase and I were together was because my mother had taken advantage of me during a really tough time. Nathan and I had lost a child together and the weight of it all caused him to flee, claiming that he was saving the two of us from disaster. At that same time my mother had come to me insisting that I start rebuilding my life and stop acting as if it were over, she claimed that bad things happen all the time but people moved on and got through it. My mother gave me the impression that it didn't matter that I had lost my unborn child, and what mattered even less was the fact that my ex boyfriend and I were barely on speaking terms. She had hounded me for days insisting that I meet this older up and coming doctor and I had refused many times until that day I couldn't refuse any longer. She had come to me after Nathan and I had a practically bad fight where he claimed he was better off without me, and I claimed he never really loved me or our baby. After hounding me for days later I had finally agreed but to only one date. The sad thing about that was, that one date had turned into endless dates and now I was currently girlfriend to Chase Adams and stuck in a relationship with a man I couldn't love...a man I prayed didn't love me.

"Haley hurry up" Brooke Davis called as she opened the bedroom door of her bestfriend. "We were suppose to meet everyone at 911 an hour ago" she bellowed with her hands on her hips. She found her friend to be getting ready at an incredible slow rate and tapped her foot in annoyance. Although she had been a little late as well, Haley was taking her sweet time

"Oh please" I said dryly. I had already dressed and just needed Brooke to do my makeup. I had decided to wear my favorite white bebe sequin bubble dress that hit high on my thighs. "Lucas was over here, which means you two were doing god knows what" I said shuddering at the thought. Seeing the look on her face I decided to specify that in no certain terms did I want a play by play of their sick, sick games. "And no I don't want the details" I said spinning around to find my heart locket. I had always worn the necklace, it was something Nathan had given me after everything ended, engraved in the locket was an inscription with the words Nathan and Haley always and forever.

A smirk appeared on Brooke's face. At the thought of what she had been doing. "Orgasmic pleasure was sent my way Hales, and im not ashamed to admit that I enjoyed it" she said still smirking at the repulsed look on her friends face. "You'd enjoy it to, if you had sex more often"

I bit my tongue trying my hardest to keep my active sex life a secret. It was a joke between everyone that I since I had gotten together with Chase that I had changed my ways giving up sex, due to the fact that he had a busy work schedule at the hospital. Little did everyone know I was thoroughly taken cared of by Nathan.

"Yeah and I cant believe that you and Lucas had sex, I thought you were going cold turkey" I said bumping her with my hips. Brooke was my bestfriend and I loved her dearly, I knew that Lucas had meant a lot to her, he had made her the happiest but he had also made her the saddest and to tell the truth I wanted my friend to have relationship that made happy all the time, not some of the time.

I guess you could say I was interested in the love lives of my friends because my current love life was in shambles. One of us either Brooke or myself had to be in a relationship that was fifulling and if it couldn't be me, I'd hope it would be her.

"I was and still am, but that doesn't mean that I cant have fun on the side" Brooke said smiling in the mirror. I rolled my eyes at her again but said nothing. "Speaking of fun on the side, you were so having phone sex with your secret lover earlier" Brooke sing songed dodging a pillow that was thrown her way. Earlier she had caught Haley on the phone and had only heard the

"I don't have a secret lover Brooke!" I protested my face growing hot and probably turning red at that thought. I wondered if she had really heard my conversation. If so I would totally be embarrassed but then again I had heard a lot of things and seen a lot of things, while living with Brooke.

"Sure you do!" she said grinning "Hence the reason for the phone sex" she beamed before walking out my bedroom door. It really didn't matter how much I protested having a secret lover or whatever. I knew Brooke knew something was up. I was constantly feeding Chase lies to stay away from him, and I would disappear for hours without much word. Brooke wasn't stupid and was probably the only person that suspected that maybe something was going on between Nathan and I. She had never called me on it though and I was grateful for it. Taking one last look in my full length mirror. I decided I looked good enough to go out to party. Tonight I wasn't going to think about all the things I had done, I wasn't going to think about Chase and I was going to try my hardest not to think about Nathan, tonight I was gonna have some fun with my girls.

The club had been packed as usual but damn it felt good to be out and having some fun. Everyone was enjoying themselves and I was for one was glad that I had decided to come. People were dancing all over the place...well grinding while music played from the speakers. There was something about Club 911 that made everyone just enjoy themselves. Maybe it was the way the owners treated everyone like you were their best friends or it could be the way we had the bartenders wrapped around our fingers. Whatever it was, 911 had this special spark that had caused all of us to return as much as possible.

"So are you ready to dazzle Nathan with your sexy assets" Brooke asked causing me to look her way. She'd do this from time to time, she'd try and see if I were going to crack and I never did. I'd never admit it out loud that my reason for dressing so sexy tonight was to get to Nathan, and she knew it.

I gave her a look that said I knew exactly what she was doing and spoke. " im ready to make an entrance" I said grinning over at her. "Im here to get my drink on and have fun, you think you can have fun with me brookie" I asked grinning wider as the look of pure mischievous Brooke had crossed her features. I knew that look which meant 911 wasn't ready for the two of us.

The place was already crowded yet the main crew had been sitting outside on the patio. Once we reached the patio I saw familiar faces of people that I had belonged to our inner circle. I noticed that Jake was here talking it up with Rachel, while Lucas had walked up to Brooke and I with a two cups in his hand. I guess he was sucking up again. I shook my head at his antics but was silently rooting for him, Lucas may have screwed up with Brooke but he loved her and she loved him. Silently casting my eyes around the V.I.P. area I was a little disturbed to see that Nathan hadnt shown up yet. Not that I was looking for him or anything.

"Hey all" I said giving a small wave before glancing around the room for Nathan yet again. I knew he was coming tonight he'd told me so, but then again he could have easily got tied up with Peyton. The thought made my shudder and I knew that in order for me to even stomach the two of them tonight I'd need at least one drink.

"So where's the prince this is usually his scene" Brooke said noticing the look on her friends face. She was skittish which was a bit different. And then she kept looking at the door almost as if she were looking for someone.

"Oh he's running late something about a phone call that took longer then he expected" Lucas said putting his arms around both Haley and Brooke only to pushed away by both girls. He shrugged his shoulders and bobbed his head to the music."I just want you two to know that he's been in a mood for the last two days, hopefully a night out will get that knot out of his ass"

Immediately I felt my skin flush at the mere mention of the phone call. We had spoken briefly earlier today hence the reason Brooke had mentioned phone sex. The little shit had gotten me by calling my phone from a restricted number. I thought it could have been my sister or Chris but it turned out to be him. I felt Brookes eyes on me and fished for something to say.

"I guess his other half is rubbing off of him real well then huh" I said trying to cover my tracks all the while trying not to sound so repulsed by the idea of Nathan and Peyton. Obviously I had failed because the girls all gave me the same look, and Rachel had decided to stop trying to get in Jakes pants to come over to talk to us.

"Jealous" Rachel asked resting her arm on me so I could shake it off.

"Hardly" I said making sure to sound efficient. I had hoped that the jealously I felt hadn't seeped through but knew it did. The truth was I didn't like Peyton and she didn't like me either. My reason for not liking her was simple, after everything Nathan and I had been though together she had gone after him. The ashes of our life together had barely settled before she sunk her hooks into him; and what made it worst was the fact that he had let her.

"Ok speaking of bitch, is she coming tonight?" Brooke asked giving me another look. She knew how hard it was for me to watch the two of them get together. In fact I cried to her after it, and well she had her own reason for not liking Peyton as well.

Everyone was quiet for a second knowing that the dynamic of the group had often caused arguments. The group of friends were very close entwined by their hearts and whom their hearts wanted.

"You mean, possibly almost girlfriend to Jake, occasional fling and fellow broody blond to Brookes, Lucas and girlfriend to Haley's ex boyfriend" Bevin finished grinning from ear to ear. I wanted to hurl while the other girls glared in her direction.

"Thank you very much Bevin for that brief history lesson" Brooke said casting a glare in the direction of Lucas.

"Yeah talk about buzz kill" Rachel said still with her arm around me. I shook it off again.

"I'd just like to point out that Nathan is no longer my boyfriend so that didn't kill my buzz" I said grinning as both Rachel and Brooke glared at me, while Bevin continued to grin in earnest. Sometimes you needed to take one for the team and I had just done so, by lying through my teeth.

"See guys I told you we could talk about the good old days when we had naley" Bevin said tilting to her head to one side.

Just when I thought she'd continue one of my favorite songs came on. I didn't even have to reach for Brooke because she had already grabbed my hand. Rachel and Bevin had followed suite and soon the four of us were tearing it up on the dance floor. I was great full for the reprieve because hearing about my past relationship with Nathan could be hard at times. It was hard to pretend that it didn't hurt...that the fact that we had lost so much didn't matter.

--

Making his way into the club, he found the guys easily. They were sitting around drinks in hand watching the scenery around. Meaning they were checking out the hot chicks. He would have been at the club earlier if it hadn't been for his hideous fight with Peyton. The two of them were feuding again and he wasn't sure if he could stand being with her. She was getting on his nerves being too clingy and he was tired of it. Of course he could have just been in a bad mood due to the fact that Haley had been blowing him off lately. She wouldn't take any of his phone calls and when he showed up uninvited at her work, she gave him the brush off. He didn't do well with rejection especially rejection from her

"what are we looking at?" he asked stopping next to his brother whose eyes were glued to the dance floor.

For fear of missing something Lucas kept his eyes ahead."Do they have any idea what torture their putting every man through in this place" Luke said keeping his eyes trained on the two girls dancing rather seductively.

He let out a breath Lucas was such a pansy sometimes. "I thought you only got blue balls for one chick and last time I checked that girl was Brooke" he said chuckling at his mild joke. "Unless you want Peyton I'll gladly hand her over" he said only half joking now.

"Of course its still Brooke" he said turning to face his younger brother. "Im sure Peyton would love to hear your glowing words about her

"and I could give a flying fuck" he said bringing the drink up to his lips. It was then that he saw what Lucas had talked about. His eyes were trained as both Brooke and Haley had slithered around one another on the dance floor. "Oh my god" he said his voice rising an octave. Seeing Haley alone made his groin ache but seeing her hot and sweaty dancing along the likes of her bestfriend was something that could certainly get a guys attention.

Without much of a word to his brother he soon found his way to the dance floor. She had her back to him while she shook her body back and forth. The tiny dress she wore crept up her thigh and gave him better view of her luscious legs. Grabbing a hold of her waist he easily took control of her body slowing her down to a leisurely grind. Her back was to his front, as his fingertips danced along her naked shoulders. "From your dancing I take it you and Brooke have finally decided to give into those urges" he whispered hot into her ear. He felt her body stiffen as she realized that he wasn't just some other guy that had witnessed her dance of seduction.

She was simply vision in white. Her long hair was tousled while her eyes were dark, her look altogether gave off that of a sex kitten. And of course he'd known from personal experience. The lights in the club had made her stand out in the tiny white strapless dress. The tops of her breast were peaking out giving him a glimpse of her creamy skin. Gazing and her up and down he let a slow smile come to his lips. She looked good...really good and if there hadn't been so many of their mutual friends around, he'd show her just how appreciated he was at the sight before him.

My heart sped up at the raw voice in my ear. My skin itched to touched by him but I continued to move my body as if he were just any other guy. Boldly turning around I looked him up and down. He was wearing a white button down shirt that was rolled up at the elbows. " so nice of you to grace us with your presence" I said biting my lower painted lip at the pure heat that flickered in his eye.

"I thought you'd enjoy it " he said his hands resting just beneath the short strapless dress. " do you like it Haley" he said whispering her name as his hand had inched higher up.

I closed my eyes at the feeling of his hands touching my bare skin savoring the electricity that shot through me. For a moment it felt like the two of us were alone, but then the sound of loud music broke through the haze I had so easily"What are you doing?" I asked realizing how close we were to one another. If someone had witnessed it, they would have known what was going on between us. I tired to take a step back but found that he was holding onto me. To the public eye we were the platonic exes that fought one minute and got along together the next. We couldn't ruin our public persona by making any sudden moves.

"Nothing, " he said innocently. He saw the quick alarm rush through her and smiled in satisfaction. This was payback for leaving him high and dry for two days.

"Nathan, what are you up to?" I voiced trying my best to sound annoyed by his presence but secretly I was glad that he had shown up and more then glad that he had found me.

"im just saying hi to an old friend...relax Hales" he said wrapping his spare arm around her tiny waist. Know one would dare say anything about the two of them, dancing was harmless and due to the fact that the club was crowded he doubted that anyone would even notice. He wanted her, he missed her and touching her had been like a dream. "I've got a room upstairs we could get reacquainted" he said all the while his hand had traveled from her cheek making a sleek move to slide down the side of her neck finally resting at the heart necklace that dipped into her dress.

I rolled my eyes his way. I wasn't going to have sex with him, it didn't matter if I wanted it or he wanted it. What we were going to do, was act like normal people. We were going to act like friends. "No thanks" I said dryly.

He nodded in response. Suite yourself' he said continuing to nod. "If thats what you want"

"It is" I said sounding less sure. This was new, usually he'd fight me on it, he'd have me admitting how much I wanted him but today or tonight seemed different. I knew he was going to do something but had no idea what. He stepped closer to me, his hands leaving traces of flames on my body. I looked into his blue eyes that were practically on fire and was shocked at the change of tone.

"You've been ignoring me Haley" He whispered into her ear before dragging her to a secure place where they could see all yet not enough people could see them. "And we both know I don't like being ignored"

I jerked my arm away from him "and we both know I hate being man handled"I blew out.

It was easier on Nathan, the affair maybe because he was having his cake and eating it too.

I couldn't meet him everyday because everyday I had to walk away from him or he had to walk away from me, and sometimes it was too much. "My world doesn't revolve around you Nathan, you have a girlfriend for that" I spat out

"I know that" he said swearing. She drove him crazy, that's why he had to give her up in the first place. She was in his blood in his veins and although he knew how forbidden she was, he wanted her even more. "She's not you" he said before capturing her lips. He just needed one taste of honey just one and that would hold him over for a few hours. Her lips were soft as rose petals and he fought the urge to nip at them. His hand had easily gone to the back of her head bringing her closer to him. His tongue had plunged into her mouth over and over again till he swore he couldn't breathe.

My hands had sought out his short hair using it as leverage as his mouth decended onto my own. My body was hot like a fire as my heart beat was surly louder then the music. God I missed this, I missed him, and thats when I knew we had to stop. Using all my might I pushed him away.

"Nathan" I voiced trying to regain my control

"I missed you" he said and with that he walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N. Hey All! Im back with the next installment of this story! thanks for reading and replying! I know some of you are a bit sketchy about Nathan and Haley having an affair, and i can understand; i've never written a story like this one but decided to try my luck at it. I hope you all enjoy **

**xoxo**

**queena**

**Chapter 3: Chemicals React**

_Were you right, was I wrong_

_were you weak, was I strong_

_Yeah both of us broken,_

_caught in the moment_

I awoke to the sounds of someone snoring on the side of me. I fought to remember excatly whom I had gone home with a dreaded finding out who they were. I was too scared to look over to my left fearing that with my luck it had been Chris Keller, hell it could have even been Chase but I doubt we would have gone somewhere other then his place to get it on. For a brief second I thought it might be Nathan but then quickly remembered that he and Peyton had been on good terms last night. Just thinking about the two of them lip locking caused a chill to run up my spine. Deciding that I wasn't going to stick around for anything I shifted as quietly as possible to the other side of the bed. My goal was to get the hell out of dodge because not only had I cheated on Chase yet again but I had managed to cheat on Nathan as well, not that Nathan and I were a couple or anything.

"Haley stop moving or I'll never get back to sleep" Brooke cooed from her side of the bed. She let out a sleepy yawn before wiping her eyes.

I don't think I'd ever be more happy to hear the voice of my partner in crime ever.

"Brooke im so glad its you" I said giving her a tight hug. Sure I felt like I had been hit in the head was a sledge hammer, my mouth was dry and my eyes hurt like hell, but the good thing was that I hadn't slept with some random person. Nope not me, I hadn't succumbed to being the person that did everything in her power in order to get a rise out of her ex, good or bad. I had gone to bed with Brooke instead of some stranger or Nathan. Things were looking up.

"Who'd you think it was?" Brooke asked a smirk on her face.

"Don't ask"I replied laying back down on the bed. Really I wasn't sure what I would have done if I had been with someone else other then Nathan. For some reason Chase really didn't count on my radar. I knew it was wrong but I had been more worried about cheating on the guy I was having an affair with. Yeah I knew my logic was off and maybe sounded a bit crazy but that was what my life had become...some crazy side show.

Propping herself up on her elbow Brooke survey her friend 'yeah we'd all hate for you to have gotten yourself in some situation that was with someone besides your secret lover"

I didn't even bother popping open an eye it wasn't even worth it. "You know if I weren't currently hanging on by a thin thread I would kick your ass" I said covering my head with a pillow. "This is all your fault"

"No, Im innocent you on the other are guilty as sin"

_Flashback_

_"I miss you"_

_The words lingered in my ears even though it had the person that had said those words had long vanished to his rightful place away from me. And I had gone back to where I belonged, which was at the side of my bestfriend. Hosting myself up on one of the tables I took a sip of my drink all the while looking across the room as Nathan and Peyton stood close together. From I was sitting they looked like the perfect couple. The beautiful girl and the handsome boy, together. They had been each others first love and I guess if this was some sort of show you'd think the two were meant for each other but they weren't meant to be. Nathan needed someone who would not sit back and let him walk over them, he needed someone who would give him a run for his money, and that wasn't Peyton. He wasn't suppose to be with her, he was suppose to be with me, everyone knew it- they were just all afraid of saying it._

_"I miss you"_

_The words once again rang in my ears. That was something he should have never said to me. It didn't matter if I felt the same way, it was something he should have kept to himself the same as I had kept it to myself. He couldn't say those things to me, especially since I was the one that would be pining for him in the end. The thing with Nathan was, that I wanted him no matter how I acted or what I said, I wanted him. I think he knew I wanted him and maybe somewhere deep inside he wanted me just as much but we'd never admit it to each other._

_"You know what I've just realize" Brooke said taking a seat next to me. I looked up at her and smiled._

_"What is that?" I asked making sure to keep my emotions in check. I knew if I had done something out of the ordinary Brooke would catch on and then she'd question me. And since Nathan had messed me up after our last encounter I was afraid of what I'd say. Sometimes I hated him because he made me feel so much and it was all so confusing. I was suppose to hate him, I was suppose to loathe him but he was still the only thing I thought of. The only person I thought of and knowing that he thought of me as often as I thought about him wasn't a good thing. It only furthered my suspicion, Nathan and I were screwed._

_"You and I are way to hot to be sitting around for some guy or two guys to get a clue- ok maybe in your case two guys to get a clue."_

_"What?" I questioned giving her half grin. "Is that some kind of dig that im a whore or something because I am not a whore. Rachel is a whore."_

_Putting her hands up in mock surrender she spoke. "All im trying to say is that Chase needs to realize that your not as happy as you pretend to be."_

_I looked down at her comment she was right, I wish chase had seen me, and seen that maybe the two of us needed to review our relationship. I'd never admit to being unhappy because it wasn't totally true. At times I loved being Chase he was different but my heart wouldn't let me love him and I felt bad for stringing him along because that's what I was doing, I give him false hope when I knew that we could never move forward...at least not when my heart wasn't in it 100._

_"And your boy on the side needs to realize that there is a reason your doing this to yourself" she said patting me on the shoulder._

_"Brooke for the last time I don't have a..."_

_"shh, you don't have to explain to me, im not judging you. Whenever your ready to talk about it im here ok" she said offering a smile. She wouldn't push her friend. She knew that their had to be a reason that Haley had been hiding things, and the main reason was that she was scared because if she admitted to having a secret lover, she'd have to admit to herself that maybe this life she created for herself wasn't so perfect after all._

_Taking a deep breath and reached over and hugged her. Maybe one day soon I'd tell Brooke about Nathan and I. I just kept putting it off because I was afraid that she'd tell me what I knew all along and that was that not only did I love Nathan Scott but I wanted him back in my life, front and center._

_"I love you B" I said as my eyes started to water._

_"I love you too H" she said grinning. "Now lets go find us some cute guys and a couple of drinks"_

_end of flashback_

Now I knew the reason my head was hurting so much, it was all Nathans fault, that ass!

"Oh god im never drinking again, alcohol is the devil" I said rolling over to my side. God if I could only get over this painful headache I'd swear to at least do a little bit better in my life. I'd at least try to stop being so spiteful and I'd most definitely try to be a better friend and girlfriend.

"Sure you will" Brooke said nudging her friend. "Now im off to breakfast with Lucas" Brooke beamed at me. I remember at some part of the night Lucas had finally gotten the nerve to talk to Brooke and she had agreed to go with him to breakfast. Once again I was rooting for the two of them.

"Be safe" I said laying back down in my bed.

"I'll see you later at the country club" she said waving before rushing out of the bedroom.

"Oh my she lives it a miracle" he said looking up to the sky silently thanking the heavens for offering him this time with her alone. His eyes focused on the figure standing before him, and he felt a smile tug on his lips. Standing about 5ft tall and roughly 110 pounds Haley James stood before him with her hand placed on her hip. He let his eye run over her quickly deciding that the sarong she wore needed to go, it didn't matter that he'd seen it all before...her naked glory what mattered was that she would soon loose the offending garment that kept his eyes from pure beauty.

"Haha very funny" I said stealing a quick glance at the entrance way. Not a single soul in sight. I thought we were all suppose to meet here together yet the only person I had come in contact with was Nathan.

"So where is everyone" I said looking around I know your not the only person here?" I asked searching again for familiar faces. I expected Brooke to plow through the doors Lucas hot on her heels. I also expected Jake, Skills, Bevin and Rachel to come here together since the four of them were a team. I was waiting for Chris to pop up out of nowhere so he could flirt with every girl in sight and most of all I expected Peyton to be relaxing alongside Nathan yet none of these things were happening. No instead of having a group outing it seemed like it was just Nathan and I.

"Its nice to see you too Hales" he said while giving her the once over yet again before turning his attention back to the sports paper. He was a bit surprised that she was able to get up especially after all the things she had done last night. Never the less he was glad she was here, it gave them a chance to talk. He hadn't meant to confess to missing her last night. It just slipped out- of course that didn't mean it wasn't true because in the two days they hadn't spoken he had really missed her. Admitting it had been a mistake though- she'd either get her hopes up or think he was just trying to get in her pants and really that wasn't the reason for confessing such a thing. He just wanted her to know that he cared.

I rolled my eyes at his behavior. How could I forget that Nathan Scott woke up early to read the sports paper. And he accused me of being a nerd. At least I read real books instead of the sports section of the newspaper and porno mags which really didn't count for much literary skills. I looked around again in hopes of spotting one of mutual friends but spot know one. I was a little iffy about being alone with him. Nathan made me feel things that I shouldn't feel. Sometimes I'd look at him and for a split second believe that he and I could really have a chance again together but I knew it was wishful thinking on my part. We could never go back no matter how hard we tried.

After debating wether or not to sit down on the lounger next to him I finally succumbed plopped down with my back to him. Trying my best to act normal around him, I pulled out various contents in my bag including sunscreen a pony tail holder to pull my hair up. My back was still turned to him as I finally piled my hair high above my head in a messy bun, so I was a little shocked to see the way he was looking at me once I turned back around. "Your starring- stop it" I said feeling a bit uncomfortable at the way he was looking at me. His blue eyes flashed with something I'd never seen and once again it made me uneasy. I'd do anything for Nathan and one look from him could be the tip of the iceberg. I was already a little frazzled since he was so close to me one comment could easily send me on a tailspin.

"Maybe its because I like what I see" he said running his eyes over her bikini clad figure "and for the record I really like what I see" he said raising his eyebrows up suggestively."you look beautiful, like a golden goddess" he said turning his attention back to the paper. She looked beautiful as usual, she'd always be beautiful but seeing that tattoo had always sparked interest in her and since it was currently showing he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"That's nice to hear" I said trying my best to hide the smile that was threatening to form on my lips at his compliment. He could be real sweet sometimes, too bad it had to balance out with his ass attitude.

"You know I give you a compliment and thats all I get" he said still looking at the paper although he had stopped reading it the moment she had walked up. How could anyone concentrate when Haley was standing over them or sitting next to them half naked.

I let out an exaggerated breath. "Thank you Nathan for those kind words" I said giving him a false grin. "Without your compliments I don't know if I'd be able to survive" I continued on totally getting into sarcastic Haley mode. I saw the tail ,tail marks of smile forming on his lips by the fact that his dimples had suddenly shown. I guess we could do the normal thing without being too weird.

"Your welcome" he said giving her a toothy grin "now was that so hard." he said meeting her eyes. He could tell that she was having fun you could see it on her face and he was glad to be the one to bring it to her. Things between the two of them had always been serious and he wanted to ease some of that tension.

"Yes" I said replied letting out a small chuckle. I had done worst things then thank Nathan. "Lets never have to do that again and then all will be well in the world" I said grinning at the cabana boy who brought me an ice tea.

"Well" he said sitting up if you'd really like to thank me, we could go back to the cabana lock the doors and turn up the music. That way know one will hear you scream huh" he said raising his eyebrows up suggestively.

I shook my head at him biting back a laugh. Now this was the guy I loved he was a pervert and damn good looking pervert. "Glad to see the pervert and I know and loved," I stopped mid sentence realizing what I had said. I noticed that Nathan had suddenly stiffen as well . The mention of the L word could do that to a person. Love was something Nathan and I never talked about, it something that we shouldn't even mention around each other.

For a moment we were both silent and I knew why it was because of me. I knew that even joking around with the L word was something we should never do yet it slipped out of me mouth so easily...so quickly that I couldn't cover my tracks. The tension between us was so thick that I felt like I were suffocating.

"This towns definitely too small" I said laying back down in my lounger. And it was true. How could I possibly run from my past and run from Nathan if he could easily pop up anywhere?

"You can say that again" he said not looking at her. He kept his eyes on the water while the sounds of people playing games and listening to music drowned the two of them out. He knew they were both dysfunctional why else would they both freak out about the word love. A normal person would be okay with it, but not the two of them. He had never been one to say "I love you" to someone if so it was in a blue moon. Yeah he had told his mother and when he and Haley had been together he had told her, because she needed to hear it but after everything that went down between them. He wasn't sure if he believed that love existed. He knew from listening to her that she didn't believe in it any longer. That was the reason they both freaked out at her words.

I looked at my cell and noticed that it was noon. "What's taking everyone so long" I said fidgeting. "They cant leave me here with you" I said looking over to my side only to see that Nathan was now glaring at me. I had tried to use a light tone but apparently the tone fell on deaf ears because Nathan was looking at me like I sold his autograph basketball signed by Michael Jordan.

"Well if you and Brooke weren't so busy trying to grind on every available male in the club last night you'd know that we're suppose to meet in about an hour" he said huffing at the end. Watching her walk around the club while guys had followed around her like dogs had nearly killed him. And what did he have to do, he had to sit around and smile with Peyton. He had to remind himself all night that Haley was no longer his girlfriend and that people would look at him like he was crazy if he snapped at some guy checking her out. The main person that would flip would be his girlfriend.

The tone of his voice wasn't lost of me and I bit my lip trying to restrain myself from going off on him. "Keep your voice down and stop being so judgmental" I said loud enough so that the only person that heard me was him. I didn't need my dirty laundry getting aired out at the Tree Hill Country Club."Besides how would you know what I was doing, you were too busy sucking face with your girlfriend?" I said crossing my arms over my chest. When he smirked I knew I had been caught now he knew I had been watching him last night which would feed into his already oversized ego.

" is that the sound of jealousy I hear?" he asked his face getting closer to hers. He felt fire run through his veins and wondered if she felt it too. He saw the fire ignite in her eyes but he wondered if she was itching to touch him the way he was itching to touch her. "Tell me Hales are you jealous" he asked his voice dipping a little bit lower as his face had gotten closer to hers. To his surprise she had moved a little bit closer as well.

"No that is wishful thinking on your part" I said biting my lip only to stop once his gaze had shifted from my face to my lips. Our faces were close. Our breaths were mingling together and with one inch our lips could easily touch. We could breathe together with one swift move yet neither of us dared to move.

"I think we both know the truth Hales" he said his hand coming out to touch her face.

"You think" I asked raising my eyebrows up at him. "I'll let you in on a little secret" I said licking my lips in anticipation of what was to come. I motioned for him to come closer so that I could whisper in his ear and when he came close, I got this waft of masculine man. It smelled like something wonderful something that was only Nathan. I wanted nothing more then to place hot kisses along his neck and maybe even nibble on his ear but resisted the urge to do so. Pulling myself together I finally spoke. "Im not the jealous type" I said grinning back at him before returning to my lying position on the lounger.

He let out a chuckle at her words. Haley James would be the death of him one day but damn was she amazing. Not many people could lie through their teeth and still look sexy. "You lying but its okay you make it look sexy" he said grinning over at her.

"Shh, you wouldn't want your girlfriend hearing you say how sexy I am" I said sending a wink his way. "We wouldn't want her to get jealous now would we?" I questioned before dipping my finger into my ice tea and sucking the tea off my finger.

He shifted in his spot. "Are you trying to kill me" he asked his eyes still trained on her. Now she was drinking from the full glass of ice tea, what he wouldn't do to be that glass right about now. She could put her lips on him if she'd like.

"Of course" I said giving him a sultry smile. "That has been my plan from sometime now, the problem is your like that energizer bunny and nothing can get you down" I said squirting out some sun block onto my hands and running up and down my legs. I caught him giving me the eye and continued my actions. I could feel his stare and the heat that came with it and god help me I liked it.

"You got that right babe" he said grinning, "come to the cabana with me and I'll show you" From the look on her he wasn't sure if she wanted to jump him or slap him, either way he liked it. She looked hot. Her face flush, with a few wisp framing her face. Her cheeks were rosy while her lips were parted - he could lean over at this very moment and kiss her senseless. He wouldn't do it though, no not yet.

"Not gonna happen buddy" I said placing the lotion on my arms and rubbing it in. I could feel his eyes on me and I loved the sudden rush of power that was sent my way. It was good to know that I still effected him the way he had always effected him/

"Why I promise you'll enjoy it" he said smirking again."Oh is that a blush I see" he said reaching out to touch her, just as she flinched back. "You were thinking about it weren't you?" he asked with a knowing grin. "You were thinking about touching me, about me touching you?" the smile on his face grew wider at the glare that would be sent his way. He knew his girl, he'd always know her.

I sent a glare his way hoping to wipe that smirk off his face but all it seemed to do was make him laugh. He had a great laugh it was rich and deep and if he weren't laughing at me I probably would have smiled back at him. "Don't you have someone else to bother- like your girlfriend" I said emphasizing the word girlfriend. "I wont be offended if you want to go and find her." I said putting my sunglasses on and slipping my I pod headphones in my ears. I was hoping that maybe if I ignored him he'd get the hint and leave me alone but the fact that he was still leering my way told him he would not leave not even if I begged. Now I realized why I had never been alone with Nathan except for when it suited one of our needs. He was the last person I should be alone with. Jackass.

He placed his hands behind his head laying back in his chair. "I like it here and for the record I could never leave you-especially when im having so much fun!"

"Jackass" I muttered under my breath just as an elderly couple walked passed the two of us. Quickly I put on a fake smile and waved to them as they kept walking away from Nathan and I.

"I guess I've hit nerve huh" he asked while his eyes slide up her bikini clad figure. He knew that little sentence would get to her and just as he thought she sat up and glared at him. Was it wrong that he found her utterly attracting whenever she got mad at him.

"Do me a favor and don't talk to me or I swear I'll kick your ass" I said trying my best to ignore him yet again. Of course he wouldn't let me enjoy some peace, no he had to keep looking my way. God he frustrated me so much. He couldn't just leave me alone, no he had to keep talking and making suggestion that were already embedded in my head. Trust me I didn't need him to remind of how I felt when I was around him, or what I wanted to do when I was with him.

"Flattery will get you everywhere Hales and if you keep going I just might let you get under my swim trunks"

I was just about to say something when the sound of my best friends giggle had surfaced to my ears. Turning around I caught sight of Brooke talking to the new lifeguard. I had to give my girl points the guy was hot and if I weren't currently in a functioning relationship with Chase and dealing with Nathan and our issues that guy would be on my hot list.

"Hey Brooke wait up"

Nathan and I both looked toward the direction of the second voice it seemed like Lucas was doing his usual which consisted of following Brooke around. I guess he figured it worked yesterday why not try it again today. Soon after Brooke and Lucas had arrived the rest of the gang had arrived excluding Peyton which was a bit weird. I knew that she and Nathan had left together last night so it was weird to see that she hadn't been here today. I witnessed them making out last night so I knew that all was well with that relationship which was a pity.

The moment the gang had arrived Nathan and I shared a look I guess our little bit of flirting time was over. Which was a good thing because being so close to him, and hearing him talk about things I wanted so badly could only lead to me getting myself in trouble. I knew my limits and he had pushed me just about all the way. It was better this way, that way I wouldn't make a fool out of myself for him. I think Nathan liked knowing that I wanted him, knowing that despite what I had said about the two of us, I wanted more from him. And the sad part was he couldn't give it to me.

"You and Nathan were here alone" Brooke mused giving me that curious look, she got whenever something had happen that left Nathan and I alone or in an awkward situation.

"Yep" I said trying to play it cool. I was secretly begging for Bevin and Rachle to come over to us, so they could stop Brooke from prying but the two of them had been caught up in a game of chicken with Jake and Skills.

"Interesting. I don't even see any bloodshed." she continued, still eyeing her friend very closely. "I wonder what the two of you could have done all alone" she continued on a sneaky grin hitting her lips.

"Get your head out of the gutter Davis, the only thing that happen was my blood pressure rose"

"Im sure it did" she said bumping hips with me. I had told her partially the truth my blood pressure had risen and it was because 1) Nathan kept talking about the two of us and 2) Nathan tended to annoy the hell out me.

"What are you two whispering about?" Chris Keller asked wrapping his arms around his longtime friend. "Were you talking about that threesome I suggestion last night, I'm still up for it tonight if your game"

I let out a sigh of relief. Chris had saved me from further interaggtion by Brooke who could be fierce when she wanted to be. "Im glad you made it Chris" I said turning my head to look back at him. He had his arm wrapped around my waist which was a good thing because from where I stood, I could see Nathan and he was currently looking rather jealous over my close contact with Chris. Ha take that Nathan, now whose the one jealous.

Getting an idea she spoke "we were just talking about Nathan, and the possibilty of Haley kicking his ass" Brooke said winking at me. Once again she was traitor. It wasnt good to discuss Nathan in front of Chris he acted like some overprotective brother when it came to Nathan and I.

I sent a glare in the direction of Brooke. She knew not to mention Nathan around Chris. The two of them had never really gotten along, things had gotten worst after Nathan and I broke up. Chris said that Nathan hadnt stepped up and took care of me after the baby and Nathan had told Chris that he needed to get his nose out of our business. To make a long story short the two of them hated each other.

"Good he'd deserve it" Chris said looking over in the corner to spot Nathan glaring over at him. Wrapping his arms tighter around her he spoke. "I don't know how you do it Hales, how do you stand the guy- he left you when you need him the most"

"Don't" I said stopping him. I didn't want to get into this not now, or ever. I knew a lot of people were shocked by the fact that Nathan and I were able to coexists after our breakup but I didn't care. Nathan and I would always be bonded, no matter what happened in the past or what happens in the future I'd always be loyal to him and I think he'd always be loyal to me.

"Haley" Brooke said stepping closer to me. "I think what Chris is trying to say is that we love you and we want whats best for you" she said giving me a dimpled grin.

"Yeah what she said" chris said giving Brooke the nod and a wink. "Thanks babe"

"Don't call me babe, you ass" Brooke shot out causing me to break out in a small chuckle.

Chris there is no reason to get all overprotective. Im a big girl and stronger then you think. I can handle Nathan" I said trying to make them understand. Nathan was a piece of cake, handling my feelings for him wasn't as easy.

"I don't get your loyalty to the guy I mean" Chris said thinking about the times he had listened to her cry. She had been hurt and the sad thing was that although everyone loved her what she wanted...what she needed was Nathan Scott and he couldnt even be there for her.

" You don't have to get it, you just have to understand it. What Nathan and I had, is something that will always be there, we shared something together that bonded us so no matter what he's always going to be a part of my life. "

He gave her a grin "I just don't want to see you get hurt by him again- you don't deserve it. I don't want you to get caught up in Nathan again"

I let out a chuckle. "Now give me a hug, and then give me a piggy back ride"

"Your wish is my command"

From across the way he watched in earnest he could feel Lucas looking at him yet his older brother said nothing. He had always been a jealous person, he didnt like share things when he was younger as well. Seeing chris pawing all over Haley had sent his blood pressure up. "I hate that guy"

"I know" he said watching the scene as well. Nathan had a lot issues when it came to Haley and Chris. Maybe it was Haley in general. He had always gotten very defensive whenever she had been with someone else, wether that be her boyfriend or another male showing her any kind of attention. What he never understood about his brother was the reason he had gotten so angry when something had occurred with Haley. He had been the one to break things off so you'd think it would be the other way around but it wasn't. "Chris is harmless though- relax man"

turning a deadly eye to his brother. Lucas was an idiot, he wondered why he even talked to him. Oh yeah he was his brother. "You know he's not only after her, he's after Brooke as well, so you relax" he said patting his brother on the back.

"You know the difference between me getting upset about Chris and you is.."

"Nothing" he said interrupting him. "Your not with Brooke, so she's free to whatever she wants"

Squinting over his brother Lucas spoke. "And your not with Haley, you haven't been for a long time, so shes free to do whatever with whomever she wants" He said before walking away. He wouldnt talk to Nathan when he was like this. He was keyed up for no reason. No reason at all. Unless, unless he was having second thoughts about moving on. Immediately once those thoughts popped in he pushed them aside. Nathan and Haley were where they wanted to be. They had to be, too many people would be effected if they weren't.

Feeling frustrated he marched back to the cabana he needed Peyton to be here and then maybe all these crazy thoughts would stop rushing through his head. Haley wasn't his girlfriend. Lucas had been right and he had been the one to leave her, so why did he feel so angry seeing her and Chris hug.

Rummaging through the his things he quickly found his phone and searched for Peytons name on his contact list; she'd make everything better. She'd stop the madness that was swimming through his veins concerning Haley. She always did. Thats why he went back to her once things had ended with Haley. She was safe and she didn't depend on him, and he really didn't depend on her either. Peyton didn't need him and he didn't need her, that's what made them so perfect. Things with Peyton were simple, with Haley it was too much for the both of them. "Lucas im not in the mood, I might just kick your ass"

"I could go for that, the two of you could beat the hell out of each other and my life would be perfect them both Haley and Brooke would be free of the two of you" he said taking a step closer.

"Keller you've got two seconds to go before I kick your ass" he said clinching his fists.

"No" he said simply "not to you hear what I've got to say" he said glaring a the dark haired boy that could probably hurt him badly. He didnt care though, this needed to be settled. "I saw you last night" he said pausing momentarily. "I saw you with Haley, I don't want your trying to pull Scott and normally I wouldn't care, but since your screwing with Haley I care. Stay away from her, you've hurt her enough

Now it was his turn to chuckle. He wondered if this was coming from pure jealousy or if Chris really cared about her. "Haleys a big girl Chris and if you were really paying attention you'd know that she was enjoying herself"

He shook his head. The arrogance of this guy amazed him and people had always said he was arrogant. "I wont let you hurt her again." he said starring him down. "You left her when she needed you most"

"You don't know what the hell you talking about" he said starting to pace. He hated when people brought up that time of their lives. He was trying to save them, he couldn't help her and she couldn't help him. They were tearing each other down and he loved her too much to keep hurting her...even if he didn't mean to do it.

"I know that even when she was screaming at you to leave her alone, all she wanted was for you to hold her...to love her and you walked away Nathan." shaking his head again at him he walked to the door. "If you ever loved her, you'll leave her alone" he said finally leaving.

Once Chris and I had our little talk and everyone actually started mingling together our time at the country club had gotten better. I was acutally glad that I had come early today...hell I was glad that I had come at all. I was going to actually try and call Chase to see if his plane had landed since he had been out of town doing a seminar. I figured we'd get in touch when the time was right, and for right now I was having fun. The only thing that was a bit strange was that despite I was having a good time I couldn't help but feel like something was off.

And that was when I saw it. Chris had walked out of the direction of the cabana with Nathan hot on his heels. Both of them looked angry and I wondered why. I guess I wasnt the only one to notice that two people that hated each other had come out looking just as angry because the noise that had come along with being with my group of friend had quieted down.

"Hey guys" Peyton said calling out ,causing everyone to shift their attention from the angry looking guys to her and her guest. "Look who I ran into on my way over here" she said grinning from ear to ear.

"Chase" I said standing up. I couldn't believe my eyes. Chase had been was here, with my friends. And Peyton had brought him here.

"Hi Haley" he said walking over to give her a hug. Once she was in his arms he rested his chin above her head. "I missed you baby"

My throat was dry. My hands were sweaty and I felt like the whole world was waiting on my next words. I knew everyone had heard what he had said and what was worst was that I felt two prominent eyes boring into my back. I knew I should have stayed home. Nothing in my life is ever easy.

Song credit: Chemicals React by Ally and Aj


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N. Hello everyone! Thank you again for your feedback its welcomed so much. I love reading what you guys think whats gonna happen so keep replying. In the last chapter I introduced the current love interest of both Nathan and Haley and i have to admit that drama, drama, drama is ahead. I hope you all like it!**

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 4: Denying**

_Denying everything you say_

_Denying everything you do_

_So be a fool to yourself forever more_

If there was one thing I hated besides cats because lets face it I hated cats, the fact that they were the guardians of the underground didn't help either. Anyway the next thing I hated was surprises and it seemed like standing before was the biggest surprise of the day, none other then my boyfriend Chase. A normal person would probably happy that their boyfriend had returned early but I felt like something was missing. I should have been happier to see him but I could really care less. Chase sent a grin my way and all I could think about were the eyes boring into my back. I was almost paralyze to move I guess the shock was kicking in. I could feel Nathan watching my every move and although he didn't deserve any kind of special treatment especially since we were past being nice to one another I knew he would be pissed by this sudden intrusion.

I also wasn't a fan of both my worlds colliding together. I had worked hard trying to keep my life with my friends and my life with Chase separate and it looked like the two of them were colliding at this very moment. What was the kicker about this whole fiasco was the fact that I didn't even know that Chase was back in town, nor did I knew when he was suppose to arrive. I originally thought he was going to be gone for a couple more days, or maybe he had said a couple more hours. To tell the truth I really knew nothing, I had barley listened to his voice mails because if I did I'd feel guilty about Nathan and I and sometimes it was good to postpone feeling like crap till the next day. I guess that little tidbit not only spoke volumes about my relationship with Chase but the way I was as a person or who I had become.

With my shoulders tossed back a grin on my lips I took a step forward so that I was now standing in front of Chase. With an ease I gave him a smile that had perfected with much practice. I had learned a lot in my life by love. The first is to never let your real feelings show and that's exactly what I was going to do tonight. My head may have been spinning due to the fact that my worlds colliding but to everyone else I was just a girl happy to see her boyfriend. I guess its easy to fake or to lie when you've been living a double life. The second thing I learned was that no matter where you were, you were always putting on a show for someone, wether it was to pretend you were happy when really you wanted to cry or it was pretending about something else. Every time you walked out the door you put on an act and it looked like it was my time to step up to plate and play the role as Haley James devoted girlfriend to Chase Adams.

I opened my mouth to say something but found that I was at a loss for words. Chase coming here today was a surprise to me. I hadn't expected him home for at least a few more days and I relished in the fact that I had time to be by myself with the constant need to be perfect. As Chase planted kisses on my face and hugged me I pretty much stood mobile for a few seconds. I guess I was in shock or maybe I realized that I had to put on a show for everyone. In the last couple of days without my boyfriend I had been enjoying myself as a girl without the restrictions of a boyfriend. Not that I had followed many restrictions. I had partied hard and danced all night, it was something that I had done only a few times since I had gotten with Chase and something that I had missed.

"I missed you baby" I heard him say once again. This time he picked me up and spun me around my eyes for a split second landed on Nathan and for a tiny moment I thought I saw hurt etched in his blue eyes. Turning my attention back to Chase I smiled up at him. Chase was my future, if I repeated it maybe it would help to realize that Nathan was my past and sometimes you cant go back to the way things were.

"I missed you too" I said getting into my role. Did I really miss him? Not really. To tell the truth I hadn't really thought about him. The only time that he had crept into my thoughts was when I was lying naked beside Nathan in a heap of sheets. When my conscious started to kick in was really the only time I thought about the man that stood before me...the man that loved me. Before I knew what was happening I felt Chases lips on mine and I wasn't sure if he was doing it because he truly missed me, or if he sensed that my friends found him dull and boring. Whatever the reason the kiss had surprised me almost as much as him showing up at the country club. Once he pulled back from me I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at the dreamy look on his face. I knew he cared for me and I wished I could care for him just as much.

"I've been wanting to kiss you since I left for the convention" he said resting his hand on my cheek. "Your lips were all I thought about " he said once again surprising me. I wasn't use to him acting this way toward me, usually he was like the uttermost gentlemen and now I swear he was taking a page out of Nathans handbook-though Nathan had done better. Maybe the flight had been too long and he wanted ass, whatever changed his mood had sparked a tiny interest in me.

"Thanks" I said sarcastically "its good to know that you've thought about my lips the whole time" I said jokingly.

"See Hales I would have thought about your ass" Brooke said joining in. Now this got me giggling because suddenly Chase looked back at Brooke with this uncomfortable look on his face and I had to grin. He was here trying to deal with my wild and crazy friends. It was sweet.. Just as Brooke and I were about to get into a little conversation Chase cleared his throat causing me to look back in direction. He looked nervous which in turn made me nervous. I prayed that he didn't do anything that would get anyone talking any more then they usually do about the two of us.

"I have something for you he said motioning for one of the cabana boys to bring over a bunch of yellow roses. "I wanted to let you know that missed you and your kissable lips" he said running his thumb along my bottom lip. This was getting a little to intimate for me, especially in public. More importantly especially with Nathan burning a hole through me. If I were dating anyone else I would most definitely play it up, and make a show of the guy doing something nice for me, but since it was Chase I didn't feel the need to. Nathan was already threatened by him, and since he had been sizzling in the corner I realized that anything else might set him off.

Taking the roses from his outstretched hand I inhaled the sweet aroma genuinely touched by his small notion. I don't think in all the time I had been with Nathan he had given me flowers just to give them to me. Most of the time I got flowers after he had done something ridiculously idiotic. But Chase he was different, he tried harder- he showed me how much he cared for me almost daily wether it be calling me to say he loved me or by just showing affection without being. Chase was probably the most stable person I knew he was older and wiser and really he knew how to treat a girl- even if the girl didn't deserve it or him. "Chase you don't have to buy me things" I said looking down at my roses. He had always given me his full attention, sometimes I wished I was able to give him as much as he had given me.

"I know" he said reaching out to touch my bare arm. "But part of the perks of you being my girl, means I get to shower you with gifts" he said giving me another toothy grin. I let out a chuckle at how corny he was. It was kind of nice to have someone who wanted to take care of you, someone who wouldn't run away when things got tough. Chase was here with people who had never accepted him and that meant a lot to me, it also said a lot about his characters. My friends thought he tried too hard, which meant he was never genuine but I appreciated a lot of things he'd done for me, even if I had seen him mostly as a friend.

If people weren't already paying attention im sure they were paying attention now. The flowers were sweet and showed how much Chase cared. Chase was a good guy and really good guy, I mean who else would come to a place where he knew not many people liked him? How many guys would be like who cares if your friends hate me, I still want to be with you? How many people would dare stand toe to toe with Nathan; not that he had done such a thing but the fact that he kept coming around despite the way he had been treated which was more like an outcast showed that he had tenacity. Chase was much different from the rest of us, he didn't like to party, he didn't care for drinking and most of all he stayed away from drama. I instantly felt my supposed armor slip. I had tried to cut myself off from love because love had hurt me...life had hurt me. Sometimes Chase reminded me with simple things that I wasn't as cold and as I liked to pretend to be. With him I knew I had a chance to be someone better. That maybe I could escape this hell of my life. He made things different...life different. Sometimes it was drag to live the kind of life we had all lived but at the same time as much as it ticked me off, I wouldn't give it up for anything.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing im your girl" I said smiling genuinely at him for the first time all night. If I could just get over the past I might be able to love the guy that stood in front of me, offering me so much more then what I had.

--

From across the way he stood with his arms crossed looking at the two of them. Who the hell did Chase Adams think he was? This was his country club, his friends and Haley had been his first. In fact she was still was his, in every way that was possible. They shared something that Chase could never share with her, a life.. a love that was eternal. He watched as Haley had led Chase to one of the seats and how she made sure he got something to eat. This was his party, his friends and his life. He wouldn't let Chase Adams have it- never.

"Nathan im over here," Peyton said trying to get her boyfriends attention. They two of them had made up last night three times actually so she wondered what exactly was his problem. "Nathan"

He kept his eyes on Haley and her movements for a time before finally turn to look at his girlfriend. Peyton had been the one to bring Chase here, the one to force the guy into a life he would never belong in. "I see you, im just choosing to ignore you" he said standing stiffly. His eyes once again wondered over to Haley, he hoped that some stupid roses wouldn't get her to believe that Chase was the guy for her because he'd never be the guy for her. Haley had simply been interested in Chase because he was interested in her, they didn't share some loving connection...he knew that for sure.

She let out a loud sigh "Nathan I don't know what your problem is, I made it here ok," she said reaching to touch his arm. He still stood motionless he stance not changing. "I know im late im sorry" she said once again trying to reach him. She could never reach him not when he was like this. She had only see him get like this whenever it came to his precious Haley and she hated it. No matter what he'd always hold a flame for Haley no matter what she did, he'd still want to protect haley and to tell the truth she was sick and tired of it. Reaching out again for him she wrapped her arms around his neck and proceeded to nibble on his top lip. If all else failed she sex him to forgive her. "Don't be mad at me ok" he said whispering out at him. "I promise to make it up to you" she said looking up into his eyes. Although he was standing in front of her, he was somewhere else, she knew his mind and knew who he was thinking about.

Getting irritated by her constant need to touch him he back away. "Put some ice on it Peyton" he voiced angrily. If people were look who the hell cared he had other things to think about then her right now. Sure he'd let her make it up to him later but now he wanted to know why she dare bring someone on his turf. "Why'd you bring him here" he said turning sharply to look at his girlfriend.

Gaping at her boyfriend Peyton held off on saying something negative. She knew he was upset, you could tell by looking at him. And she knew why. He hated Chase and everyone wondered why. Did he hate Chase because he was an outsider or was it because he was dating Haley...his precious Haley. "Nate he's dating Haley," she said brushing up against him again, this time she was carful not to try too much. "I just thought that maybe for one day he could be part of the group- im sure it would make Haley happy" she said swallowing hard. "I know you want the best for Haley," she said biting her lip "she's our friend and I love her too but you cant protect her from everything" she finished before turning her head to look at Haley James, she didn't look like she needed protection she looked like she basking in the glow of being the golden girl.

"Your right" he said baring his teeth. Although he wasn't try to protect Haley from Chase he knew saying it would shut Peyton up and by doing that he could go back to the group. "How about we go back and join the group" he said slinging his arm around her. He had other plans in store, if Peyton wanted him to be nice to Chase he'd do it, but first he was gonna make the boy never want to show his face around the country club again. Maybe if he was lucky he'd make the guy stay away from Haley...only one could hope

I was actually surprised that not a single person had cracked a joke about how dull Chase was, or how the two of us didn't fit together. I guess I should have given my friends more credit because they were really trying with him. Jake had started talking to him about the guitar which in turned caused Luke to join in about guitar heros the video game and before I knew it, everyone was socializing together. Just as I was sure that maybe we might all be able to get along I saw Nathan and Peyton approaching and feared for the worst. I met eyes with both Brooke and Lucas who were wearing the same worried faces as I was. On rare occasions Nathan had surprised but just one look at him told me that he was planning something, something that Chase didn't need especially since he had done nothing to him.

"Looks like you all are having fun without us" he said causing everyone to look up at him. "So what was so funny?" he asked causing everyone to stop laughing abruptly. He knew they were all humoring Haley because they had all discussed how dull her boyfriend was, he just wanted to see how fast everyone had changed tones once he had made his presence known. It was actually pretty sad to watch how much Chase had doted over Haley and she though putting on a great act couldn't run fast enough from the guy. Although Haley had claimed to enjoy all the things Chase had done for her, how he listened to her- he knew better. Being with Chase was setting her back, she playing the role of perfect girlfriend just like she had done in the past and she hated it.

"Chase was uh, just telling us a joke" Lucas said trying his best to read his brothers mood. Like everyone else he had noticed that both Chris and Nathan had been gone which was never a good thing, he also noted that his brother had been angrily before but now with the arrival of Chase you could really see the anger radiating off of him. However his younger brother seemed to calming down just a bit. That of course was a shock in its own right because everyone knew how Nathan got when it came to Haley. It didn't matter if they had been broken up for a long time, Nathan still saw Haley as his, even if he was the one to give her up.

"I see" he said still glaring. "Well sorry I missed it" he said dryly. Anyone who knew who had known him, knew that he was pissed and it didn't take a rocket scientist to know why.

"So anyone up for a game" Rachel asked a grin on her lips.

It had only taken a seconds for all of us to yell no! No games, we could get in trouble without playing a game. In fact trouble looked like it was now sitting across from me, with a blond on his arm. For a few minutes we were all silent. I had kept my eyes anywhere except for in front of me because then I'd see Nathan staring, or glaring my way. The tension was thick and I hated feeling like I was on display for everyone to watch. It was bad enough feeling like I was putting on an act with Chase, I didn't need Nathan adding to that list by trying to pull some alpha male crap.

"You know what," I said suddenly standing up abruptly. " its getting kind of late," I said looking over to chase. I didn't like this, all of us sitting around acting as if things were ok. It wasn't ok, the two worlds should have never collided. Nathan was pissed which meant he was about to lash out. I wasn't going to stick around so that he could not only take shots at Chase but take shots at me as well. I didn't ask for Chase to come here but then again I shouldn't have to tip toe around Nathan. He had a girlfriend and had been dating her for some time now. If someone wanted to see me it shouldn't have been a problem especially since Nathan was the one that left me to start a new life.

"Im sure you tired since you've just got off your flight" I said squeezing chases hand affectionately "how about we go" I pleaded. I didn't need to look over to Nathan that he was sizzling. Im sure the rest of our friends had known that I wouldn't stay very long. I know it was suppose to be our day but Chase was back and I couldn't subject him to be treated like crap by Nathan. He'd tear him apart just for the fun of it.

"So soon princess" he finally voiced speaking to her now. Peyton may have brought Chase here but Haley was the one pretending for the guy. "I was hoping we could all get to know your boyfriend princess" he said ice in his voice "you know you hide him all the time, none of us really know anything about him"

I shook my head at him, he could be such an ass. "Maybe next time Nathan" I said finally meeting his eyes. I saw a challenge in them and any other time I'd be up for it but not now, not when I knew in the end he'd strike against someone else.

"Actually im fine." chase said kissing me on the cheek "but thanks for looking out for me" Chase said tugging me back down so that I was sitting on his lap. I heard a gasp in the direction of Rachel and she looked to be enjoying this- drama addicted whore. I also through a glance in Brookes direction who gave me a sympathetic smile. We were all in for a long night of torturous hell.

"See Hales you have nothing to worry about" he said putting on his best poker face. "So Cheese, tell me about your Star Wars convention? Was it exciting playing with your light savor while Haley was here grinding on available bodies in the club" he said a smirk on his face. He had gotten a couple of chuckles from some of the gang and continued to smirk at the horror that had crossed the other mans features.

"Nathan" Peyton and I reprimanded at the same time. Talk about awkward. For the most part we had pretended like the other didn't exist yet here we were trying to get Nathan to act like an adult.

"Its ok" Chase said placing his hand on my thigh as if to soothe me. The problem with that, was his hand had done nothing to soothe me, in fact it made me want to hop up because that alone was going to make Nathan even worst then what he was. "Actually I went to a medical convention" Chase said proudly. From my seat next to him I silently praised him for keeping his cool, Nathan was tough and would continue to torture him.

Tired at the jokes at Chases expense I spoke. "Actually Nathan" I said putting on one of my best sugary sweet voices " Chase was at a medical convention; a convention that was only offered to those at the top of their medial profession" I said raising my eyebrows up at him. I gave Chase another hand squeeze to let him know how proud I was of him. He was dedicated to his profession and unlike myself and the rest of my friends he knew what he wanted to do. I admired that he went for his dream to be a doctor and hadn't gotten any breaks to get to the top. Blood, sweat and tears had made Chase the chief of staff at Tree Hill Hospital.

Letting out a scoff he spoke. "Aren't you the perfect little girlfriend, so supportive...so caring. My, my, my princess you're a piece of work" he said sarcastically. He was jealous he realized and probably out of line but it didn't matter "so are you gonna give him a bone for being such a good boy"

_I know you need me_

_If you stay that way its never gonna be_

"So are you" I returned with the same spunk. "Not many people are like you Nathan, your one in a million" I finished knowing full well that I had overstepped boundaries.

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that he was and still is the best she ever had, but he had to restrain himself. He'd take cheap shots at Chase all night to the little fucker would leave altogether.

"Are you gonna give your little boyfriend a bone for being so good"

"No" I said crossing my arms "I only give bones to dogs, speaking of dogs- do you want a bone"

"No thanks" he said with a slight chuckle "I can give you one if you need it" he said smirking once she turned red with anger. Turning his attention back to Chase he spoke. "So Chase does playing the doctor card get you much ass?"

"Excuse me" Chase said not understanding where all the hostility came from.

"Does it make you feel so much better that you're a doctor - do you like throwing it around?" he questioned darkly" you act like your so much better then us when really your just another guy that happens to be a doctor who thinks that he'll ever fit in with us. I've been sitting here for about an hour and you know what I've gotten from talking to you"

"Not really" Chase said scratching his head in a nervous habit

"I got that you Chase Adams are a stock up, dull person who has no business being with us. You can take your college degree, and your old ass and get the hell out of my sight"

"At least he's doing something with his life Nathan." I said standing up. Chase and I were going to leave, he didn't deserve this. "He's not waiting around to inherit his fathers company and sure as hell isn't living off a trust fund."

He in turn stood up just as well. "Look around princess that's the life your living" he said yelling at her. "you act like your something special because your dating some guy whose a doctor - who fucking cares" he boomed "your always going to be the same girl and nothing will change that not even your boyfriend who is turning you into someone from stepford wives."

I shook my head at him not believing that he had just said those words to me. He knew I hated the fact that I felt fake around Chase he knew that, and I told him in confidence that sometimes I felt like the only person I could be real with was him and Brooke of course. "You bastard" I said willing myself not to cry. I hadn't cried in front of Nathan in a long time and I wouldn't do it now. "Chase is a better man then you'll ever be," I said my voice low as a whisper

"Keep telling yourself that Haley, if he's so great you'd bring him around your friends because we matter to you. If he's so great, he wouldn't make you feel ashamed of how you grew up- he wouldn't be pushing to be someone your not"

I had half the nerve to stomp over to him and continue to challenge him. Everyone backed down from Nathan because they didn't want to get on his bad side but I didn't care. I wasn't afraid of Nathan, he was nothing to be afraid of. "Congratulations Nathan you've won, we're leaving" I said bitterly. Nathan wanted to do this and I would not give him the satisfaction of arguing with him, not anymore.

"Im not finished yet" he said smugly before turning his attention to the outsider. "And you Chase Adams, I don't like you,"

"You don't have to" Chase said interrupting him and surprising everyone around. "I don't need you to like me, as long as Haley does then im completely fine with it" Chase continued on surprising me once again. I was kind of shocked that he had even dared to speak back to Nathan...not many had done so.

He looked found himself looking back at the group almost to say did you hear this guy, who the hell does he think he's talking to. He let out a chuckle and then finally spoke. "I don't trust you and I certainly think your trying too hard to impress Haley" he said in a low voice that was almost deadly. "Nathan stop it" I said repulsed by his actions. He had pounced on Chase among smelling the fear in him and it was pretty sick if you ask me.

"Im right Haley and everyone knows it. He's turning you into some fake Stepford wife," he said pausing "pretty soon you'll be fake and plastic" he said getting a few gasp from the girls who obviously thought he went too far. He didn't care though, he was just making a point.

I squinted his way. "go to hell Nathan and send me a postcard"

_you've got your style_

_but I know what you really want from me_

As Chase and I walked home I couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy. He had gone through so much and all he wanted to do was surprise me. "Im sorry about that" I said clutching my roses in hand. "Nathan is a jackass on most days and bastard the in between" I said causing him to laugh.

"I see" he said keeping his hands in his pockets. "Are you ok?" he asked noticing how fidgety she was becoming. He wondered if his surprise hadn't been a good idea. She obviously felt out of place. "Im sorry if I did anything to make you uncomfortable tonight"

"You didn't" I said letting out a small nervous chuckle. "im sorry my friends were so hard on you- its just.." I stopped mid sentence trying to think of a way to explain how they felt about him. "They thought my exboyfriend and I would stay together forever." I said stopping mid sentence. "Its just hard for them to see that I've moved on with you" I said reaching for his hand.

"Haley" he said moving closer so that our lips were inches apart. "Can I come in" he asked while his arm sneaked out around her tiny waist bringing her that much closer to him.

"Yeah" I said taking his hand and leading him into the house.

_And then I see you standing there_

_wanting more from me_

_and all I can do is try_

song credit: spice girl denying, and nelly furtado :try


	5. Chapter 5

A.N. Hey all! I've decided to update a little bit earlier then usual because im gonna be gone for a little bit. Thank you so much for your replies as always i love reading them and love hearing your opinions about the story. Omg last night we had a season finale and im still blah over it. I did enjoy the Naley, Brucas Jamie and Quieten. And how great was it that Lucas had come just when Brooke needed him. As for the rest i thought it was blah. Lucas needs to make up his mind or we will be watching him go from the three girls like every other eppy.

Special thanks to those that read and reply every chapter: HJS-NS-23, Jess2303, naley19.

Welcome: TulieMajulie7  
Thanks again for reading. this chapter is pretty long which is good b/c like i said i'll be offline for a bit

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 5: Two peas in a pod**

I've always been an irrational kind of person, I'd rather dive straight into things then figuring out the consequences of my actions. I guess that was the reason I had invited Chase into my apartment and then later agreed to go home with him. I was irrational, unpredictable and although I knew it would lead me to trouble I kept doing it. For as long as I can remember I've always been the kind of person to think that actions speak louder then words. One time I cut my long honey blond hair short and dyed it brown because I was making a statement about those obsessed with looks. My irrational behavior continued further once Nathan and I had started our tryst. The first time we had kissed it had been a reckless mistake brought on by spontaneity on both our parts. The first time we had sex was the same, spontaneous, irrational and unpredictable I should have known then that my behavior would only lead me to trouble...it always did. And trouble meaning Nathan had led me to Chase the good guy; which was the reason I had lay down with Chase and the same reason I had flee from his bed at the first sight of sunlight.

I was restless and for the first time in a long time I hadn't turn to Nathan to relive any pent up aggression. No today I had flee from the bed of my boyfriend in hopes of doing what I did best which was run away from my problems. Luckily for me today was a great day to go for a run and with a promise to buy donuts later I was able to persuade Brooke to run along with me. I hadn't slept much last night, in fact I hadn't been sleeping well for some time now. I guess it was my conscious screaming out to me. The only thing that seemed to get all my pint up aggression out that didn't consist of ripping off Nathans clothes and riding him so hard he wouldn't be able to walk correctly was running so here I was, running to dead mans bluff and then back into town to Karens café.

"Haley, slow down I need a break" Brooke called causing me to stop. I turned around to see that she did look a bit tired. Usually Brooke was the drill sergeant when we did our daily run but today I needed to have at least control of one thing in my life. I knew I didn't have any control over anything else- my love life, my affair it was all controlled by the men in my life. Running was my only escape from the world I had created for myself.

"Sorry, I just got a lot on my mind" I said breathing heavy. It was true either was agonizing over Nathan and Chase or I was dodging my mother who assumed that by now Chase and I would be engaged to be married. Oh god the thought of it alone had made me shutter. I wished that my sister Taylor had been home more often because then I could let her deal with my mother and live my life the way I wanted to.

"I can see" Brooke said opening her water bottle "it was obvious when you came home this morning making a lot of noise" she said emphasizing the words lot of noise." you were in a huff early this morning so what gives"

I shrugged my shoulders what was the reason for my huff this morning, maybe it was life in general. I had spent most of the night looking at the clock on the night stand waiting for the time to change. I had also taken the time during my sleepless night to review my life and how I had found myself in situations that were not ideal. I mean how many people have an affair with their ex who left them, how many people stay in a relationship with a man they never wanted to be with in the first place, and last but not least how does that same person manage to keep all of her lies and secrets from seeping out to the masses of gossip hounds in her town? "A little of this, a little of that" I said picking up my own water bottle and draining it. The café that we were going to wasnt far and if we jogged we could get there within seven minutes.

"That's not an answer Haley James" Brooke said putting her hands onto her hips. "You will tell me once we get to the café and I get my chocolate donut" she continued once again making it clear that their was no room for her friend to get out of this talk.

"Ok" I said relently "well talk about all my horrible problems but first we have to make it to the café

When we arrived to Karens café it was crowded as usual but out favorite seat was still available Making our way through the masses we quickly sat down across from one another. Within seconds Dan had come with our drinks. I had always felt at ease with Dan and Karen, I guess it was because after everything had fell apart he and Karen had been the best to me. It didn't matter that I was no longer dating their son, or that the grandchild that Nathan and I created had passed on- they just wanted to make sure that I was handling things well. It did however hurt to know that I hadn't been able to give them the grandchild I knew they loved so much.

"My wife is somewhere around here, so I'll set you up with your drinks and holler if you need me" Dan said before winking at Brooke and I. Once he was gone I had hoped Brooke had forgotten about what we were talking about earlier but the look on her face had given it away. She wanted to know what was making me so crabby and the real reason I hadn't come home last night. It was all over her face as obvious as anything.

"So tell me what's really wrong with you?" She asked tapping her manicured finger nails onto the table. "You've been a little antsy all morning so I know something up," she said pausing "does this have anything to do with staying out late...or does it have to do with Nathan" she asked with a knowing look. Haley didn't tend to get like this very much, and the only times she become erratic was if Nathan was on her mind.

Huh Brooke could read me like a book, my problems started off with Nathan and ended with me going home with Chase. I had wanted to get back at Nathan for acting as if he knew me better then I knew myself- I wanted to hurt him for saying some things that he knew would hurt me and so I went home with Chase- truth was it hadn't helped any bit. My love life was in shambles and for the most part I was living a lie. My life couldn't get any worst then what it was. "I didn't get much sleep last night" I said thinking about my night with Chase. I hadn't been able to fall asleep so I found myself eyeing the ceiling for quite a long time last night. Going home with Chase was suppose to accomplish something but all it did was leave me feeling more confused. Was there really a chance I could love him or was it me desperately wanting someone to have as my own someone that loved me that way I had loved Nathan.

"Care to share?" Brooke asked with a perverted smile on her face. If only I had good details to share with her then it might make things a tad better. "You know Hales, if you share what's on your mind maybe it will stop the wrinkles I foresee in your future since you keep frowning"

I put on a perfect smile just for her before finally speaking. "Brooke what the hell am I doing?" I asked not for the first time. Usually things work out for me but right now I felt like nothing would ever be ok. "You know I slept with Chase last night" I said pausing to gauge her reaction but instead she said nothing. It was times like this I was great full to have her as a bestfriend, if I would have told anyone else about sleeping with Chase they would think it were normal and really it was- but it felt different for me. For the first time in a long time I realized that I had been using Chase for solace in my life and it wasn't right. At the same time I knew I couldn't love him...at least not the way he loved me.

"Pity sex" she said shaking her head as if it were nothing."it happens" she said shrugging her shoulders easily "Was it at least good?" she continued to question and smirk forming on her lips.

I gave her a pointed look which caused her to bust out into a fit of giggles and the older couple sitting across from us looked on amused by the situation. I felt my cheeks turn bright red and prayed to god that they hadn't heard what we were talking about. Tree Hill was a small town and people liked to talk a lot. I was sure everyone was still buzzing over the fact that my perfect knight in shining armor Chase had come home early to see me, now all I needed was for people to know that he was rewarded for being such a nice guy.

"Did you reach an o?" Brooke asked using quotes.

I found myself frowning once again, to tell the truth I don't think I had ever reached the peak every girl craves for, while I was with Chase. With Nathan I had reached it many times but with Chase I found myself acting, like I did whenever we were together. I felt like two separate people when I was with Chase and Nathan and really I had no idea who was the real me.

"Well next time you can introduce a feather- you'll never live till you've incorporate a feather into your play time" Brooke said a naughty smile appearing on her lips. My friend was a pervert, and a bit crazy but at least she brighten up my world. "Or you could always introduce a vibrator and fly solo" Brooke continued grinning like the crazy person she was.

I rolled my eyes at her there was no way in hell Chase would be up for that. "That's not gonna happen ever" I said chuckling at the thought. Poor Chase would probably run off scarred for life.

When the two of us had stopped laughing about my poor bedroom adventure I spoke again.

"He loves me" I said almost tragically. I should feel better knowing someone like Chase loved someone like me, but it didn't make me feel good, it made me feel sad. I thought that when someone else had told me how much they loved me it would feel better but it didn't. I still felt the same way I felt before he admitted to loving me last night...I still felt like something was missing...something I couldn't but my finger on or even name.

"Just because he loves you doesn't mean you have to love him back, you cant choose who you love Hales, and its obvious you don't love him"

"Brooke" I said pausing again "he really loves me" I said getting a bit teary eyed. If he knew all the things I had done I wondered if he'd still love me or would my lies hurt him as much as the love I once shared with Nathan had hurt us?

"I know" she finally agreed. Everyone had known that Chase was in love with Haley. He had adored her and at first everyone had thought it was a good thing, however things had changed once they noticed how he tended to change who Haley was. It was obvious that he loved her, but he hadn't really accepted her choice of lifestyle and really if a person couldn't love you completely then there really wasn't much "love" to begin with. "do you love him" she asked already pretty sure that what Haley felt for Chase was no way in the same category as the way he felt for her.

I bit my lip because I had never really admitted out loud that I was not in love with Chase. "No, Im not in love with him...at least not yet. I keep waiting for the moment but so far it hasn't happened"I said causing silence to fall between the two of us. I was trying to figure out what Brooke thought, I knew she thought I should get out of my relationship with Chase, everyone thought so, but what I wanted to know was did she think I could ever love him? I knew I would never love anyone as much or as deeply as I loved Nathan but I wouldn't mind trying to fall in love, or falling in love all over again.

"What if it never happens" she asked simply.

Looking up at her I let out a breath "I can only hope that one day it'll happen" I said tearing my eyes away from hers. I figured that if I could hold on for a bit longer then it would hit me one day how much I loved him, then I'd realize that I loved him more then a friend- that's all I could do because without it then I'd have to face the raw facts and I wasn't ready to face the truth...I wasn't sure I could handle it.

"Are you willing to saddle yourself up to some guy that you only truly see as a friend, a man that you could never really truly love?"

I bit my lip at her words. I had asked myself that same question but I couldn't let myself go there I needed to have faith that one day Chase and I could be that happy couple that people had thought we were, that one day I would grow to love him as much as he loved me. "You know when Nathan and I first got together I thought he was equivalent to Satan. The only thing he had going for him was his bedroom tactics" I said letting a small smile drift to my lips at the memory.

"Haley that's different, you and Nathan were different" she exclaimed trying her best to make her friend see the difference in the two relationships. Despite having had a rocky relationship with Nathan, the two of them held passion not just for one another but for everything. Chase and Haley were equivalent to watching paint dry which was incredibly boring not to mention a waste of time.

"Brooke I didn't love Nathan at first," I reasoned " I had spent half of our time together wondering why I was with him, but I did fall in love with him somewhere along the line, I learned to love Nathan just as he learned to love me despite our differences and im sure that I can once again learn to love Chase"

"Is that really what you want" she said before pausing breifly. "Do you want to wait around for love to just come to you one day?"

"Its all I've got at the moment so yes that's what I want." I said picking up a menu and closing the topic of Chase and I. I understood Brooke and im sure if the situation was turned around I would tell her the same thing. But right now all I could do was stay exactly where I was because going in any other direction would only hurt me and I had been through enough to know that hurt and Haley didn't go well.

For a moment she looked over at her friend feeling more then sympathetic. Haley was settling for something that she didn't even want to and it was really sad. Everyone had known the real reason Haley had even gotten with Chase. He had come into her life when Nathan had left, when she was at her lowest and for the most part he had picked her up and helped her- what haley had felt for Chase was gratitude and what Chase had felt for Haley was love.

"Moving on, Nathan was in an exceptionally bad mood last night' I thought you were going to kick his ass"

I scoffed I should have kicked his ass but I wouldn't do it in front of everyone. No I would torture him slowly when he wanted me most and then I'd get my payback.

"You sound surprised" I said dryly. Nathan was a lot of things and being an ass was right on top of that list. On a normal day he could be demanding, self centered and lets not forget arrogant. Last night he was a combination of just about every bad quality he held within himself.

"I am, I was. Usually he's arrogant and all, and yes he hates outsiders but last night he seemed jealous." She said looking up to meet her friends eyes. " I think its hard for him to see that Chase loves you so much."

I let out a scoff. " it shouldn't be," I said pausing briefly "he left me remember?" I asked raising a brow to her. It still hurt to even bring it up to think about it nearly caused my heart to tremble. Sometimes I wondered why Nathan and I even bothered to coexists with one another because anyone who had been through what we had put each other through seriously had problems. And I guess that was the reason we had always run back to each other, when the house of cards fell down it was nice to know that someone had seen before you built your house and had witnessed you at your lowest of times.

"Believe me I know that" she said emphasizing her words. "I just think that two of you have a hard time dealing with each other because of the way things ended. Plus there is the tiny fact that the two of you are stubborn as hell its like two people that are alike so much that it just ignites that huge fire"

I bit back a grin. She was right, Nathan and I were one in the same and that was one of the reasons we had fought so much in the beginning and even at the end."You know most of the time I could care less that he has this chip on his shoulder but when he starts ordering me around and telling me how I feel then I have to push back."

"Is that why you went home with Chase last night" she asked curiously.

"Yeah." I said honestly. "I know its wrong to say but Nathan pushes me and my way of pushing back was going home with Chase" I know I should have felt awful for admitting it but it was the truth. The only reason I had gone home with Chase was because I could do so, I wanted Nathan to know that he held no power over me whatsoever. I also wanted to show Chase that I appreciated what he had done. He had basically stepped in the lions den for me and he should have been rewarded for that.

"You see, you've just admitted it you don't love Chase, so why even bother with him?"

I shrugged my shoulders "because its better to have someone who loves you then someone who doesn't." I said once again playing with my pinky ring. I had loved Nathan so deep that when he left claiming it was for the better I was so broken. I wanted someone who could love me as much as I could love them and Chase had the prospect of being that person. I knew Chase loved me, he told me everyday and yeah I missed the fire that came along with being with Nathan all the time but by being with someone that was safe I would never get burned.

"You know, he does care for you...Nathan that is" she said cautiously "he was worried about you last night, he even went as far as to beg me to follow you"

I arched an eyebrow in her direction and let out a scoff. "That wasn't Nathan caring about me that was him trying to control a situation. He knew I was pissed he knew he went too far and wanted me to stick around so he could continue to not only degrade my boyfriend but to tell me exactly how I felt about everything" I said sitting back in my chair stubbornly

Rolling her eyes she continued. " And you left because he hit the nail on the coffin." she said gaining a glare from her friend. "Haley Nathan cares for you, and yeah he can be controlling and judgmental, egotistical and bit of an ass but that's what you loved most about him.

I swallowed hard "My point is Brooke, is that Nathan didn't go after you because he suddenly realized that he loved me, or even due to the fact that he cares he did it because he'd rather see me alone then realize that Chase and I could be way better then the two of us could ever be"

"Do you really believe that or are you praying that maybe it will happen"

I opened my mouth almost astonished by her words. I knew she thought I was settling with Chase but I hadn't expected her to go to bat for Nathan totally. "What team are you on?" I asked getting a tad bit defensive. Brooke was telling me all the things I had been trying to push out of my head, she had been voicing all of the concerns I was afraid to admit or even ask myself. "Team Haley or Team Nathan"

Taking a calm breath she spoke "Im on your team Hales, I just want you to be happy and I think you were happiest with Nathan." she said only to see that her friend had shut her eyes tightly. " Haley he was visibly shaken by what happen, I don't think he meant to push you so far... I mean why else would he beg me to go talk to you- why else would he want to know if you were ok

It would have been nice to think it was because Nathan loved me, but I knew that he saw me as someone he needed to take care of, someone that was in his blood in his veins but not someone he really loved. I mean if he really loved me, he wouldn't have left when I needed him most. I suppose he needed me too at the time and I wasn't able to get my act together. We didn't break up because we didn't share a love together anymore, we broke up because we couldn't get our life back on track.

"I dunno" I said trying to pretend that her words didn't matter. For all I knew Nathan could have spoken to Brooke because he feared he wouldn't be getting any ass for me in the future. I really didn't know what was behind his motives and tried my hardest not to think about them because they always messed me up.

"He loves you Haley" Brooke said causing me to bite down on my bottom lip. "And I think you love him too"

It was on the tip of my tongue to say so what if I loved him, because it didnt matter. Nathan and I couldn't get things right after we our baby died and our love wasnt strong enough for it. We could love each other till the day we both died and nothing would change, he would still be Nathan and I would still be Haley.

"Haley these came for you" Karen said passing by our table with an arrangement of flowers that consisted of red, yellow, orange and white roses. They were truly beautiful and something I hadn't expected from Chase, especially since I had snuck out of his bed early this morning. Opening up the note I almost let my mouth hang open, the flowers weren't from Chase, no they were from Nathan. I let out a small chuckle at the irony of it all, Nathan piece of work

"Chase sure is trying to prove a point, I guess the countless amounts of gifts he gets you is suppose to show how much he loves you." Brooke said rolling her eyes " I guess pity sex pays off huh"

I looked up almost alarmed. "Brooke these aren't from Chase' I said debating wether or not to share this information with her. She had already suspected so much and then with her little bit about Nathan and still being in love with each other, this would definitely make her believe we were meant to be together- or at least prove her case in Nathan and his love for me. " there from Nathan" I said stopping her before she even had a chance to ask whom had sent them to me. In the next few minutes we had quickly left the café and I had rushed home. Nathan wanted to see me and I wanted to ask him a question, the number one question would be "what the hell was he doing?"

Upon my arrival to the restaurant I took a deep breath to control myself. The things Brooke had said mixed with the flowers Nathan had sent me was really turning my world upside down. Smiling at the owner I made my way to our special spot. Nathan and I had gone to the very same restaurant many times during or time as boyfriend and girlfriend and more as our affair continued. Once I was led to Nathan I stood before him watching as he looked at his watch and finally spoke. I needed to be strong and make sure that he knew in no certain terms did I plan to his puppet. If this was some game he wanted to play I was not in the mood for it.

"Hi" I said finally sitting down in front of him. I could have easily said something about him always summoning me to come to him but I chose the silent approach today. I decided to play nice for the moment because if I wanted answers from Nathan I had to bite the bullet.

"Haley" he said looking up at her. He tried to look unfazed by the fact that she was looking at him with fire in her eyes but he couldn't help but be captured by it. She looked absolutely stunning. She was probably the only girl he knew that could pull off wearing anything. Today he got to see her dressed in a pink sweater that showed off her rose tinted cheeks. The skinny jeans showcased her strong shapely legs and the very high boots gave her a height that made her like almost like a model.

"Im glad you could make it" he said giving her smile. He figured her could charm her for a little while and then let the cat out of the bag. He knew in the end she'd be pissed but figured that if they worked together they could fix things.

"What do you want Nathan" I said leaning into the table. My good girl act has only last a few minutes but it didn't matter. I liked to know what playing field I was on, that way I could figure out my next move "Why did you send me flowers and why are you suddenly being so damn nice." I said narrowing my eyes his way. "If your trying to seduce me or even charm me remember that I've played all your games and know all your tricks" I said putting a smile on my face. My words seemed to have gotten his attention because he raised his eyebrows suggestively before licking his lips very slowly. Nathan had a wonderful tongue and even better lips, maybe playing cat and mouse wasn't such a good idea.

Leaning closer to the table he spoke "oh believe me Hales, I've got a few more tricks up my sleeve" he said raising his eyebrows up suggestively. He reached out his hand underneath the table and touched her jean clad leg, hoping to get a positive reaction out of her but instead she just glared his way.

"And I would love nothing more then to continue to foil all your attempts- but im busy and I want to know what this is all about" I said suddenly feeling heat rush to my face at the way he continued to look at me. I blamed this all on Brooke. Once I told her that he was the person who sent me the flowers she went into this big speech about how it showed how much Nathan still loved me. Her words freaked me out because if Nathan and I admitted to ourselves or each that we were indeed in love, god help us all.

"Did you like them" he asked briskly changing the subject. "The flowers?" he continued upon seeing the lost look on her face. He noticed that her cheeks were slightly pink and wondered what she had been thinking earlier. Was she thinking about the two of them, and how many times they had come here together? Or was she checking him out, the way he had been checking her out during her mini rant.

"Ye-yeah" I said looking away from him. He kept looking at me almost like he was staring me down, it was unnerving and then the fact that he was being too nice was creeping me out.

"Good" he said clapping his hands just as the waiter had arrived with our food. I gave him a questioning look to where he just grinned. "I took the liberty of ordering for you, mac and cheese for you, stake and baked potatoes for me"

I playfully squinted in his direction "just what I need someone to make sure I don't have to think for myself" I gripped but secretly I loved that fact that Nathan knew things about me, that were intimate, not just about food but about other things as well.

He licked his lips and spoke he voice becoming rough and sultry. "If I remember correctly, you said its better when we don't think" he said remembering the first time she had said those words to him. The way her eyes shot up almost un-expectantly told him she remembered too.

"Nathan whatever your trying to pull just stop it." I said picking up my fork and digging into my mac and cheese, he knew a way to a girls heart was through her stomach but he also knew that I'd kick his ass if I had to. I didn't need Nathan reminding me of things I had said to him in the past or even reminding me that we shared a past, I was aware of it everyday.

"Im not trying to pull anything Hales" he said reaching out to touch her hand. "I promise" he said rubbing the tips of his fingers along her knuckles.

"Fine" I said easily "but just remember im still mad at you and I'll still kick your ass" When he started laughing I couldn't help but smile. We had continued eating with small talk. I knew he was up to something and decided to play along until he'd really tell me what was going on. It didn't surprise me when he escorted me out of the restaurant to the hotel we had often come to, to be alone. It seemed the only way I'd get something out of him at this point was if I gave something in return and I wouldn't mind being giving, especially since I was giving person.

The moment he unlocked the door I walked in first with him hot on my heels. Turning around sharply I was startled at the way he was looking at me. I had been planning on seducing the truth out of him but the way he was looking at me made it hard. What we shared was just sex nothing more, nothing less. We were two people who shared a past and enjoyed each others company from time to time- I wouldn't allow myself to get lost in his eyes. No not when I knew he was up to something. Spinning around on my heels I gave him my most tantalizing look, inching closer to his strong body.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happen if things would have worked out for us?" he questioned causing me to stop mid stride. It was almost like a cold bucket of water had been thrown at me. "Do you think we would have been happier" he asked reaching out to touch my cheek. I was startled by his actions and once again found myself replaying Brookes words, she thought he still loved me and now I was wondering if it were true

"Why are you asking me this Nathan" I asked fearing he could hear my heart. What if Brooke was right? what if he had brought me here after a date because lets face it this had been a date- to tell me he wanted to get back together...that he loved me...that he missed me and with a lot of therapy we could probably get back together? "What if we could change things right now - what if we could change us" he said holding onto her hands "would you do it"

It was something that I had thought about each day, if I had a chance to have Nathan as more then what he was to me, would I take it and the answer was still undefined. "I- I don't know"

"I have a confession" he said swallowing hard. He brought her closer to him by securing his arm around her waist. He knew she would freak out upon learning that Chris was close to really discovering the nature to their relationship and decided that if anyone could talk him out of blowing the whistle it would be her. Then again if Chris had told everyone about seeing he and Haley together kissing, maybe it would open up the doors of communication. All he knew was that it was getting harder and harder to leave Haley and go back to Peyton and vice versa he loved

"This isn't good is it?" I questioned ringing my hands together. I knew I shouldn't have listen to Brooke and her thoughts, it had gotten my hopes up when I knew that Nathan and I would always be right where we were in this instant, stuck in this weird in-between place and if I were smart I'd learn to love it.

Tilting his head to one side he spoke "it depends on your perspective of it all, it could be good or bad depending on who you ask."

"I knew you were up to something" I said pinching him hard on his arm. This was the reason I had never really let my guard down with him because he could flip the switch at anytime. I quickly began to pace back and forth. It would have been nice to pretend that he just wanted to spend some time with me, but obviously it had all been a ploy because he had something to say which was

probably bad- because it was all bad with Nathan. "Nathan just tell me" I said stopping mid pace. "Whatever it is its, bad isn't it?" I questioned only to get a nod from him. "It's the reason you sent me flowers and the reason you were being so damn nice to me." I shook my head god I was stupid I knew he was up to something and I got swept away by his looks and his blue eyes. Confession my ass, this didn't sound good, no confession was good especially coming from him.

"Chris is starting to sniff around" he said causally "he saw us kissing at the club and is starting to put pieces together"

Let out a sigh. This was not what I needed right now. I had spent the other night justifying my relationship with Nathan and now this happens. " Just great" I said closing my eyes. Chris was like a brother to me, yeah we had dated once before but now all I had for him was brotherly love, and facing him knowing what Nathan and I had been doing would not be an easy task.

He reached out to stroke her cheek only see her back away from him. "Its gonna be ok Hales" he said once again reaching for her.

"Really? Somehow I doubt that" I said crossing my arms in front of my chest. Explaining to Chris the whole situation was not on my list of things to do in the future. Hell analyzing my feelings for Nathan wasnt on my list as well.

"Haley" he called his voice giving a stern warning mixed with a warmth that had caused her to come closer to him.

"What are we going to do" I asked letting him hug me. I knew I should have run away from him because that was what had gotten us in this trouble but I couldn't move away from him, not when he was willing to comfort me.

For the longest time he hadn't said a word, he just held her, but knowing she hated the silence he spoke. "Your going to talk to him and then we'll figure things out from there" he said as his hand brushed her hair back. If all else failed they'd have to own up to what was going on between them and maybe try to fix some of the broken pieces.

"What if we cant fix this" I asked moving my head that was resting on his chest. What did this mean for us? My selfishness told me to just think about Nathan and I and ask him where he wanted to go from here, but we had other people to deal with, people we had tried to keep at arms length.

" Then we need to make a decision Haley and we need to make one fast" he said looking at her for the first time in a long time. They had never been good at making decisions together and now it seemed like once again they were back where they started.

A.N. Review!


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N. Hey all! Its good to be back! Thanks for all your wonderfull replies it makes me really happy to see that you all are so interested. enjoy**

**xoxo**

**queena**

**Chapter 6: Love like this**

Have you ever felt like if you were to strike a match the whole place would burn down. Or that

Have you ever heard the old adage old habits die hard. Yeah that was something I personally can say is the truth. Because even though I knew after doing the same thing over and over that it could lead to nothing but trouble, I still kept doing certain things. Case in point lying. Although I knew that Chris had caught Nathan and I, he had seen us together and probably put two and two together- which meant I could either fuss up and persuade him not to tell anyone, which shouldnt be that hard, or I could lie. From the moment Nathan told me about Chris finding out about us, I knew there was only one thing to do and that was to lie.

_Flashback_

_"I cant believe this" I said pushing away from him. What I needed was to think I needed to figure out a way to explain to Chris what he saw- I didn't need Nathan hugging on me or even trying to comfort me. His way of comforting me and led us to the situation we were both in right now._

_"Haley you need to calm down" He said_

_"Chris is going to be so disappointed in me" I said letting out a loud sigh. I walked by the window and looked at the ocean that overlooked the hotel room. Chris was like a brother to me and I know that the fact that I've been lying to him would harsh his buzz big time. "What am I going to say to Chris, he's gonna ask me all kinds of questions and...and" I spun around to see that Nathan had taken a few steps to follow me, his arm was outstretched. " I hate disappointing people" I said casting my eyes downward. It was the truth. I hated the feeling of knowing I was a failure to someone. Most of my life I had excelled in everything but sometimes you failed, and that led to disappointment. I had disappointed my mother by getting pregnant before marriage, I had disappointed Chase because although I had let him in, I never let him get too close and finally I had disappointed Nathan. That was why he left I couldn't handle the fact that our child had died and he needed someone who was stronger, or someone who would lean on him and I just couldn't do that._

I was the reason we were standing here with all this confusion. I had pushed Nathan away after our little boy died and he went to someone who could be their for him. I was also the person that went to him the night we started our affair, I begged him to come back to me and what I got was this.

_He looked at her really looked at her and for the first time ever realized how much Chris meant to her. He had always known that two of the shared some weird connection, he thought it was fruity but wondered if it were more then meets the eye. "Why do you care so much what Chris thinks, don't you think you should be worried about what Brooke will say when she finds out, or better yet... "_

_"He is more then my friend Nathan, he and Brooke are like my family" I said batting back a few tears. I didn't want to fight with him now, not when I was trying to think things through. After the baby had died Chris and Brooke were my rock and to think that they wouldn't look at me the same scared me to death .I didnt want to hurt anyone with my lies, it wasnt what I ever wanted. To think that I could possibly lose either one of them because of my lies and secrets it really frightened me. I didnt know what I'd do without the two of them. I knew deep down that neither would leave me but the possibility scared me. I didn't want to be alone especially when they had been all I had left. "They are the only two people who have been with me through it all" I said in a low whisper. "They've never failed me" I said helplessly._

_It was the tip of his tongue to ask her if he had failed her. But he had already known that he had not been the person for her after Jacob died. He took off and everyday he regretted it, he regretted it all and he knew she regretted how things had turned out as well. When your grieving its hard to deal with and the two of them had dealt with it in different ways. That's why they were here today, one incident can change your life and it had changed theirs for the worst._

_"Fine." he said throwing his hands up in the air. He knew that both Brooke and Chris meant the world to her it was painfully obvious but what she didn't realize was that if they loved her, if they really loved her then they wouldn't past judgement on her at all. "Then he shouldn't have a problem with what your doing with your life." He pointed out firmly. "If he has a problem with it, then tell to fuck off- I would" he said grinning over at her._

_Arguing with Haley especially when she was so worked up was not a good thing. And he knew it scared her to loose people she loved. It had been on the tip of his tongue to yell at her and tell her that what they did together was there business but he hadn't, no he let her get her words out. He even bit his tongue about the family part because they were suppose to be a family, he, Haley and Jacob but things hadn't worked out that way...the only two people left in their not so perfect family was the two them and it surprised him that they even lasted this long._

_I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle "of course you'd say that- you hate him" I said meeting his eyes. Somehow Nathan had always calmed me down, though he had infuriated me most times, he often calmed me. He had a way with words, though they were never something profound the fact that he was trying to soothe my worries meant a lot to me._

_Shrugging his shoulder he took a step closer. "True but I hate you more" he said grinning over at her once again. He reached out for her to touch her one more time, only to get swatted away._

_"You know this is all you fault, all you had to do was wait until we both had some extra time but no, you just had to have your way with me" I said remembering how he pratically drag me to a supposed secluded area. The fact that he had marched up to me, just say how much he missed me still tug on my heartstrings. But I guess anything with him would pull on my heartstrings._

_He raised his eyebrows up suggestively "yeah and you just couldn't keep your hands off me either." he smirking. " If Chris has a problem with it, tell him im better in bed that'll shut him up"_

_"Oh you think" I said wrapping my arm around him. I wasn't going to think about what I would tell Chris for a moment I just wanted to stay in this hotel room, in my own bubble because I knew that all too soon it was going to pop. Chris couldn't keep a secret if it killed him and he'd rather tell the truth about Nathan and I, then let me get wrapped up in him again. I knew that and I think Nathan knew too._

_"I know" he said bringing his head down so that he could nibble on her plump top lip. "Know one has made you feel the way I make you feel hales and know one ever will" he said letting his hands roam her body. Quickly he picked her up and like a pro she wrapped her legs around his waist. "You'll always be mine Hales, and I'll always be yours"_

_end of flashback_

I knew in my heart I had three choices, which were 1) to tell the truth and admit about Nathan and I, hell I might even admit that I still held some deep feelings for him. 2) lie through my teeth and risk being found out later or 3) give up Nathan so that neither one of us had to go through this any longer. I knew whatever decision I made, it would most definitely change my life.

Putting my best face forward I knocked on the door and was welcomed by a gutiar in hand Chris Keller.

"Hi" I said hoping my voice wasnt shaking. Who knew one word would be so hard to say.

" I thought you'd be over here" he said letting me into the door. I sent him a small smile and once again braced myself for what...I wasnt sure.

I slithered past as fast as can be. Their weren't many things that effected me, well not much anymore but having this talk with Chris of all people was really starting to effect me. I had promised to him more then once that I'd never get myself caught up with Nathan. Hell I defended my friendship with him last night and on the fact that Nathan and I shared a bond that would never be broken and now here I was not even a full twenty four hours later discussing the same subject with him again.

"I uh, bought you some food" I stammered before motioning to the Chinese takeout I had picked up on the way. Chris loved food and hopefully his hunger would sidetrack him at least for a little while.

He let out a chuckle. "Thanks" he said retrieving the box and quickly opening it. "You know me so well"

I grinned all the while still walking on eggshells. "I know you like your food" I said sitting comfortably in a chair. "So where is your latest conquest?" I asked looking for at least a little bit of remains of whomever he took home the night before.

"Who knows, who cares" he said sitting the box down on the coffee table. "Haley we both know that you aren't here to talk about me, you're here so we can talk about you," he said grimacing "and the fact that I saw you and Nathan huddle in a corner the other night at 911"

"Whatever you thought you saw, was wrong" I said firmly. I had decided to lie in that instant. I'd lie through my teeth as long as it kept everyone safe. When Nathan and I originally started our affair, I thought that maybe one day we'd realize that we were suppose to be together. So far it hadn't appeared to neither one of us, he showed no sign of really wanting to be with me and I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to be with him. I had never intended for things with him to last as long as it had, but for some reason we were still in this place that prevented us from moving forward.

"I know what I saw Hales, and if I didn't see the truth you wouldn't be here trying to sweet talk me with food." he said gesturing to the food she had brought over. He knew that Haley had still loved Nathan, it was obvious that she would never really get over the guy but that ship had sailed. If they had really wanted to be together then they wouldn't be hiding behind lies. The truth the bitter truth was that Haley and Nathan had never gotten over each other and the worst part was that they were holding each other captive so that they'd always have one another.

"Nathan and I were talking, just like you and I are talking right now" I continued on. I hated lying but if I ever came clean about what Nathan and I were doing, I wasn't sure I could really live with myself. If I admitted that we were seeing each other behind closed doors then I'd realize what a horrible person I had become. I had never wanted to be that girl, the girl that helps a guy cheat on his girlfriend and that was what I had become. I had never expected Nathan and I to last as a real couple and thought that our affair would have ended a long time ago, but his love kept calling my heart. Being near him tugged at my heartstrings.

"Your lying Haley and we both know it" Chris said shaking his head. He never thought he'd see that day when Haley James lied continuously. That wasn't her, not the Haley he knew. "I think your scared to admit it because then you'll realize how messed up this is. Your still in love with the man that left you when you needed him the most, he left you Haley, left you after the child you had together died. Why would you even put yourself in a situation with him.

"I don't want to talk about this " I said feeling my eyes starting to tear up. I didn't need Chris to throw in my face the past. I knew what Nathan had done and I knew what I had done. I knew that I was having an affair with a man that should have been off limits a man I should have kept at arms length. "You don't know what your talking about Chris, you're wrong."

"I saw you two kissing at 911, " He said stopping her in her tracks. "Your still in love with him Haley"

"Im not in love with him Chris and since when do you even care about love?" I said angered by his words. I was tired of people telling me how I felt. They couldnt know what I felt because I didnt know what I felt.

"Fine. Then it wont be hard to stop whatever it is you two have going on."

I glared in his direction. "What?" I asked almost shocked by his words.

"I wont tell what I saw Haley, if you stop whatever it is the two of you have going on." he said knowing that she would hate him for this "you have two choices Hales, you either stop seeing him or I'll tell and you'll have to face the truth"

I shook my head in disgust at him. "How could you do this to me?" I asked once again in disbelief. "Your suppose to be my friend!" I said disbelivingly. How could he do this to me. How could he make me choose?

"I am" he said turning away from him. "Haley, im doing this for you because either way your going to get hurt in the end. Im just trying to protect you. If you come clean about you and Nathan then you'll have to hurt others and I know you don't wanna do that. If you stop seeing him I'll never mention it. It'll be like I never saw anything"

I had nothing to say to him at that point. Nothing at all. Picking up my purse I headed straight for the door and didnt look back. I needed to make a decision on my own. And for once I needed to stick to my guns. If I wanted Nathan then I needed to say it and if I wanted to end things then I really needed to end things, for good this time.

After talking with Chris I had decided to stay out a little bit longer. I knew that the fact that I had been gone for so long was probably bugging Nathan but I had a lot to think about. Chris had given me an ultamtium which basically said I either leave Nathan or he'd let it slip that he saw the two of us together. The thought alone sent chills up my spine. In the end I figured I'd be with one to loose. If I chose to end things with Nathan I knew it would hurt not to be with him. But if I stayed with Chase I knew he could never make me feel the way Nathan had made feel. But then again had I ever given him a chance to make me feel anything more then friendship? And I knew the answer was no. I had only got with Chase because I didn't want o be alone since Nathan had Peyton.

Although I was extremely angry with Chris, some of the things he said made sense. Nathan and I had never really given each other a chance to move on, and that was probably the reason why we still clung to one another. On the other hand Nathan was the only person I felt at least semi safe with. He knew me, he understood me. I was afraid to think of a life without him. The truth, the honest truth was that Nathan was still a very big part of my life and probably always would be. Without him I wasn't sure if I could stand on my own two feet. And that alone was frightening.

I had problems with trust, and that was the reason why I had kept everyone at arms length. Their were only a selective few that I really let close to me and Nathan was one of them. I let him into my heart, I let him into my soul and since that day I opened up to him, I've never been able to stop...even when it was dire for the both of us to let go. Hearing someone like Chris sum up my relationship if you will, with Nathan was something that I didn't think I'd ever hear. I guess from an outsiders position it seemed that Nathan and I were glutton for punishment. That of course didn't mean that the two of us didn't care about each other, because I honestly think if it were really just about sex the two of us wouldn't be so emotional about certain things in our lives. I had never let anyone get close enough to my heart until Nathan. He captured my heart and when we ended he kept it tucked away for safe keeping, the only problem was that I wasn't sure it was so safe with him.

Once I arrived back to the hotel room I found him looking out the window with a drink in his hand. He had always loved the water and I had tried often to love it as much as he did. He had once told me that starring out at the water had calmed him, and I think the first time he told me I made some smart remark but overtime I realized that he was right. We had spent many nights sitting at the beach just listening to the waves come and go. Of course that was while I was pregnant which was a stressful time for a high school student let alone a mother and father to be.

"How'd it go" he asked eyeing her as she quickly tossed her bag and jacket onto the bed before heading straight to the bar and pouring herself a real stiff drink. He had known from previous encounters that Haley and alchol were never really a good combo, especially with what she was drinking now. It made him wonder she how well everything went today- or if it had went well at all.

"Surprisingly well" I said after taking a big gulp of my drink. I needed liquid courage if I was gonna pull this hat out of ass. I had a knack for lying these days so I hoped I could maybe foil Nathan into believing that all was well. I mean I did manage to make sure Chris would keep his mouth shut about everything. Of course the price was a little steep, meaning Nathan. I had to give him up but other then that I was sure I could handle it.

You were gone for an awful long time," he said pausing to look her up and down. The way she was standing the so far away it seemed to reflect the mood that the two of them were in. They both knew that no matter what happen with Chris- wether he decided to tell or not they needed to make a decision about the two of them and this time their was no going back.

"There were a lot of things to discuss" I said as casually as possible.

Our eyes met for a split second before I chose to look away. He looked like he had been thinking about a few things. I wondered if the same things had been running through his mind just as they had been running through mine. Why were we even doing this to each other? Why did we always make things harder then what they were. It should have been easy. Our decison should have been easy but somehow I knew it wouldn't be. Nothing was ever easy between Nathan and I and I don't think it would ever be. My conversation with Chris had opened my eyes to a lot of things but at the same time it hadn't stopped the way I felt about spending time with Nathan. He was still the person I wanted to run to when things got too heavy. He was still...Nathan. Once when I had been naive I thought he was the only person I could possibly spend the rest of my life with.

"Why do you seem so sad?" he questioned noticing for the first time that her eyes were red. "What did he say to you" he asked wanting to rush over to her but knowing that she needed space. He could tell just by looking at her, her emotions. "Did he do anything to upset you? You know if he did its not above me to pound him into the ground." he said tugging at his fingers. Something was in the air, something was much different about her. When she had left her eyes were ablaze, but now they looked almost sad and it made him wonder what that prick had said to her.

I let out a chuckle at his comment. Nathan and Chris were both eager to beat the hell out of each other, the funny thing was that I didnt want them to fight...not for my honor I didnt need it. "You know im a big girl" I said offering him a smile "I can take care of myself." I continued on. I knew it had bugged him whenever I had said this but it was the truth. After all we had been through together one thing was for sure, and that was the fact that I could take care of myself. It was something I learned how to do at an early age due to the fact that my mother was...my mother

He nodded in response. He knew she was strong, her will was what he found to be so attractive about her. She'd fallen into darkenss after Joshua died and somehow, someway brought herself back. He had no doubt in his mind that she could take of herself. He only wished she let him take care of her once in a while. He knew that taking care of her blurred the lines of their affair, but with Haley it was always more then an affair. She was the first and possibly only girl he really loved. Yeah he loved Peyton but it wasnt to the extent that he loved Haley.

"So are you gonna tell me what happened?" he asked almost a little to eager. The truth was that he was nervous. He hadn't felt like this in a very long time. After her talk with Chris their was no telling what would happen next. He had been thinking about their two options all the while she was gone, and really he hadn't come to a conclusion. He liked being with her, but he wondered if they make it work this time? He was unsure of which direction the two of them should take at this point. He wasn't even sure if he wanted Chris to keep his mouth shut or if he just wanted all the lying to stop. When he had originally ended things with her, he had never anticipated being like this. Sure they held a lot of things together, mainly fire but he had never envisioned them continuing on this way. And he was sure she hadnt anticipated it either. They were drawn like a moth to a flame and he was sure that nothing could change that.

"Yeah" I said beginning to fidget with a necklace I wore very frequently. Nathan had given it to me while I was pregnant it held a ring that he said would link us together forever. It was suppose to be a gift to me for giving him a son. After Jacob died I kept it with me, at all times to remind myself of the link we shared together. "Oh yeah- um Chris wont be telling anyone what he saw at the club the other night" I voiced realizing that in that moment I had made up my mind. I was willingly going to give him up. I wasn't doing this so that my conscious could be clear because I knew that it would never be clear, but I was doing this because Nathan and I both deserved more.

"Really?" he asked perplexed. He was sure that rat would run and tell everyone, but then again he claimed to love Haley as a friend and this had proved it. " I um guess that's a good thing then huh" he questioned before continuing on. "You know, since that's what you wanted"

"Yeah" I said nodding though no longer looking his way.

"Im surprised" he said he said letting out a small scoff. "I thought he'd go running to tell everyone"

Now it was my turn to scoff. "Never underestimate my persuasion skills, I've been told their some of the best" I said raising my eyebrows up suggestivly.

" I cant complain" he said coming closer to her. Only to have her hand stop him from moving much more closer then ever.

"You know," I said taking a much needed step away from him. "I've been thinking about a lot of things- you know like you and me"

"And" he asked not sure where this was going.

"Well," I said playing with my hands, a habit Nathan had passed on to me. " Since Chris Keller knows about us, or at least suspects something is up- I think this is the perfect time for us to...you know take a break." I said swallowing hard.

"Take a break" he questioned his temper on the tip of flaring.

"Yeah, you can go back to Peyton and I'll go back to Chase. Well be able to focus on the people who really love us"

"I see" he said biting the inside of his jaw to stop him from yelling at her. She acted like he didnt care for her, like she was just another piece of ass to him. She may have been that once upon a time, a long time ago- but that changed when he fell in love with her. "And this is what you want" he questioned all the while watching her jerky movements.

I didnt know what I wanted. I knew that I hated lying to people and I hated feeling like I was this horrible person because I liked being in the arms of my ex-boyfriend. My life was out of control and the one thing I could do to end some of the havoc was give up Nathan. " I think its whats best everyone involved." I stammered upon the hard look her sent my way

"Bullshit!" he roared pining her down with a harsh stare. "You and I are selfish people and your gonna tell me that now you're ready to end things." he said shaking his head in disbelief.

"It easier that way" I said calmly. "Know one gets hurt, not Peyton, not Chase" and most importantly not me. 'It better this way"

"If you wanted out all you had to do was say so" he said menacing. "You make it sound like I've kept you held here against your will, you came to me She made it sound so easy, leaving her the first time killed him and now here she was leaving him and it hurt just the same. "If you want out say it!"

I didn't want to cry in front of him because it had been so long since I had done so, but I couldn't help it. I didn't like bringing up old words that I knew were not sealed yet but it was the best way to get everything out in the open. " You think this is what I want, you think I like sneaking around? Do you think I enjoy all the lies and all the hurt that we could cause not only other people but what we've caused each other."

"You sure do act like its easy" he said quietly

"How can you say that to me?" I demanded "I never wanted to break up with you in the first place that was your choice" I pointed out all the while pointing at his chest

He rolled his eyes at her words. Of course she'd bring this up. "I did that for us" he voiced before pouring himself another drink. She was maddening that was what she was. She was always unsure of what she wanted, and he was tired of it. If she wanted out, this time he wouldn't stop her.

I nodded my head. "And I finally see that now." I said causing him to look up at me yet agin. "If we really loved each other it wouldn't have been so easy for you to pick up with Peyton wherever you two left off. You two have been together despite everything and I've been with Chase" I said swallowing hard. "If we loved each other, really loved each other we would have stopped seeing other people a long time ago. We wouldn't be in this pardicument if we loved each other and wanted to be together." I said sniffling. "Im pretty sure if the two of us really wanted to be together knowone could've or would've stopped us.

"You just have everything figured out don't you?" he said quietly "you want to end things I wont fight you on it. It sounds like you've thought this through"

I sucked my teeth and turned away from him. "I havent thought this out Nathan, all I know is that you and I came together because we were both still hurting, the hurt was still raw." I said pausing briefly. "And maybe the hurt is what has kept us together"

He couldn't believe what she was saying. Was she serious? He cared for her, he'd always care for her and she couldn't even bring herself to say that she cared for him as well "you act like I held you here against your will. Remember you came to me not the other way around"

"I know that" I said not bothering to face him.

"Don't you ever want more Nathan" I asked before biting my lip. "Don't you ever wish that their was more to what we had...what we have?" I questioned almost tearfully.

"More of what Haley?" he questioned annoyed already. He hated when she started doing things like this. She always questioned what they shared, she always wanted to put a label on it when really he didn't need a label or name. He knew what she meant to him and that was all that mattered. "we give each other what we can," he said pausing to look at her again. He took a moment before speaking this time with a calmer voice. " what possibly could we give to each other"

"Love" I said finally. "We should be in love Nathan" I said sniffling. "Half the time we don't know if we want each other or if we don't" I realized in those few seconds of silence that maybe I wanted more with Nathan

He clicked his tongue before finally speaking. "You need to make sure this is what you want Haley because I wont stop you like before. I mean if we're done if you want to end the affair, then that means you cant go back on your word when your lonely or scared. I wont chase after you"

"I know" I said keeping my head down. "I guess we're done then here huh" I said finally turning around to look at him.

"I guess so" he said evenly void of all emotion.

I nodded my head and let out a small gasp. "Goodbye Nathan" I said rushing for the door and closing it tight. I had made the right decision. Nathan and I were a train wreck. We never should have been together in the first place. When he broke up with me I should have let things go then, but I couldn't and now I needed to.


	7. Chapter 7

A.N. Hey all thanks for reading and replying! I know you were all thrown a bit with the last chapter, but i assure you not matter what happens Nathan and Haley are endgame. This chapter i hope sheds some light as to why Nathan and Haley are so torn, and basicly why they act the way they do. Enjoy

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 7: Lovers Will**

_Who will take the only hearts they got_

_and throw them into the fire_

_who will risk there own self respect_

_in the name of desire_

_who will regret everything they've done_

_who'll get the bill_

_lovers will_

I felt like I had been walking in circles lately. I was basically walking on autopilot all the while trying to figure out how I had become such a mess. I replayed my "breakup" with Nathan in my head over and over again. And I still couldn't believe that I had ended our "affair". When Chris had suggested that, I end things with Nathan to keep him quiet the first thing I thought of was telling him to screw himself. I didn't intend for things to turn out the way they had turned out with Nathan and I. Yet everything had all gone wrong. I guess on the upside I given Chase a chance to prove to me that our staggering relationship was worth it, though I knew deep down that at this point in time I wasn't ready to deal with anything more then what Chase and I were at the moment, which was in the process of being boyfriend and girlfriend but not truly to that point. To tell the truth I had never really considered him my boyfriend not in the sense that it was suppose to mean. Chase in a nutshell was someone I could go to when I was running from Nathan and from our past together.

In the days following my "breakup" with Nathan I can easily say that my life has been a royal mess. Not that I had ever had my life in order. I tended to gravitate towards a chaotic lifestyle. Never before had been I like that, but things change. I was extremely emotional about the whole situation and when I wasn't upset about emotionally I pissed about how everything went down at the end. I was upset that Chris a man who was suppose to be my friend had made me choose. I was upset about the fact Nathan and I could not get it together we, probably never could get it together and even in a shameful affair the two of us manage to ruin everything and anything that may have been goof between. Last but not least I was upset about the way things ended. I understood that I had initiated the break, I had been the one to propose it but what hurt the most was that he didn't even fight me on it. I should have known better, he never really fought for me not in the way I needed him to. Instead he taunted me knowing good and well that sometime soon I'd regret it. And the sad thing was that I did regret it. I knew in my heart it was my own fault that I feeling this way, I could have stood up for myself, I could have told him how I felt and maybe we could have been together. Maybe we both just needed time to think about everything and then- with some miracle we could be a real couple. Or maybe it was wishfull thinking on my part.

In Nathan I had always found this weird comfort that at times brought out a bit of uncertainness to me. I think we worked on two different sides of the spectrum that had always caused much pleasure and pain. Sometimes the pain outweighed the pleasure and in many of our instances that was the truth. I wanted someone that would want me all of me and though Nathan wanted me I wasn't sure if he really wanted me. He couldn't handle me just as I couldn't handle him. Things between the two of us were complicated, how else could things come so easy and so hard at the same time? Neither one of us were ever really willing to give in and surrender ourselves completely to the other and that was our downfall.

"Brooke! Im home" I called walking into our open apartment door. Apparently everyone had decided to gather at our house today as the place was crowded. To tell the truth I really wasn't in the mood to deal with much. I had spent most of my day appeasing my gruesome mother and the other half of the day playing the role of loving girlfriend to Chase. He had taken me on a hike and although I was never really fond of hiking I had agreed to go with him. He claimed it would be a bounding experience that would open my mind, and it had done that, problem was I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing

_flashback_

_We had finally made it up the mountain and I was sure I had never felt anything like this. It was hard work but at the same time it was worth every second of it. The sight before me was beautiful. I had never really taken the time to look out around me. Hell the only other time I had been here was with Nathan and we weren't exactly checking out the scenery._

_"What do you think" he asked marveled by the scenery. He had liked to hike and figured that she would like it too. Especially since as of late he had noticed that she hadn't been herself. She seemed much darker and hid behind a lot of smiles. He saw through it though. He'd never say anything to her because obviously she needed to deal with this in her own way. He of course would love to help her out in any given time._

_"I think its beautiful" I said sighing as I looked out across Tree Hill. I'd never taken the time to cherish what surrounded me. I was blown away by the beauty._

_"You know Hales, I've noticed that you've been awful quiet these last few days" Chase said reaching out to touch my face "do you wanna tell me whats going on"_

_I looked down at his words. How could I tell him that 1) I was upset because I finally ended an affair that was probably damaging to me 2) that my sons birthday was nearing and I would never get to spend it with him. I opened my mouth but found little words to speak. I guess you could say that was full of emotion, emotion from everything that not only happen within the last few days but for what happen before him. I couldn't change who I was, I couldn't make myself open up to him about things that I wanted so desperately to push aside. I didn't want to think of any of the hurt because it was too much to bare. "Is that why your brought me here?" I questioned keeping my emotions in check. "Because you want me to spill my guts and tell you whats wrong with me" I didn't need Chase the shrink to talk to me, I needed Chase the boyfriend to talk to me._

_"No" he said simply. "I brought you here because I thought this place might clear your mind. This is the place I go to when I cant figure things out. I thought I'd share this with you." he said looking down "it's a piece of my heaven"_

_"Thank you" I said turning to look at him. He loved me, he tried hard and I needed to pull myself together because he deserved better then this. Besides if I kept walking around like I lost my bestfriend people would start to suspect things and I really couldn't deal with them right now. Leaning closer to him I placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, I mean it" I said batting away a few tears. Soon I felt his arms wrap around my waist._

_"Don't you know I'll do anything for you" he whispered kissing at her hair. "I'll always be here for you Haley- whenever you want to talk just know im here for you"_

_I didn't say anything to him just let him hold me. Maybe Chase could do a thing Nathan couldn't, maybe Chase could save me from myself_

_end of flashback_

" We're in here" Brooke called from the kitchen. I could hear giggles and by the look of the amount of cars in the drive through knew that the house was full. From all the noise I gathered that Bevin and Rachel had come over. For what I didn't know. All I knew was that it was a great way to end what had the potential to be a very tolling day. Between dealing with my mother and everything else in my life I knew it would be good to hang out with the girls for a while.

"Oh god I know your up to nothing but trouble" I said putting keys down on the side table and walking into the den to see it occupied by both Bevin and Rachel. "Looks like you all had a party and I wasn't invited" I said playfully. I noticed that everyone had a drink in hand. It was nice to have the girls over that way we could gossip and act like school girls. If I had known that the girls had come over I would have rushed home a little earlier instead of spending most of the afternoon out with Chase. Though I did have a good time, Chase had showed me that he'd be by my side no matter how many times I shut him out. Chase was proving to be very reliable he loved me and he offered me more then I could ever give him at the moment.

"Stop your whining, we decided to come to you since you've been hiding for so long" Rachel

"Aww Hales" Bevin said rushing over to me to put her arm around me. "We were just warming up so your right on time"

"Speak for yourself" Rachel blabbed. "I've been warmed up for quite a long time."

"I bet" I said gaining a few giggles.

"You seem better" Brooke said handing me a newly made drink. I took a sip and realized that my darling Brooke was trying to get me drunk and it wasn't even that late. Im sure she wanted me good and wasted so that I would finally talk about what was bothering me, but I knew better. I didn't want to talk about Nathan, I didnt want to talk about Josh and I really didn't want to disucess Chase nor Chris. All I wanted to do was pretend that life for once was just dandy. I wanted to act like I hadn't had a care in the world. That was what I wanted but I knew better then anyone else that- that would never happen.

"I am" I said setting my drink down on the table. Brooke had noticed more then anyone that things hadn't been right with me. Of course she was the only person that I had been in constant contact with so she saw things first hand. The first thing she commented was the fact that I refused to take any of Chris's calls which was something I was still doing. I couldn't talk to him especially since I felt so betrayed by him. I had just about admitted to having an affair with him, I was honest and he just threw it in my face.

"So where have you been all day?" Bevin asked a suspicious grin on her face. Rachel and I came here in hopes of hanging out with you and Brooke but found only Brooke"

"Hey" Brooke said pouting. Before smiling. She had called the girls over in hopes of cheering Haley up especially since she had heard what was going on tonight. Of all the stupid stunts Nathan had pulled tonight proved to be the dumbest stunt. If he was trying to ruin all his chances of ever getting back with Haley- then he was doing an excellent job. Haley had been through enough and it looked like everything had finally hit her. She was sad and was holding back so much. A slumber party was the perfect way to cheer her up and Bevin and Rachel were the perfect girls to invite.

"If it makes you feel better I didn't come here to sit around and talk to whiney" Rachel said smirking.

"And I didn't come home to deal with bitchy" I said putting on a grin. Just as I was about to continue on we heard the doorbell ring. The girls and I all looked to one another seeming that we had all been here, their was really no else who could come by, unless you counted Lucas who would always stop so he could pine away for Brooke.

Getting up I headed straight for the door and was surprised to see that Peyton Sawyer was standing on my doorstep; with a grin on her face no less. This actually the last place I expected her to be especially since between Brooke and I were not her biggest fans. In fact if you'd do a poll to see who disliked her more I was sure it was a tie between Brooke and I. Of course we hated her for our own personal reasons and for the sake of keeping our extended friendship in tack we never spoke about anything that happened in the past because it was worthless now, it only caused everyone pain.

"Peyton" I said tugging my hair behind my ear. I had to admit it was a little alarming to see someone I had barley spoken to in a very long time stand on my doorstep. The rule of thumb between the two of us was to keep it polite if needed but basically we pretended like the other hadn't existed. Of course this had often proved to be very hard but it worked, Peyton would carry on with her life just as I would carry on with my life and we seldom interacted directly with one another.

"Hi" she said offering a small smile. This was actually the first time she had been to this place. Since their friendship had been severed their wasn't any room for her to come over and chat. Besides between Haley and Brooke she wasn't sure who would attack her first. The three of them had once been best friends know one was suppose to tear them apart but two boys had managed to wreck a friendship that was suppose to last a lifetime. And that was the reason she had come today. They were older and it would have been nice to finally put things behind them. Everything had turned out how it was suppose to be in the first place. Jake who had first gotten hurt, found love with Rachel of all people. Lucas had reverted back to who he was, and that was a guy that was "so in love with Brooke Davis". She and Nathan had returned to their former roles of boyfriend and girlfriend. And Haley she found happiness with someone that fitted her personality. Everything worked out for the better so she could only hope that it would work out now.

"What are you doing here" I asked little a bit of my skepticism kick in. This was the last place I would expect her to be. We tended to stay out of each others way and it worked fine that way. Especially since I found it rather hard to adjust to the fact that- my someone who use to be my friend scooped up my ex-boyfriend during a time when the two of us were grieving. If she had gone after him down the road I'd probably be still upset but the timing was just wrong. Nathan and I had just broken up and suddenly he and Peyton were back together. Now I know what you're thinking what a hypocrite but in my defense Peyton said she had no hard feelings about me dating Nathan, when the two of us started. She however had never asked me. I guess is should have known though- she'd gone after Brooke's boyfriend too. Anyway I could never really forgive her for going after Nathan so shortly after the two of us broke up -so our friendship was ended. But then again I'm sure if she'd known that I had managed to screw her boyfriend for over seven months she wouldn't like me much either.

Offering a small smile she spoke "I came here to personally invite you and everyone else over to Nathan's for dinner tonight" she said again this time letting her eyes linger to all the cars in the driveway. From what she could tell it looked like the girls were over and a part of her missed the connection the five of them use to share. She missed Haley and Brooke the most though

As her words hung in the air I bit my lip. Being around both Nathan and Peyton was probably not the best solution for me at this time. I really just didn't want to see him, not while I was still dealing with everything. It was too early to see him especially since we both ended things in a bad way. He was angry with me for walking away and I was angry at him for not begging me to stay. I guess you could say it was the story of our lives together. I don't think we were ever truly happy. We had spent most of our life together fighting each other, fighting our attraction, fighting our mishaps and fighting for our love; because neither Nathan nor I were easy to love- that had been obvious.

"Oh" I said crossing my arms in front of my chest. To say I was surprised was an understatement. Nathan had rarely invited people over to his place because he feared it would tarnish all his belongs. Somehow the two of us had switched roles because he was now a neat freak and I was becoming insanely messy. I was aware that in some sort of way I was being childish because Nathan and Peyton were together but I couldn't help the way I felt. I hated knowing that in the end someone else managed to touch Nathan's heart and take my place. And now she was hosting a dinner party with him.

"Listen, I know we all have our problems, but we use to be friends and I miss that. We arent in High School anymore so anything that happen in the past should just stay in the past. " she said squirming upon the look Haley had given her. " I just wanted to come here to personally invite you and Brooke over to the house. Nathan and I would really like for the two of you come over. Bevin and Rachel already know about it," she said stammering on her words. "Just think about it ok" she said before turning around and walking away.

It was hard not to think of everything, how everything had fallen apart so easily. He had never been a perfect man and never had tried to be, but sometimes he wished he could be more for Haley and she could be more for him. He was angry and whenever he tended to get angry he did things that normally would shatter all his progress and good deeds, though recently he hadn't been doing anything that was too good- aside from screwing Haley. He knew the real reason why he had so much pent up aggression, it was because once again it became painfully obvious that neither him nor Haley would ever really fight for each other. That was what was missing- he let her walk out of the hotel room knowing that although he was unsure of the way he really felt about her-wether it was love or just plain out devotion he knew that she was the person he had always wanted.

He knew that they had always shared a troubling relationship plagued with many argument and many fights but he never thought he'd see the day when she would willingly leave him. He had never been one to show his true feelings unless it was in a way that presented anger but her ending things had really effected him. He could still hear her words, see her face and most importantly hear her pathetic reasons as to why their affair had to end. She claimed it was because they didnt love each other enough. That was pure bull and she knew it, sure they had never really admitted to loving each other but their had always been something their between them, something that made them stick together through all the good times and mos the bad times. Haley, she would probably be the death of him one day and she'd probably like that way too. She was the one person he wanted to rip to shreds one minute and hold the next. Somtimes he just wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her because she had never made things easy.

He had been a ball of fiery for the last couple of days. Nothing seemed to ease his mind, not basketball, not work and not even the mere idea of his girlfirend. He knew the reason was he was like this and he blamed it all on her; Haley James. He could still hear the words she dared to say to him, how she claimed that the reason for breaking up their affair was for love. The thought made him want to snort. What the hell did the two of them really know about love? Every time they tried either together or separately love had failed them. Whatever they shared was suppose to be special, she had said it many times that it was special but yet she was the one who made it sound like it was something tangible and thus the reason he was now in a bad mood. It was almost comical how she so easily left him but when he had done the same she had brought it up every single chance she got, in fact every argument reverted back to the fact that he was no longer her boyfriend and that he left her. What about now though? She left him, she ended things and here he was acting like someone had taken his most prized possession. If Haley could forget about everything they shared so could he. She'd never know the power she held over him because he'd never let her know.

"Hey"Peyton said walking over to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. She had noticed that in the last couple of days, hell the last couple of months he had become rather distant. Of course that was nothing new seeming that Nathan had always been the type of guy to hide his emotions, the only time she had truly gotten anything out of him was when he was angry, or when he wanted to have sex. Though the tide seemed to be changing since he had agreed to have everyone over for dinner tonight- but you never could tell.

He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound and touch of his girlfriend. He knew it was wrong, Peyton had always been kind to him. She'd always given exactly what he needed and he knew he could never really give her much more then he offered her in High School. She'd take it though because she loved him no matter what. She held no expectations on him like Haley did yet she still wasn't his first choice. "I thought you'd be getting ready for the party" he recovering easily.

"I was," she said looking down momentarily "I just wanted to thank you for doing this. I know you think this is a lost cause, that as a group we all can never go back to being the same group of kids that gravitated toward one another, during our childhood, but I think we can do this"

"Ok" he said not even bothering to argue. For some reason Peyton had this wild dream that having dinner tonight would somehow refreshen the groups dynamic, although he had serious doubts. To be honest, the group had done so much crap to one another it amazing that some of them could even be in the same room without fighting. For one thing just about everyone had been with one another or flirted over the topic, he however had been lucky enough that Haley had only really been serious with him. He mentally slapped himself, he and Haley were over- and he needed to stop thinking about her because she gave up on them ever getting back to being a real couple when she decided their affair was worthless because they didn't share love. She didn't realize how much he loved her and so he was done with it all.

"Nathan" she called again this time causing him to turn around in her arms. "I know this is a hard time for you, but I want you to know that im here for you- if you wanna talk about it ever" she said placing a kiss to his cheek.

"Peyton" he sighed not liking where this was going. He didn't like to talk about his son, he liked to just block out this time of the year all together but he knew that it was too hard. Their would always be something that remind him, maybe it was the look in Haley's eyes, the same big beautiful eyes that his son had as well, of course his eyes had been blue but every time he looked at him he saw Haley. All he had now were cherished memories and many pictures that he kept dear to him. The only person he could possibly handle this with, was Haley. It was because they shared the same pain, she understood it ,lived through it and was stilling trying to live through it just as he.

"Im just saying, I've got experience in the mourning department" She said patting him on the shoulder once more before getting ready.

For a moment he watched her leave before letting out a tired breath and heading for the bar. If he was gonna be in the same room with Haley without yelling at her and trying to rip her clothes off he'd need a lot of alcohol.

"Are you sure you wanna do this" Brooke asked me once we were alone. I think she was worried about how I would react to Nathan and Peyton living together, living in a place that I had always pictured the two of us living.

"Of course I am" I said smacking my lips together. I had dressed rather quickly and had done my makeup and I was ready. Tonight was the night that I needed to finally realize that what Nathan and I had was over. If it hadn't been clear when he walked away from me, and later when I walked away from him. It was clear now that he and Peyton were now living together. I wasn't stupid I knew that Nathan was aware that Peyton had invited me to their house. I was also aware that he moved her in coincidently when our affair ended- which to me meant he'd been waiting for it to end for a while...that or he was making a statement that I was replaceable. It also was classic Nathan and Haley this was about revenge he wanted to prove a point to me, I was erasable and replaceable and he moved Peyton into a place we had once hoped to share together. If that wasn't a slap in the face I don't know what was.

"Your hurt Haley I can see it in your eyes" Brooke said pleadingly "we don't have to go, we can sit at home and do whatever we want- im sure everyone would understand the reason for not going" she continued.

"No" I said taking a deep breath. "What happen in the past is in the past Brooke," I said trying to keep calm. Of course the last thing I wanted to do was hang around Nathan or Peyton but of course I knew it was what I needed to do. Although the very thought of having dinner at their love shack made me literally want to hurl I knew that all the discomfort and all the pain would be worth it in the end. I had no intention of seeing Nathan anytime soon but I knew that people around me would expect me to skip out on this event. I needed to prove to myself, Chris and Nathan that I was alright.

"Bull" she voiced annoyed.

"Nathan's moved on, and that is obvious to me, now its obvious to all of you that had your hopes that we'd ever get back together" I said almost instantly regretting my tone. I knew Brooke was trying to help me but right now I just needed to get through this. I needed to prove to not only myself but to Nathan that when I said it was I meant it. I was stronger then this, I just had to show it. "Now come on," I said tugging on her arm. "Chase is waiting outside for us and im sure Lucas is wearing down the carpet waiting for your arrival."

"God" Brooke groaned "I seriously rather get a wax then sit through this dinner from hell" she said gathering her coat.

"Yeah well, at least we have each other" I said slinging my arm around her as the two of us walked out of the room.

–

It already eight o clock and he was already drinking, but then again he had a right to drink. It had been a tiring week, hell a tiring couple of months and finally it was all over. Wiping his jaw he looked around the room noticing just who had showed up. Everyone was here except for the person that really counted. He knew she'd show though because Haley saw things like this as a challenge, she probably thought he invited her over on purpose to rub it in her face that he had someone, but that wasn't the case- at least not consciously. Peyton had come to him the night that he and Haley had broken off their affair and brought up the idea of starting over with everyone, and at that time he just wanted to concentrate on anything that wasn't Haley so he agreed. He'd been upset after she walked away, after she had the nerve to look him glassy eyed and tell him it was over. She was such a selfish that girl, she never took into consideration the way he felt she just assumed she knew everything.

She didn't know everything in fact she knew shit.

_Flashback_

_"What more do you want Haley, huh" he asked letting emotion finally hit his voice. He didn't want to lose her but he wasn't the type of guy that would beg someone to stay with him she either loved him and wanted to be with him or she didnt._

_"I want more then this Nathan" she said taking a step closer to him. "I want more then this Nathan...I want more then lust, I want love and happiness"_

_"Whose to say you don't have it now?" he questioned his brow furrowed in anger. "Whose to say that what we have now isnt what love is suppose to be for you and I"_

_"Then we must have a hell of a love because it hurts everyone it touches including us." she said wiping her eyes. "Do you love me Nathan, can you stand here right now and say that you love me."_

_"Can you say that you love me"_

_"Well then, I guess this was easier then I thought"_

_Although neither would admit it both knew the truth, they were both painfully in love with one another and in the end it would be the death of the two of them_

_end of flashback_

It was her fault that they had ended in the first place, she pushed him away. It was her fault that he had hooked up with Peyton because if she hadn't pushed him away he would have stayed with her and dealt with their loss together. It was also her fault that Peyton was now living with him. He had been so upset after her rejection that when he got home the first person he saw was Peyton and he had realized that she wasn't afraid to need him like Haley, she loved him and he could give her something. Moving in was that something.

"You look like your deep in thought," Lucas mused "does it have anything to do with your current situation"

"What' he asked turning around to face his brother. Lucas always liked to talk in riddles and it was tiring, and to tell the truth he wasn't in the mood.

"You look worried that's all, you know she'll show up and you guys will still have that weird alliance that creeps everyone out"

"It wont be the same" he said looking over to see Peyton smiling at him. "We've let each other down too many times now- whatever friendship we thought we salvaged is gone" he said before walking over to his girlfriend and kissing the top of her head. He couldn't think about Haley James because that was said and done. He had Peyton, the girl that had offered herself to him when he couldn't give her much. He was still reeling from his first breakup with Haley and the lost of their baby boy and Peyton had stepped up to the plate and helped him deal with a few things. His guilt, his pain.

And then he saw her, looking like a dream come true. He didn't realize how beautiful she really was until not seeing her for a while. Haley James had taken his breath away and run away with his heart as well. She'd come with Brooke which was expected and she brought a date. The battle lines were already drawn and he had feeling tonight was going to spark and new chapter of the history of Tree Hill and its residents.

Song credit: lovers will by bonnie rait

A.N. 2 : i've been writing this other fic that i've just posted on here a couple of days ago, check it out if you like. Its called "a little more personal" and of course its a naley story :)


	8. Chapter 8

**A.N. **Hey all! Im glad you liked the last chapter! This chapter really sets the next stage of the story along with the next chapter. This is a big chapter so I hope you guys like it. Thanks for reading and replying!

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 8: Hypothetically Speaking**

_What if I told you I love_

_What if I told you, I need you_

_Would you believe me_

The very moment I walked into the house I knew that it was easily going to be a mistake. It felt wrong being here. It felt like I was an outsider in a place that was suppose to be my own home. The whole situation was wrong on so many levels and it finally occurred to me while we all moved to the den to "talk" just how screwed up this was. We weren't suppose to be pretending that everything hadn't happen in the past because the past is what made us all become who we were. I wasn't suppose to be here at my own home as a guest. This was suppose to be my house with Nathan, we were suppose to be together and instead we weren't together, this was not my home and I felt like an outsider at a place that was meant for me. Returning here was harder then I had thought. I thought I could come here and pretend along with everyone else that everything was fine, but it wasn't. This was wrong and it didn't feel right at all.

Sliding my eyes over I caught sight of him and for the first time in a long time I readily admitted to myself just how much I missed him. Maybe it was being here, maybe this place had given me some kind of perspective. My heart ached for a life that we should have had together, it ached for him, for our child and for everything that we did to each other. Nathan and I could tear one another down to shreds but at the same time he was the only person that had my heart. And being here in this house had made me realize that maybe I should have fought for our love. Maybe I should have tried harder? I mean, maybe I would have been happier if I never let him walk away from me, hell if I never walked away from him maybe I wouldn't be smiling on the outside and dying in the inside. I needed him, and I hated admitting it but it was true, and I think he needed me too. That was why he was so hurt. I believed that my epiphany was due to being back in this house, Being here was probably a bad idea but it made me think about a lot of things. Ending my affair with Nathan hurt more then he would know but if we were really meant to be together then I had to believe that we'd find a way. We had to, because I was in love with him; and despite my attempts to push him away I knew the truth. I was afraid to be happy because every time I was happy something bad happen and I couldn't go through that again, it was too hard for me. I wasn't as strong as everyone thought I was, I was fragile and I just didn't want to hurt anymore.

Once everyone had began talking, and reminiscing took this as a chance to excuse myself and go to the restroom. all the talk of the past had left me feeling rather had and dizzy. In fact I felt downright faint. I guess it had to do with being back here and knowing what this place meant to Nathan and I. It was hard being here. It was hard pretending that I wasn't hurt, or that I didn't care. Once I had made it to the bathroom I quickly splashed my face. I could get through this night, I had been through worst, but at this moment I swore that nothing could be any worst then being in this place that was suppose to be for Nathan and I. This place brought back memories, it brought all our hopes and dreams back to the surface and for the longest time I couldn't even pass it. In fact being here was harder then I had even imagined. This was suppose to be our place, this was where we had planned to raise our son together and that had all been taken away from us and I was still bitter about it. This place was suppose to be our happy ending to a horrible start and really it was just a place that now held all our hopes and past dreams, and currently the place Nathan and Peyton were sharing there life together.

As I stepped out of the bathroom I was hit again with how easily it was for Nathan to erase me, to erase our history. The house didn't feel like home to be and it should have. Nothing in the house showed even a bit of our past together and it hurt. Even though we had been over publicly I hadn't expected him to get rid of things that were so private between us. I mean we had hung on for so long during our affair and to come here and see all the changes he made really hurt me. I was still trying to adjust to Peyton living here, even though I knew that was just resent this wasn't suppose to be her house. If he wanted to be with her so bad he could have taken her to the beachouse, but not this place- not our place.

I guess you could say it still hurt knowing that not only did we not get our happy ending but that he was willing to share part of the world that we wanted to create for ourselves with some other girl. The house was changed completely, it was like he had wiped all signs of what use to be the two of us. And it hurt. I don't think anyone would have been surprised if I told them that I hadn't been in here since we had broken up- which meant it had been two years since I had been in this house. And despite it being so long ago it everything still felt fresh in my mind. I could remember the day he said he bought it, he spent some of his trust fund money but he got it- because it was going to be the place where we raised our family together. That of course didn't last long and I suppose it was the reason we had turned out the way we had.

As I continued to notice all the changes Nathan had made my heart stopped once I stood at a very familiar door, it was the room that he had created, that we had created for our son. Touching the knob I debated with myself wether or not to push my luck. If Nathan had changed that too...if he had erased this I think it truly would have devastated me, but I needed to know if some things were still sacred. Pushing open the door I was shocked and surprised to see that this one room was the excat same way I remembered it. Pastel colors of blue, green and yellow still covered the walls. A rocking chair we had purchased together was still sitting by the big bay window. The room was exactly how we had left it. And if closed my eyes tight for just a little bit I could be in the room with Josh and Nathan. I could hear the soft sounds of laughter and for a moment I felt like I did that day, I felt complete.

_Always and forever_

_Flashback_

_"How did I know I'd find you here."I said walking into the nursery to find Nathan cradling our son. He was so good with him, I wasn't if sure if he had noticed it. After burping him he swiftly handed him over to me. Although our pregnancy had been unplanned it had later become a blessing. Nathan and I hadn't gotten together in the most conventional way so a surprise pregnancy was probably up our ally._

_"What can I say, that boy amazes me everyday. You know toady I could have sworn he smirked my way." he said excitedly. He never thought he'd have a child. Not this young but once Josh had been born it was like he realized what a gift it was to have him. He'd wake up in the middle of night just to look at him, just to make sure he was breathing. Josh was a breath of fresh air, he was innocent and special- he was a part of he and Haley and that made him love the boy so much more._

_"He showed" I said pecking his lips. "He is your son" I said looking down to admire him. "He looks just like you" I said cradling my baby boy in my arms. He had all of Nathan's features, from the dark hair to the blue eyes, but my boy had inherited my unruly curly hair. I had to admit that he was a stunning looking boy. I was sure he'd be a little heartbreaker of course he'd probably even get help on that department from his father._

_"This feels right" he said letting our a loud breath. "This feels like home" he said kissing the side of her temple before gazing down at their gurgling son._

_End of flashback_

My eyes were closed but I felt the familiar trickle of tears. If only everything had stayed right, if only this place still felt like home? We were missing our link together and without him I wasnt sure we'd ever get it right.

"I figured you'd be in here" he said walking into the nursery. Once he had first appeared he watched her for a moment- he knew she was thinking about it, he was thinking about it too. This room, this nursery held so many memories both fond and not so fond. He remembered the day they brought home Josh, they both stayed up all night just looking at him. That boy was a wonder to both of them he was, so special, so pure. He also remembered the night Josh had passed and how she couldn't step foot in the room. He remembered her crying in this very house, remembered her screaming and asking why they had to loose there baby. He often liked to remember the good times, like the time she had first seen the nursery, how happy they were to have there baby and how much they loved him- but sometimes it was hard to concentrate on the good times when he knew the bad times had come quicker then neither one of them thought.

I was startled by the sound of his voice, but if anyone was going to find me it'd be him. There was so much I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him that I still loved him, that ending it was wrong, that I only pushed him away because he had the power to really hurt me but I said nothing of the sort. People who were meant to be together always ended up together and I had to believe that Nathan and I would somehow work it out. I couldn't say those things to him now, I needed to fix me first, I needed to make peace with myself and really find out who I was without a guy in my life.

"I had to see if it were all still here" I said spinning around to see that he was inches away from me. He had this look in his eyes, on his face that told me he understood. He was probably the only person that could possibly understand me, he knew the reason why I came here and I suspected it was the same reason he had left this room untouched.

He nodded his head while keeping his eyes on her; she looked worn out and even though he was mad at her he could see that being here was taking a toll on her. At least it proved that he wasn't the only one hurting. It felt weird having her here with someone else, everything they had done within the last week or two felt wrong and he could admit that to himself. "I'd never touch this room" he answered honestly.

" I believe you" I said nodding " I just needed to see for myself that not everything is tainted" I admitted while running my hands over a framed photograph of Jacob and I. My eyes had began to tear up as I continued to take in the photo; our son had gone and the two of us had never been the same.

He watched as she silently began to cry and wished that he could do more for her. He wished he could have done more for the both of them really. But in the end he couldn't do much. It was funny how earlier he wanted her to be in pain because when she walked away from him it left him hurting but now seeing her like this, he wanted to console her, to hold her, to love her. Taking the few steps that had distanced them he easily reached out for her, wrapping her tiny body in his arms. He wasn't sure how long they had stood together, her in his arms, tears in her eyes. All he knew as that she should have been in his arms and no matter what, having her close to him felt right.

"Im sorry" I said pulling away from him. Being in this house, being in this room, in his arms was too much for me. I couldn't deal with this now, it wasn't the right time. I wanted him but I needed him to give me space. I wanted to stand on my own two feet but at the same time I needed a shoulder to cry on.

_Always and forever_

"Its ok" he said shrugging his shoulders. Reaching out he touched her cheek and wiped away the stray tears that had fallen. "If you cant cry in front of me, who can you cry in front of" he said cracking a smile. With his other hand he reached for her. "Hales" he said softly all the while bringing her closer and kissing her temple. "I know you feel this" his whisper softly. "Its still here all of it, in fact its stronger then even I thought" he admitted.

And I did feel it and that's what made it so much worst. "I cant Nathan" I said taking a step back. "I cant do this now," I rambled on moving far away from him. Sometimes he got too close to me and it scared me shitless because Nathan wasn't safe, he'd never be really safe because he was just as unpredictable as I was.

"Fine" he said folding his arms, all emotion draining from his face. "You should leave this room I need to lock the door." he said his eyes dark and stormy.

"Can I have a little bit more time" I asked pleading with him. It had taken me such a long time to come here that I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave the room and the happy feeling that had surrounded me leave.

Clicking his tongue he spoke. "You need to leave now, everyone is probably wondering what's taking so long" he said not looking at her. Once she walked away he let out a breath, looked around the room and finally turned the lights off and locked the door.

When I had returned to the gathering it seemed like everyone else was much more relax. Could it be that Nathan and I were the people that turned everyone into hostile strangers? I didn't know the answer to that but I was glad that everyone had mellowed out. It took a lot of effort for all of us to gather together especially in such close confines as being in a house together, all of us eating together and just moving forward.

Chase sent me a surprising grin once I arrived back down whereas I felt the stare of Peytons trained eye on me. She seemed to look at me for a while before Nathan had decided to join us and then all of the attention was once again on him. He looked a little worn out as well, and I wondered if that was the reason everyone kept looking at me funny. I wondered if I looked the way I felt- which was like crap.

"Alright" Rachel whined. " this is getting boring how about we spice it up and little bit with a bottle of tequila"

"Of course you'd suggest that" I said chucking at her. Not that the drinks we already had before mattered, no Rachel wanted to drink yet again. That was our girl a drunken mess but she was still loved...ok she was loved sometimes.

"You didn't have a problem with downing the margrita earlier now did you" Brooke broke in causing me to nudge her.

"I have an idea" Chase said from beside me. I turned to look at him almost forgetting that he was here. "The game is questions, and the object is to see whom knows who the best."

The game started out with little questions that were pretty obvious, like your favorite color, sports team, t.v. but soon turned into much more once Rachel had brought a bottle of Tequila from out of her purse. She was our resident booze hound after all.

"How many times have you all been in love" Chase asked looking at each one of us individually. Everyone had seemed to set quiet for about three minutes. Love was a subject was seldom spoke about between us, because in Tree Hill and with us, you fell in and out of love constantly.

It seemed liked everyone had answered the question leaving me to finally answer. This was a subject that I had never been good at, love sucked for me and never ever lasted. I heard the question but really didn't know how to answer it. This was suppose to be a truthful game but it was hard to tell the truth when someone was looking at you with expectant eyes. My mouth had run dry and I knew my hands were getting sweaty. I knew something would happen to cause me to bring up my past I knew it. See that was the reason I hated playing games with the gang. I racked my brain trying to think of something funny to say. "Well I loved my oatmeal cookies this morning six times because I had six cookies" I said easing some of the tension.

"Doesn't count" Brooke said grinning over at me."And I made you those cookie so I appreciate the fact that you loved them"

I took a deep breath and finally answered while keeping my eyes on the carpet. "Once." I said sighing. "I've only been in love once" I said looking up my eyes meeting Nathan. For a moment he held my gaze and then quickly shifted his focus somewhere else as I did the same. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Chase still grinning at me. I wonder what he'd think if he knew that the one time I had been love was not in the present time but past tense.

"Alright! Next question," Lucas said clapping his hands. "If you could redo something from your past that would effect your future what would it be" he asked waiting for everyone to reply. He knew what he'd redo, that triangle from hell would have never happened

"I would have taken the time to see my fathers side" Chase said surprisng me. He had never really spoke about his father. The only thing I knew was that his father had a drinking problem hence his disdain for my drinking occasionally

"I've got a better question" Rachle said grinning "Nate if you could redo things with Haley would you?" she asked arching her eyebrow at the pure look of horror that had crossed just about everyone features at her question. Everyone had been dying to know the answer and now they'd get it"

"Rachel" Brooke said jabbing her in the side. "Choose another thing to ask him."

"No, it stands"

" wait a minute, Nathan and Haley were together" Chase asked only to be ignored. He had never seen anything like it. He thought they were close friends but by watching them as the argued and he saw things in a different light. They weren't the people he thought they were and most of all, Haley seemed to fit right in with them. She acted the same way they did and he wasn't sure he liked it.

"Nathan don't finish that sentence" Peyton said standing up and walking over to Rachel. "I cant believe that you'd ask him such a thing. Nathan and Haley are over they have been for a long time and that's that way it is" she ranted "this isn't even how you play the game"

"It's a made up game, there are no rules" Tim added

"Its just a game chill out" Brooke voiced from her spot next to me "its just a game." she finished looking over at me. It occurred to me that Brooke knew how such a question would effect me. I tried to be strong but really, I was this fragile lost person just trying to find my way.

"Oh yeah put yourself in my shoes Brooke, what if Rachel asked Lucas if he'd redo things with me, how would you react." Peyton said turning back to Nathan. "This get together was over.

He let out a tired sigh. The one thing he'd redo was his relationship with Haley, he would have fought harder for her, showed her he cared much more. He'd change everything because then they wouldn't be as dysfunctional as they were now. Maybe there child would still be alive if they had been able to get there personal life right earlier...not that it was there fault. He was sick and the sickness won. "I'd redo a lot of things." he answered honestly. "Including my relationship with Haley...I'd do a lot of things differently too"

"You'd redo things with Haley because of the baby right?" Peyton asked him, she grabbed a hold of his hand, and looked into his eyes as she spoke "its because of the baby right you'd change the way things ended with that situation." she continued on "its not because you still have unresolved feeling for her something?" she questioned "its not because your still in love with Haley is it?" she posed yet again

We all waited on bated breath as he said nothing. The silence was killing me, this was killing me. This game like all games had ended horrible. This was the main reason we had stopped playing games in high school. Every single time we played a game secrets were spilled hearts were broken and someone was left hurt. Usually we all had made up within hours but at the mere mention of my child, I instantly felt enraged. Not that I wasn't already feeling a bit bitter. Peyton had no right to bring my baby into any of her argument with Nathan. In fact she should have left me out of it all together because Nathan was the one that said he'd redo things with me, it wasn't the other way around although if I was asked im sure I'd say the same thing

"Don't you dare mention my child ever again" I said looking at her disbelieving. How could she even suggest that the only reason why Nathan would ever want to redo things with me was because it may have changed the outcome of our childs life. Could he not want to redo our relationship because he loved me, heavens forbid he love someone other then her."Nothing concerning our baby has ever been any of your business Peyton" I said shaking my head at her words. How dare she mention my child, how dare she bring my child up to make herself feel better about her relationship. How dare she take my life and then expect me to smile in her face. She was living in a house that was suppose to be mine, sleeping in a bed that was supposed to be shared between Nathan and I. "Don't bring up my child to make you feel secure about your relationship with Nathan." I spat angrily. We both knew the real reason Nathan had gone to her and that was because we couldn't handle the outcome of our child dying. It wasn't because we stopped loving each other, it was because we couldn't get it together.

Turning to glare in my direction she spoke. " im secure about my relationship with Nathan, always have been always will be." she tossed back at me. What I wouldn't give to knock her bony ass down.

I felt Brooke tug at my arm as if she were preventing me from doing something stupid. I easily shrugged her off of me. "If your so secure then him answering the question wouldn't have upset you so much, he'd redo things with me and that scares you to death because you know that Nathan and I were meant to be together" I said covering my mouth. I had basically forgotten that Chase was here and that he had heard everything that came out of my mouth.

Now it was her turn to chuckle " he redid things with me too." She said a smirk on her face "I guess your not so special after all." she said before quickly spinning around she faced Nathan. " You never answered my questions. Why would you redo things with Haley?" she said biting her fingernail.

"And I never will" he said simply. "I'd redo things and you're gonna have to just deal with it" he answered causing her to storm up the stairs angrily. Women were so dramatic.

"You aren't going to follow her are you, not after she talked about our baby like that, not after all the things she said about our relationship" I asked walking in front of him. He couldn't just drop a bomb and then walk away as if it didn't happen. I was feeling more then a little bit emotional especially since the anniversary of the death was coming up. And then Peyton and her crap was just out of left field for me. I needed Nathan to be upset with her because I was, I needed him to care. "Nathan don't stand there like you don't hear me" I said pushing at his body.

"Haley" he said with a tired sigh. "I gave you a chance, and you turned me down, you remember that" he said quietly. "You said you couldnt do this right now, so don't do it. And most of all don't ask me to do it right now?" he finished aware that things had just gotten a hell of a lot worst.

"Fine run away" I said hugging my arms around myself. "That's what you do best" I yelled back, watching as he followed Peyton up the stairs. I was sure we had pretty much cleared the den. Everyone tended to scatterer whenever we argued...things could get really dirty.

I sucked in air and turned around to face Chase who I knew was at a loss of words.

"Haley you need to do some explaining and now" he said his face turning angry. I'd never seen him like this. It was so different from how he usually acted toward me. I guess it was because for once he saw and heard the real me.

I knew by his words that it was time that I had come clean. We all had deserved better for ourselves. Chase deserved someone who could be truthful, someone who could give him there full heart.

"Nathan and I use to date" I said picking at my nails. "It wasn't a big deal"

"Really" he asked crossing his arms. "Then why did you tell Peyton that you and him were meant to be together huh?" he asked looking at her and seeing her for the first time in a long time. He had this image of her that was so perfect but after watching her with her friends, he noticed that she was nothing like the image he had of her in his head.

I hated being back into a corner and now I was in this tiny corner with the walls closing in on me. "You said you wanted the truth so let me get this out" I voiced causing him to shift from one foot to the other. "Nathan and I were together for a while, and the reason I even fought with Peyton about it because she had the nerve to bring my baby into it."

"Haley im not following you on this one, how does one thing have to do with another. I know you had a child that died,"

I took a breath "my baby...with Nathan." I said not bearing to look at his face. I had told him some things about my past but left out the really juicy details.

He let out a bitter chuckle. "At least now I know why the guy has always hated me. He wants you-everyone can see that and I think you want him too"

"Chase, I was honest with you- that has to mean something" I said following him outside to where the car was parked.

"It should mean something" he said opening the door "but im not sure that it does"

And with that he sped off leaving me to stand in the dust.

_What if I told you I was sorry_

_Would you believe me_


	9. Chapter 9

**A.N.** Hey all! Thanks again for reading and replying. The last chapter was a dozey huh it was very emotional and i wanted to show a lot of the the torment Nathan and Haley felt about everything. This chapter features lyrics by one of my favorite songs, i think its just beautiful! I hope this chapter gives a bit of insight to the people Nathan and Haley are together and separate. enjoy

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 9 : Gravity**

_Something always brings me back to you_

_it never takes too long_

_no matter what I say or do,_

_I'll still feel you here_

_till the moment im gone_

When I had returned from the dinner from hell I had easily escaped to my room. Brooke wanted to comfort me but I just wanted to be alone. I had really screwed up things tonight. I had hurt Chase and I felt really bad for it. I had never wanted to hurt anyone the way I had hurt because it made me just as bad as the people who had hurt me. I had lied to him for so long and I had left out the most important fact of my life. Nathan, he was an important aspect and the way things came out tonight just weren't good for anyone. Chase had found out that Nathan and I were together and had a child which was probably a big shocker especially since Nathan and I had never gotten along whenever he was near. And then there was Nathan. Words could not explain how angry I was at him. He hurt me so bad and im sure he wasn't even aware of it. He let Peyton trash our life together, and barley said a word. If I had done something like that he would have yelled at me, but it was ok for Peyton to say it. He was suppose to be this guy who took care of me, this guy that would never let anyone hurt me and yet he was the person that hurt me the most. His silence, his indifference had hurt me. He was always hurting me and I was so tired of it.

--

I awoke with the sounds of soft rain falling from the sky. Most people had claimed that rain had often soothed them back to sleep, but for me it was much different. Rain always fascinated me, it always called to me. When I was younger I use to play in the rain always causing quite a stir up for my mother. She hated when I played in the rain because I'd often get muddy and then there would be a mess for her to clean up. And for my mother outside appearance was everything. I guess I had inherited her obsession for appearance because for the last couple of months all I thought about was what people saw, I wanted everyone to see a girl that was happy, a girl that was in love with her boyfriend not the girl who was having an affair with her ex. As I got older I still cherished the time when the sky opened up and out came droplets of water, but instead of getting muddy I had found other things to do in it. I can easily remember my first big fight with Nathan was in the rain. I was so mad at him, I wanted nothing more then to just shove him real hard and run away forever but he stopped me, and because of it another thing I loved to do in the rain occurred.

_Flashback_

_"I cant believe I even bothered to try with you Nathan" I voiced as we stood together in the pouring rain. My heart was beating fast as my stomach was tied in knots. I put all my faith and all my trust in a boy that I knew damn well would never be more then the jerk I had always known him to be. "I cant believe I let myself fall in love with you because obviously I care about this stupid arrangement more then you. I tell you I love you and all you do is sit there with this stupid look on your face before laughing at me. " I said pushing my wet hair out of my face. " im done" I said throwing my hands up in the air. I wouldn't make him love me because that was something that would never happen. I fell in love with him and when I told him I loved him I hoped he'd say the same thing to me but he said nothing._

_Standing tall he walked the three strides over to her and got ahold of her arm. "Can you wait just one damn minute" he said as the rain around them continued to pour down at him. He didn't know how they got to this place. one minute the were making out at his parents beachouse, and just when he thought he'd get lucky she pulled a switch on him and said she loved him. This was a lot to handle because falling in love was the last thing he expected for either one of them. And before he got a chance to say something she had pushed him off of her and stormed out. That's why they were here, that's why he was chasing her down the beach._

_"Let go of me Nathan!" I screeched whirling around to see him looking at me with his dark and stormy eyes. They wouldn't get me like before. I would not be a slave to my urges. I wouldn't fall back into his dark trap. "I open my heart to you and you laugh so watch as I walk away from your sorry ass!"_

_"Haley, calm down" he said trying not to laugh at the situation. It was kind of funny, she had told him only a few measly minutes ago that she loved him and now she was threatening to end it all. That was his girl for you. "Did it ever occur to you the reason I laughed was because maybe you were feeling the same way I was feeling"_

_Blinking back I looked at him. "What are you trying to say Nathan, are you doing this to make fun of me or is there some substance to your..."_

_And before I had a chance to say anything else I felt his lips on mine. I wanted to pull away I wanted to let him know that I was angry that he couldn't just kiss me and make it better, but somehow I knew that wasn't the truth. I melt into his arms and when he pulled back my heart was beating faster then I even imagined._

_"I love you too" He said grinning at the look on her face. Scooping her up in his arms he grinned her way, now how about we make up in the rain, its something we havent done before"_

_"Kinky" I said raising an eyebrow before capturing his lips again._

_End of flashback_

I smiled silently to myself that night after our argument, Nathan had admitted to loving me too and for the first time I had felt like our relationship wasn't on shaky ground. It caused my eyes to water immediately because I knew that in the end our love didn't really matter. Getting out of bed I quickly pulled on a baggy sweatshirt that lye at the bottom of my closet and a pair of sweatpants. I had to get out of here, I couldn't stand the memories of what had happen in the past and what had happen tonight. It was all too much, because it made me see how terribly screwed everything in my life had become. I felt bad for lying to Chase for so long, I should have stopped things with him before it had ever begun. I just wasn't in the right place and he was there. Chase filled a void that vacant because I didn't have Nathan anymore and I kept him around because I thought I could love him. I was sad and glad everything had come out, well most everything because now I didn't lie anymore but the downside was that I knew I hurt someone who really just wanted to love me. I couldn't even lie to myself anymore which I guess was a good thing considering for so long I had been pretending it would all be ok. I knew now that nothing would be the same.

Everything that had come out tonight had been in the making for a long time and now that it was out, I couldn't help but feel somewhat alone. Chase was my safety net, and Nathan...well I thought we'd always have this connection but after tonight after the things he had done, I wasn't sure I wanted a connection with him and for the first time I felt alone. I had always pretended that Nathan didn't matter but that had been a lie, much like the life I led with Chase. I know I had Brooke she was my bestfriend but I had always had two people in my life I could really cling too and now I just had Brooke and once she found out everything I wasn't even sure how she'd react. I was a liar and cheater, two things that I wasn't exactly proud of.

Once I stepped outside I felt this sudden relief wash over me. I didn't feel trapped, not anymore. I needed this, it was probably something I needed for a long time, I just ignored it. I hated being alone but sometimes in order to figure out things you had to me alone. And I needed to figure out a lot of things. My feet had soon carried me to the Tree Hill Cemetery, where I silently searched for what I was looking for. Almost instantly I found it draped with rain. My eyes then caught sight of the flowers that were already laying on the stone. When I first saw the flowers I knew that Nathan had come here as well. Seeing that testament had caused a lump form in my throat because after all we had been through the two of us were still in sync. It was all so beautiful and tragic at the same time. As I knelt down I tried to not think about it, I tried to push away that feeling of connection that I knew I'd always have with Nathan but found it harder then usual. Maybe it was because I was here or maybe it was because no matter how upset I was with him, I knew somewhere in my heart I'd always love him and want him. "Hi baby boy" I said tracing the name that read on the stone. "Its your momma" voiced feeling my throat thicken. "I just wanted you to know that your mommy and daddy really love you, and miss you" I voiced as hot tears fell from my eyes.

Whenever I lost my way I always came back here because being here, it reminded me that everything I had done in the past hadn't been all bad because god graced me with a little boy. "You were the best part of me..." I choked out " you're my miracle baby and even though your not here with me now, you'll always be in my heart." I stopped momentarily to let my head fall. I wished for the sake of our son Nathan and I were able to get our act together. His memory lived on in the two of us and even though he was up in heaven I wanted to make him proud..I wanted to be a good parent and reconcile with Nathan.

Saying one more small prayer I finally got up and sat at a nerby bench. Being alone out here made me think about everything, made me think about my life. There were so many things I had done wrong, with Chase and with Nathan. It looked like Nathan and I were going to be over this time and hurt. I couldn't forgive him, it would be too hard. I'd say that I was fine, that I had forgiven him but I wasn't sure if that would ever happen. Things would never be the same again...I knew that and I was sure Nathan knew that as well. The only good thing about our whole relationship was our son. "I think it finally over for me and your daddy" I said before taking a painfully breath. "But we will always love you- no matter what we both know that were the best part of us

"Haley" he finally called after watching her for so long. His gut reaction was to walk away when he initially saw her. He didn't want to argue with her...not here, but as always something always brought him back to her and no matter how upset they both were he knew he couldn't walk away. He couldn't pretend he didn't see her and couldn't pretend he didn't care.

Turning around sharpy I was faced with baby blue eyes that haunted me in my dreams. I wondered how long he'd been standing there. Had he been listening to me? Did he enjoy seeing me like this so-so raw, conflicted, broken? Suddenly I felt this surge of anger rush through me. How dare he barge in on me when I was having a moment with my son, the son that had forgotten about a mere few hours ago. The son that he refused to defend against his precious little Peyton. "How long have you been standing there?" I demanded feeling more than exposed. I didn't like Nathan knowing what I talked about whenever I came to visit our sons grave, it made me feel vulnerable and fragile- all the things I tried not to be in front of him. He couldn't handle me when I was like that...when I depended on him it was too much for him and in the end it was too much of a toll on me as well.

"Long enough" he said simply. He didn't want to fight with her- he was tired of fighting with her. He wanted to love her but she kept pushing him away, she kept him at arms length. She made things so hard, harder then any other woman that claimed to love him.

Sucking my teeth briefly I spoke. "I thought for sure you'd be licking Peytons wounds" I said raising an eyebrow at him. He didn't get to be here and expect everything would be ok. What did he expect from me. I was mad at him and he was still mad at me. This whole conversation was bound to get ugly.

"God Haley" he said running his hands through his hair. "I don't want to fight with you" he said desperately for her to understand. He knew how it would end if his temper got the best of him. She'd get upset, he'd get upset and in the end they'd both say hurtful words determine to tear the other down. He knew all to well how bad there argument could get, he knew that they'd tear each other down and not even realize how much they hurt themselves and each other until they were alone.

"So don't" I said shrugging my shoulders. "In fact you can leave right now" I said turning around so that I wouldn't have to see him go. I know I should have been glad that he was here. He had come on the same night I did to pay respects to his son and I should have been happy; I should have felt relieved that he still cared enough to reach out to me. All I could was push him away though because I knew that having him too close would just make things worst. I couldn't live with him and I couldn't live without him. "So what are you doing here Nathan, besides the obvious." I said gesturing toward the rain soaked flowers. " you have a girlfriend to dote over" I said sarcastically

He ignored her comment. He knew what she was doing, she was trying to goad him that way they could avoid this. He wouldn't let her do it though. They had unfinished business to discuss. From what he had heard from Lucas she and Chase had basically broken up though it was not truly confirmed he figured the golden boy wouldn't stick around after finding out some of her secrets. He wanted to know where they stood? Would she dare take another chance on them or was it really over. He wouldn't come back though if she said it would never be again, he would continue to be with Peyton only this time he would give her all of him instead of offering crumbs. "You know you shouldn't be out here by yourself especially at this time of night"

I wanted to say it was such a wonderful night to walk especially with the rain, but I said nothing of the sort. "This is Tree Hill the only thing I need to worry about is running into people I don't like and exes or exes of exes" I said causing him to grin. For a few seconds we were both silent our eyes had never even made contact it was just the two of us and the sound of rain falling down. "Stop trying to change the subject. What are you still doing here Nathan, and more importantly why are you talking to me. I thought we said all we needed to say to each other earlier" I ground out folding my arms across my chest.

"I saw you coming here, so I decided to stick around" he said pausing around to see her reaction. She was quiet and bit her lip in a way that told him she was nervous. She still looked a bit spooked by his appearance but that was about it. "You looked sad and you were crying."

"I wasn't crying" I quickly denied. It was raining how could he possibly tell if I were crying? I hoped he hadn't heard my little speech about finally blowing it for the two of us because if he had, then he'd know that I regretted turning him down. I wanted him so much I was just scared- we did a lot of damage to each other over the years and I wasn't sure it would really work between two of us.

His anger bubbled over. He knew she was crying he could see it in her face. And he had heard what she said. She thought she blew it with him, which meant she wanted him as much as he wanted her. " How can you stand there and lie to!" he shouted her way. "I saw you and I heard you- you poured your heart out and I heard every single word." he said quieting his voice. "How come you pour your heart out to the wind and the rain and not me" he finished. She wouldn't look at him and he knew why, she knew he was right. "I saw you Haley, I saw you...and for the record I miss him too" it was on the tip of his tongue to admit that he missed her as well. They were his family.

I swallowed thickly. The anger that he lashed out at me was expected I could deal with that. In fact I was waiting for it- that way I had yet another reason to push him away. Not that I didn't already have a list of reasons to run screaming away from him. "Why does it matter Nathan? I questioned much quieter then before. "It didn't matter earlier when you chose to go after Peyton instead of talking to me, so it shouldn't matter now. Im just your loose cannon of an ex girlfriend"

He stood without saying a word for a few seconds. He didn't know what to say, he was angry earlier with her. He mentioned the two of them and she brushed him off, so he handled the Peyton situation the best he could, and purposely said words to hurt Haley because she had hurt him. "Haley I was between a rock and a hard place"

I nodded my head and sucked me teeth "Right. So go back to that rock and leave me the hell alone" I said turning away from him yet again. I knew he hadn't left and it pissed me off. When I wanted him gone he wouldn't go but when I wanted him near, he was nowhere to be found.

"Your much more then an ex girlfriend to me Haley" he said watching as she still stood in front of him with her back turned. He knew she was listening and decided now he'd just bare it all. He knew she was scared and he was too, but she was in his blood, and seeing her tonight so devastated told him the things he tried to push away. He loved her, he wanted to take care of her and most of all he wanted to spend the rest of his life making up and breaking up with her. "It matters to me because, contrary to what you believe I don't like seeing you pain"

I let out a chuckle that held no humor in it. "I get it, your saying these things to me because Peyton is probably asleep and you think you'll get some from me right, you think that after all things you've said earlier tonight I'd be able to just forgive and forget. Well your wrong!" I said raising my voice again. "You chose someone else before us before something that was suppose to be so sacred between us and now your trying to smooth it over...well its too late" I said wiping violently as the tears had fallen from my eyes.

"Damn it Haley" he exploded. "Will you listen to me! I know it appeared that I smoothed things over with Peyton but I talked to her about it ok. And anyway this isnt about Peyton this is about you and me"

I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "There is no you and me"

"I care about you ok, your well being, your happiness, I care about you " he paused again to see that her lip was trembling it hurt both of them to come clean with there feelings but he couldn't hold it in anymore. He saw the devastated look in his eyes earlier tonight. He had almost lost her, she was at the end of her rope with him and maybe he felt the same way. That was why he had stayed here with her, because if he had waited another day or two they could have really just lost everything.

Letting out a shaky breath he continued. "If it were anyone else I would have cut my losses a long time ago- I would have walked away and stayed away. But I cant stay away from you Hales" he said taking a few steps so that they were much closer. She looked frozen in her spot and used as the opportunity to reach out and touch her face. She was crying again, he hoped this time it was because she was happy to hear his words. "Its because I love you"

His admission made my heart soar and sink at the same time. He always did this to me he gave me hope and then something would happen and either I would run away or he would run away. Who was to say that this wasn't one of those times. I wanted to ask him what made him think that he loved me, I wanted to ask him if he were sure but the sound of thunder had stopped me. Though I loved the rain I hated thunder and as if he could read my thoughts Nathan put his arms around me.

"Come with me Hales" he asked seeking out for her hands. He just wanted to talk to her just for a little while.

"Why should I" I asked hoping to god that my voice was trembling the way I suspected it to be.

"Because I love you" he said simply. It was getting easier to say each time he said it. "And you need to get out of the rain you shivering, and soaking wet, plus" he said with a grin" your wearing my old hoodie and I'd like to see it dry.

Looking down I noticed that he was right, I had thrown on his old tree hill high sweatshirt. Talk about foreshadowing or what. My eyes then caught sight of his hand that was held out and tentavily I took hold of it. He was reaching out to me and I was probably a fool for reaching back but I did.

"Ok" I said nodding. "I'll come with you"

I don't know where I expected Nathan to take me but it sure wasn't his parents house. As we stopped at the big house surrounded by lush trees I stole a peak at him. "What are we doing here"I asked out loud. I hadn't been over to his parents in a really long time. I always felt like they looked at me with sad eyes, because I was the poor girl that failed to get over there son. Or maybe it was just me maybe I felt ashamed that I hadn't been able to hold onto Nathan and as a mother I wasn't able to save my baby.

"This is the closes place to the graveyard that we could go in the rain." he said throwing a look over his shoulder. "Its ok my parents aren't home they went down to see me grandma and grandpa" he said immediately going for the hidden key that really wasn't so hidden. I think everyone knew where Karen Scott had stashed the hidden key but then again who would dare go into the mighty Scotts home, you had Dan and loose cannon in his own right, he was quite unpredictable and then the boys who were definitely different. Though you mess with a member of the family and they'd turn on you in a instant.

I watched silently as he opened the door and gestured for me to come inside. If it weren't so cold outside I may have decided to stay out. Being outside gave me room to run if I needed to get away from Nathan...if things got to be too much but being inside meant that it truly was just the two of us. As we walked in Nathan had immediately gone to check the lights only to find out that they weren't working. Before I knew it he had gone to gather things for a fire. and within the flicker of the sky had returned. The proximity of the two of us caused me to take a step back. Though this was a big house, I feared it wasn't big enough for Nathan and I, and everything that we had been holding in for so long.

"It brings you back huh" he asked eyeing her closely. Usually she was comfortable- usually she was at ease but tonight she was jumpy and fidgety and he wondered if his earlier words had shaken her. He wondered if maybe he had gone too far today.

"Yeah it does" I said trying my best to offer a smile but finding it rather hard. I was nervous to be around him, something that I hadn't felt in a very long time. "I could go start the fire while you look for us some clothes," I said turning my eyes away from him. "That way we wont be too cold" I said turning away from him without much of another word.

--

It hadn't taken him very long to find them a change of clothes. But he wanted to stay up just a little bit longer to sort out a few things. Haley wasn't the only one shocked by his words, he was shocked when it came out to. He hadn't intended on revealing to her that he loved her, nor did he intended to bring her back to his parents house. He originally planned on letting her know that despite everything he still cared for her. He wanted her to know that she'd never be alone- but that all changed when he saw her...when he looked into her eyes "I love you" just popped out.

He knew he had crossed the line once those three words slipped. He also knew that like him hearing those words made her anxious and uneasy. He had never really stopped loving her and he had accepted that but never did he think he'd tell her to her face. He had hurt her so much in the past and earlier tonight at dinner it was like he added one more nail in the coffin that was there relationship. Maybe that was the reason for the reason he told her the truth tonight. He was afraid that one of these days the two of them would hurt each other too much, they'd go too far and never be able to come back so he had to admit his feelings for her before it was too late.

Finally gathering the courage to go downstairs he found her sitting in front of the fire. The glow soft glow of her skin caused his throat to run dry. She sat with her back to him a piece of her creamy skin was peeking out from the quilt that was draped around her body. His eyes scanned for any traces of her previous clothing and found it in a heap by the fire. Even from afar he knew that Haley James was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. She was a natural beauty, one that didn't need pounds of makeup to enhance what was already for show. Clearing his throat he watched as she jumped and turned her head in his direction. "I found you some clothes to wear"

"Thanks" I said gathering the quilt and meeting him halfway. I watched him as he watched me, his blue eyes penetrating through me. Brown eyes met with blue while neither him nor I dared to look the other way. That is until I couldn't look at him any longer. Sometimes I looked at him and I felt like he could see right through whatever bull I was trying to hide from. I could not hide from Nathan like I could with everyone else. Taking the bundle from his hand I sent him a small smile. One that I hoped didn't look as scared and timid as I felt right now.

"No problem" he said letting his hand linger on mine a minute or two longer then he needed to. The tension in the room was sick it was almost suffocating. Normally we had this sexual tension that radiated off the two of us that was so primal that it made my skin flush just thinking about it. But now we just had this tension that was left with so many unsaid words. We were in awkward silence something that neither of us were ever good at it.

Turning his eyes away from her he saw that she managed to find some snacks for the two of them. That was Haley for you, she was always the practical one. She always knew what he was craving and smores was something he hadn't had in so many years. The one snack she craved while being pregnant was smores and after everything he had often thought of the snack as comfort food. It settled his nerves and obviously had done the same for her. "I see you've taken the time to raid the cabinets while I was upstairs"

I let out a chuckle and soon smiled sheepishly at him. "I was hungry and found the goods to make smores. It's the perfect snack for someone who hadn't ate much during dinner" I said feeling the mood dampen at my mention of dinner. That had to be the dinner of hell. Never ever should all of us try to get together and act like grownups because we would never really be grownup enough to handle our demons. Sensing the easing going moment was gone I bit my lip before gathering the nerve to speak again. "Could you um turn around, so I can change" I asked breaking the silence that had fallen between us.

"Ye-yeah" he said turning his attention back to the fire. He could here her rustling as she changed from the quilt that had fallen around her to the clothes. Images of her perfect body with baby soft skin had flooded him quickly. He had probably kissed just about every inch of her body and knew she was just perfect. Without even thinking he spoke. "You know I've memorized just about every inch of your body." he said musing outloud. "Its like this map stuck in the back of my head, this glorious map that I see every time I look at you"

"Nathan" I said stopping his words. I didn't need him saying things like that to me. Whenever the two of us were together things were unpredictable. I could be screaming I hated him and then next thing I know I'd be up against the wall. I could be crying because he hurt me but one touch from him would send my skin boiling and then I'd get the urge.

"Ok" he said raising his hands up in mock surrender. "I will sit here and continue making us this delicious treat" he said flashing her a smile. She soon sat next to him and he couldn't help but sneak a peak her way. Dressed in his sweat pants and old t-shirt she looked incredible. She had know idea how hot he thought she was whenever she wore his clothes, she made everything look good even when she was swallowed up in clothing that was way too big for her. Handing her a smore he turned his attention back to the fire while the two of them sat in silence yet again.

The silence freaked me out and even though talking freaked me out as well, I knew it was something we needed to do. A lot had happen, and a lot of things had gone unsaid between us. We tended to bottle things up and it was probably high time we just got things out in the open. "So are we gonna talk about this or pretend that nothing has changed"

He licked his lips. "Unless you can think of something else to do alone in this house...while its raining"

I didn't bother saying anything because I too had thought of the possibilities of being here together. But that wouldn't solve anything we'd still be in the same spot once it was over. It would have been easy for Nathan and I to slip back into our roles. We had always found dealt with everything by either fighting or finding solace in each others bodies and right now despite how tempting it would be for us it really just demonstrated what a beautiful mess we were.

"Did you really mean it" I asked seriously. I needed to know the reason he felt so compelled to tell me he loved me. Because in my experience love hadn't saved us from our impending end. If anything its what kept us in this hell for so long.

He didn't say anything for the longest time trying to figure out the words to tell her, to explain. "I meant every word Haley" he said watching as she took a bite of her treat. "Every word."

"Why now" I asked feeling the tiny prickle of tears building up. My heart was heavy and I knew any minute I'd cry. I hated crying in front of him, it made me feel so fragile when I always tried to be strong.

"I realized when I saw you at the grave sight that life is too short, to not have what you want in life." he said looking over at her again. "And I want you"

I let out a bitter chuckle. "You want me. Nathan do you remember how we were together, we fight all the time, and we both drive each other crazy, how could you want that again" I voiced trying to give him a way out. If he was gonna leave in the end then he needed to just take a step back now and stop this before I actually believed him.

"How could you not" he said breaking my thought. "We had passion Haley...we still do. So what if we fight if we drive each other crazy- during those times I never stopped loving you and that's what really matters"

His words were probably the thing I wanted to hear for so long but it still frightened me because he had really hurt me he had turned his back on me tonight and after it I swear I wanted nothing to do with him, I was ready to move on and never speak to him again but then he showed up at the grave sight and he just, he told me he loved that he still loved me...and that changed everything. "Love wasn't enough for us Nathan, it didn't save us and it didn't stop you from leaving"

He could hear it in her voice it still hurt that he turned his back on her, even if he hadn't meant for it to hurt her. "You know I regret that everyday-leaving you. Its made us this way" he said giving her a lopsided grin. "Not that we were even two people that could function in a relationship that wasn't dysfunctional." he finished getting a smile out of me. For the first time in a long time I think we agreed on something. I regretted not fighting and regretting leaving.

"Well at least we agree on one thing" I said winking in his direction. He seemed to get closer and I felt my breath hitch. He was much closer then I thought. Before I had a chance to say something to break the obvious tension I felt his hand cupping my face and soon his lips had danced along mine. The kiss itself was earth shattering. It wasn't a typical lust filled kiss that we had shared many times, it was so much more. It left me breathless and vulnerable at the same time.

"Why are you doing this Nathan?" I asked really just wanting to know what game he was playing. Part of me believed that he loved me and wanted to be with me and the other part of me, the part that was cynical thought he was just playing me. I had never been the one to believe much in love but I had fallen in Nathan before and since then I hadn't been the same.

"Because I love you Hales, and I want us again. I know you feel it between us" he said touching my cheek causing me to close my eyes. "I love you Hales and I think you've always known that. It was the reason I hated Chase so much. It was also the reason why I was so upset when you ended our affair." he watched her reaction and decided that since she hadn't gotten up and walked away from him he could continue. "I know this is a lot for you. You know especially since everything that has happen today- hell everything that has been happening to the two of us. You said it earlier Hales" he said grabbing a hold of her hand. "We belong together and I think your right"

His words were a lot to take. I knew how much I had longed to hear the words he was saying to me. I also knew if anyone could break me it would be him. But I also knew that he was the only man I had ever really loved. I had a choice to make, either take a chance with Nathan again and risk getting hurt, or trying it alone for a change. Both choices were daunting but only one choice made sense to me. It might be a the wrong choice but it was my choice to make.

_Something always brings me back to you_

_it never takes too long_

Song credit: Gravity Sarah Bareilles


	10. Chapter 10

**A.N.** Hey all! Thanks again for reading and replying to this fic!I know the last chapter was a bit emotional but bare with me I've got a plan for N&H. I know a couple people are a little confused about my writing style especially since I like to show both point of views, for this story I thought it would be best to show what both Nathan and Haley feel since it is so complicated. I will say that in the future chapters I will do my best to make things clearer.

Special thanks to: naley19, Jess2303, audrey412, HJS-NS-23, and ooohDREYY

xoxo

queena

**Ch 10:Details in Fabric**

_Hold your own,_

_Know your name_

_And go your own way_

_and everything will be fine_

"Don't think just feel."

That was what Nathan had said to me last night and it had been the thing that I had done. Instead of thinking, I just channeled what I felt and what I felt was still an intense love for him. I knew that most of the time Nathan hadn't deserved me to be so faithful to him, but I couldn't help what was in my heart. He'd always been in my heart even when I tried my hardest to pretend he wasn't. I was attracted to him before we had even started this weird thing we called being in love with each other, that attraction hadn't wavered. I also felt this strong connection to him. At times I wished that I could break it but when we were alone I felt that it was too strong to fight. I guess that was the reason I had decided to give him another chance. I was in love with him.

I awoke to the signs of the sunlight streaming through the closed blinds. It was odd how after the rain sunshine always seemed to shine so bright, but none the less I welcomed it. Rolling over I was expecting to feel the body that had kept me up for most of the night, or the eyes that I had dreamed over since the moment I had fallen in love with him but found nothing Furrowing my brow I brought the sheet up closer to my body. I had decided to give it another go with Nathan. He was all I ever wanted and I guess if I had fought a little bit harder then maybe we never would have found ourselves in this situation that consisted of lying to everyone including ourselves. The one truth of it all was that Nathan and I loved each other and never had stopped.

"Nathan" I called sitting up on my elbows. My voice quieted down once I saw an envelope that had my name on it. My heart raced immediately upon seeing it. Nathan and I had talked a lot of things out last night, we had even gone through the abandonment issues I had suffered upon him leaving me. I was going through a hard time, my son the son I had carried for nine months had died and I slipped into a black hole of depression, the one thing I needed was my boyfriend, the one thing I wanted was my boyfriend and he was nowhere to be found.

Last night we had laughed, cried, fought and made love and I think if it were any other way, it wouldn't be true to who Nathan and I really were. He didn't deserve another chance but if I didn't give him one, I knew for the rest of my life I'd be asking myself what if I had given him another chance, what if he were the love of my life and I let him go. Love wasn't supposed to be easy so I guess Nathan and I were a classic love story.

_Hales_

_I spent all last night holding you in my arms and I couldn't have been happier. When I look at you, I always fall in love all over again. I have a few things to take care of and will see you later today. Meet me at the docks at noon_

_love you_

_N.S._

After viewing his letter I couldn't help but grin. We were both determined to get back on the right track and for once I felt like we were making some headway. I felt good and the only person I knew I could share it with was Brooke so I knew I needed to get to her, she was the only person that I think would be as happy about me and Nathan getting our act together.

--

Peyton Sawyer sat in the living room waiting for the moment Nathan Scott would return home. The same moment that maybe she had been waiting for, for a very long time. "You're home late or early depending on the way you see it" She said looking over to the very spot that he stood almost motionless in.

"Yeah I know" he said placing his key on the nearby table. "I needed to clear my head" he easily admitted. It was the truth, after everything that had gone down last night the one thing he needed to do was find some sort of peace and in finding peace he found Haley in the same spot he had gone to for his own peace.

"I see" she said crossing her arms in front of her chest. It was out of habit to do such a thing and normally she would have just let him go without much of a fight, normally she wouldn't ask any questions and pretend like she hadn't smelled the perfume or see the look in his eyes after he had gone to see Haley. That was what she usually had done but not anymore. There was no more denying what she had known for so long. Nathan had gone to see Haley like he had gone so many times before. Instead of being here with her in their home together he had run off to see Haley again. She had to admit that this was the last thing she thought would happen. Even after the horrible dinner and all the hurtful words the two of them shared, they still managed to come together. In the end it all meant the same after fighting like crazy Nathan still had managed to find Haley and vice versa. "By clearing your head, you mean by going to see Haley" she watched as his brows knit together as he pieced together everything. Yeah she knew.

Licking his dry lips he let her words sink in. He was fully prepared to tell her everything in fact he had left Haley much earlier then he had wanted to so that he could get this part over with. What he hadn't expected was for Peyton to already know. He didn't think she'd have one inkling of what had been going on for so long. "How'd you know?" he asked regretfully at the look on her face. He felt bad for hurting her but everyone was hurting in this situation.

"Im not blind" she said simply."I've always known about the two of you" she finally admitted.

Everyone had known that Haley was probably the only person that Nathan had ever really fallen for, probably still in love with. Though she knew that the relationship between her and Nathan had been different he had still loved her. Despite his love for Haley he had still come back to her proving that the immature love they once shared could mature with age. With Haley out of the picture she was sure they could patch things up, the only problem was that Haley would never really be out of the picture, she would always linger around and always have a piece of his heart.

"Im sorry" he said his hands falling to his sides. He hadn't meant to treat her this way. She had helped him through a difficult time- many difficult times in his life. That was probably why he had gone to her after his breakup with Haley. He knew she wouldn't ask any questions. Rubbing the back of his neck, he spoke. "I can explain everything if you want to hear"

Holding her hand up as if to stop him she spoke. "I don't need to know why you did it" she said almost painfully. " I know you" she continued on walking closer to him. "I know that you'll always love Haley" she said finally making contact with him. "What I really want to know is how long " she asked looking up into his eyes. She needed to know if this was just something that happened recently or if it had been going on for a very long time.

Taking her hands that were wrapped around his neck, he removed them. He heard the small gasp she made and swallowed hard. "It's been maybe on and off for a year" he stammered "maybe two" he said watching as she had gone stiff. To tell the truth he wasn't sure how long he and Haley had been together, it was more then just an affair sometimes the two of them just needed to talk and the only person they could talk to was each other. He had been sneaking private time with Haley for some time now what they did during that time varied, sometimes they were just friends other times they were much more. "I know this is bad and you don't have to forgive me. I don't expect you too" he said looking down momentarily only to look up once again. If he was going to be honest, he was going to tell her everything. He loved Peyton but only as a friend he wasn't in love with her."I knew I was still in love with Haley a long time ago, and I should have spared you the energy and the heartbreak by going back to where my heart was...with Haley"

It was now that she finally let a few tears fall. She'd always known that Nathan had loved Haley but hearing it made everything so real. For a moment she remembered being here but with another brother she had always gone after the guys that loved someone else, Nathan, Lucas it was all the same. She always wanted someone who wanted someone else. "I forgive you" she said stopping his ramble. "I love you Nathan" she said boldly. "Its why I've always been so jealous of Haley. I hate that she has the piece of you but I can deal with it because your worth it to me Nathan. We can deal with this together. We can deal with Haley and your lingering feelings for her"

He shook his head not believing her words. She wanted to try even though he loved someone else. They both would be miserable if they continued on this way. "Peyton, im in love with Haley and I've always loved her. I care for you" he said trying to appeal to her. "But it's not the same. I can't ask you to stay with me when im in love with someone else. We both deserve to be really happy, you deserve to find that person that you really love and that loves you and,"

"What I deserve, is to be with the father of my unborn child . . . the man I love, you" she exclaimed while pulling out a stick that held the key to everything. This would make everything better. She was pregnant, and in the back of her mind she knew that- that was the reason behind the grown up dinner. She had planned on telling Nathan last night but he had gone and pulled a disappearing act. And now, well everything was out in the open, he admitted to having an affair with Haley and she had admitted to being pregnant."

"What" he asked immediately looking at the test in her hands. Of course he would want her to go to the doctor so they could really make sure. He could barely believe his ears and eyes though. Peyton was pregnant, and part of him had a glimmer of excitement building. He'd be a father again and that was something far better then anything even basketball. And then there was the part of him that feared knowing what this would do. This would crush Haley. Though he loved Peyton, it wasn't the same as his love with Haley and now they could be having a baby based on a love that was mediocre.

A gentle smile appeared on her lips. "Its ok to be happy Nathan, im pregnant! And I've scheduled an appointment for later today so we could really see just in case"

"You didn't have to"

"Yes I did. I wanted you to see that we created a child together Nathan. You're going to be a father again, and im gonna the one to give you that precious gift." Touching his face she tilted it so that he was now looking at her. "This changes everything Nate, tell me that instead of having one foot in the door and the other out that this proves that you should be with me, because we're a family"

"Brooke" I called through the door as I made my way through the house.

On my way home, I felt this sense of nervousness run through me. Brooke and I had a very good friendship and the only thing I had kept secret was my affair with Nathan. I knew she'd be happy to hear that we got ourselves together but she'd hate to hear about the affair. I knew she hated cheating and despite the end of her friendship with Peyton I was sure she would be pretty upset that I had gone down the path as to go behind the backs of two people meaning Peyton and Chase who loved both Nathan and I. Brooke and I had often joked about me having a secret mister but when the truth came out I couldn't help but worry what she'd think of me. Nathan and I had been sneaking around for about a year and a half and though we loved each other, we had lied to our friends who were more like family. We had lied to everyone though not just or friends but to ourselves as well. We were in love but it had never been a picnic for the two of us there was a lot of hurt and resentment still between us but it hadn't change the aspect, of love.

"Haley! Im so glad your home" Brooke said all the while rushing over to me and giving me a big hug. For a moment or two she hugged me and then pulled away. Her eyes were blazing and I knew she was mad. "You can't just disappear like that ok Hales" Brooke continued her hands now on her hips making a point. "I know you were upset last night" she admitted before biting her lip gently as if debating wether or not to rehash what had gone wrong last night. Maybe it was the fact that Chase had sped away from Haley or maybe it could have been the blow up between Haley, Nathan and Peyton which had caused her friend to cry most of the night. "I know Nathan hurt you- but you can't let him affect you all the time Hales" she said shaking her head.

"I know im sorry" I muttered apologetically. It was true. I didn't mean to scare Brooke, I just needed to get my head on straight because sometimes Nathan made me crazy. "I just needed some time alone to think about...everything" I said feeling the prickle tears. " B. I've done so many things that I regret. I've been through hell and back with Nathan and I just wanted to be in the presence of something that wasn't affected by all of this. I wanted to be with the one thing that I did right, that I don't regret. The one thing that was good in my life" I finished

Her heart went out to her friend, things had been hard on her for a while now and she wanted to do something to help the sinking ship. The cracks were beginning to show, they were present last night and for the first time in a long time she realized that Haley was not alright. She wasn't over Nathan, and that was not a joking manner. "Hales" she said sympathetically. "I would have gone with you to see him...you know." she admitted

"I know" I said using my palms to wipe my eyes. "I wanted to do this on my own. I wanted to tell my son that I loved him, and that his father loved him as well." I said pausing. "I also wanted to come to terms with the fact that im still in love with Nathan"

"Wow" she exclaimed. Everyone had known that Haley had loved Nathan and vice versa but it was surreal to actually hear the words.

"Yeah" I said grinning. "That's what I said once I admitted it to myself"

Opening her arms again she waited for her friend to come to her and soon wrapped her arms around her. "Im glad that you can admit this to yourself Hales. But im still worried about you- where were you last night"

Putting my hair behind my ears, I spoke. "I was...I um I was with Nathan"I finally admitted.

Raising her eyebrows, she spoke. "After what he did to you last night? How? Why? And when did you realize that you still love him."

I let out a chuckle. "You might want to take a seat" I said gesturing to the chair. I was ready to recount everything. Ready to come clean.

"Well last night I went to the grave sight to be alone, and Nathan was there hiding somewhere. He found me, and we got into this huge fight. I wasn't expecting him to see me and I didn't really want to see him. When I saw him, I went off on him for never caring about us and never fighting for us, and then he yelled at me, I yelled at him, I cried, he cried and he told me he loved me" I rushed out. I wasn't sure I was making sense but everything was still so raw, so new to me.

Blinking twice she spoke. "You two are so weird, but I guess that's the way it goes with the two of you. You fight like hell together, fight when you're apart and you love each other more at the end of the day"

"There's more" I said pausing "We both realized last night that we still love each other, we never really stopped but you all knew that. We want to be together Brooke, I want to be with Nathan and he wants to be with me"

"We've always known that you two loved each other we were just waiting for you two to realize it,"

"We have" I admitted. "And if we had just stopped fighting it, fighting our love, this whole mess with Peyton and Chase never would have happened" I said starting to pace. "I hope what I tell you doesn't change the way you look at me B. Because you're not just my friend, you're my family" I said tearfully.

"Hales come on" Brooke urged. "You know all about my dirty little deeds. You've seen me at my worst remember the drunken cheerleader with self esteem issues. The girl who proved to be easy for guys who never deserved to touch me. You can tell me anything Hales" she said giving me a smile

I nodded but that didn't stop my heart from racing. "You know how you guys always joked about me having an affair while I was seeing Chase"

"How can I forget?"

"Well it was true" I finally admitted "I've been having an affair with Nathan"

"What" she asked standing up. "For how long?"

Biting my lip, I finally decided to talk. "For a year and a half maybe more. We've been on and off for some time now." I said watching as she registered everything. I could read the question on her face and answered it. "It started out after he had left me. I think it was his first party with Peyton on his arm. I was hurting so much and I came onto him and over the next year or so we've been getting together when we needed each other"

"Haley this is huge. I mean all this time. I knew something was up sometimes you'd be so happy and other times it was like you were dying inside. This was killing you, you were dying and this is what was killing you"

Crossing my arms I spoke "there were so many times I wanted to tell you. So many times I tried to end it. I couldn't though I needed him...I still need him. But when Chris found out I knew that we had to stop because...well I just knew we needed to end things so we ended things. And then he came to me last night and it was like I was finally home in his arms"

"Wait a minute Chris knows" Brooke asked her brows raised her voice sad. I think it hurt that someone had known before her and she was my best friend.

"He caught us kissing" I admitted looking down. "I wasn't going to back to Nathan when I ended things I meant it, but then I saw him last night, he loves me. And he's the only man I've ever really loved. He told me he loved me and that he wanted me back and that's all I ever wanted. "

"You can't help who you love Hales, I know that but even Peyton doesn't deserve this. She already knows she can't compare to you and I know from experience it hurts when you find out that someone you love is with someone else. What are you guys going to do about her? Because she isn't going to give up Nathan, she's in love with him."

"I don't know" I said running my hands through my hair. "Are you mad at me?"

"This isn't my business" she admitted."I don't like it, but im glad you're happy. I don't have a right to be mad at you Hales...I just want you to be happy and I want you to be careful. Nathan makes you do things you've never done before."

"I know" I said nodding. "I just want us to be ok. As for Nathan he won't hurt me; he loves me and I love him." I said upon hearing my cell phone signal a new message. Reading it I smiled Nathan wanted to meet me earlier then planned. Everything was much better then I had planned. Brooke was okay with what had happened and her finding out late and Nathan wanted me as much as I wanted him. Finally I was through the rain.

Arriving at the docks I found Nathan sitting on a bench his head was down and he looked to be thinking. Seeing him sitting there took me back to high school when I had been assigned to tutor him. I hated every minute of it but somehow despite our ill feelings for one another we made it through that long year and ended up making it through much rougher times then either of us could imagine. Somehow this had become our spot, whenever we needed to meet or whenever we just wanted to be together we had come here. Nathan had even carved our names in the wood beneath the table. It read N+H always4ever.

Seeing him here had made me feel nostalgic about it all; I had even worn the cracker jack bracelet from sophomore year. Usually I was a pessimistic person but it seemed like everything was finally turning out for Nathan and me. Faith had been restored in me. Maybe it was because I knew he loved me or maybe it was because I knew I loved him, and I was ready to tell him that I loved him. I would never even ponder telling him such a thing if it wasn't true, if I hadn't felt it.

"Hey" I said causing him to look up at me. He was starring at the water, the same water that always seemed to calm him. When he offered me a small smile I couldn't help but feel nervous about what was going to happen. Finally we were going to get our act together finally we were going to grow up and do what we both had wanted for so long.

"Hey" he said noting how happy she looked. You could tell because whenever she was happy she glowed and right now she looked even more beautiful then she had with puffy eyes and wet hair last night. The sunlight had always brought out her natural beauty. "Im glad you came" he said tugging on his fingers, which was a nervous habit. He stopped though when she stilled his hands by placing her tiny hands over his.

"Don't be nervous" I voiced offering a smile. "I'm glad to be here with you" I said bringing his hand up to my lips and pressing a soft kiss to it. Last night had given me the sign I had been looking for that told me it was ok to love Nathan. He found me alone and sad and he made me feel better. He was feeling the same way I felt...we were one in the same.

It was hard for him to be around her knowing that she had such hope for the two of them and knowing that he'd break her heart all over again. When she found out about Peyton, things would never be the same and he knew that was his fault too. He could never get things right with her, he was always too late, or too scared he was never the man she deserved and he realized that it was his fault she had become so distant, so lifeless at times. "Last night was wonderful Hales"

"Are you saying that because you finally got laid" I questioned playfully. Last night had been beautiful our two souls touched for the first time in a long time and it was perfect.

He chuckled at her comment. This ease, this whatever they had, would soon be gone and he knew that he needed to cherish her smiling over at him because he knew she'd never do it again. "Im saying it because it was the first time in a long time we actually made progress. It was the first time I admitted to you that I loved you despite all the crazy things I do and say" he said pausing. "And I do love you Hales" he said sincerely.

Biting my lip, I felt a tiny tear prickle at my eyes. Sometimes I could be such a sap and other times I was anything but. But hearing Nathan say he loved me, still loved me meant the world to me, even if I didn't show it all the time. "I love you to" I whispered. I hadn't been able to say it last night, or say it all for so many years because I was so mad at him, so hurt but I didn't want to be mad or hurt I just wanted him.

"I never stopped loving you Nathan" I continued on. "I just...I could never tell you because if I did then you could hurt me again and you've hurt me more then anyone else in my life. But I do love you" I said using my palm to wipe the trickle of happy tears that flew from my eyes. "I cant help loving you" I said looking over to see the pained look on his face.

For a while the two of us said nothing and continued to look out at the water before I broke the silence. "Falling in love with you wasn't supposed to happen, but it did and despite everything we've been through it still matters to me." I said taking a deep breath. I was about to lay my heart on the line and for me that wasn't easy. I was jaded by Nathan but at the same time I wanted to have hope for us. "I want to be with you Nate" I said turning to him." I want us to try again" I finished causing him to abruptly move away from me.

"Haley" he called hoping she'd stop.

"You're the only man I've ever loved Nathan, and im sure once everyone finds out it'll be a shocker but all I need is you and Brooke in my life and I'll be just fine.

"Stop Haley will you" he lashed out "Just stop" his said whirling around to face her. He couldn't listen to her hopes because there was no hope. They had run out of time, he'd had his cake and ate it too and now there were repercussions. He was going to be a father again, something he dreamed of but the expense was Haley. She'd never forgive him and finally severe the ties that bind them together.

I was beyond confused by his lashing out and couldn't help my own emotions getting the best of me. I was ready to fight back. "Stop what?" I asked not bothering to hide my annoyance or confusion. "I don't understand you Nathan!" I voiced. "You tell me you love me, you want me and when I finally admit it to myself, Brooke and you- you freak out" I said shaking my head. "What did you just tell me those things to get me back in bed or did you mean it?" I questioned all the while looking at him pointedly. He was acting weird, he was nervous and when I told him I loved him I expected him to be happy not upset by it. He hurt me all the time yet I still wanted to be with him.

He took a deep breath not daring to say any more. She was scared and when she got scared she became defensive. "I meant every word Haley" he croaked. "No matter what- it'll always be you and me. We've weathered every kind of storm possible, and I think it's only made me love you more" he said to caress her cheek. "We promised always and forever and it'll always be that way"

"Good" I voiced knowing my voice sounded small. "As long as we're on the same page" I knew it wouldn't be easy but we'd find a way to be better together.

His eyes drifted over to the water again, he wanted to prolong it because in truth there was no going back after this. She'd hate him. He was sure. She spent part of their affair telling him she'd never let him have her heart again, and yet here they were. Peyton was pregnant and though he loved Haley he could not turn his back on his child. He couldn't be a part-time father. Letting his eyes fall on her, he brought her close to him and held her, his nose nuzzled her hair smelling the fresh smell of vanilla and lavender as his arm wrapped around her body. When she looked at him, he saw all the vulnerability that she didn't like to show and not for the first time wanted to be the guy she could trust, the guy she deserved. Leaning only a few inches, he brought his lips down to hers. The kiss was drawn out as he wanted to memorize everything about it, he let his lips nuzzle hers at first and slowly kissed the top then bottom lip. His hands had gone to her hair just as she had become restless and took charge. Her tongue had skated along his mouth asking for permission to which he easily granted.

When the kiss ended, I winked his way and wiped his mouth. "Wow" I said taking a much needed breath. His hands were still covering my face as we looked into each others eyes.

"Yeah, wow" he said slowly pulling away from her so that he could stand on his own two feet.

"That was a perfect kiss for a new beginning or an end to the old tale" I voiced my lips still tingling. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever be ready to get back in the saddle with Nathan yet here I was again, hoping he'd let me go for yet another ride.

"Yeah" he said burrowing his hands deep into his pockets. It was now time to let her go. "Haley, this is hard for me to say,"

"Just say it" I exclaimed knowing full well that he was hiding something. "I can take anything you throw at me Nathan. You've already told me you loved me. I don't know what is harder then that?"

Nodding he spoke. "Peyton, she's pregnant...with my baby"

_Are the details in the fabric_

_Are the things that make you panic_

_Are your thoughts results of static cling_

I furrowed my brows at him and closed my eyes tight. Maybe this was some kind of nightmare because this couldn't happen, not now. Peyton couldn't be pregnant and even worst Nathan...he wasn't supposed to be with her he wasn't suppose to have a family without me. Last night had been great and today was suppose to be greater it wasn't suppose to be like this.

"I got home and she told me, we went to the doctor to make sure and its all true, she is carrying my child" he continued knowing that if he didn't say it now he'd never tell her the truth.

I felt like my body had run cold and I didn't trust my words. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare but it didn't seem like I'd do it anytime soon. "Wh- what are you-we going to do?" I asked my lip trembling. This was not what I expected when he called earlier.

Not bothering to look up, he continued speaking. "Im gonna go back to Peyton" he said quietly. "She already knows about the two of us. She has for a very long time."

The words flew out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think. "Of course your going back to her" I said bitterly. "I thought you loved me? I thought we were going to face this together, you, me and Peyton" I knew it sounded naive especially since we all knew that Peyton and I weren't on the best terms and probably never would be, but I had hoped that maybe he still wanted to stick it out with me because a part of me wanted to stick it out with him.

"I can't turn my back on my family" he said turning back to face her. "Even out of love for you" he whispered watching as the color drained from her face. He knew he was hurting her, and hated doing so, but it would hurt more for him to have her in his life while he and Peyton welcomed their child into the world.

"Family?" I questioned starring up at him. The words sounded so foreign because Nathan didn't know the meaning of family, because if he had he would not have left me alone after our son had died. He was my family, we had created one together but he had forgotten all about it. "I thought I was your family?" I said blinking back tears. My body was shaking from me being so angry and I didn't really trust any word that came flying out my mouth.

"I didn't mean that" he said frustrated. She didn't understand what he was trying to do and really he didn't understand it either. He was just trying to do what was right instead of doing everything that was so wrong.

"Yeah you did!" I cried wrapping my arms around myself. I knew deep down that he couldn't be trusted but I always gave him the benefit of the doubt; because I loved him so much. "So that's it" I said not caring how I looked to him. "All those words you said last night were for nothing, because in the end your turning your back on me again" I said walking over to him so that we were inches away from each other. He wouldn't look at me but I wouldn't be ignored. Grabbing his chin. I forced him to look my way. "Look at me"

"What do you want me to do Haley," he asked harshly. He opened his eyes and looked at her this was killing her and once again he had been the one to do this to her.

I couldn't help the tears that had fallen from my eyes. Once again I found myself crying over Nathan Scott, it was some sick pattern for me and I was tired of it. "I can't believe you have the gall to say that to me" I voiced just as harsh. "What I want is for you to take back every damn word you said last night because it gave me hope. I want you to admit that it was all a lie" I said breaking down. "I want you to tell me that you just wanted to get me into bed so that this wouldn't hurt so much."

"I can't" he said closing his eyes. "Because I meant every word"

I shook my head at him. "Fine how about you tell me why it's so easy for you to break my heart? Tell me why you kept sleeping with Peyton if you claimed to love me so much when I stopped with Chase months ago" I said pushing at his chest "tell me why you did this to me?" I cried continuing to beat at his chest.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way. I never wanted to hurt you,"

"Stop pretending to care about me because you don't. What you really want to do forget about our life together and upgrade"

"That's not true" he raged. "I will never forget you, our life together or our son. You two will always be in my heart" he said more quietly.

_Are the details in the fabric_

_Are the things that make you panic_

_Is it part of mother natures sewing machine_

"Your gonna have a new baby to replace our son and you've already moved your baby's mama into the house that was suppose to be for us...I guess you finally got that new family you wanted so badly." I said my lip quivering. I had lost all the will to fight for the two of us, I had been fighting for so long and Nathan had never fought back and it was now that I realized that maybe I wanted him more then he wanted me. "Congratulations Nate not only for your shiny new family but for making sure that whatever love we shared is finally dead and buried. "I said turning on my heel so that I was now not looking at him.

"You know I came here with such high hopes" I voiced my back still to him. "But now I know for sure that you Nathan Scott are nothing but poison and the further I stay away from you the better" I said turning around for the last time to look at him. I wanted him to see the pain in my eyes I wanted him to hurt the way I hurt, because I was hurting so much. "I hate you with every fiber in my body and that's about the only thing that will be always and forever concerning the two of us" I said taking the bracelet I wore especially for him off my wrist and throwing it into the water before stomping off in the opposite direction. Always and forever was a joke nothing last forever.

He watched as her body had disappeared from his view and then turned his back to the water. It was really over this time for the two of them there was no doubling back this time. He watched as the bracelet she wore finally fell to the bottom, and it was symbolic.

When I finally made my way back home Brooke had been watching a movie but upon taking one look at me and rushed over.

"Hales, what is it"

Swallowing hard I spoke. "Its over" I exclaimed sobering up from all the tears. "Its really over this time" I cried my tears starting to fall again one by one. "And it hurts so much" I sobbed into her arms. Somehow I slid to the floor and felt Brooke rocking me gently

"Shhh its gonna be ok, Its gonna be ok" she soothed all the while sobs rung through the air.

_Everything will be fine_

_Everything in, no time at all_

_everything_

song credit: jason mraz, details in fabric

A.N. 2 I know you all are probably thinking i've lost my mind but everything happens for a reason. Nathan and Haley have to hit rock bottom to ever reach the top again.


	11. Chapter 11

A.N. Hello All! Thank you so much for reading and replying. I was actually blown away by the amount of replies for the last chapter! Wow! Well this chapter has actually been written but it has gone through so many rewrites. I wanted everything to be perfect so that the next chapters would fit with the rest of this story. Thanks again for reading and replying. This chapter is quite long but I did manage to shorten it from it previous length. Enjoy

special thanks to:iluvnaley, Sunny-C, theroxetandtroyellalover, SimplyBeautiful23, HJS-NS-23, patto85,  
unomega1, audrey412, naley19

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 11: The way that I loved you**

_After all of the times that we've tried  
I found out we were living a lie  
And after all of this love that we made  
I found out you don't love me the same_

It had been a couple of days since Nathan and I had finally severed ties and now I was just waiting for the dust to settle. I had spent the first couple of days just trying to wrap my head around everything. During this time I had come to the devastating realization that what Nathan and I had shared had all been a lie. Nathan and his love for me had all been a lie. Nathan didn't love me, at least not the way that I loved him and when I finally admitted it to myself it hurt just the same.

It was difficult to deal with the fact that someone I loved so deeply could hurt me without much of a care, and that is what Nathan had done. He had hurt me over and over again and all I wanted to do was love him. Words could not explain the pain I felt inside of me, I felt betrayed by the one person that I loved so very much. I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart and I wasn't sure if that pain would ever go away. I felt like everything I held close to me always slipped away and despite all the crap Nathan and I had done to each other; I thought we'd always have something but that was a lie. Nathan had asked me to believe in him and for some reason I did and it blew up in my face again. He used me up just like everyone had predicted and when I couldn't offer him what he wanted he tossed me away. There was no use for me anymore, he had Peyton and their new baby and that killed me.

I thought this time would be different for the two of us, I thought we had another chance and this time we wouldn't let it slip between our fingers but that was just a lie. Nathan and I were over. And it was painful for me to admit that it was true. The thread, the love that I thought would forever bind us together it had finally broken and now I was trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. In the last couple of days things had been very hard on me. I think if Nathan and I had just decided to never get back together I would be ok, I'd be able to still manage but knowing that he was now replacing me and our son...it was earthshattering. It left me with an intense feeling of emptiness and I knew that if I didn't get back on my feet I'd never survive.

I can easily say that if it hadn't been from Brooke I might not have survived the last couple of days. I was an emotional wreck. I couldn't eat or sleep for at least two days and I cried more then I'd like to admit. I was lucky to have Brooke at this time though, because without her I wasn't sure if I'd be able to handle it all. Brooke for the most had been the best friend that I could ever want. She let me cry on her shoulder, listen to me vent and even ate lots of ice cream with me. All in all she believed that I would one day be okay with everything concerning Nathan and her faith in me made me want to be a stronger person. And through her I realized that I had built my life around Nathan and now that he was gone, I needed to concentrate on getting my life back

In an effort to avoid as much drama as possible I had found myself branching out of the tiny town of Tree Hill. In fact I had often found myself at a diner across town. It was a place where I could be alone and just get a chance to breathe. I hated knowing that the whole town was talking about something that was so painful for me and hated even more that it affected me so much. That was the reason I had started going out of town, it gave me a peace of mind. It also gave me a chance to write down all my thoughts in a journal. I had done the same after our son had died when I couldn't talk about it. Writing it down was much easier for me because I never dealt with my emotions very well. I wanted to write down how I felt so that when I was over Nathan when I was over all of this, I could look back and see that I had gotten stronger. I

"Haley" I heard someone call causing me to look up from my journal.

"Jake" I voiced surprised to see him here. Since news broke about Nathan and Peyton, I had made the conscious decision to pull away from the group at this time. I couldn't nor wouldn't pretend like everything was alright because it wasn't alright, I was mad and hurt and really I just couldn't deal with it. Tree Hill was a small town, and news traveled fast. Though know one knew about our affair

people still knew about the other stuff and as a result they looked at me with pity in their eyes.

I was reduced to the girl that cried herself to sleep every night and again I hated it. I didn't want to be that girl anymore because she was weak and frail and she, always got her heart broken.

"Wh-what are you doing hear?" I stammered out. I liked it here. It took me away from my problems in Tree Hill. I didn't get treated differently, and people here didn't know about Nathan or about me losing my baby. They just knew whatever I gave them which wasn't much. And now with Jake standing before me I couldn't help but think that someone would soon find my hideout and the little peace I had found would disappear.

"My parents live around here" he said standing awkwardly at the table. Not many people from the gang had seen or heard from Haley in a long time and he had known why just as everyone else did. Not a single person had dared to bring up the fact that she had been missing from the group though they all knew things would probably never be the same again. In fact the group still hung out but it was like everyone was divided the unspoken words that had never been said between the group somehow had separated them. It was like all the crap they had gone through together, the things they had all done to one another was finally being seen or at least acknowledged by everyone and now the facade was over.

"Oh okay" I said biting on my lip. I got the feeling that Jake had wanted to sit with me and invited him to do so. Jake had always been a really good guy so I guess my first reaction to him was a little bit overboard. I guess I was just trying to protect myself even though Jake would do nothing to cause me harm.

"How are you" he asked cautiously? "If you don't want to talk about it you can say so?" he continued.

By the sound of his sincere voice I sent a small smile his way. "Im handling it" I said looking outside the window for a moment. "Brooke has got me off suicide watch so I guess that means im making progress" I said jokingly only to gain a wide-eyed look from Jake. Im sure many people had assumed I was suicidal but that wasn't true. I was just hurt.

"Im kidding" I finally voiced noticing the look of horror on his face

"I got that" he said scratching his head. "You look good though, I was expecting a mess of hair and maybe even and box of tissues" he said jokingly.

"Ah well if it makes you feel better you weren't too far off I looked like the crypt keeper for the first few days. I would probably still look like crap if Brooke hadn't complained about a certain funk and ugly hair of course" I joked back causing him to chuckle. This was actually the first time I had actually laughed along with the opposite sex, hell since I had spoken to the opposite sex and actually enjoyed myself. Chase had called but only to tell me I deserved whatever pain I was going through for lying to him and Nathan never ever brought me good news. Jake was good company and he treated me the same way Brooke treated me, like I was going to be ok.

"Seriously though, you're going to be okay?" he said reaching out to touch my hand.

I found myself looking down at his words. I didn't like when talk became serious but I knew it was coming. "I just hope it happens soon because at the rate im going, it'll never stop hurting" I admitted still not looking up from the table or my glass of lemonade.

"You can't expect a broken heart to heal in a couple of weeks. You just have to let it take its time. Its going to hurt and every day you'll feel like it's still broken but one day it'll hurt a little bit less and then soon it won't hurt at all"

I gave him a small smile because it was nice of him to even say something like that to me. "Thanks Jake!"

"Your welcome" he said playing with the paper of a straw. "Are you coming to the fireworks show tonight?"

I had debated on my answer for only a moment. Going back to town facing everyone was something that I had dreaded, I didn't want to deal with anything but I knew that tonight was my big chance and if I ever wanted to reclaim my life I had to make the first steps. Tonight was the big firework show signaling the last leg of the summer and it would also be the perfect time for me to make an unexpected appearance. "Yeah" I finally said gaining a grin from Jake.

"Good" he said standing up. "I'll see you there"

"Jake" I called making him sit back down. "How are you handling things? I know you loved Peyton this must be as hard for me as it is for you"

"Im handling it"

After much consideration I had finally decided to go see my parents at the country club. They had been calling quite often and I knew it was because word had gotten out about Nathan and Peyton. My relationship with my parents was rather complicated. I had resented the fact that they had decided to tour the world rather then stay at home with me. I was the youngest out of all the kids and I guess because I had never really been a problem they thought it was ok to let me slip through the cracks.

I hadn't been in the country club for more then five minutes before the sounds of familiar laughter had hit my ears. Turning my head in the direction of the sound I caught a glimpse of Nathan. From where I stood he looked perfectly fine with everything. In fact he didn't look like he had a care in the world. He had gotten what he wanted, he was going to be a father again, and I guess that was why everyone had gathered together. They were all celebrating the news of the newest addition to the family. And here I stood on the outside looking in and from where I stood it was very lonely. I would have been able to handle Nathan just being with Peyton but knowing that they created a child together...knowing they now held a solid bond together. It tore me apart. I only stood for a few more minutes before I had decided that I had put myself through enough punishment, and headed for the nearest restroom.

I could do this, I could handle this- I had to be strong. I couldn't let on that I was broken because that was just what everyone expected of me. With one more glance in the mirror I looked at my reflection long and hard, my eyes were still sad but I could pretend for a little while, that everything was ok. Like both Brooke and Jake had said things would be hard at first but every day it would get easier and soon the ache, the dull ache, would disappear hopefully forever. I knew in my heart of hearts that I'd always be semi broken from Nathan, he was the first guy I ever really loved and like people always say- you never really get over your first love. Fingering the necklace Brooke had given me for strength I took a deep breath before heading to see my mother. It wasn't hard to find her because my mother loved to plan the summer events. When I walked into the room, I found my mother directing everyone where to put certain things and talking on her cell phone. I rolled my eyes and just stood as everyone scattered about doing as she said, till the moment she finally saw me.

"Haley" my mother called quickly shutting her phone. I think she was actually surprised to see me. The moment I saw her, I wanted so desperately to just hug her, and maybe cry in her arms but I wouldn't dare do that. Because then she'd know that I worse off then I was pretending and it was hard for me too vulnerable in front of her...hell in front of anyone. "Im glad you've finally decided to stop moping"

I rolled my eyes and looked to where the workers were scattered about trying to make this the best celebration. What I didn't want to do was fight. I came here to make an appearance and not to fight with my mother. She had barley liked Nathan after he had left me and to tell the truth she wasn't really happy about finding out I had gotten pregnant but she rolled with it anyway. The one thing we really fought about was Nathan. She thought I could do much better then him and I guess in the end she was right. But at the same time she needed to understand that me being here was something I hadn't wanted to do but I was doing it for her.

"I don't want to talk about this mom" I sighed tiredly. "Can't you just be happy that im here"I pleaded desperately. My mother didn't know how hard this was for me, in fact know one knew how hard it was for me, I was here making an effort trying to fake a smile when I felt like my insides were dying. I had lost everything that mattered to me...and now I was alone.

Softening her voice, she spoke. "Haley I am happy you're here, we've been worried sick about you. In fact maybe you should come stay with us for a couple of days"

I crossed my arms. "I don't need to stay with you guys, im handling things perfectly fine." I said making sure I sounded firm. It was a nice offer but I couldn't go back home; my mother would just want to run my life. And right now it would be easy for her to do so.

"Really" Lydia said crossing her arms. "You think moping around and hiding away is healthy Haley? Well it isn't I know your hurt and for some reason you clung to hope that- that boy would one day shape up to be something else but that was a fairytale. You need to stop wasting your tears on him and move on he was never worth it."

I shut my eyes tight at her words. I was aware of how everything looked to her, I knew she had concerns for me but I was doing fine. I wouldn't let myself slip back into the darkness like last night. I was determine to be okay with everything. "I get that mom, okay but im doing the best as I can" I said almost tearfully. "Picture yourself in my shoes, picture losing your son and then watching the man that was suppose to be with you start a new family without you" I voiced before looking down. "It hurts mom okay, I loved him" I said before biting my lip

"Hales" she said coming closer to me and touching my face. "I've seen you cry more times then I would ever want to over that boy. I watched you slip away from me, and then prayed every night you'd find your way back...and you did Haley." She said shedding her own tears. "I just want to make sure that you're strong enough to handle this- because I wont let that boy take you away from us again."

"Mom please" I said batting away, stray tears that had started to fall. I hated seeing my mother cry and hated even more that she was upset because she thought I'd sink into a depression again. I felt like the weight of the world was on my world and everyone was just waiting for the moment when I crumbled. It seemed like everyone had low expectations of me. My parents thought I was still in a fragile state because after Nathan had left me the first time I had a bought of depression that lasted for quite a while. Everything had slipped out of my hands and no matter what I did. I just couldn't be happy about anything. I had lost my son, lost my boyfriend and it was all too much. And now I was back in the same situation but I was determined not to let consume me.

"Im not saying this to hurt you Haley. But your life hasn't been the same since that boy walked into it and as a mother im worried sick about you, im just waiting for the moment when you breakdown and that is because of him and what he has done to you" Lydia said wiping a stray tear. "We're all worried about you Haley; you don't handle things with him very well."

I knew what she was referring to and chose to ignore it. I knew what happened last time and I was aware that I was depressed but at the time I had lost both my son and my boyfriend. I was stronger now, and now I knew that Nathan was something...someone that I needed to let go because he had only brought on the pain...the heartache. That of course didn't mean I wanted my mother to throw it in my face constantly. I knew that Nathan and I were a mistake I knew that we were never going to get back together, but that didn't mean that I wasn't hurt by all of this.

"Haley, we love you...we just want you to be okay." She said nodding her head. "We don't want to see you hurt again."

"I know that mom" I said trying to smile her way but finding it rather difficult. "Im fine, and I love you guys too" I said reassuringly as I could. This was probably harder then I had even thought it would be. I thought I'd just have to deal with the happy couple but seeing my mother in pain and Knowing that she was afraid for me, it broke my heart. I hated scaring my family. I hated being weak. "I will see you tonight" I said giving my mother a hug and rushing out the minute volunteers had walked in. If it weren't for them, I'd still be talking to my mother which was draining.

Once I had stepped out of the country club I felt like I could breathe again. It was so emotional draining being here and things hadn't even gotten started. If I thought facing my mother would be hard I could only imagine what the firework show would do to me. I could hear footsteps approaching me and prayed it was someone walking off to their car and not trying to talk to me. Whenever I was upset I hated when people tried to talk to me because I knew never knew what would pop out of my mouth and currently I was upset and someone could ask me one question and then bam it would all come spilling out. I was determined not to make a fool of myself, not for Nathan, Peyton or anyone else who wanted to watch me crumble or expected me to crumble.

"Well, well, well look who finally decided to show" she called. The truth was that she had been waiting for this moment for a very long time. Haley was the only person that could take Nathan away from her and the baby and now that she was standing here in her face she needed to make sure that Haley knew that she'd never step aside, she wouldn't let Nathan go because she loved him and he...he loved her. "I was hoping I had a couple more days free from you "

At the mere sound of her voice I stopped dead in my tracks. I had been gearing up for my confrontation with Peyton probably the minute I had walked into the country club. This was years in the making, we were both in love with the same man and everyone knows that torrid tale never ends well. Finally the two of us didn't have to pretend that we were friends because truth be told we weren't. Now everything was out in the open which meant we could finally have it out. Im sure Peyton couldn't forgive me for burning up the sheets with Nathan just as much as I couldn't forgive her for taking advantage of the downfall of Nathan and me.

"You know me and fireworks, I wouldn't dare miss the glorious festivities" I said turning around to face her

"Let me guess. You're here to seduce my boyfriend yet again? " She said crossing her arms in front of her chest. She had always known that Haley had the power to take Nathan away from her, but now it was different, she held all the power and she had gotten the guy in the end.

I let out a scoff. The thought of going back to Nathan at this moment in time was unthinkable. I could never forgive him for getting my hopes up and then crushing me. I could never look at him the same. Life was a big game to Nathan, and love well it was given out conveniently. Nathan and I had always been two different people, we just hoped that our differences would never matter and in the end it did.

"Sorry to disappoint you again but my life doesn't revolve around Nathan" I admitted truthfully. My life had revolved around Nathan for so long it was pathetic. I let him have every piece of me I could possibly offer to him and now that I look back and see that it was one of the biggest mistakes I'd ever made. I let myself get caught up in him again and again and every single time it had cost me much more then he was ever worth. I had cried myself to sleep for days after finding out Peyton was pregnant and when he left me the first time...it nearly cost me my life. I had gone through so much pain and anguish all for Nathan and he wasn't even worth any of it.

"Oh really" Peyton said mockingly. "I've watched the two of you pine away for one another for long enough to know that this is some game your playing. And pretty soon your going to try and steal him away from me,' she voiced stepping closer "but I won't let that happen" she continued. "He chose me and our family so get over it, that big grand love you thought existed was nothing at all"

"You can say whatever you want to say about what Nathan and I shared, it still won't erase the past. He loved me and I loved him and you can never change that." I said smirking over at her. "Now if you'll excuse me," I said hinting for her to step aside.

"Not so fast" she said reaching out and grabbing my elbow."Tell me Haley, how does it feel knowing that you've lost? How does it feel knowing that after everything you've done to try and rip Nathan and me apart he still chose me? Im the girl he wakes up to and im the mother of his unborn child" she said stepping closer me, as I glared in return.

"It feels better knowing that he's only with you because you're pregnant, because if not he would be with you and we both know it." I spat out getting a surprised chuckle from her. I think Peyton expected me to back down from her and maybe just run away but I wouldn't. I was tired of running from both Nathan and Peyton. "If things were differently the two of us would be together because he loves me. He is staying with you out of obligation." I said smirking her way. Her eyes had gotten big and I smirked in return. "So tell me how does it feel knowing that he'll always love me, always"

Swallowing hard she spoke. "He loved you, but all that love disappeared the moment he found out, I was pregnant. He couldn't have dropped you fast enough." She taunted. There was no doubt in her mind that if this baby hadn't come along that Nathan would have left her, but she'd never admit it out-loud. Because right now what mattered was that she had won. Nathan and Haley were over and that's all that mattered. The two of them would work out their problems and he'd soon forget about Haley.

I was stunned to silence by her harsh words. I guess you could say I was silent because I partially believed what she said. The minute Nathan got the joyous news he didn't care about anything but Peyton and his baby...he didn't care about me. Taking a deep breath I finally regained my voice. "It must be hard knowing that I'm the only girl that he ever loved. It must be even harder knowing that you'll never have his full heart" I said looking straight into her eyes.

Letting a chuckle escape her mouth she spoke. "Nathan never really loved you. He was infatuated with you. And the affair, well that only proves to me that he likes to have sex with you it doesn't prove anything else especially the fact that he loves you." She said licking her lips.

"Let me guess he loves you though" I said chuckling after the fact. I never thought I'd be arguing with someone over a guy yet here I was arguing with Peyton over Nathan. And I didn't even want him. "I thought the same to remember." I continued. "He'll never love you the way you love him...you'll never be enough" I admitted truthfully. I knew Peyton would never be enough because it seemed that I was never enough for him as well. I don't even think Nathan knew what he wanted.

"I am enough" she spat out. "You weren't. That's why he left you and your pathetic family. He loves me and our baby"

I felt my eyes prickle with tears. What I hated talking about more then anything was my once happy family. I hated to be reminded that my family broke apart and that Nathan had left me when I needed him the most. There was no way I would ever be able to get over the news that Nathan and Peyton were having a baby that they created a family. That alone meant I would fight with everything in me not to show it. Nathan didn't deserve anything from me, and Peyton she'd love to see me in pain. She hated me and the reason she hated me so much was because she knew that I represented a past life she so desperately wants to erase. A life is she presently erasing. "He loves that baby and we both know it! Your using your pregnancy to keep a man that doesn't love you!" I spat out horrified that she had brought up wounds that had not yet healed.

"You know, I went into that nursery and thought it was time to tear it down. To make room for the new baby and all" she said grinning. "Im sure Nathan wont have a problem with it, especially since we can decorate it together for our child"

I felt hatred rush through my veins as I listened and looked at the woman that stood before me. She hated me, that much was obvious but to mention my son...to even threaten to tear down a room that was for him was just cruel. "Don't you ever touch that room! It doesn't belong to you" I got out rather shakily. She had no right to be inside that nursery it wasn't for her and her baby- it was suppose to be for my baby.

"Aww poor baby! Are you gonna cry now? Well-let me tell you a little secret first" she said grinning again. "Nathan came to me while you were falling apart. He needed me there and I took care of him when you couldn't" she said smugly.

At her latest revelation I could do nothing but stare up at her. "You're lying. He would have never touched you while we were together...not then" I voiced knowing well that my voice was trembling. During that time nothing could ever be right between Nathan and me. We couldn't talk to each other both of us were consumed with this intense hurt and instead of turning to one another we just dealt with our pain in other ways. We had never dealt with the pain of losing our son together only separately.

"You're right, we didn't have a sexual relationship, not an affair like the two of you shared. No we had an emotional connection. He came to me and told me everything he was feeling he shared his pain with me while he couldn't even look at you." She taunted. "So you see Haley, you aren't that special after all. Im carrying his child and he is with me, pretty soon you and that pathetic life the two of you tried to spend together will be a distant memory."

"How can you say that to me" I voiced so hurt by all her words. How can you poke fun at the fact that my son died. My son is dead and he's never coming back." I cried not even bothering to hide the tears. "I would give anything to have my son back. I would trade everything to have him with me. You won, ok. You have Nathan and your convenient pregnancy has secured your failing relationship." I voiced all the while the tears still fell. "So just leave me and my son out of it, because it makes you look sick and twisted." I said wiping my eyes with the palms of my hands.

"No I wont" she taunted. "I won't stop till you know what it feels like to hurt! I want you to feel the kind of pain I felt knowing that every damn time Nathan left the house he was running to you!" she ground out. I bet this whole affair was your idea because you were so desperate to get back what you thought was yours. You're pathetic you know that. I bet you threw yourself at his feet and begged him to take you back" she said shaking her head.

"Actually it was the other way around." I said spinning around to face her. "I ended our affair because I felt guilty about lying to everyone," I said raising my voice to make a point. "I wanted to spare everyone all the pain and heartache. Because I felt guilty for lying . . . for hurting everyone. Nathan begged me not to go." I voiced much quieter now. "He begged me to stay with him."

"You expect me to believe that" she voiced her arms crossed.

"You don't have to" I said simply. "Just know that, at your little dinner party he asked me to come back to him. In fact he said we could be happy together because I was the only person that mattered to him. He even suggested that I leave Chase and volunteered to leave you" I said my voice still quiet. "You see Peyton he was willing to end things with you, he would end it all because he loved and if I wanted him I could have him" I finished before her hand had come across my face in a hard slap.

"You bitch" she crowed starring daggers my way.

Holding my hand to my cheek, I spoke. "Truth hurts doesn't it" I spat out. I knew first hand that the truth hurt, I was living with the reality that the man that claimed to love me was now having a baby with a woman he claimed to not love. I still couldn't even wrap my mind around the concept because Nathan swore to me that he loved me but if he had really loved me, he would have stopped sleeping with Peyton. Because I stopped sleeping with Chase the minute, I realized that my heart still belonged to Nathan. He couldn't do the same for me though.

So what, Nathan wanted to be with you- so what. All of these things happened before he knew about the baby. We are going to be together Haley." She admitted. "He chose me and he could have gone back to you- but he didn't, which tells me that we are going to be a family...Nathan and me, and you- your going to stay the hell away from him." She voiced after gaining her composure.

" I know your secret Haley. I know you're a liar and a cheater, and if I were to tell one person your firmly placed halo would fall to the ground" she threatened. 'And everyone you hold dear to you will see you for the whore that you really are."

It was almost funny how right now after I told Peyton multiple times that I didn't want Nathan, she was still threatened by me. I would never go near Nathan again. The further I stayed away from him the better in my mind.

"Go ahead I dare you" I voiced causing her to look up at me with shocking eyes. The truth I was beginning to care less and less what everyone thought about me. If she wanted to tell people about Nathan and I she could, I wouldn't stop her.

From the distance he could make out the two individuals who were obviously arguing in the parking lot. He had actually come out in search of Peyton and had a run in with Lydia James who tore him basically to pieces. And really he couldn't blame her. He had screwed up again where Haley was concerned and now she hated him. The mere thought of Haley had caused his heart to drop. He had ruined everything they shared together and if she never spoke to him he'd understand.

He had only slept with Peyton one time and it had been after Haley had ended the affair. He was hurting and Peyton was there. He had taken her to bed to get rid of some of the aggression that had built up. It was one time and he was hurting, and somehow he knew that if he took Peyton to bed it would end up hurting Haley and in the end he was right. Looking back he knew it was wrong, but now that Peyton was pregnant he couldn't say he regretted it totally. He wished that instead of pretending it was Haley while he was with Peyton it had really been Haley because maybe, just maybe they'd be together right now.

"What's going on here" he said approaching the two of them. He noticed that Peyton had taken one step back almost leaning into him, while Haley she bit her lip before turning her big brown eyes up at him. And the sight nearly killed him. The love and warmth he had been so use to seeing was gone. She looked at him like he was a stranger.

"Your girlfriend was just telling me to stay away from you" I said digging my nails into my now crossed arms. "And I was just telling her it wouldn't be a problem."

He kept his eyes trained on her as she looked off in the distance. How could it be that they were standing a few feet away from each other yet it felt like they were worlds apart.

"What brings you out here" Peyton called causing him to look her way? He noticed how she had suddenly began to get really touchy by wrapping her arms around his waist. Carefully he entangled her arms from around him before speaking. "Your father is looking for you"

"Oh, I guess that means we should get going. Our parents are over the moon about this baby she said grinning up at him.

Somehow he couldn't find the strength to smile. He felt the tension in the air and there was really no way to get around it. He had walked in on some deep discussion that was going on between the women in his life. And now more then ever he knew he needed to say a few things to set the record straight. He didn't want Peyton blaming Haley for anything. Everything had been on him. He wouldn't leave her alone he wouldn't let her go and now he was forced to do so. "Actually I need to talk to Haley.

At the mention of my name my eyes shot up. I had nothing to say to him, nothing. I had given him all of me and he threw right back in my face. Why would I ever want to talk to him? "Well I don't need to talk to you" I said my skin hot with anger. "In fact im actually done talking to either one of you. And if I had my way I'd never speak to you again" I said trying to move past Nathan only for him to reach out and touch my arm. Immediately I jerked back glaring at him.

"Nathan, let her go she doesn't want to talk to you. We need to go celebrate our good news" Peyton said all the while looking in my direction.

Pulling Peyton by to the side he spoke, all the while still keeping an eye on Haley. "Peyt, I've gotta do this ok" he said bringing his voice down to a whisper. "I need do this and you need to trust that when I say im going to stay with you, I mean it" he finished.

"Fine, I trust you...don't make me regret it" she said casting one last look at him before leaving.

Once Peyton had finally left, he looked over to see that Haley was looking over at him coldly. Maybe this was what they both needed closure. He had run into Brooke earlier, at the café she had been picking up donuts and upon seeing him she let him have it. She had given him the rundown of the last couple of days and then she punched him in his lip.

"Haley" he called only to get a glare sent his way. "Im sorry about Peyton about everything." He trailed off

"Stop apologizing" I shrieked frustrated. I ran my hands quickly through my hair in pure annoyance before speaking again to him. "Your apologies mean nothing to me and they don't change anything much like this conversation."

"Im worried about you I know how you get when your upset" he admitted, knowing that she's probably yell at him for saying something of the sort. He didn't care though, he didn't want her to blame herself for this mess it was all on him.

"Don't be" I snapped. "You've certainly hurt me enough times by now I can get right back up and pretend nothing ever happened." I lied as my eyes began to tear up. The mere sight of him made me want to cry. I thought I had been stronger then this, I thought I had tougher skin but in the end I was wrong because it hurt like hell and as much as I wanted to pretend that I was ok, I knew in my heart I wasn't ok.

He felt a pang in his heart due to the fact that her words were true, every word she said was true. "I hate this Hales, I hate everything I've done" he admitted before placing his hands into his pockets. "More then anything I hate looking in your eyes and seeing nothing. The warmth that usually surrounds you has suddenly disappeared and I hate knowing that I am the reason for it"

"You're damn right. You're the reason for my pain." I said shaking my head at him. "You slept with her, and claimed to love me at the same time. You told me that you'd known for a long time that you loved me yet you were sleeping with Peyton" I ground out. "And now look at us, she's having your baby and im here left alone" I said almost dejectedly.

"It was one time Haley and it meant nothing to me. I was mad at you for ending our affair and Peyton was there and," he trailed off.

"It ruined everything we could have been" I interrupted him. I felt a chill run down my spine as we stood together. He used to be my world, he used to mean the world to me but now I felt nothing but hatred for him. He was nothing to me. "It ruined everything we use to be. You were my world and now I look at you and all I see is the nothing that you've become" I finished. If I were ever going to survive living in this town with Nathan, he needed to know how I felt about him.

" I wish I could make this easier for you" he mumbled.

I let out a bitter chuckle. He could never make things easier for me. He couldn't make things better because at the end of the day it was all the same. "If you really wanna help me, tell your girlfriend to stop throwing it in my face that she's carrying your golden child." I snapped

"Im sorry about that". He knew that Peyton didn't like Haley. She had told him so. She blamed the affair solely on Haley despite the fact that he took part in the affair as well.

"And you both can just leave me alone." I said tiredly. I could have gone on to tell him much more but being around him made me feel physically ill.

"I can't. I can't act like we never meant anything to one another."

Jerking my arm free I starred up at him. "Yeah you can. You forget about us a long time ago Nathan. And now I hope that your mistakes will haunt you for the rest of your life." I said trying to scramble away from him but finding no luck. "I won't let you take my life Nathan. Im done hiding, im done running away from you. " I voiced finding some surge of inner strength. "I'm done with you."

In the end I couldn't let Nathan win. I couldn't let Peyton win either. I had to take my life back and move on. And tonight...well it would be a turning point in my life. I would show everyone that I Haley Marie James would be ok. I would be strong without Nathan, stronger then I had ever been before.

_I can't let go now  
Even when darkness surrounds  
But if I hold on, yeah  
I will show the world  
All the things that you never expected to see  
From little old me_


	12. Chapter 12

**A.N.** Hey all! Im back with the next chapter for this story. Thanks again for reading and replying! Im still blown away and grateful for all your feedback! This story is gonna start to get juicy in the next couple of chapter. I've read all your replies and I've decided to answer some of your questions. First off let me say that this story is not ending anytime soon, I've still got a lot to do and say. I also would like to say that the ending is really planned out as of right now. I do have to say that Haley will be stronger by the end of this story. Now this chapter delves into the mind of Nathan, so those of you who wanted to know what going on in his mind, have gotten your wish. Alright on with the story

special thanks to: RinaLysee, Jess2303, Audrey412,Nynaeve80, Audrey Loves,naley19, Hales luvs Nate, and Simplybeautiful

**Chapter 12: Slow Dancing in a burning room**

_Its not a silly little moment_

_Its not the storm before the calm_

_this is the deep and dyin breath of_

_this love we've been working on_

After my encounters with both Nathan and Peyton I was more determined then ever to go to the firework show tonight. I knew everyone expected me to wallow in my own self pity and yes I had done it before, but not today. Neither Nathan nor Peyton deserved to bring me down to that level and I would not let them win.

My mind was still reeling over my earlier encounter with Peyton. Words could not describe the way I felt for her or Nathan. Peyton had been a smug heartless bitch to me and the fact that she had no remorse for any word she uttered told me everything I had suspected about her for years. I had expected Peyton to be upset with me and really she had every right to dislike. I knew what I had done, and I was wrong to sleep around with Nathan. I knew he was in a relationship and although I disregarded it, it still meant something. Nathan should have been off limits to me, just as I should have been off limits to him. We were both not in a good place when we started our affair and although it didn't seem like much of an excuse it was the truth. We needed each other, I needed him and he needed me...and because of that nothing else mattered.

I had to come to terms with the fact that I couldn't change the past. I couldn't save our son, and I couldn't stop the train wreck of an affair Nathan and I had. I also couldn't get my heart back, the one thing I could do, was move on. And by going to the firework show tonight, I was taking back my life and slowly but surly moving on.

"Are you sure you're ready for this Hales" Brooke asked genuinely concerned. Watching her bestfriend basically crumble at the hands of Nathan Scott had been the worst thing she had ever witnessed. It was all so heartbreaking and tragic at the same time, because Nathan and Haley had truly loved each other.

"I'm sure" I said giving her a small smile.

Brooke had always been a good friend to me. She had seen me at my lowest of lows just as I had seen her at difficult times and despite everything we were still the best of friends. Brooke was also fiercely protective of me as I was of her. "I can't hide from them forever" I said biting my lip.

"You know I admire you Hales. You've been through hell and back and despite the curve balls thrown your way- your still standing here." She said reaching for my hand. "You're stronger then you think. And one day you'll be over Nathan, and he'll be a distant memory."

I looked down momentarily. Brooke was about the only person that believed I could survive this, well Brooke and apparently Jake. It was refreshing to know that I at least had two people who held some sort of hope out for me.

"I've stumbled a couple of times" I admitted honestly. In fact I had down right fallen down many times during my time with Nathan. I guess you could say Nathan and I had a tremendous relationship that was equally unhealthy for the two of us. We fought hard and loved hard but sometimes love wasn't enough. You couldn't make someone love you as much as you loved them and I knew that first hand. I loved Nathan more then he loved me. "In fact im sure that if I didn't have you, I wouldn't have made it" I voiced thinking back to the last time I was like this. Brooke took care of me when Nathan had left and if it weren't for her, I would have lost myself."

"You're my best friend Hales, I'll always be on your side and I'll always catch you when you fall" she said putting her arm around me.

Grinning I spoke. "That's comforting to know. So I guess we should actually get going huh" I said looking at the time. Brooke as usual wanted to make a splash at the event by coming a little bit later then everyone else would arrive. Though she normally arrived a tad bit late, I think she was doing this for my benefit, in case I decided not to go.

"You sure" she questioned brows raised.

"Yes" I said looking into her eyes to get my point across. I really didn't have a choice of wether to go or not go. I had to go to this event because if not I would show everyone that I was weak and I was tired of being weak. I had gotten my heart broken multiple times, I was a mother, and I needed to get through this because I deserved happiness in my life.

"Ok friend! Then lets go" she said grinning over at me. "Oh and just so you know I won't hesitate to beat a bitch down, male or female"

I rolled my eyes playfully. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you" I said trying to calm my nerves down. I could do this. I had certainly survived a hell of a lot worst. I could get over Nathan. I would get over Nathan. I'd never let him hurt me ever again because he'd never get a chance to touch me.

/

Seeing Haley earlier today had caused him to rethink everything he had done in the last week or so. The way she looked at him told him that everything she had previously felt for him was slowly but surly starting to melt away and he wondered if he had made the right decision. He had wanted to do what was right, for once and it was now back firing. And he knew it was all his fault. He was being greedy having both Haley and Peyton at his side and now everything had come to the forefront. Haley was done with him, he saw it in her eyes, and now he had a feeling that because Haley was no longer loving him he'd stay in a relationship with someone he loved, but didn't really love.

In the last twenty four hours he had debated wether or not he could actually stay with Peyton for the sake of a child. He wanted to be a hands on father, a father that could witness every bit of his child's life and that alone was the reason he had decided to go back to Peyton. It sounded good in his head, he thought that if he let Haley go to be with someone worthy of her love things would be better...but he had been wrong. It felt wrong being with Peyton. It felt like they were putting on a show for everyone to watch because really they weren't this happy couple that people may have perceived them to be. In reality the two of them were struggling, though neither voiced the struggles nor the rift between them, it was still there. He was in love with another woman and nothing could possibly change that. And to forget about the other problems going on he and Peyton had both focused on her newfound pregnancy, both hoping that maybe the baby would save the sinking ship they were on. He was supposed to be happy about the birth of his second child, he was supposed to be excited and in love and instead of feeling that way he felt...trapped.

Peyton wanted to start over, she wanted to pretend like nothing had ever happened with him and Haley and the truth was that he couldn't do that. He couldn't pretend that Haley had poured her heart to him. He couldn't forget that look in her eyes and when he ended things and most importantly he couldn't forget the feeling he got whenever she looked his way or gave him a smile. Haley was in his blood, in his veins. She meant more to him then she'd ever know and it was all his fault that she'd never know that. Haley had given him a son, and in doing that she had shown a love that he had never known existed. She was also the first girl probably the only girl that he had ever loved. It was hard for him to show his feeling though and even when she needed to told how he felt about her it was hard to open up.

"What's on your mind little brother" Lucas Scott asked as he found his brother standing by a nearby window. They had both come to their parents house for breakfast this morning and Nathan had been more then distant then ever. He guessed it had something to do with the women in his life.

"What the hell am I doing Lucas" he voiced finally looking over at him. He hadn't told Lucas about his affair with Haley because Lucas had the tendency to act superior all the time. And really he didn't want to hear his older brother bitch about the fact that he treated Peyton badly or the fact that he screwed with Haley and her mind.

"Right now your brooding. And I think that's my job!" he said jokingly. "You're supposed to be happy man, you and Peyton are gonna have a baby."

"I am happy. You know how much I wanted to have a child, especially after J.J. " he voiced stopping short of saying the rest.

"Then what's your problem?" Lucas asked before things finally clicked. "This is about Haley, isn't it? It's always about Haley?" he finished.

Sending a glare in the direction of his brother, he spoke. "Don't start with me. I could easily ask you what you're so devoted to the fact that my girlfriend is happy with me"

Lucas was still for a moment. In truth he wanted to make sure that Peyton and Nathan were together because it would increase his chances of being happy with Brooke. Because if Peyton didn't have Nathan then she might decide that, giving it another go with him was a good idea. And honestly he didn't think it was a good idea.

Clearing his throat, he spoke. "You know I told her first that Peyton was pregnant because I wanted her to hear it from me," he voiced pausing briefly. "And the look on her face" he added shuddering. "This is gonna be hard on her"

"I know man" Lucas said catching his brothers eye. "But the two of you have been broken up for a very long time. You both moved on it was bound to happen that you'd both settle down."

Putting his hands in his pockets, he spoke. "Its not as simple as you think. I'm still in love with her" he said causing his brother to almost topple over. "And whatever we had, it's over now. She'll never look at me the same.

"Damn Nate, this is bad timing you realize you love Haley now, but it's too late for you two. You can't change the past. You and Peyton are together and are expecting a child together. I know you loved Haley, I get that, but now is not the time to think about what you could have done to save your relationship. You need to concentrate on the girl you're with, it'll be much easier on everyone that way" he said patting his brother shoulder before leaving.

Watching his brother walk away he let out a scoff. It was true Lucas fashion to think about know one but Peyton. It was the reason he and Brooke had broken up so many times. He did have a point though there was no use in trying to correct the past, or change the past. Though if he had a chance he would have stayed with Haley in the first place, he would have been the shoulder she needed to cry on and maybe then they'd still be together. It was too late though, it was all too late.

_Go cry about it why don't you_

_Go cry about it why don't you_

--

When we walked into the Country Club, I immediately felt like all eyes were on me. It was obvious to me that most people were surprised that I had finally come out of "hiding." My parents looked genuinely happy to see me and for a split second I was glad that I had made them proud. But then again I couldn't do this for them, I had to do this for me.

"They're all jealous because once again you and I look hot!" Brooke said whispering into my ear.

"I guess" I said, starting to feel a tad bit hot. I got this eery feeling and turned my eyes to the far corner where I spotted Nathan. He was just watching me, just looking at me and I wanted to do nothing but claw his eyes out. I lifted a brow his way causing him to turn his attention back to the blond in front of him. I knew he was surprised that I showed up tonight, although he shouldn't have been. I meant everything I had said to both him and Peyton today. Everything. I kept my eyes forward gaining a glare from Peyton as she brought Nathan closer to her. They deserved to be together, they both could rot in hell for all I cared. Turning back to Brooke I let out a shaky breath and grinned her way.

Brooke and I had already designed our plan for the night. We would both say a quick hello to our parents, and then find a few people to socialize with. We'd say hello to a couple of friends and then find us a good spot for the firework show. However that was all thrown down the toilet the very minute Dan and Karen Scott came over to greet the two of us. It was only right that mayor Dan Scott and his lovely wife Karen would greet the patrons however I had the distinct feeling that they had approached Brooke and me for a different reason. I shot Brooke a quick look before I placed a practiced smile on my lips.

"Hello girls! It's good to see the both of you" Karen said before giving both Brooke and I each a hug.

"Yes we are glad you two came for the show tonight. " Dan added. " I know the two of you are eager to go out and mingle with everyone but I was wondering if I could borrow Haley for a sec."

As the words left his mouth I once again shared a glance with Brooke. This was something I didn't want to deal with. Im sure Dan and Karen were just as worried about me as my parents claimed to be and really tonight I just didn't want people feeling sorry for me. But this was Dan and Karen and they were family.

"Actually" Brooke started to say before I cut her off.

"Its okay B." I said realizing that if I didn't talk to them now they'd probably find another time to talk to me. And really I enjoyed both Dan and Karen. They had always been kind to me and they loved my son...their grandson as much as I did. They even came to me after he died and offered to help me deal with things. They genuinely cared about my well-being. "You should go find Luke, or Jake. Im fine." I said trying to sound as upbeat as possible. When she had finally decided to listen to me, I turned back to face the Scotts. I hated being so distant from Karen and Dan but things had changed. I was no longer a part of there family and being around them just made me wish for something I knew would never ever be. Nonetheless I put my best face forward.

I had followed Dan and Karen with eyes still trained on my every move. I caught a glimpse of Nathan yet again this time he was talking to Lucas and the two of them were both looking right at me. I bet it was a sight to see, Karen and Dan still cared about my well-being. And unlike their sons hadn't turned there back on me. Lucas and I had stopped being close a long time ago and Nathan well he chose to live a life without me.

"Haley" Karen said reaching out to stroke my face. "How are you?"

"Im fine Karen really" I said biting my lip. Karen could always tell whenever I was lying so I kept shifting my eyes. I wondered if she could read the pain on my face, if she knew how much I once loved and hated her son for all the crap he put me through.

"It's so good to see you Haley" Karen said entwining our hands together. And for a second it calmed my nerves. "I wanted to tell you that- no matter what has happened you're still a big part of this family Haley James. We love you like you were one of our own children." Karen continued. Her blue eyes looked into my brown eyes and for a moment I just wanted to cry in her arms. I wanted the pain to go away.

Her words had caused me to look down. We both knew that things had changed drastically. But it was nice of her to even say such a nice thing to me. We could all pretend that ties hadn't been severed but really they had been severed a long time ago. "You don't have to say that Karen. But thank you"

"Its true" she said simply. "Our home will always be open to you just as our hearts will always hold a place for you and J.J. family is forever Haley" she said wiping a few tears of her own before finally getting up and leaving me alone to sit with Dan Scott.

Now most people had viewed Dan as pure evil. He'd do anything for his family even if it caused harm too other. He also had the tendency to bully people around. Aside all of that, he and I understood each other. You had to protect those you love because if not they could slip away.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Dan was sitting beside me just as stonily as I felt. At least I wasn't the only one who felt that way.

"My son has made many mistakes in his life" he said pausing "he truly takes after me in that department" he said adding a chuckle. "However his biggest mistake was letting you go Ms. James" he said turning so that he was now facing me. "You're a fighter, and a survivor and I admire that about you. You're also the perfect match for my son and this family." He said pausing once again. "You're a member of this family Ms. James and nothing can change that- not my bone head son and certainly not that girl and her questionable offspring"

I couldn't help but laugh. Dan and I were on the same page. At least I wasn't the only person questioning that golden child. "Well when you put it like that,"

"Family is forever" he said repeating Karens words. "It surpasses death and separation. Just remember that" he finished placing a kiss to my temple.

--

_We're goin down_

_and you can see it too_

_We're goin down_

_and you know that we're doomed_

The Tree Hill firework show was just about to start and instead of finding himself a seat, Nathan Scott found himself starring across the courtyard at Haley James. He wasn't sure if she had ever noticed that every single time she walked into the room all eyes were suddenly focused on her. She had this spirit that lit up the room, and her natural beauty had always shown through...well everything.

The moment he heard she had arrived to the Country Club. He was fighting himself on wether or not to approach her or not. He wanted to desperately be near her but at the same time he knew that it was painful for her to be near him. He knew he was to blame for their downfall and he deserved knowing how much she hated him, knowing that she could never forgive or love him- but that of course didn't mean that this was easy for him. Yes he would get the family that he wanted so desperately, but it cost him Haley and her love. The very minute Peyton had told informed him of the pregnancy he knew things would definitely change. He had been ready to leave Peyton, and start and new life with Haley until she had dropped the bomb. And now well everything was just so messed up. He hurt Haley again and the fallout had been worst then he expected. She hated him and she had every right to hate him, but the worst part of it all was looking into her eyes and knowing that all the love was gone now.

It was good that Haley had come out tonight. Everyone had missed her and during the last week or so he realized just how much Haley had meant not just to him but to everyone. And for the second time in his life he felt guilty and selfish for his actions. He had the tendency to do whatever he wanted and when that backfired it usually hurt someone and Haley was that someone. And that alone was probably the reason for the bad karma that had come his way. He and Peyton had been fighting since this morning, over issues that he had a strong feeling would haunt them for as long as they were together. He hated that she wanted to flaunt things in front of Haley, yeah he chose her but that didn't mean he loved Haley any less. He had also laid into her for letting everyone know about the pregnancy because he had planned on keeping it quiet for a couple of days, maybe even weeks but Peyton didn't want it that way and now everyone knew.

"Are you gonna stare at her all night or are you doing this for my benefit" Peyton Sawyer asked as she trained her eyes on her boyfriend. Or whatever you wanted to call him.

"Don't start." He said not even bothering to look in her direction. They had been fighting pretty much all day, especially when he found out what she had said to Haley. Peyton blamed Haley for everything wrong in their relationship but he was to blame.

"No." She said defiantly. "It's bad enough that everyone in this freaking town thinks she walks on water. But I have to deal with your parents embracing her so easily and making it known that they prefer you to be with Haley. And then of course I can't possibly forget the fact that you've been pining after her every chance you get" she shot out. "You two are far worst then Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler."

He shook his head in her direction. "This isn't about me or my parents! This is about you and what you did to her. You went after her today to purposely hurt her and for what? Huh? Im with you!" he voiced letting his temper get the better of him.

Crossing her arms in front of her chest she spoke. "You damn right I went after her. I was putting your mistress back in her place." she said glaring at him. "You're with me, not her, you'd think you could at least pretend to care about me instead of her."

He let out a loud sigh. "I do care, ok. I care"

"About me or Haley" she questioned before rolling her eyes. She already knew the answer to that question. It was painfully obvious."You promised me- that it would be just you and me, no more Haley"

"And that still holds true" he voiced through clenched teeth. "You and I are together now- we're starting over. But that doesn't mean im gonna forget about Haley or pretend that I don't love her." He said tossing his head in the direction he had last seen Haley. She was still sitting in the same spot but this time she was joined by Jake who looked a little too comfortable for his liking. "You can't keep going around attacking Haley, im with you- so just leave her alone"

"I will do whatever I see fit to save our budding family. We are building a foundation and as long as Haley loves you, and you love her I'll fight for us Nathan."

For a moment he wondered if Peyton was fighting so hard because she knew that this was wrong. But really they had already set this train in motion and might as well stay on it till the end. He didn't want to argue anymore, he just wanted to get this thing over with and go home.

"Nate. We need to talk"

As soon as he heard the voice, he knew that this was gonna be a long night. Turning around ever so slowly he faced Brooke who had a drink in hand, and he had a vision of her throwing the drink in his face or worst kicking his ass in front of everyone.

Letting out a sigh Peyton spoke. "We're busy Brooke, why don't you do us all a favor and go back to your sympathy grabbing friend."

Chuckling she spoke. "Peyton if you don't get out of my face" she got through gritted teeth

"What is Haley sending you to do her dirty work? I bet she's pulling the sympathy card with you too. Ya know with Chase leaving her and everything"

"Backup bitch! My problem is with Nathan at the moment but you'll get yours in due time." she said before glaring in his direction. "You stay away from her. You hear me! Or you might not live long enough to see your devil spawn." She gritted out before storming off to find her friend.

"Dramatic much" Peyton said folding her arms in front of her chest yet again. "I don't want to fight with you Nathan. Let's just watch the fireworks together...please" she said taking the steps that separated the two of them. "Let's just forget about everyone else...please"

He didn't say a word for the longest time. Part of him didn't want to pretend, he didn't want to act like they were more then what they really were. He and Peyton were two people staying together for the sake of their unborn child. She loved him and he cared for her. He had made his choice though and chose Peyton and now he was gonna suck it up and be a man about it.

"Fine" he voiced allowing her to tug him the opposite direction.

_Go cry about it why don't you_

_Go cry about it why don't you_

--

After talking with Dan and Karen I felt good about coming to the firework show. It felt good knowing that I was loved by my parents, by the Scotts and by my friends. It was true what Dan and Karen had said family was forever and I was lucky that so many people cared about my well being. Looking up at the sky I spotted a star and wondered if maybe my son was looking down at me in heaven. The warm breeze that washed over me told me that maybe he was looking down at me and for a second I felt my heartstrings tug. Family was forever and it was true because even in his death felt J.J. with me every single day.

"We've found the best seat in the whole place" Brooke cooed as we sat on a blanket awaiting the firework show.

"Yeah. You're right!" I said desperately trying to forget the memories that had come flooding back my way. "Its gonna be a great show. I'm glad I came" I said managing to send a small grin her way.

"So is Jagielski" she voiced a grin on her lips.

"Brooke" I warned knowing good and well where this conversation was going. Brooke had this motto that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else. And I in no certain terms would do that to myself or someone else. I had learned a lot from the whole Nathan, Peyton, Chase and of course myself fiasco.

"Oh come on, it could totally help you forget about the ass at least for a few hours" she pointed out. "Besides he is the only person that has made you laugh besides me, which gives him brownie points"

"Not gonna happen" I replied simply. "Besides I've learned my lesson. Never ever mess with a guy that's friends with the rest of us because it never turns out well"

"That's too bad" Brooke said pouting "because he is really into you."

"Whatever" I said rolling my eyes as my stomach growled. "Uh im starving. How come we didn't get any food before finding our perfect spot"

"Because someone else could have taken it" Brooke replied pouting again.

Karen had told me earlier that she had cooked all the food so we knew everything would be delicious. Looking over to where everyone was gathered I noticed that Nathan and Peyton were getting food and instantly turned my head. "I'd rather starve to death then have to walk over there and deal with Nathan and Peyton" I voiced bitterly.

"Well then you're both in luck because I come baring gifts of food"

Instantly Brooke and I looked up to see Jake Jaglaski with a plate of food. "I figured I'd stock up" he said sheepishly.

"I'll bet" Brooke said grinning. "So Jakey Boy would you like to join us?"

Grinning back, he spoke. "Only if Haley does me the honor of flashing a smile my way"

I don't know what came over me but seeing Jake made me want to smile. "I'll do better then that, I'll let you sit next to me and maybe just maybe I'll laugh at your attempts at jokes" I said winking in his direction.

He let out a chuckle. "Well then what more could a guy ask for"

'Apparently nothing" Brooke chimed in. "You'll be one the envious guys in this place, ya know since your sitting with the likes of Haley and myself"

Without much of another word Jake had joined Brooke and I. And the three of us sat on the quilted blanket and watched as the fireworks lit up the sky. As the sky filled with brightly colored lights I thought to myself that this was not only the end of summer but it was the end of a an era. I couldn't look back anymore. I had to move on just as everyone else moves on. I caught Nathan looking at me once more that night and instead of it bringing me down it just made me look forward to the future.

Song credit: John Mayer, slow dancing in a burning room. I

**A.N. 2**: I heard this song about two or three weeks ago and I fell in love with it. I thought it might sum up Nathan and Haley and what is going on in their lives right now. I also wanted to put a little bit of the song for Nathan and Peyton because, well they are doomed, one way or another.

For those of you who are still waiting for the new chapter for A Little More Personal: it scoming, I've been in the zone when it come to the right kind of wrong, but I promise soon the next chapter will be out soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**A.N. **Hello everyone! I hope you all are enjoying your weekend. Once again I have to say thanks for reading and replying! Without you all this story would be nothing. This chapter delves into a lot of things that make Nathan and Haley tick. The two of them are very complicated individuals and together they are far complicated then anyone could imagine. They are a mess, but a beautiful mess at that. And most importantly how easy it is to slip back into old habits. You cant help who you love, and Nathan and Haley are realizing that. This chapter was inspired by the greatness that is Chuck and Blair from gossip girl, as well as old edits of Sonny and Carly from general hospital. Okay, enjoy!

xoxo

Queena

Special thanks to: naley19, HJS-NS-23, Jess2303 and SimplyBeautiful23.Chapter

** Chapter 13: Sand through an hour glass**

_You dont know me_

_Like you knew me_

It had been three months since he and Haley had broken off and since then much hadn't changed, at least not for him. He had this nagging feeling that his decision to stay with Peyton was a mistake. She wanted so much from him, she expected so much from him and he really just couldn't give into her. It wasn't her fault, it was his and no matter how hard he tried to fight it, no matter how hard he tried to love her, he just couldn't. He'd always love Haley and that was truth. He had made so many mistakes in his life, the only thing he didn't regret was his son and loving Haley. They were the only two people that made him feel whole. When he had the two of them it was like his life was complete. And now that they were apart he felt like he was losing his mind, or losing way...maybe both.

Peyton had wanted him to love her, she practically begged him to love her and he wanted to love her, he wanted to give her want she needed but it was harder said then done. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Haley. He saw her said eyes, the way her hair had blown in the wind and most of all. He saw her walking away from him. He had never really needed someone until he met Haley and then he found that he needed her more then air. And now she wasn't here, not with him anymore. He closed his eyes briefly pictured what it would have been like had everything turned out right. If JJ had survived he and Haley would have been together right now, they would have been happy and Peyton would have been with the person she was meant to be with. And in his heart he believed that person was not him.

The house of cards they had built was starting to fall apart. Peyton wasn't stupid and he could hardly pretend anymore. They were both unhappy for different reasons and he wondered if that would ever change. Would Peyton ever trust him? More importantly would he ever love her the way she loved him?

"You're leaving?" she asked knowing the answer to the question. He had been staying away from the house as much as possible and she could only guess why.

"Yeah" he said running his hands over his face. "I need air" he said his voice strained. He knew another argument was brewing and didn't want to fight.

"You called for her in your sleep last night" she said folding her arms across her chest. It hurt when she heard him last night. He had a nightmare and was calling for Haley not her and despite the fact that she had woken him up, she couldn't shake the feeling that Haley would never leave the two of them.

He said nothing and continued to walk to the door.

"She's moved on, and so should you." She said grabbing her own things and heading for the door. "Ya know Nathan you aren't the only one in pain here, so am I." She said before walking out the door.

--

Time flew by like a blink of an eye after the firework show and it seemed that everything had changed in Tree Hill. Or maybe it had just changed for me. In my heartache I found a strength I never knew existed and started to love myself. I had taken a long look in the mirror and by doing so I got better perspective of myself. I lost myself a long time ago and now I was just trying to find my way back to the Haley James before all the damage. I believe that I lost myself once my son had passed away. I hated knowing that I couldn't save him and as a mother it wrecked everything for me. I held onto Nathan because he was the only piece of that life I had left. And now, I realize that it wasn't good for either one of us. We needed a break from each other because whenever we were together everything was so intense. Nathan was poison in my veins and I suspect I was the same for him.

I had made a lot of progress in the last couple of weeks and with the help of Brooke and Jake I was learning to love myself more and more each day.

Today we had all planned to go to the beach and catch a little sun. Of course this was done at the request of Brooke who had yet to show up. The very moment Jake and I had gotten to the beach I got a mysterious text from my bff claiming that she was running late due to her date with her new boy toy. I rolled my eyes upon getting the text because it reeked of a B. Davis plan. Brooke was convinced that Jake was the only person that could break the jaded spell that fell upon me after Nathan. And she'd keep drilling her thoughts into my head despite my skepticism.

"Is Brooke coming?" Jake asked as we settled down.

"Who knows?" I said shrugging before removing my tank top so that I had on favorite yellow bikini top and white shorts. "You know she's been seeing that guy she met at the pool hall." I reminded him.

"You're right" he said plopping down onto his beach towel. "I guess that means it's just you and me " he voiced wiggling his eyebrows up at me.

"Joy" I said sarcastically. In reality I liked being around Jake, he made me forget about a lot of the bad stuff. He also gave me hope that all men weren't like Nathan.

"You say that now, but I've got a surprise for you that you'll thoroughly enjoy" he said grinning over at me again. I loved surprises and the mere thought of one had always gotten me rather excited.

"What kind of surprise" I asked nonchalantly, while holding the sand in my hand and watching as it slipped through my fingers.

Sitting up he spoke. "Oh now you care, I thought you could care less?" he asked joking.

"I don't care" I voiced trying to bite back a smile. "But I do love surprises! And it'll give me something to tell Brooke she's missed since she decided to ditch us for her new pool loving boy."

"I thought I'd show you how to surf d today." He said looking over to see her reaction. Haley had been through a lot lately and despite it all, she still managed to pick herself up again. She as like the phoenix rising from the ashes. She could do anything. She just needed to believe it.

"You've got to be kidding me" I asked looking over in his direction. I was a natural born klutz if I could fall while walking, doing anything on water would kill me. In fact I could practically see my demise and it would definitely have something to do with being a klutz in the water.

"Im serious." He said honestly. "Just think about it. It could be fun"

"And I could die." I dead panned." Jake, im a natural born klutz, I'll die. Do you remember my speech for valedictorian? I almost busted my teeth going up the stairs."

"It wasn't that bad" he voiced thinking back to the day. When she gave him a funny look, he had to concede "ok it was really bad." He voiced. Everyone had pretty much held they're breath when she took the stage to make her big speech and when she tripped twice, once while going up the stairs and then once again while walking across the podium.

"Glad you've finally realized that." I said lying back onto my beach towel. I could feel Jake looking over at me, and it was a tad bit awkward. Usually whenever we hung out Brooke had come along unless we had ventured into anything to do with music but now it was just the two of us at the beach.

And whenever he looked at me I got the feeling Brooke may have been right about Jake. Maybe he did like.

"James, just think about it. Going out in the water and trying out something new might give you some insight."

"Insight into what? My death?" I asked turning over to face him.

"No. But it will give your courage. It's a life lesson" he said simply. "And besides I'll be right next to you so you wont get hurt"

For the longest time I hadn't said anything I just looked at Jake who was looking at me. In a way he was right. I had started working on myself for a change and trying to find out what I was suppose to do in life. My purpose and most of all find who I really was, outside of Nathan. I had started to prove to myself that I could do things that I was stronger then I liked to admit. I also wanted to get rid of my fears and conquering my fears. One fear that had always plagued me was being alone, I didn't want to be alone. I also didn't want to live without love.

"Fine" I relented. "Lets do it" I finished getting a grin from Jake. "But you promise me that no matter how much I complain, you'll still make me continue to do this." I had a tendency to give up rather easily on certain things but if this lesson pushed me enough then maybe I'd be stronger.

"Scouts honor" he said putting his hand up. "All right, so I'll go over to the rental place further down and get the gear." he said standing up. He looked pleased by my decision and secretly I was pleased as well. Maybe if we continued at this rate, I'd chop off a few more of my fears.

"Ok. Hurry back" I said lying back down on my beach towel.

--

Peyton Sawyer had found herself dining outside at the beach-club eatery all alone. It was almost funny how she had finally won the guy yet here she was eating all by herself. Life was supposed to be better, Nathan was supposed to love her, he was supposed to be here with her now, instead of going for a run. If she hadn't seen the look on his face this morning, she would have asked him point blank if he was going to see Haley, but that would just start an argument. And since they had been arguing an awful lot she decided to let things rest for just one day. He was unhappy, she knew that and to tell the truth so was she. Things had to get better, they needed to make an effort and she had to let go of the fact that Haley would always be in the shadows. That was what was stopping the two of them from being happy. They both needed to let go of Haley.

Scrolling through her phone, she went through the list of names of people in her life. Out of all the names in her phone not one person was here with her now. It would have been nice to talk to someone, to have someone feel the way she felt. But no luck. Everyone loved Haley James, so she couldn't possibly rant to anyone...well except him. Chris Keller was probably her only alley, and maybe Chase because they had both known about what Haley had done to her. She would have loved to talk to Lucas but he had been avoiding her like the plague which was unsettling, usually he had been at her side, or on her side but since he had decided that Brooke was the "love of his life" he had avoided her. By default he had sided with the other side and that really pissed her off. Of course she could always talk to Bevin who would of course not understand everything but once again Haley had gotten to Bevin, or maybe it was Brooke and her influence on Bevin. She couldn't talk to Rachel either because, well once again Brooke had highly influenced Rachel and brought her over to her side.

Looking up she caught sight of the one person that had always been really cool with her. Jake! She had heard around town that he was hanging around Haley, and Brooke. The thought alone made her nearly want to throw up. Jake could do so much better then hanging out the likes of those two. Haley and Brooke were both self righteous hypocrites. Brooke thought she was better then everyone because she was a changed girl, she was no longer, the party animal she use to be, but that of course didn't change the past. And then there was Haley. Haley was the worst, she used her angelic face and everything else about her to fool people into thinking she was someone she had never been. And she hated her, because in the end she still had everything. Haley still held Nathan's heart, she had stolen Brooke away from her right after Brooke had found out about the whole Lucas incident. Haley had also been the reason Lucas was avoiding her, because she was sure that Haley had cried to Brooke and then Brooke had probably tightened her leash on Lucas. And last but not least, Haley was now making nice with Jake. And if it was the last thing she'd do, she would not let Haley James sink her teeth into one more man in her life.

Placing a hand on her baby, bump, she took two deep breaths. She had just begun to show with a tiny bump forming, and whenever she got stressed or agitated rubbing her belly seemed to make everything ok. This baby was going to make everything ok. She just knew it.

Getting up she quickly made her way over to Jake. Looking around she noticed that the leach was nowhere to be seen. Which was perfect, she needed to get Jake as far away from Haley as possible because, well Haley ruined lives. More importantly Haley had nearly destroyed her life and payback was a bitch. She wouldn't be satisfied till little perfect Haley James was left all alone.

"Jake" she called just as he had finished talking to the owner of the shop. He had two bogie boards in hand and appeared to be very happy. He looked cute with his board shorts and white wife beater. And she knew from pervious experience that he was all heart. Haley would do nothing but take advantage of his kind nature and it was her duty as his friend to warn him what he was getting into.

Turning around he caught sight of who it was, Peyton Sawyer. The last time he had spoken to her she had cornered him at the firework show, only to ask him to join Nathan and everyone else at "the spot" he had declined because, well he was having more fun with Haley and Brooke. Being around the gang had become rather stifling, with all the unsaid words. Not to mention added tension. They were getting older and it was tiring to deal with the added drama.

"Hey Peyton" he voiced hoping to breeze by so that he could get back to Haley.

"Wow. I haven't seen you in a long time. Where have you been hiding?" she asked placing her hand back onto her stomach. She had always liked Jake and wanted nothing more then to save him.

He chuckled. "You just saw me at the firework show. Anyway I've been around."

"I see" she voiced, deciding to finally just get everything out in the open. "Listen Jake, um I heard you've been hanging around Haley and Brooke a lot lately"

"Yeah"

Giving him a small smile. She spoke. "Listen. I just want you to be carful." She saw the question in his eyes and continued on. "Haley isn't the girl you think she is, in fact it would probably be in your best interest to just stop hanging around her all together" she finally got out.

"Oh really?" he voiced crossing his arms. "Listen I get that you all have some sort of tension but that has nothing to do with me. In fact Haley is going through a hard time right now, and she needs friends."

She rolled her eyes yet again. Oh god why was it that every damn guy in this town fell for the game Haley James had played?"If she's going through hell then she deserves it" she spat out.

"Peyton" he voiced a little startled by the hatred dripping off her voice.

"Jake I thought I could warn you and you'd believe me. You'd take my advice but it looks like I'll have to enlighten you on your newest friend, and no doubt the other person who is going surfing with you on this fine day." She spat out. It seemed like everyone had brought all this on themselves.

"What are you talking about?" he asked annoyed. He had seen many sides of Peyton but this was quite disturbing. He had expected her to be happy, in fact he was wondering where Nathan was, weren't the two of them suppose to be happy and in love?

Wasting no time, she spoke. "Haley had an affair with Nathan and by doing that broke Chase's heart. Now tell me you don't see Haley any different then you did before this bit of information.

/

Once Jake had left, I quickly checked my messages to find out that Brooke was bringing her new man over to the beach to meet us, which was quite exciting. Brooke had pretty much put her dating life on hold to concentrate on helping me get over Nathan. And although I was more then grateful I didn't want her to stop having a good time because of me. She had told me a couple of days ago that things with Lucas had ended though I had already known. I had heard them arguing about me. She was upset that he didn't see why she was loyal to me and he was upset because she wouldn't see his side being loyal to Nathan. I hated being the reaosn why my bestfriend and her boyfriend were fighting.

Closing my eyes I let my mind drift and of course it drifted to Nathan. No matter how hard I tried he still managed to creep into my thoughts and it made me feel pathetic. He still had a hold on me and I wished to god that he didn't. I needed to purge him from my life but that was easier said then done.

I hadn't gone through all his things yet, I had wanted to wait till I was ready to look at all the stuff and finally throw away all the memories. Thinking about him still made me sad, it still hurt but I believe it was getting better with time. Flipping open my phone, I came across a picture we had taken at the beach-house together which was our spot. The two of us in our blinded lust looked happy, content. When I looked at the pictures, I could hardly see traces of the two people in it. Nathan and I were no longer those two people. Not anymore. I got the feeling that someone was watching and immediately closed my phone. What I didn't need was for anyone knowing that I was still very attached to Nathan.

"Im glad your back Jake! You were right coming to the beach was a good idea" I said stopping once I saw who it was. Nathan. It was ironic to see him here now, standing before me. I wondered if he had been thinking about me just like I had been thinking of him.

He looked at her long and hard. He had come out to the beach for a run this morning. He usually loved being near the water it had always calmed him and he thought being here today would do him some good, but instead it had angered him. He had seen Haley and Jake walking, talking and basically all over each other. They were flirting in public, grinning and having a grand on time. It was quite different from what she had presented to him. She acted like she was hurt and sad when really she was spending her extra time with Jake. And the kicker was that he had wanted to see her. He had been thinking about her and now that he found her he was disgusted.

"Sorry to disappoint you princess by im not your knight in shining armor" he tossed out annoyed. Seeing her here just cemented what Peyton had said earlier, she had moved on, all the while he was still holding on. That's why he was standing before her jealousy rushing through his veins, because he wanted to hold onto her.

I swallowed hard. I had done a good job at avoiding Nathan. I was concentrating on myself for a change and of course when I was having fun he'd pop out. "I have nothing to say to you" I said easily. We had nothing to talk about. Nothing would ever change not for us.

Squatting down so that he was at eye level with her he spoke. "Well too bad I've got a lot to say to you princess" he said touching her face. It angered him to know that she was out spending time with another guy. Yes he knew that they weren't together anymore but that didn't mean that he was happy to see her with someone else. Especially dressed in next to nothing.

"Don't touch me" I said jerking his hand away from me. Only to gain a nauseating chuckle from him. He was enjoying himself I could see it in his eyes. And by the sound of his voice, I knew that he was here to bring trouble.

" You really are a piece of work, but you know that princess." He voiced shooting daggers her way. "You've managed to make me feel like shit for doing the right thing and standing by Peyton and our baby, and here you are already jumping onto the next guy that comes your way."

"How dare you?" I voiced only to interrupted again.

"I should have seen this coming. Peyton was right! You move fast princess, and since I already know your game, I know you've been fucking Jake." He let out a scuff. "I know you- and I know that when things get really tough you latch onto the nearest warm body. You did it with me, and then you had Chase and now you've got Jake." He gritted out becoming angrier at the thought of anyone touching her.

I felt tears well up in my eyes but I wouldn't cry not in front of him, not over him not anymore. I couldn't believe words that were coming out of his mouth. Nor could I believe that he had used my past mistakes to make himself feel better for what he had done to me, to us. I wasn't nor did I intend on getting serious with Jake. But Nathan didn't need to know that. If he thought I was sleeping with Jake then so be it.

"Admit it!" he growled looking at her. "Admit that while everyone has been feeling sorry for you, while I've been regretting my decision you've been fucking Jake!"

God his words hurt, I couldn't believe that this was the same man that had claimed to love me. That this was the same man that I thought the world of. I knew Nathan had a problem with jealousy he'd always had that problem, but he didn't get to be jealous anymore, especially not with me.

"What do you think" I said eying him closely. His fist were clenched and for the first time I was really scared of him. He was so angry but he was angry at the wrong person. I didn't do this, Jake didn't do this, he did this. And I think it finally dawned on him that things would never be the same between the two of us. I think everything had finally sunk in- we were over and he was having a baby with a woman he didn't even love. "And for your information, Jake is a better man then you'll ever be. He knows how to treat a girl, he's patient, caring and...any girl would be lucky to have him in there life"

"I think you're a hell of an actress. You had me going for a little while, but now I see that you were just using my weak spot for you to get back at me. You wanted me to feel bad because I chose Peyton"

I let out a scuff. "Why is it that you get to move on with Peyton, yet the thought of me moving on sends you into a tailspin. It's not fair. So don't you dare blame this on me, or get mad at me for spending time with another man." I spat out my defenses up. I would not let him make me feel bad about this. Not anymore.

He was ten seconds from snapping. Haley and Jake, the thought alone made him sick to his stomach. Here he had been keeping Peyton at arms reach when Haley was getting it on with Jake. She was moving on and although it appeared he was doing the same thing, in reality he was still trying to hold onto her. He had been thinking all morning of a way they could be together because being with Peyton wasn't fair to anyone. It wasn't fair to Peyton because he didn't love her, and it certainly wasn't fair to Haley.

"You were nothing before me princess and you'll be even less without me. Jake wont validate you" he said deadly. "I wont feel bad for what happen to us anymore. I've got what I've always wanted a family" he said going in for the kill "I wont let you drag me down anymore. Im with a woman who loves me and she's having my baby" he said looking her up and down.

_So I scream_

_Scream cause it hurts_

_Your every word_

_cuts inside and leave me worst_

"A woman you don't even love." I spat out. I was now standing before him and we would either fight like hell or makeout, it could really go either way. I watched as his nostrils flared and soon his hand shot out jerking me closer to him. I wouldn't back down and from the looks of it he wouldn't either.

Once she uttered those words he knew in an instant she was still fighting for him, just as he was still fighting for her. And in that moment he wanted nothing more then to take her away from this place. He wished they were alone because then he'd take her long and hard. She was a fighter and that's what he loved about her. "Come with me to the beach house Haley" he said dipping his voice down to a whisper. He knew she felt the sudden charge that ran through them and hoped she'd give into him. They both needed each other.

"Please" he said dipping his voice. He saw it in her eyes. She was beginning to waver. She wanted him too. "I can make it better Hales" he whispered as his lips trailed her jaw. "I can make the pain go away" he continued now seeking out her neck. "All you have to do is come with me. I'll kiss you everywhere...I'll touch you everywhere; I'll make you feel again. Have sex with me Haley- we both want it, one last time" he pleaded. Not a single person understood them. They could hate each other and love each other at the same time. And the flame of lust never burnt out between them.

My breathing was shallow as my heartbeat sped up. It would have been easy to slip back into bed with Nathan. Our attraction for one another, is what got us together in the first place. Our sensational sex life is what kept us together. And the lust that burned inside of us is what got us in trouble. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him. My body came alive the moment he touched me, in a sensual way. It this had happen months ago we would have been in bed by now, going strong and hard. Arguing had always been a sort of foreplay for us, but that was then and now I didn't want anything to do with him.

"No" I said pushing him away. "You don't need me for your fill. You've got Peyton for that. It never stopped you before" I said causing him give me a surprised look.

"It's not the same and you know it. I want you and you want me, you just won't admit it" he said walking closer only to stop once she took another step back. "You and I are one in the same Haley. We both need this so bad. The rush...the passion. It'll take the ache away."

"Having sex won't change a thing. You'll still feel empty in the end" I said as the sexual haze that once consumed me had been lifted. "That ache you feel will be eternal because you don't love Peyton and you probably never will"

_Nothing will change_

_No matter what you say_

_the harder that we try_

_the harder that we fight_

"Maybe not yet but someday I will. And on that day, I'll forget everything about you"

My lip trembled as I fought to stay in control with my feelings. I couldn't believe that these words were coming from his mouth. He was so angry with me when I had done nothing to him. I had left him alone. I had stayed away from our mutual friends. I gave up on us and now he was mad at me for doing that. "Are you happy now" I said wiping my eyes as I couldn't control my emotions anymore.

"Very" he said suddenly feeling disgusted with himself. It was too late though. He had gone too far. He wasn't mad at Haley. He was mad at himself. He got himself into this situation and now every day of his life he'd have to deal with it.

"What's going on here" Jake asked finally approaching the two of them. He had seen someone talking to Haley off in the distance but wasn't sure who it was, until he had finally gotten close enough. When Haley had turned his way, he caught sight of her face, she looked broken and immediately he knew why. "What did you do to her?" he demanded throwing the gear down and walking up to Nathan.

"Relax Jake" he said giving him a smirk. "I did you a favor, now she'll be even easier then usual"

I could practically see a fight emerging before my eyes. Nathan knew just what to say to provoke someone and I had a feeling he wanted to fight Jake. He wanted to blame Jake, and he wanted to blame me. He didn't want to take any responsibility for the pain he had caused us both.

"Jake please, don't" I said jumping to his side. Nathan let out a chuckle before going about his way in the opposite direction and for once I didn't care that he was gone.

"Are you ok" Jake asked turning to look at me. I know I looked a mess. The moment I had seen Nathan I felt the color drain from my face.

"Im fine" I lied. "Nathan was just being an ass" I said shrugging my shoulders. "Nothing I haven't dealt with before" I said trying to smile but finding it hard yet again. "Come on we were suppose to try boarding, and I wanna try and get into the water before Brooke shows up with her man"

"Haley" Jake called touching my arm, which caused me to look up at him.

"Yeah"

"I ran into Peyton at the surf-shack, and she said some things" he trailed off

"You know don't you?" I questioned already knowing the answer. "Its true." I admitted looking down. "Listen it wasn't one of my best moments but I cant change it" I voiced getting teary "and if I could I would because then he wouldn't be like this" I said as I started to get upset.

Jake said nothing and I decided to continue.

"He thinks we're sleeping together, and basically told me I was a slut that amounted to nothing in his life and in life in general" I said finally letting a few more tears fall.

"Hales" he called sympathetically.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore ok" I said removing his arm from around my shoulder. "Lets pretend he didn't come here, lets pretend he didn't ruin our day ok" I said grabbing the bogie board and heading for the ocean.

He watched for a moment before following. It was too late Nathan had already ruined the day. And now he wondered if Haley would ever be able to get up and try again.

--

after Jake and I had spent quite a while at the beach we had gone home and changed to go out with Brooke and her new man. I didn't tell Brooke about what had happen with Nathan because I knew she'd freak out. So instead I dressed up and went out with my friends. Jake had been really good to me after I had spilled my guts to him. He was a good guy and I was lucky that he was my friend.

"Wow Hales, you look good the sun you got today did you some good" Brooke said slinging her arm around me.

"I guess" I said smiling over at her. "So where is your new friend?" I asked looking around Tric.

"He'll be here!" Brooke said excitedly. "His name is Dean and he's really cute"

"Good! And I guess from the smile on your face it tells me you're happy?"

"I am. And I want my bestfriend to be happy too!" she said placing her arm around me

"I will be, I just need a little time" I said dropping my smile as I took in the sight of Nathan and Peyton sitting around with a group of our friends together. I guess everyone was having a party and we weren't invited.

"Lets go" Brooke said grabbing my arm, but I stood still. If I left then he'd know that he hurt me today. 'Haley lets go" Brooke said again this time giving a newly arrived Jake a pointed look.

"No" I said quietly.

"Look who it is" Nathan said catching sight of the new people who entered Tric. "Don't you three make the perfect threesome" he voiced causing everyone at the table to go still. Nathan had called up everyone insisting they celebrate at Tric tonight and since they had all pretty much gone there separate ways, everyone thought it was a good idea. Wrong, Nathan had been pounding the drinks

"You three are just in time. I wanted to give Peyton this gift and who better to see it all then you princess" he said looking her dead in the eye.

Peyton was a tad bit skeptical of what to expect especially since Nathan had been drinking heavily tonight. But she'd be a fool not to bask in the sudden attention he was sending her way. Opening the package she found a baby mobile and held it up for everyone to see. Looking over to Nathan she had hoped to see him grinning down at her but found that he was still looking at Haley. Once again it was all about Haley.

As Peyton held up the baby mobile I felt sick to my stomach. Nathan had bought a similar baby mobile for our son and now he was taunting me with nearly the same image. I felt my eyes cloud over with tears as Brooke and Jake were still at my side. Shrugging them off of me I walked over to the table. "You've won" I said my lip trembling. "You wanted to hurt me and you have. You wanted to make sure I was still bleeding for you, from you...and I am. Congratulations Nathan!" I said before turning around and running out of the club. I didn't care how I looked, I didn't care who saw me I needed to get out of there. I needed to just get away.

_So I scream_

_Scream cause it hurts_

_Your every word_

_cuts inside and leave me worst_

"Haley, Haley wait" Brooke said rushing following close behind.

"What the hell is your problem?" Jake asked now being the only person standing before him. Everyone at the table had gone deathly silent. Shocked by the outburst.

"You're my problem." he said standing up. "Your running around town acting like you've got some damn prize when in reality she'll lift her skirt up for anyone who'll make the pain go away."

"You're a sick bastard Nathan" Jake gritted out. "Haley isn't lifting her skirt for anyone. She's in love with you- you asshole." he said shaking his head is disgust. "She's been trying to get over you and that doesn't include screwing around with me."

"Whatever you say Jakeboy" he tossed out before grabbing another drink. "You may think you know her because you've been her friend lately but nobody will know her like I do. I know she likes to sleep in socks because her feet get cold. I know her inside and out. I know what makes her tick and you'll never know what she holds sacred "

"You're an asshole Nathan! You may know her, but you don't deserve her love" he said before walking out of the club

--

When I had gotten home the first thing I did was tear through my bedroom. I took everything that reminded me of Nathan and I threw it in a box. I wanted nothing to do with him. Everything that reminded me of him needed to burned! I hated him! I hated that seeing me in pain made him feel good. And most of all I hated that he used things that only he knew about me to make me feel weak.

"Haley, Hales slow down"

I stopped and turned around to face my friend. "I cant do this Brooke. I cant do this anymore. Im not strong enough to fight Nathan and Peyton. I cant watch them have this baby and know that their gonna rub in my face. I cant do this" I said shaking my head. "Don't ask me to,"I cried. I couldn't do this, not now, probably not ever. I was kidding myself thinking I could handle this.

"What are you saying Hales?" she questioned.

"Im saying im done"

_theres no way back_

_what if there was_

_you'd still be you and_

_I'd still need to say goodbye_

Song Credit: Ashlee Simpson- say goodbye

A.N. 2: well i hoped you liked this chapter. The next will delve into more of the past Nathan and Haley shared along with insights into the very torrid and complicated relationship they found themselves in.


	14. Chapter 14

**A.N.** Hey all! I know it's been a while but im back. School is well school and since I've managed to snag some free time I wanted to post this chapter! I know the last couple of chapters have been very angsty but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things will be looking up starting with the next chapter and onwards. This Chapter has a lot of flashbacks to show what has happened in the past, so I hope its not too confusing for you all. If you have any questions feel free to ask me. Once again thank you for reading and replying.

special thanks to: Jess2303, Sunny-C, meg07, HJS-NS-23, NaleyAlways4Ever, Naley19. SimplyBeauitful23, and OTHRULEZ08

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 14: Goodbye Love**

_Hold your head up high_

_Your never wrong_

_You would rather fight_

_then walk away_

The next morning he had awakened with a headache like no other; along with an unfortunate memory of everything he had done last night. He wished that the memory of her face, of her eyes would have disappeared due to the amount of alcohol he drank the night before, but no such luck. He remembered everything, every horrible word, every rude gesture...everything. It wasn't her fault he had acted out, no. It was his own fault. He knew that now, he'd always known it. He just hated to see her with someone else, hated knowing that while he had Peyton someone he didn't love she could find love with someone that could make her happy. And in the end he was jealous of that.

Getting out of the bed he went downstairs to the kitchen and found Peyton eating at the breakfast table she didn't say anything to him and he continued to ignore her while grabbing a bowel for cereal. This could be possibly the routine for the rest of his life. And the thought alone made him shiver. He and Peyton were so cold to each other; they were numb, void of most emotion.

Sitting down across from her. He noted how stiff she had gotten but still said nothing. There was really nothing to say at this point. From the look on her face he could tell she was angry but that was nothing knew. Neither one of them were happy that was obvious. She'd continue to hold his affair with Haley over his head, and he was sure of that. And really he was beginning to think she wouldn't be happy until she had gotten everything she wanted and what she wanted was him.

"Sleep well?" she asked finally looking up at him. Last night had been everything she had ever wanted but it was all a lie. Nathan was pretending to be excited all to get back at Haley and that hurt. Because once again, it was all about Haley. He had invited all their mutual friends to give her gifts all for the pure pleasure of hurting Haley. And she wanted more. She wanted him to love her.

"I guess" he said munching on his cereal. "Did you sleep in the guest bedroom last night" he asked while casually flipping through the morning paper.

"Did you honestly think I'd sleep in the same bed as you after what you did?" she asked raising her voice. "Everything was all about Haley once again" . Everything was always about Haley and she was sick of it. She was sick of watching him pine away for Haley. She was sick of it all. And what was even more disgusting is that despite all the crap that went down between Nathan and Haley, the two of them still hoped that one day they'd get things right. Star crossed lovers was probably the best term for Nathan and Haley, and it was sickening to even think about.

"Peyton." He called."Don't start. Its early and im not in the mood to argue with you. I was just asking a simple question, I mean you are carrying my child so where you sleep does concern me."

"Don't pretend like you care because you don't" Peyton snapped fed up. If she weren't pregnant, she was sure that Nathan would have run off with Haley and the two of them would live happily ever after. It brought great pride to her that- the fairy tale love Nathan and Haley claimed to have ended sourly. Haley deserved hell and Nathan, he deserved to be reminded for the rest of his life- the life he chose. Everyday he'd be reminded of the mistake he made with Haley and she'd make damn sure he'd never forget.

"I do care ok" he mumbled.

He did care, about Peyton because she was his friend and the mother of his unborn child. She made everything harder then things should have been between them. She was obsessed with making Haley pay for what the two of them had done. And most of all she wanted more then he could offer her. " Im doing the best, I can here Peyton- why don't you cut me some slack"

"I heard you. I heard what you said to Lucas last night" she admitted, finally looking into his eyes. It had been obvious to everyone that Nathan didn't want to be with her, but to hear him admit it, it was damaging. She was fighting so hard to keep him, but as time went on she wondered if she'd ever really have him. Or would he always be chained to Haley?

"How much did you hear" he asked pensively?

"Enough to know where you stand and what you really want"

_what a lonely way to breathe the air_

_what an unlovely way to say you care_

_flashback_

_"Nate, I need you to try and help me so that we can get you to bed."_

_"What's the point? What's the point of anything?" he asked closing his eyes. After Jake had gone after Haley he had nursed his ego or maybe broken heart with hard liquor. It all seemed like just a good idea at the time but now he was wondering if that had been a mistake._

_"What if Jake was telling the truth, what if he and Haley weren't together. What if I made things worst" Nathan rambled in a drunk stupor._

_Blowing out a breath he spoke. "Nathan you can't think about that now man. Ok we will talk about Haley when your pregnant girlfriend isn't in the next room"_

_"I love her so much. The thought of him touching her, it sent me over the edge" he said starting to cry. "I told her that she was nothing today" he said trying to sit up but failing. "I told her she meant nothing to me but it was a lie. I love her Luke and without her, im nothing" he said closing his eyes." I don't know how to live without her. I don't want to live without her"_

_"Nate" Lucas called sympathetically._

_"I want to be happy with Peyton, I want to be happy about this baby, but I can't. I feel like im faking. I feel like a traitor every time I touch her, I feel like a traitor to my son. Haley was right im replacing them with an updated version. Who does that Luke? Who replaces the people they love the most" He asked sitting up in bed. "Who hurts the girl that love more then anything over and over again?" he questioned._

_"Well you're not the only one who has a habit of hurting the people they love" Lucas voiced, thinking of his own mistakes._

_"I've made a mess of my life Luke. Things will never be the same, for me, for Haley or Peyton" he said sighing. "I can't lose her Luke, I can't"_

_End of flashback_

"God Nathan! You have to get over her" she cried running her hands in her hair. "I don't know how much more I can take." she admitted honestly. It was hard loving someone who didn't love you. "I love you so much and you don't see it, all you do is think about Haley! Well think about me! Im carrying your child, the child we made together" she said slamming her hand onto the counter top.

" I have a doctors appointment today. Try and get yourself together so that you can make it" she said walking over to the door. "You know Nathan, its not fun being the bad guy. You cheated on me with her! I have feelings too Nathan and I love you but I can't live like this." she said looking down.

"Im sorry. But we both know that this is going nowhere. I can't give you any more then what im giving you now. You and I can live together we can raise this baby together- but that won't change anything else between us. Im not in love with you and I know you know that" he admitted freely. There was no use in lying about it, she had heard everything and now she knew everything. If she wasn't pregnant, he would have been with Haley right now and that was the honest truth.

"Your not in love because you won't let yourself be. You have this sick idea that its your fault that your son died and that you can't be happy with someone else that isn't Haley. You aren't betraying your son by loving me Nathan- by loving this baby. Loving Haley isn't gonna bring him back and more importantly hanging onto her won't change a thing. This obsession you have with her has to end because it might cause you another child" she snapped hoping he'd finally see what was at stake. She wondered if he'd really risk losing everything for Haley. Was she worth the child he had wanted for so long?

He knew that all she said was true. He had gotten everyone into this mess, he had gotten Peyton pregnant and now he couldn't let Haley go. He had always said that Haley was clinging onto him but really he was clinging onto her.

"I can't change the way I feel." He replied stiffly. He didn't like talking about his son with Peyton not now. Because she had used the things, he had told her in his time of need against him. And well, he had a habit of going off on people, and Peyton would hold this against him. It would prove everything she said was true.

"Don't be sorry, just do what's right. Do what's right for all of us, including Haley and this baby. " She said pausing. "What you did to her last night, was horrible. If you ever really loved Haley, you would have never hurt her in the first place. And judging by your past as well as what you did to her last night, it tells me that you don't love her as much as you'd like to think" she mused out loud.

" I'll always love her end of story. I'm with you and you'll just have to deal with Haley having a piece of my heart."He yelled letting his temper get the best of him. She didn't understand and not many people did understand him and Haley. They could cut each other to the bone and still be in love with each other. " As for last night Haley will understand. She always does"

She wanted to let out a chuckle and laugh in his face but decided against it. Nathan was delusional if he thought Haley would ever forgive him.

"I wont fight for you anymore because I shouldn't have to. " She said finally walking out of the door. "You and Haley have been over for a very long time, and its time you let her go and open your heart to love again.

She hoped that he would make the right decision, she hoped that he would choose her. But then again after witnessing all the nasty things he said to Haley she knew that Haley would never take him back. And she'd get him in the end. She had always been afraid that Nathan and Haley would get back together but Nathan had sealed their fate last night. The things he had said to Haley, it had sealed his future with her. Nathan may have wanted Haley but Haley would never want him. And even if it was by default she'd get Nathan.

Once Peyton had walked out of the door, he knew what he needed to do. He needed to apologize to Haley. He needed to make things right with her. He crossed the line yesterday but she knew whenever he got mad that he acted crazy. She was the same way whenever they were hurt they sprang into action and dealt with the conscious later. They were one in the same and he hoped she remembered that.

--

The house was silent as she sat on the couch with a teddy bear all alone. Silence was never a good thing. Some people preferred the silence but she hated it. Silence meant you were alone and nobody liked to be alone. That's why they had gravitated to one another. Both hated being alone, both needed someone in their lives that would always be around and now and surprisingly the person they needed happened to be each another.

The last couple of hours had been hell for everyone. It seemed like everything had just spiraled out of control and now everything was just ruined. Haley had been a mess, she was broken and it hard knowing her friend was so hurt and also knowing that no matter how much she tried to make things better, in the end it wouldn't or couldn't change anything. Getting up she looked into the bedroom. Everything was neat and perfect. The way Haley had liked it. But something was missing and that person was Haley of course. It was going to be difficult living without her bestfriend but in the end all that really mattered was Haley and her well being. If leaving Tree Hill helped her find her way then she be it.

_Brooke's Flashback_

_"Haley I'm sorry about Nathan. He's a jerk. I'm sorry that he hurt you"_

_"its not your fault. I never should have gotten with him in the first place" I said looking down. "Brooke I cant do this anymore. I can't. Im done with Nathan! Im did with it all"_

_"What do you mean you're done" She asked looking at her friend curiously?_

_I was silent for a while. Brooke and I had made a pact to always stick together and somehow I felt like I was going back on this pact. But in all honesty I could not live like this anymore. Nathan was tearing me to pieces and I needed time to heal away from him and everyone else. Tree Hill was contagious, it held a disease that infected everyone and everything. I couldn't pretend like things were gonna get better when I knew in my heart that they never would._

_"Brooke I can't stay here. This town is killing me, Nathan is killing me and if I don't get out of here soon..." I said pausing. "I'll die and the little bit of strength I have left will disappear." I said looking down. "I cannot fight this anymore, you know me I will fight till the end but I cannot fight Nathan anymore I can't fight this...life"_

_"You're stronger then you know Haley" she said stepping closer. "We both know that. And Nathan, the hell with him you are better without him. You can't let him take your light away Hales, he doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve the power he has over you"_

_"I want to go see my grandpa Whitey. He's been calling me asking about my life and since he has that eye surgery coming up, it'll be a good idea for me to go see him" I said turning my eyes away from her. "My grandpa needs me and I need him. I need peace._

_" I need you too" she said trying to hold back tears._

_"I know you do and I need you too." I said giving her a hug. "B. This isn't goodbye forever." I said sniffling. "This is just a little vacation im taking. Once Peyton pops that devil spawn out I'll be back better then ever" I said trying to smile but finding it hard. Brooke and I had hardly been separated since we had become friends, she was like my other half my sister. We relied on each other a lot. I would love for her to join me in Savannah that would be ideal but I couldn't ask her to drop everything to comfort me and I needed to find my own way alone._

_"But that'll be forever. She'll be on of those girls who stays pregnant forever." she got out a grin appearing on her lips. " Which she deserves I hope she gets fat and Nathan starts balding very soon" she joked._

_"Well you can come visit me anytime. I've gotta find my own way though B. I've gotta find myself and to do that, I need to do it alone." I said pulling back to look at her. "Tell me, im doing the right thing by running away, tell me im not making the wrong choice"_

_Smiling sadly she spoke. "Your doing what's best for you H.J. and I can't be mad at that. You're my bestfriend Hales," she said starting to cry. "And no matter how far away you are, you will always be my bestfriend._

_End of flashback_

The sound of the doorbell had shaken her from her thoughts. She hoped that maybe it was Haley, that maybe she had changed her mind but knew deep down in her heart, that wasn't the case. Haley had made up her mind. She wanted no part of Tree Hill at least for now.

Swinging the door open she found the one person who ruined it all. The very same person who caused this mess in the first place. " Nathan, what are you doing here?" she asked her eyes like daggers.

He had known even before arriving to the apartment that Brooke would give him hell. He deserved it, and she could yell at him later but first he needed to talk to Haley.

"Brooke. You can yell at me later, after I've finished talking with Haley." He said looking past her. It was eerily quiet in the house. Usually the television was blasting because the girls listened to the t.v. way too loud, or music was blaring the background but he heard nothing. He half expected to hear angry chick music but once again heard nothing.

Crossing her arms, she spoke. "What could you possibly have to say to her after last night? You made your feelings perfectly clear. Crystal clear. You're a miserable human being Nathan and you want to make everyone else just as miserable as you are" she shot out angered by his presence. Having Nathan around had never done any good for anyone.

Rolling his eyes he spoke. "I need to see Haley."

"She's not here" she said simply, not daring to show any sort of emotion his way.

Letting out a breath he spoke. "I don't believe you" he said looking down. "You can't keep me away from her forever. Im gonna get to her sooner or later." He continued on. "I just need to talk to her, I need to apologize" he pleaded.

She let out a scuff she spoke"fine. Be my guest come in" she opening the door. She watched as he rushed immediately to the bedroom in hopes of seeing Haley and followed behind him. The same devastation that had run through her earlier had come back and now it hitting Nathan. And she enjoyed seeing him hurt.

"Wh- where is she? Brooke this isn't funny" he said taking sight of the bedroom. Pictures that use to be up were now down. Her closet was nearly bare and then there was a box that held things he had given her. On the box it read "worthless crap" followed by his name. Something was wrong, being in her room with it looking so bare was just wrong. He had upset her, he knew that but she'd never done anything like this.

"Brooke where is she" he asked turning sharply. His heart was beating fast and felt like he was about to pass out. It looked like Haley had gone. And that couldn't happen because he needed to tell her he was sorry, he needed to make things right for everyone. He needed to be with her.

Her eyes began to well up as she too looked around the room that held so many things. Her friend had left because she couldn't take it being here because of him. The blame fell solely on Nathan and she hoped that the knowledge would open his eyes. Haley had loved him with everything and he had taken her love and stomped on it. He couldn't treat someone he claimed to love so much like crap and expect them to welcome him with open arms. This wasn't a game, it wasn't a television show it was life, and Nathan was going to deal with the reality that he caused Haley to leave all on his own.

"She's gone. Nathan, and its all your fault"

Turning around sharply he placed his arms on her shoulders. "Where is she Brooke?" he asked his voice shaking " Don't play with me"

"Does it look like im kidding" she said batting back a few tears. "I watched my bestfriend leave town today because of you. She's gone and its all your fault Nathan! She said she couldn't do this anymore, she said she couldn't take it anymore and got on a train and left town" she spat out.

Just thinking about Haley crying on the floor, made her blood boil and immediately she swung at him. He caught her though and held her close. "You have no idea what you've done to her. I watched my bestfriend cry herself to sleep every night and then once she stopped you pulled the dick card and ruined everything." She spat out. "You broke her last night. You ruined everything and basically spat on your sons grave. You asshole."

"She's gone" he said looking over at her. "Like really gone" he voiced putting his hand to his head and slumping back against the wall.

"Yeah" she said holding the teddy bear Haley had given her for her birthday when they were kids. "And I don't know what either one of us is gonna do without her" she said sitting next to him on the floor. She hated Nathan for he had done to Haley, for taking her bestfriend away. But she knew what he was feeling. He was feeling empty just as she was. They were in the same boat.

"I came here to tell her I was sorry. That I loved her" he voiced stopping mid sentence.

"It doesn't matter anymore Nathan. You're too late. " she said standing up. "She loved you with all of her heart. She'd do anything for you and it didn't matter how badly you treated her, because she loved you. But you broke her Nathan." She said getting misty. "And although it kills me not to see my bestfriend, knowing that she is far away from you makes it easier for me. You'll never hurt her again" She said getting up and walking out of the room.

Nathan would never hurt Haley again and that was all that really mattered. And in the end he'd get what he deserved with Peyton, a life of misery. Nathan and Peyton belonged together, they ruined everything they touched and she would let them ruin Haley not anymore, not ever again.

_Look what you've missed_

_Living like this_

_nobody wins_

_+-+_

Jake Jagalski drove with his eyes starring on the road. When Haley and Brooke had appeared on his doorstep this morning it surprised him. And what surprised him even more was that decision Haley had made to leave Tree Hill. He knew that Nathan had hurt her terribly but didn't think she'd move to another state to get away from him. Haley had told him earlier that this was a mini vacation from Tree Hill and the thought sounded appeasing enough. It just didn't sit well with him, or Brooke for that matter.

Stealing a glance in her direction, he noticed her slumped over in her seat. "You don't have to do this ya know" Jake voiced as they drove to her grandfathers house. "We can easily turn around and act like nothing ever happened." He said pausing briefly. He couldn't understand why she would give everything up for Nathan. "Haley, tree hill is your home too, its not Nathan's town"

"I know that" I said not bothering to take my eyes off the passing scenery in the window. "I'm not running away from Nathan or even from Peyton im just...running away from that life" I said finally tossing a look in his direction. "Being in that town is so draining. You can't possibly move on because everything single demon from your past is always starring you in the face." I admitted. I was emotionally drained from all the crap Nathan had put me through. And I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted peace. I wanted normal. More importantly I wanted things to go back to the way they were before Nathan and I had even gotten together.

"And you think Savannah will give that to you, you think you'll be able to move on?" he questioned.

"Yes" I answered honestly. "For at least a couple of months I won't have to carry the weight of my past mistakes with Nathan or even have to deal with him period. Leaving Tree Hill gives me a fighting chance to get my life back together, and I'd be a fool not to do it" I said turning around to face the window once more.

"Okay. As long as your sure" he said looking back at the road.

"im sure" i said keeping my eyes forward. I could do this, I needed to do this.

_Flashback_

_"Haley, slow down your not making any sense"_

_"I know" I said pacing back and forth. Everything just hit me like a freight train, everything all at once. Nathan, the two of us it was all a mistake. It was something I wanted so bad- to find someone to truly love that I pushed aside all the bad things._

_"You know I use to think Nathan loved me. I thought we had this love that nothing could break- but that wasn't true. I was fooling myself and Peyton was right. Everything we had...everything I thought we had was all untrue. He never loved me Brooke" I said looking over in her direction._

_"Haley you can't honestly think that what the two of you had together was all a lie. He loved you- everyone knew it."_

_" After what he said to me tonight, I know that he never loved me at all." I said shaking my head " If he loved me so much he wouldn't have hurt me over and over again. Love isn't supposed to hurt Brooke, not like this"_

_"Real love isn't supposed to be easy Hales, but I agree with you it shouldn't be so hard"_

_"Nathan doesn't love anyone but himself. And im tired of trying to see the good in him." I said pausing. "Im done, for good this time, im so done with him" I said starting to cry again._

_I wasn't over anything that happened in the last couple of years, hell months. Nathan choosing Peyton had brought back my abandonment issues that were based on the fact that he left me after our son died. I had stuck by him because he was the only piece of my son I had left but I couldn't hold onto him anymore. He was part of the reason I was so messed up and he was the reason I was so messed up. His love was tainted and it tainted me to the core._

_end of flashback_

Before I knew it, we had pulled up to my grandfathers house and suddenly I felt like I could finally breathe easily. It was weird that I had only been out of Tree Hill for a couple of hours and yet being away had made a big difference. I didn't feel like I was suffocating anymore. Or drowning in my own self pity. I felt this overwhelming feeling of accomplishment the moment I stepped out of the car. By leaving Tree Hill I had made a bold move. It was hard for me to leave something, someone that I knew but I knew it was best.

Their was something about grandparents they always made you feel warm and safe and that's what my grandpa whitey did for me. I knew no matter what I had done or who I become my grandfather would always love me unconditionally. And unlike my parents he wouldn't judge me for my past mistakes.

After Jake and I had said goodbye I had taken a much needed moment to let everything sink in. Everything had happened so fast that I hadn't had a chance to really absorb it. I had left Nathan, behind hopefully for good this time and I was determined to get my life back together. I wanted to find inner peace and let go of all my demons . I also wanted to let go all the bad stuff because all the bad stuff is what had tainted me. Being back in Savannah would change everything for me. I just knew it. And the first thing I would do, was spend time with my grandfather, he'd remind of who I was and what I came from.

Just as I was about to ring the doorbell, my grandfather swung the door, open a grin on his face. Judging from his facial features, I could only assume that he had been watching me on the porch from some time now. "Haley James, back in Savannah surly my bad eyes are deceiving me"

Rolling my eyes, I spoke. "Your eyes aren't deceiving you" I said giving him a hug. "Im really here to see you" I said closing my eyes once he wrapped his arms around me. I felt secure the moment he hugged me. My grandfather had this ability to brighten my world even now when it was so dark. Being with my grandpa now had made me feel better, because I knew he really loved me and with him I didn't have to pretend to be anyone but Haley.

"Good" he said backing away from me as to get a good look at me before grinning.

By the look on his face I could tell he missed me and it made me feel a little sad that I had been so wrapped up in my own life that I hadn't managed to come see him. "Its so good to see you gramps, so good" I said hugging him again. I felt safe for the first time in a really long time, it was like know one could hurt me because my protector was standing in front of me.

"Its good to see you to Hales" he said taking my hand and leading me inside.

Once we sat inside the house I instantly felt the warmth. You know the feeling, the feeling of knowing that your love unconditionally. The moment I sat down I wanted to instantly spill everything that had happen in the last couple of months but I had restrained myself. This trip wasn't all about me.

"Now come and tell your grandpa the reason your eyes are so sad" he said gesturing me for me to sit closer to him on the couch.

Looking down briefly I debated wether or not to open up so early. And in the end decided against it. "I just missed you that's all" I said trying my best to keep my emotions in check. I knew my grandfather could read me, I knew he could sense it in my voice that something hadn't been right and if he pressed the issue I was sure I'd start crying all over again. And I was tired of crying over Nathan...for Nathan. Plus I wanted to support my grandfather and make him feel better about his eye surgery.

"Now Hales, I don't doubt that you missed me what I do doubt is that phony smile on your lips. Its not meeting your eyes sweetheart." He continued on. "Now tell me what that boy did to you" he asked looking straight ahead.

I let out a small gasp. I knew it. I should have thought everything out before coming down here. "How do you know its about a boy?" I asked finally looking his way.

"Haley" he said reaching out to stroke my hand. "You wear your heart on your sleeve much like your grandmother." He said pausing for a moment. "Besides the last time I saw you like this it was because of that degenerate Scott boy." He said gruffly. "Now out with it"

I knew my grandfather meant business, his eyebrows were knitting up in frustration which told me he had little patients for the run around. So I did what any other person would do in this situation, I spilled my guts. "Its just been rough lately. Mom and dad are on my case and the anniversary of JJ, and Nathan" I said looking down. "I should be use to it, to him but," I said stopping myself. My grandfather was studying me awfully hard it was like he could see right through me.

"He broke your heart" he said simply. "Is that why you've come here, besides the fact that you miss me"

"Yeah" I said looking up yet again to meet his eyes. "But theirs more" I admitted. If my grandfather was going to keep asking questions I might as well come out and tell him everything that had happen, everything.

After studying her for a few more moments he decided to ask the question that had been plaguing his mind the moment his granddaughter had expressed wishes to move in with him for a few weeks maybe months. Something was eating at Haley and he was gonna get to the bottom of it. "Does he know? Does Nathan know what's plaguing your mind, your heart?" he questioned.

Scoffing I spoke. "I don't know" I said getting up to stand by the window "He should know, its all his fault. But who knows with Nathan. He probably wouldn't even care at this point" I said thinking back to the letter I had written him. I told Brooke to give it to him when he showed up as usual to apologize. If he read the letter I was sure, he was finished with me just as I was finished with him.

All of it is his fault and now I don't know what to do." I said sighing. "I can't live my life with him in it anymore and its gonna hurt but in the end its what's best for everyone."

"Haley" he called again.

"Sorry" I said trying to shake the sudden feeling that washed over me. I had told Nathan everything, I hadn't dared to hold back anything and the thought of being so raw with him it sent chills down my spine. "You see grandpa. I couldn't stay in Tree Hill, its unhealthy for me. My situation with Nathan... im falling apart at the seams" I said stopping short of saying too much. I didn't want to think about Nathan and everything else. This was my vacation from Tree Hill and I was gonna enjoy.

"Its okay sweetpea" my grandfather called walking over to me. He placed his hand on my shoulder and I knew he knew. He understood everything, without me saying too much. That's why I loved him, he could read me and he knew what to say. "Everything will be fine sweetpea. You're here now with me and we will take care of each other"

_Maybe there's beauty in goodbye_

_there's just not reason left to try_

_Maybe there's beauty in goodbye_

Song Lyrics: nobody wins by the Veronicas

**Spoilers:** Haley meets a new man. A revisit from the past affects the future. Brooke and Haley reunite and have a much needed heart to heart. Plus Nathan finds himself still holding onto Haley and her letter. Also Nathan and Peyton find themselves in a bad situation.

**More to come**: An unexpected tragedy hits leading Haley to come back home.

A.N.2 : Long chapter huh. Originally it was going to be much longer. I have three pages of Nathan and his reaction to Haley leaving but i figured i could use it for the next chapter. Once again thank you for reading and replying. I hope to have A little more personal up in the next couple of days.


	15. Chapter 15

**A.N.**

Hey all! I hope you all are enjoying your holiday vacation! I know I am sure enjoying mine :)

Its been so long since I've written a chapter, I hope im not too rusty at it. Im sorry you all had to wait so long for an update. I took some time off to concentrate on the last month of school and then I got the flu from hell which was followed by the cold from hell, that I am currently suffering through. Anyway enough about me. This chapter has a lot to do with Nathan and Peyton and what exactly the two of them have been going through since Haley had decided to leave town. I hope you all enjoy it. As always thanks for reading and replying.

xoxo

queena

Special thanks to: naleyalways4Ever, HJS-NS-23, meg07, Jess2303, xNaley23x, naley19, grooviejj-othfan88, and OTHRULEZ08

special shout out to: ravens23fan, and grooviejj-othfan88

**Chapter 15: Kindly Unspoken**

_And when it rains on this side of town_

_it touches everything_

_You made yourself and bed_

_at the bottom of the blackest hole_

It had been five months since Haley had left Tree Hill. It had been one hundred fifty days since he had heard her laugh. It had been three thousand six hundred hours since he had seen her face and not a day went by without him thinking of her. The memory of the last night he had seen her had played in his head forever and he wished to god that he could have stopped himself from hurting her...for making her leave.

For Nathan the last couple of months had been nothing short of hell. When he had first gotten the news that Haley had indeed left town, it shattered him. Guilt had rippled through him at the thought of Haley James. In the beginning he had convinced himself that once the dust had settled, once Haley had time to breathe, that things would go back to normal- or as normal as possible for the two of them. But when days had turned into weeks and weeks had turned into months, he came to the startling conclusion that Haley may never come back. And that notion pained him, because he was the reason she had left her family and friends. It also pained him to know that the two of them had ended so horribly. He didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, or to let her know that he really did love her. The last words he had uttered to her had been poisonous and the last words she had said to him were in a letter.

Till this day he could still remember every detail about that night that changed everything. He could remember the harsh words that ripped through his throat. Everything was still so vivid even now, months later he could remember the pained look in her eyes as he unleashed his anger onto her. He could remember the sheer panic in her voice; the hurt looks on her face and finally the sound of her breaking heart as he stooped to the lowest of his lows. It was nearly five months now since Haley had left Tree Hill and it was still hard for him to believe. He had never imagined that things between him and Haley would turn out this way and yet it did. That memory alone would forever haunt him, in fact he was sure it would torture him as long as he was able to breathe.

In their time together he had made so many mistakes, with always leaving and coming back and now that she was gone in left him feeling unsettled. He never expected it to end, he thought they'd continue being Nathan and Haley, reckless, emotional, volatile and full of love. In the past it didn't matter how badly they had hurt each other because at the end of the day they loved each other. In the early days their love was stronger then the two of them, which was a combination that was highly explosive. He never really thought he'd ever lose her and he never expected to have to get over her. And now that he was living that life he wondered how he survived each day. All she ever wanted was his love and he did love her- he just didn't know how to love her. He needed her more then he had even liked to admit...more then she'd ever know. Whenever he'd been with Haley she made him feel like someone, he was somebody with her and without her he was nothing.

In the last four and half months or so he had gone through every detail of his previous relationship with Haley. He wanted to remember the good times, the times when they fought like hell and still loved each other, most importantly he wanted to remember any detail that would give him a clue to where she was living now. Over the past few years they had many ups and downs. They always had a rather turbulent relationship. He had never loved anyone the way he loved Haley and normally that would be a good thing, but in his case it wasn't good, because he loved Haley he felt he could hurt her and it would be okay because they loved each other. But as they say sometimes love just isn't enough. Love wasn't enough to save their son, and it definitely wasn't enough to save the two of them.

The sound of the doorbell ringing brought him out of his thoughts. Easing up, he quickly approached the door surprised to see his older brother at the door. Lucas had just moved in Brooke and due to the fact that Brooke hated his guts and Lucas was a pansy he had hardly seen his older brother. Not that he cared anyway, Lucas always wanted to see how things were going with Peyton.

And the real reason was because Lucas was afraid that if Peyton wasn't happy she'd ruin his renewed relationship with Brooke.

"Lucas what brings you over" he asked motioning for his brother to come inside. Though he and Lucas had hardly seen eye to eye lately, he had to admit his timing couldn't have been better. Today was his anniversary with Haley, or at least it would have been had they stayed together.

"I was in the neighborhood" Lucas shrugged before entering. "And I figured I'd stop by and check in on you."

"How brotherly of you." he muttered sarcastically before closing the door behind the two of them. He noticed that Lucas was looking around the house and guessed that he was looking for Peyton.

Lucas liked to make sure everything was running smoothly in his love life occasionally and he could only guess why.

"So where's your wife" Lucas asked looking around the house. It was easier to talk to Nathan when he was alone.

The questioned seemed to roll of the tongue of his older brother rather easily but referring to Peyton as his wife had still sent a chill down his spine. His marriage to Peyton was a sham like the rest of their relationship. During his lowest of times he had suggested that the two of them should marry. He figured that after the pain he had bought Haley. He could at least torture himself by marrying Peyton. It was a way to repent himself for his past mistakes and try to do something for the good of someone else, meaning his unborn child.

Choosing to ignore his brother and his comment he spoke. "Im surprised to see that Brooke let you out the house, especially to see me. " He shot out sarcastically. "Your girl hates me, and would like nothing better to see me ten feet deep in the ground"

His friendship or rather alliance with Brooke was broken. The day Haley had left, had changed everything. Throughout the years he and Brooke had always gotten along; maybe it was because they were similar they had reacted the same way and basically had lived the same life. They understood each other and for the longest time had each others back. However that had changed the moment Haley had left. Brooke blamed him for losing her bestfriend and really he didn't blame her. Brooke was the person that had seen the fallout of every bad fight he had with Haley she was the one that knew everything, and she was also the person that watched her bestfriend leave because of him. So of course he understood the reason she hated him so much.

"Brooke doesn't hate you" Lucas said making himself comfortable on the recliner. "She just doesn't like you very much right now" he voiced as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was true Brooke was not a fan of Nathan right now, but she hadn't gone as far as to forbid any contact between the brothers. She just only implied that Nathan was never to step a foot in her house.

"Besides, she's on vacation" Lucas finished before grabbing a bag of chips that were on the coffee table.

At the mere mention of vacation, his ears perked up. A vacation seemed a bit sudden, especially to him and the casually way Lucas had mentioned it, well-muttered it told him that something was up. Nobody goes on a vacation in the middle of the week. And Brooke always went on vacations with Haley "Trouble in paradise?" he questioned with a raised brow. "Because you know if you need to talk im here for you" he voiced imitating his older brother.

"Dude stop mocking me. Brooke wanted to get away from Tree Hill for a week to collect herself."

"I see" he said getting up to get two beers out of the fridge. Lucas couldn't keep a secret for his life and he hoped that with the introduction of a little booze, maybe just maybe Lucas might shed some light on the Haley situation. "I mean the two of you just moved in together and now she's gone. I find it a little odd that your girlfriend has decided to go on a vacation without you."

Rolling his eyes, he spoke. "What are you getting at Nathan?" he asked skeptically.

"You know what im getting at Lucas" he said letting out a tired sigh.

It was now or never, Lucas would either help him, or not. He could only hope that Lucas would help. He needed all the help and information he could get. Of course he knew that Lucas was a smart guy and knowing Lucas he would try his best to stone wall any attempt to get any information, but this was important and he hoped that maybe if he bared his soul Lucas would see how much this meant to him...how much Haley still meant to him.

"Nate" Lucas called only to be cut off.

"Just here me out first" he said standing up so that he was now facing the window. He didn't like to get too emotional but when it came to Haley. He couldn't help himself. And he had a gut feeling that Lucas knew where Haley was, at least for the time being. "You know I've looked everywhere for Haley, I've had four different private investigators looking for her and each time they found nothing" he voiced pausing briefly. "I can't find her Lucas and not knowing where she is, is eating me up inside. I can't move on if I can't say goodbye"

"I get that Nate. I know you loved her, okay but have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe you can't find her because she doesn't want to be found by you" Lucas voiced. His words were harsh but he said it as gently as possible.

He nodded. It was an understatement to think that Haley didn't want to be found by him. It was the one thing running through his mind. Haley didn't want him to find her, she didn't want to see him, but that didn't stop him from wanting to find her or see her. "I need some peace of mind Lucas, I need to know" he said turning around to face his brother.

"What do you need to know?" Lucas asked already hating himself.

"I need to know if Brooke and Haley are together now. Did Brooke go to see her, and if so where is she because I've looked everywhere for her?" he asked his words coming out in a rush.

Lucas was silent for a moment. Who knew he'd end up here. "I don't know much Nate, I just know that Brooke and Haley are best friends, it's possible the two are together on vacation, its possible" Lucas finished a pensive look on his face. "I don't know where Brooke went but I do know that she keeps in touch with Haley, they talk, they email and probably vacation together" he dug his hands into his pocket and soon retrieved a small piece if paper. "Here is her cell number, I thought you might be interested in it."

"Thanks Luke. " He said grinning.

"Don't thank me" Lucas voiced sourly. "I just gave you information that could ruin everything. You need to think about this Nathan, really think. Are you ready to burst back to Haley's life and possibly ruin happiness she's already found? Are you willing to wreck the marriage you have with Peyton?" Lucas asked. "And most importantly are you willing to risk getting your heart broken.

"I need to do this, it might give me some closure" he said simply.

He wanted to make things right with Haley and to do that he needed closure. In order for the two of them to ever move forward he needed to admit his wrong doing in the past so that they could perhaps move forward. He wanted her in his life, he needed her in his life and would do anything to have her back again, even if they were only friends.

Scoffing Lucas spoke. "If you really wanted closure then you would have read that letter she wrote you all those months ago" Lucas voiced agitated.

He flinched at the mention of the letter. He hadn't opened the letter because he was afraid he'd lose hope. He figured that once he had opened the letter then he was admitting defeat. He could handle hearing Haley yell and scream at him but written words were so much more. "How do you know I haven't opened the letter" he voiced before walking over to the bar and taking a drink.

"Because I know you" Lucas said getting up as well. "Listen. I understand that you want to find Haley, but I think you should at least read her letter, maybe it'll give you some sort of information about her reasoning. Hell maybe it'll even decide if you really need to look for her at all" he said before patting his brother on the shoulder and walking out the front door.

Once he had heard the door slam, he put the drink down. Lucas was right. He needed to read the letter. He needed to know if finding Haley was really worth it. Maybe she was happier without him and in that case, as much as he wanted her he couldn't hurt her again. He had already ruined her life many times. He had abandon Haley twice and broken her heart too many times to count. Without much thought he quickly raced upstairs to retrieve the letter tucked in his sock drawer. It had taken five months to open the thing up and now that he was holding it in his hand, he was more scared then ever.

Carefully he unfolded the paper. It already he got that heady feeling whenever he smelled her perfume and for a second he held the paper against his face. He stilled for a second before finally reading what Haley James had really wanted to say to him.

_-Nathan-_

_When you get this letter I'll be long gone. It took long enough for us to finally crash and burn this time for good. I loved you so much, I believed in you and even when you were pushing me away, even when you were screaming at me and breaking my heart I still loved you. But there is only so much I can take. I wish I could say that you mean nothing to me, but I can't. You know I love you, I really do, but I can't fight anymore for you. I can't save us Nathan and I realize that I don't want to. I always thought we were meant to be and maybe I was right, maybe I was wrong...it doesn't matter anymore. Im letting you go, this time for good and I think you should do the same. There is no hope for you and me, so let me go. Maybe in another life will be together again, and maybe we'll get it right._

_Till then_

_Haley_

_p.s. I kept the ring you gave me for as long as I held out hope for the two of us. And now I think you should have it back. It wasn't meant for me, not in this lifetime._

After reading the letter he reached further inside the envelope and indeed found the ring he had offered her. He also took the paper Lucas had given him with her phone number and crumbled it. It was too late.

-+-+

a_nd convinced yourself that it's the reason_

_you don't see the sun anymore_

Once again Peyton Sawyer found herself sitting alone in a nearby café waiting for Chris Keller. In the recent months he had actually become her confidant. Hell she could even go as far as to call him her friend. Actually he was her only friend. The others didn't count. Nathan was stuck with her because they were married and he obviously felt obligated. And Lucas well his friendship if that is what you wanted to call it, came with complications. She was never sure if Lucas had ever wanted to be her friend again or if he were just babysitting her. Chris was the only person that had tried to understand her. Although their friendship was first based on the mutual dislike of all things concerning the pairing of Nathan and Haley- it had changed with time.

Chris was the only person who didn't ask much about her marriage. Which was a subject that was dead in the water. Most people assumed that she was actually happy about the way things turned out with Nathan. And to tell the truth at first she was happy. Haley was finally out of the way, and that meant Nathan was free to love her just as she had loved him. The only problem with that scenario was that they weren't in love. Nathan didn't love her and she no longer loved him.

That was the reason she had spent most of her free time out, claiming that she was spending time with her father. She hated to be around Nathan just as much as he hated being around her. And going home was always a last option. Because really that place that she lived in, well it was never her home and to tell the truth it would never be her home. That house belonged to Nathan and Haley and always would belong to the two of them.

Looking down at her wedding ring she let out a small scoff. Her marriage was sham from the beginning to the end. Nathan had only married her because he wanted the baby to have a solid home life. And she had married him because it proved that she had won. Finally she had won the guy! Too bad winning the guy, wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. The only problem with that scenario was that the home life she and Nathan had was anything but stable. They weren't happy, neither one of them for different reasons and nothing could possibly change that.

"Sawyer I see that your early" he said sitting across from her. "I guess you can't get enough of the Keller" Chris said grinning.

"Don't flatter yourself" she said rolling her eyes. The truth was that she liked talking to Chris. He had been traveling a lot lately with his band, and talking to him had given her a glimpse of the life of someone happy.

"Too late" he joked easily.

" Im only early because I was bored" she replied simply. And it had been the truth. She and Nathan had sat around for a while discussing things about the baby but after a while the conversation grew stale and she was itching to get out of that dreadful house. The one good thing that had come out of her marriage or relationship with Nathan had been the baby. In less then a month or so their little girl Hope would be born and maybe she would change things. Maybe she would help her parents to see in color instead of black and white.

"So where is that adoring husband of yours?" he asked offhandedly.

"I dunno" she voiced shrugging. "He's probably brooding over Haley" she said pausing briefly.

"Ah a day in the life of a married couple" he said sarcastically. "Not that im not grateful for your company, but shouldn't you be at home staying clam or knitting or something" he said picking at the coffee cake she had ordered before his arrival.

"Im fine" she said while trailing her fingers over her baby bump.

"Really" he asked furrowing his brows "because you look like you're about to pop"

She gave him a brief smile. "Well thank you for caring but Hope and I are fine"

Sitting up in the seat, he took a long look at her before speaking. "You picked out a name. Last time I talked to you- you were still thinking of names." He mused. "I guess it makes sense that you'd name your baby Hope, especially since you think she'll save your marriage"

"Im not that delusional" she said speaking seriously for a second. It was refreshing that here with Chris Keller she could be honest about everything. "You know you're the only person that addresses my marriage for the sham that it is"

"What can I say I speak the truth. You and Nathan are probably the most miserable married couple I've ever seen. And what makes things worst is that neither of you seems to care. You'd rather slowly die together then be alone"

"I do care" she voiced surprising herself and maybe even him. I've been thinking about this for a little while and I've come to realize that im not happy with Nathan and maybe I never was happy with him"

"Well duh! " he said leaning closer. "It took you long enough to realize you aren't happy with stone cold"

She bit back a bitter chuckle. Chris was right. Being married to Nathan had been all she wanted yet once she had finally gotten what she wanted... who she wanted she realized what a mistake it had been. Nathan didn't love her and for the past four months she had questioned whether or not if she had loved him.

"To be honest I don't think I've ever been happy with Nathan. I wanted him so much and now that I have him, I can't get away from his fast enough. I thought with Haley gone out of the way we'd fall in love but without her here it's made me realize that I didn't love Nathan as much as I though I did."

Cracking a grin, he spoke. 'This is priceless, but you know that. Peyton, you were probably never in love with Nathan. You like to go after guys that have someone else. You like the feeling it gives you to have someone. It's probably the reason why you went after Lucas while Brooke was with him, or why you went after Nathan after he and Haley had broken up. You only want Nathan or Lucas when someone else wants them and without that third person you see that those Scott brothers are both rather annoying"

Looking down she spoke. "I can admit that is true. When Haley had Nathan, I wanted him so much, I wanted to be the one he was in love with. Because I loved him so much. And to be honest I still loved him up until recently." She said finally looking up at him. "Nathan and I aren't in love with each other, he's in love with Haley and I'm in love with,"

" You're in love with the aspect of love." He cut in " You want someone, it doesn't matter who it is, you just want someone."

Shaking her head, she spoke. "That's not true. I love my baby and im starting to fall in love with you" she admitted causing him to look panic stricken.

"Peyton. Your not in love with me, you just think you love me" he said stumbling over his words. "You just like me since I've been around. Im basically the only person you have right now. But you have other friends"

Taking a deep breath spoke from the heart. "I've never felt like this before Chris. You make me feel happy, it's like when im with you I can finally see in color." She admitted.

He sighed before speaking. "Well then Sawyer welcome to technicolor" he said placing his hand on top of hers.

-+-+-

After having a long conversation with Chris, Peyton Sawyer had realized what she needed to do. She had been living a lie for so long and it was time to be honest about it all. In a month or so she would finally give birth to Hope and for her baby she needed to be honest with herself, and Nathan needed to be honest as well. They weren't in love and to tell the truth they never really loved each other enough to get married. They had mutual admiration for each other but that was as far as it went. And that alone was enough reason to end things.

"Nathan are you home" she asked walking into the door. Within a few seconds later Nathan had shown himself and he looked horrible. She wondered if she had looked the same. They were so unhappy together it was pitiful. Anyone with eyes could see that they were not meant to be.

"I thought you were staying at your fathers place tonight" he said descending the stairs. When he was in front of her he looked down at her protruding belly. The baby was the only thing keeping the two of them sane at this point.

"I was" she admitted softly. "But I thought I'd come back here"

His eyes once again lingered on her belly and for a second he wondered if something was wrong. "Is something wrong with Hope?"

"No" she said chuckling. The sad part is that Hope was probably the only reason they were in this situation but at the same time she was the reason they needed to be better people. Staying together was a way to make Hopes life better but it wasn't enough to make them love each other. "Hope and I are fine" she said rubbing her belly.

"Good" he said before moving his hand away from her belly."

For a moment she watched his face. She could see the pain in his eyes and wondered if he could see the matching pain she had harbored. "Are you happy Nathan?" she asked causing him to look up.

"What kind of question is that" he asked defensively.

"It's a simple questioned" she said joining him at the table.

Clearing his throat, he spoke. "Im as happy as I'll ever be" he said simply. "Im going to be a father again and that makes me happy. It's all I ever wanted" he said keeping his voice controlled. "What about you, are you happy?"

She nodded her head understanding exactly what he was saying. "About Hope, yes! Im gonna be a mother something that is probably the best thing I could possibly experience. However, I am not happy, about us Nathan."

He let out a tired sigh. "What do you want me to do about it Peyton?"

"Nothing" she said looking over at him. "You know when I first found out I was pregnant I hoped and prayed that maybe this baby would fix things. I hoped that maybe with a little help of our angel that we could be happy." Pausing briefly she let out a breath. "But I was wrong Nathan. A baby couldn't fix us because we were on a sinking ship from the beginning. You love Haley" she said truthfully. "and I can't change that, more importantly I don't want to change it anymore"

"What are you saying Peyton" he said turning his eyes on her?

"Im saying, its time we admit the truth to ourselves. We're not in love Nathan. And we certainly shouldn't be married. You know I've been thinking a lot about what kind of parents we will be if we were to stay together and I don't like it. We don't have to be together to raise a child Nathan. We don't belong together Nathan. You belong with Haley and I belong with someone else that isn't you."

"You want out" he asked shocked. He thought this is what Peyton had wanted. She had been hinting at the notion of them getting married forever and now she wanted to end things. Granted they were both unhappy but still, this is what she wanted.

"Don't you?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah" he admitted softly. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed that she was crying and sat beside her. Without much thought he put his arm around her shoulder. They might not be in love with each other but he'd always have love for Peyton. He loved her, but he had never been in love with her.

"Friends?" She asked after raising her head off his shoulder.

"Always" he said grinning over at her. "And Peyton for the record, we're gonna be the best parents we can be."

"I know" she said sniffling. "That's why we're breaking up. Hope deserves better" she admitted honestly. "We deserve better"

Peyton was right. They all deserved better. But know one deserved better then Hope. He'd make sure that his daughter would always know she was loved and that her parents loved her. Because really Hope deserved to have everything. As for he and Peyton. He realized that they would always be friends. Peyton had seen him through some hard times and he'd never forget that ever.

"We're more the friends , we're family" He said reaching for her hand.

"Always"

_take these chances_

_and turn it around_

Song lyrics: When it rains by Paramore

**Spoilers:** We finally see what Haley has been up to for the last couple of months. Haley meets a new man. A revisit from the past effects the future. Haley and Brooke reuinte and have a much needed heart to heart. And a secret is finally revealed.

**more to come**: an unexpectant tradgedy hits sending Haley back to Tree hill. Plus Haley finds herself between a rock and a hard place


	16. Chapter 16

A.N. Hey all! Im back with a chapter much quicker then even i anticpated! thanks for those who read and replied. This chapter is long, Its always hard for me to stop writting once i've started, so long chapter :) This chapter is all about Haley and her life and whats been happening since she's left Tree Hill. I hope you like it, enjoy!

xoxo

queena

special thanks to: naley19 , HJS-NS-23 , Sunny-C

**Chapter 16: Better in time**

_In a perfect world_

_This would never happen_

_In a perfect world_

I had been in Georgia for almost five months now and I would be lying if I said that my transition had been easy. I had this idea in my head that once I got away from Tree Hill....from Nathan then all the hurt I felt would magically disappear. I had been wrong of course. Moving away didn't make the pain go away and most importantly it didn't change the past even if I wanted it to. In the beginning it was very difficult for me. I missed everything about Tree Hill, my friends, family and even Nathan. Although I had my grandfather, I still felt this ache in my heart for a life I knew I could never go back to. And it made me angry. Nathan was the one that broke my heart and even now with us being miles apart he still had a piece of me. We had both made a mistake being together and I felt like I was the only paying for it and it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he had hurt me and most of all it wasn't fair that despite knowing all the hell he put me through, I still cared for him.

It had taken me about a month or so before I had finally felt like Savannah was a place I could call home. And I owed everything to my grandfather. True to his word he had taken care of me better then anyone had done in my entire life. My grandfather loved me, unconditionally and he taught me or better yet helped me forgive myself. My grandfather was also the person that talked me into giving love another chance. And once I opened my heart up I found something I didn't even realize I was missing.

I was a bit damaged from my past relationship with Nathan, so immediately dating was out of the questions. And to tell the truth I didn't really want a boyfriend I was loving being free, loving living for myself and myself only and I was content living that life until I met him. His name was Sam and he was amazing. When I had first met him, I was completely shut off. I didn't want a boyfriend, I didn't need a boyfriend and I certainly wasn't looking for a boyfriend. And of course Sam had come along and changed that. Somehow he managed to break through the wall that I had barricade around my heart, he made me love again, not only love someone else but love myself as well. He taught me a lot and I was grateful for it.

I had met him ironically at home. He worked for my grandfather and the moment he spoke I think my world changed

_Flashback_

_"Hi" I heard someone call from parts unknown. The sun was bright and just about in my eyes. I thought I was alone out here since it was so quiet, apparently I had been wrong. Which was really a good thing. "Over here under the oak tree" I heard the voice say again. Immediately my eyes sought the shade of the oak tree and sitting under the big tree was one of the shirtless guys._

_"Hi" I stammered out after tearing my eyes from his tanned chest. He must have gotten a tan while working out in the hot sun. It looked good on him, really good on him. But then again I was currently male deprived and seeing someone so handsome spiked my temperature._

_"Are you looking for whitey because if you just missed him" the handsome face said. I really couldn't pay too much attention to his words, I think I was more concerned by the fact that he was actually talking to me._

_"Not really, though I'm not surprised he's not home" I admitted honestly. Since moving in with my grandfather I had learned that he was quite the player. He had a better love life then I had like ever, he couldn't keep the women off of him. Every day, someone was baking him something, a fresh apple pie, cookies, cakes, anything you could think of._

_My eyes had traced form his green eyes to his perfect teeth, back down to his bronze skin. I felt tongue tied and almost shy. It had been a long time since I reacted this way toward the opposite sex, this instant attraction. The last time it had happened to me, the guy that I was so instantly attracted to was Nathan, and we all know that hadn't worked out well. For a moment I pursed my lips at the thought of Nathan, thinking about him was never a good thing, at least not for me. And thinking about him now, was the last thing I should be doing especially when I was standing in front of a very attracting guy, who could possibly show me around Georgia._

_"You're um Haley right" hotness asked a grin playing on his lips. I knew he caught me starring his way and he seemed flattered by it, maybe even a bit surprised._

_"Right" I said grinning back at him. From my quick observation of hotness I noted that he had the green eyes and probably stood at least 6ft2, he also had dimples! And I loved dimples. Who was I kidding hotness was hot! Like really hot but not too hot that he was conceited, at least that's what I had gotten from our brief conversation. "Wait a minute, how'd you know my name" I asked before quickly shutting my mouth. Of course hotness knew my name, I had seen him with my grandfather tons of times, but I had made myself scarce. I was afraid my grandfather was trying to set me up and that was the last thing I wanted. Sure I had lousy taste in men but that didn't mean that I wanted my grandfather to set me up._

_"Your grandfather told just about everyone that you were coming to visit for a while." He said casually. "I've never seen the old man so happy, you mean a lot to him" he admitted, before pausing briefly. He watched her for a moment, she looked well better then he thought. Everyone in town had been talking about Haley James and he had yet to see her. Hell Dean had even mentioned that he saw her while passing through and now that he had finally met her, he saw what everyone was talking about. "It's good to finally meet you, the pictures don't do you justice" he admitted nervously._

_"Thanks" I said placing my hair behind my ears. From his compliment I felt my skin flush and prayed it hadn't been too noticeable. I had only been making idle chit chat with hotness but somehow I felt drawn to him. Maybe I was thinking too far ahead I felt like he was here for a reason and not just to help my grandfather._

_"So Haley, what brings you out here if your not looking for your grandfather"_

_His question was simple but I didn't know if I should tell him the truth. Like real truth, as in I was looking for him or possibly the other guy. Okay I was really just looking for him. "Well I've been watching you and," I said stopping mid sentence. I was such an idiot._

_"Really that's good to know." He smirked "now I know I at least have a chance"_

_For a moment the two of us were grinning at each other like two idiots in awkward silence. I hated silence and decided to break it. "Anyway, um I thought you and your buddy might be hungry" I admitted almost shoving the plate of food in his hand._

_"Really, that's sweet" he said all the while eyeing me closely. I had to look elsewhere because his stare was a bit much for me. It had to be the green eyes. "Well Dean went into town for more supplies and knowing my brother, he probably got himself some lunch."_

_At the mention of a brother my ears perked up. Normally I didn't play matchmaker but I bet Brooke would like to meet a new guy that is if I managed to become friends with the guys. I was looking out for Brooke. That was the reason I was interested in these guys. Yep I had promised her when I left that I'd find her a boyfriend, and possibly by hanging out with these brothers I could find her a boyfriend._

_"Oh well, more for you" I voiced before handing over the food. For a brief moment our hands touched and instantly I felt the charge. Maybe it was the warmth or maybe I was going crazy. But the tiny hand touch was the first time I had felt, I dunno alive._

_Nodding he spoke. "Well you see I was thinking more along the lines of maybe you and me eating together." He admitted. "I mean you did go through all the hard work"_

_"Of making sandwiches" I interjected. "It wasn't that much hard work."_

_"Well I'd like for you to sit and have lunch with me that is if you don't have anything else to do?"_

_By the sound of his voice, I knew he knew I had nothing better to do and his offer did sound good. I needed to do something besides mope around it was beginning to get pathetic. And even worst I think I was starting to brood almost as much as Peyton. If it was the last thing I could do, I would not turn into a broody bitch like her._

_"Ok" I said simply. I realized that this was a hell of a lot easier then I had even imagined. He led me to a spot that was shaded enough but close enough to the pound. It was actually the perfect place to sit and probably my favorite place on the estate. I could easily remember coming here to visit and sitting in this same place. Only then my grandfather would read to me stories and princes and princess, and love._

_"So Haley, tell me where your from?"_

_"I thought you already knew everything about me" I joked gaining a small chuckle from him._

_"Your grandfather only said you were from North Carolina" he admitted before taking a bite of the sandwich. "How about you tell me the reason, you've moved here, besides seeing Whitey"_

_I rolled my eyes playfully his way. "First tell me your name and then we'll see about everything else" I said causing a small blush to creep onto his cheeks._

_"Sorry about that." He said scratching his head nervously. "I thought I told you my name already. I'm Sam and the other guy you may have seen is my older brother Dean."_

_"Nice to finally know your name Sam" I said winking in his direction. I could tell by the look on his face that he was waiting for me to tell him my life story._

_"How about you tell me the reason you've moved here, besides seeing Whitey"_

_"You really want to know about boring old me?" I questioned only to get a look that urged me to continue. "Well, um I'm originally from Tree Hill North Carolina but you already know that" I said gesturing to his earlier mention of Tree Hill. "Anyway, Tree Hill is a small town and people talk"_

_"I see" he said nodding my way. "And let me guess you got tired of them talking about you"_

_"Exactly." I was a bit surprised that Sam had understood my reason for running away from Tree Hill. The reasoning had made sense to me, but others had thought the idea was a bit over dramatic. My parents had thought my reasoning had been a bit much but they didn't know what I had gone through. "I figured that maybe if I left town and tried again in a new place that maybe the talking would stop."_

_"Well then, this is the perfect place to start over" he admitted._

_"Oh really" I asked raising an eyebrow. "And why is that, because aside from my grandfather and one of my friends parents I know next to know one in this"_

_Grinning he spoke. "Easy. Now you know me and I happen to know my way around this town"_

_"Good to know, maybe we'll be seeing a lot of each other" I said while standing up. "Now that your brother is back, I'll let you get back to work. See ya around Sam._

_end of flashback_

Falling in love with Sam was never something I had planned to do. I truly believed that my heart would always belong to Nathan- I thought he would be the only man I'd ever loved and actually got comfortable with the idea but Sam had come along and changed everything for me. He made me love again and as much as I loved him, I knew that Nathan would always be a big part of my life.

There wasn't a day that passed when I hadn't thought of Nathan, especially now. I had found out I was pregnant two months into living in Savannah. I had been getting sick quite often and my grandfather insisted on taking me to the doctor. I of course thought it was just the stomach flu. However, I had later been proved wrong by a doctor who confirmed that I was pregnant. When I had first gotten the news of my pregnancy, I wasn't sure how to feel. I loved being a mother and to get the chance to be one again it made me happy, but the circumstance of it all was just so painful to think about. For starters my child had been created during a time when Nathan and I had an affair, which wasn't ideal. Nathan and I had betrayed two people who loved us and out of that betrayal was a baby. Secondly, Nathan and Peyton were both two people I didn't want to deal with. I wanted nothing to do with either one of them, and knowing that I was carrying Nathan's child meant that one day I had to deal with Nathan, Peyton and their child.

Upon learning of my pregnancy I felt like this was a joke someone was playing on me. I had finally broken free from everything, or at least attempted to break free and now I was right back where I didn't want to be....anywhere near Nathan. And thirdly, I had just fallen in love with someone who was amazing. The timing was completely off and I really didn't know where things would stand with the two of us. I had made myself a life in Georgia, I had friends, well two friends and I had a boyfriend that loved me as much as I loved him. Sam and I were really happy together and finding out that was pregnant with another mans child, would probably ruin everything I had worked so hard to build up.

_Flashback_

_"Haley I came as soon as I got your message what's the matter" Sam asked worriedly._

_At the sound of his voice I merely shuddered. Things were going so well between the two of us. He liked me and I liked him. I was starting to heal, and it was because of Sam. He loved me and as corny as it sounded he helped me, he saved me from my demons from my past. And yes I had said the same thing about Chase, but he too had saved me, but not like Sam. He believed in me, he loved me and now I was sure he'd leave me just like everyone else. I was sure that he'd leave like Nathan, like Chase, like everyone who realized that I the halo they thought I wore was tarnished._

_He was at my side within seconds his hands on my back. I had tears in my eyes because I knew that this wouldn't end well. Things never ended well for me. I wasn't the type of girl that could have a happy ending. It wasn't for me. Biting my lip, I let my hand trace his face. Sam had been so good to me. He was patient and despite me being difficult about getting into a relationship with him. He stuck with me._

_"Haley your scaring me"_

_Swallowing hard I spoke. "I love you more then I ever thought I would. You are like no other man I've ever known and that is what I love most about you" I said still caressing his face. Leaning forward I placed my lips to his for a brief second before pulling back. His green eyes were full of confusion and I knew I had to tell him the truth. He had known about my past, about the real reason I had left Tree Hill and after hearing all the things I had done in the past he still loved me. He said the past was the past, but really the past was my future._

_"Im sorry I don't mean to scare you" I said chuckling almost bitterly. I was excited about this baby, I wanted this baby but I wanted Sam too. I wanted him in my life and I was afraid of losing him. You see Sam and I had decided not to rush into things, as in sex. We knew we loved each other and due to my last relationship I wanted to hold off on sex for at least a year and he seemed okay with it. That was why I knew he wasn't the father of this baby, the only man I had been with had been Nathan. The timing fit perfectly with the night we had gotten back together. Or what I liked to call it the night my dream had come true._

_"Then tell me what's wrong Hales, what did the doctor say, this is about the doctor right" he asked placing his hands on both sides of my face. He was so attentive, so caring. He was my prince charming._

_"Im pregnant" I admitted immediately turning my back to him. I didn't want to see his face. More importantly I didn't want to see him walk out of my life. "I understand if this changes things for you" I continued on, my back to him._

_"I don't expect you to stick around, especially since im carrying another mans child." I choked out as tears threatened to spill from my eyes, sobs threatened to escape my throat. My grandfather had told me to give Sam the benefit of the doubt but I was a realist, not many men would want to play daddy to a child that was not their own. And although I knew Sam loved me, love might not be enough. Love hadn't been enough in the past so why, should it be enough now?_

_"Haley" he said standing up and walking in my direction. I felt his arms wrap around me and it made me want to cry but I held it in. If anything I was use to things happening like this for me, it was the story of my life. I could never have it all, and having Sam and a baby was too much to ask for. Happy endings weren't for people like me. They were for everybody else._

_"You don't have to say anything. Sam, I understand. Just go" I whispered. I had closed my eyes waiting for the moment he would let me go but to my surprise he still held me._

_"I'm not going anywhere Haley" he whispered, before turning me around in his arms. "When I told you I loved you, I meant it. And that means all of you" he said placing his hand on my flat stomach. "If you'll have me, I'd like to still be your boyfriend, I'd like to continue being a part of your life and your childs life"_

_"You . . . you mean it" I asked not trusting my voice. "You still want me" It was a shock to me, that someone would possibly love me enough to want to stay. And an even bigger shock when I realized, he was telling the truth._

_"Yeah" he said placing a kiss to the tip of my nose. "I love you, and I'll love your baby too because it's a part of you"_

_end of flashback_

My grandfather had once told me that when you find love, real love it holds no boundaries and he was right. Sam loved me and I loved him and despite the fact that I was having a baby that wasn't his, he loved my baby. Today was the day I had been waiting for since finding out I was pregnant, hell way before finding out I was pregnant. Brooke was coming to visit me and today she'd not only meet Sam, but Dean as well. She'd also finally get the news of my pregnancy. I had decided not to tell Brooke over the phone because I thought she deserved more. After all, she was my bestfriend and I needed to tell her in person. Besides she was going to be a god mother and aunt again and the best way to tell her, would be face to face.

"Is everything ready?" I asked my grandfather as I breezed past him. He seemed in an oddly good mood today. He had been grumpy the last couple of days but today he seemed to buck up. Maybe it was because Brooke was coming over. That girl could charm anyone, even my grandfather.

"Yes Hales, everything is ready" Dean said snagging some food off the dinner table. I quickly tapped his hand. Dean was now a part of our little family down here too, especially since he was Sam's brother, but he was also my friend- one of my best friends.

"How do I look?" I asked as I proceeded to do a spin.

"Pregnant" Dean said before settling down with my grandfather for a game of cards.

"Beautiful" Sam said kissing the top of my head. He had this gleam in his eyes, when he looked at me. He said I was even more beautiful pregnant then I had been the day we met. He claimed I had a sparkle in my eye that never went away. Nathan had said the same thing, I guess being pregnant worked for me.

"Thanks babe" I said grinning his way.

Sam made me feel loved I knew he loved me, unconditionally and it made things easier for the two of us. I knew I could be myself and he would never run away. He wanted me and for the first time in my life I felt secure in a relationship I had with the opposite sex. With Chase, I was always trying to be what he wanted me to be, I wanted to be the best person I could be for him, but not for myself. I had even gone as far as to lie to myself about whom I was. Nathan had been right when he said I didn't to want Chase around because he'd see, the real me. I knew Chase would have hated the way I had operated, the real Haley. And with Nathan my insecurities were at an all time high or low depending on how you looked at it. Because our relationship had been so complicated I never knew where I stood in his life, I was never really sure if I was really important to him or if he just liked the sex. But that was all then and now I was happy, I was in a healthy relationship and things couldn't be going any better; especially with the arrival of Brooke Davis.

Turning my attention back to my grandfather, I spoke again. "You do remember whose coming to stay with us for the weekend right?" I asked excitedly. I could not wait to see Brooke I missed her more then I missed anyone else in Tree Hill. I think it was because we shared a heart. We were friends till the end.

"Of course" my grandfather voiced. "Im going blind not losing my memory, Besides who could forget that fast girl you ran around with" he voiced chuckling a bit to himself.

I opened my mouth in shock. Brooke was not fast. At least not anymore, besides I was quite fast as well. "Brooke is not fast and never ever mention that again grandpa" I voiced swatting his arm.

Dean and I had shared a look and I knew a comment was on the way. "So is the fast girl single"

I rolled my eyes his way, almost ready to say something when the sound of an approaching car in the driveway had gotten my attention. Instantly I raced to the front window and saw a yellow cab parked in the driveway. Brooke was finally here, my best friend was finally here and I couldn't be happier.

"She's here" I shrieked gaining a chuckle from everyone. I quickly smoothed out my hair that was all over the place. And looked down at my clothes, and figured this would due. I wore a yellow shirt that barley showed off my baby bump and a pair of dark green shorts. I didn't want to scare Brooke too much with the appearance.

"Glad to see you're so observant in your condition" Dean called causing me to stick my tongue out at him.

I had been waiting for this day for five months, now that Brooke was here everything in the world was fine. Without much of a glance to everyone else I swung the door open and made my way down the stairs. It was at that minute that Brooke saw me and the two of us both Brooke out into huge grins.

"B! Im so glad you're here" I called finally stepping off the last step. In the last forty eight hours I had driven everyone insane with all my talk about Brooke Davis. In my defense I was just trying to get everyone prepared for what was in store for them. Whenever Brooke and I were together, we were in our own little world and I don't think anyone was ready to see the two of us in action. Not that I could do much, especially since I was pregnant, but still together Brooke and I were firecrackers ready to blow.

"H.J." Brooke said a grin plastered on her face. She quickly met me half way and we hugged and shrieked like school girls. God I missed her. Talking on the phone just wasn't enough. I missed our girl time, our girl's night out and most importantly I missed just having my friend. There was so much I needed to tell her. She had missed so much, and I was sure I missed just as much

" You cut your hair" I said fingering her shoulder length hair.

"Yeah and your tan all over, Look at you your practically glowing" she voiced looking me up and down. "God I missed you H!" she said again

"I missed you too B!" I said wiping a few happy tears, just as Brooke had done the same.

"God! I can't believe how tan you are Georgia must be doing your body good, or could it be that boyfriend I've heard so much about?" Brooke questioned her

I grin at her before speaking. "Or it could be due to the fact that im pregnant" I mutter loud enough for Brooke to hear. I can tell by the look on her face that she's heard me and right on cue the two of us start to shriek and once again huge each other. There is so much I need to say to her but I figure when we're alone I can tell her everything about my pregnancy, about my life. I hear the door slam and know that the guys are now watching us, they were probably startled when they heard two girls scream, but hey I tried to warn them.

"Oh my god" Brooke shrieks. "Im so happy for you" she says again hugging me. And I know that she means what she says. I had always wanted to be a mother and Brooke of all people knows how much this means to me. I can tell she is happy for me but the look in her eyes tell me a different story. I know that she's worried that maybe things have progressed with Sam faster then expected. And it's partly true I didn't expect to love him but I do and it makes me happy, really happy.

"Are you two gonna start to make out or what because that would be really hot" I hear Dean call just as Brooke and I break apart. I roll my eyes his way and quickly introduce Brooke to my new friends.

"Brooke, this is Dean" I say turning to Brooke who is wearing a very familiar look on her face. I can only guess what she's thinking and I already know what Deans thinking. Out of the corner of my eye I spot Sam standing all alone and walk over to him, just as he slings his arm around me.

"And this is Sam" I voice causing Brooke to turn her eyes away from Dean.

Grinning she speaks. "Sam, I've heard a lot about you. You're the reason my friend is so happy! Thank you" Brooke says before surprising both Sam and me by hugging him.

"You welcome" he says with a grin I've never seen before. For the last couple of days he's been more nervous then ever, and I guess that is due to the arrival of my bestfriend. Sam has understood from day one how much Brooke and her approval means to me, and I guess he wanted her to approve of him as well.

This is turning out to be much better then even I expect and I can't wait to show Brooke everything that I love not only about the guys but Georgia as well. "B. Davis are you ready for you grand tour"

"H. James I was born ready" Brooke says taking my hand.

-++-

It was only when Brooke and I were alone that I had told her the full story about the baby. And to my surprise my normally talkative friend is quiet. I tell her everything that has happened in the last couple of months, things I haven't been able to say over the phone or write in a letter. I also tell her the plans I have made for me and my baby. I had made the conscious decision not to inform Nathan of the pregnancy right now, for personal reasons. I felt like Nathan knowing about the pregnancy at this time would only lead to amounting stress that I didn't want or need. I knew Nathan and if he knew I was carrying his child he'd want me to move back to Tree Hill and as a father he had the right to want me to do so, but as a mother, I didn't want to jeopardize my child in any way. Truth be told, I didn't think Peyton and I could possibly live in the same town while being pregnant by the same man; it would probably be hazardous to both our healths and right now nothing was more important then my baby.

"Wow" Brooke breathes out. "This is the last thing I expected to hear from you" she continues. "I thought you were gonna tell me that you and Sam were moving back home"

I look down knowing that it will be a long time before I come back home. "I can't do that, not now" I admit quietly. "If I see Nathan, if I have one moment of weakness where I feel sorry for him, for us he'd know about our baby and I can't do that to myself or my baby." I say strongly.

Now it is her turn to look down for a moment and when she looks at me I see a flicker of guilt in her eyes. "I guess since we're sharing secrets I guess it's my turn" she says blowing out a long breath. "You should know, Nathan and Peyton got married. I didn't want to tell you over the phone, and I wanted you to hear it from me"

At her news I instantly bite the inside of my mouth. I'm afraid that with my pregnant hormones mixed with the feelings I still have for Nathan I might cry. On one hand the news that Nathan has gone as far as to marry Peyton hurts me. But then again the news had set the tone for the rest of our lives. Nathan and I would never be together. We'd never be what we use to be....that had ended a long time ago.

"Good for them" I finally manage to say. Brooke automatically gives me a look that tells me she thinks im crazy. "Nathan and Peyton finally got the family they both wanted and so did I " I voice continuing to rub my belly. " I got my miracle baby"

"Haley do you see, its almost like fate." She says watching as her friends eyebrows furrow. "You left Tree Hill to escape your love for Nathan, to wipe it out of your system but fate has stepped in and the two of you created a baby."

I know what she's trying to say and quickly dismiss it. "We've both moved on. I am happy for the first time in a long time, and I'm selfish enough to want my happiness to continue. Besides Nathan already has a wife and baby he won't need me or my baby." I say simply. "And I don't need him either, Sam and I are going to raise your niece together, everything will be fine" I say hoping to cheer up both Brooke and myself.

"Hales, this is huge, this is huge" she says again. "You know I will always stand by you, always but you have to know that this is something you can never come back from. If you decide to keep this baby from Nathan, it will haunt you. "She says reaching out to stroke my hair. "You have to be sure about this,"

"I am sure" I interrupt. "For my own sanity Nathan can't know about this baby, not now. I promise you I will tell him one day, he won't get shut out of this baby's life"

"Ok" she says nodding her head. "Hales, can I ask you one more question and then I'll let you sleep"

"Sure" I say between yawns.

"Are you keeping this from Nathan because of Peyton, or are you afraid that the love you have for Nathan and this baby the two of you created will open pandoras box all over again."

I find myself smiling. Brooke has always known me better then anyone else. "Maybe it's a little bit of everything. I will always love Nathan, he is the father of my children, but I'm in love with Sam and I am dedicated to making this work. After the baby is born, I will have to grow up and tell Nathan but for right now, I just want to enjoy everything. I want to pretend that everything is perfect"

"Ok. "Brooke says as we both get underneath the blankets

"Good night B"

"Good night H"

When Brooke falls asleep I find myself staring at the ceiling. I never in a million years thought I'd find myself in this situation. I never thought I would purposely hide something so important from Nathan. I've shared every important aspect of my life with Nathan yet the most important aspect of them all, I can't bare myself to share with him. The truth is that I am scared of what the future will bring. And right now all I can do is hope that with time things will get better for me, Nathan, Peyton and our children because they deserve the world.

**Spoilers**: an unexpectant tradgedy hits sending Haley back to Tree hill. Plus Haley finds herself between a rock and a hard place.

**Plus:** Nathan finally sees haley and his daughter for the first time. Peyton and Haley have a much needed long talk and Nathan and Sam meet for the very first time, plus much more

A.N.2 So now you've read what Haley has been up to, any thoughts? The next chapter will be flashfoward to a year later , so stay tuned. Oh yeah im in the process of writting a new story for Brooke and Julian called "**where do broken hearts go**" so if your a fan of my work be on the look out for it :)


	17. Chapter 17

**A.N. **Hello everydbody! I am finally back with the next chapter for The Right Kind of Wrong. Thanks once agian for reading and replying! It took forever for me to get this chapter out and i apoligize for that. this chapter is actually the the turning point in the story. I cant give away too much but i will say that i've read all your replies and as a result the next chapters will have a lot less angst. this chapter mainly focuses on the bond N&H share and will continue to have for the rest of the story.

Special thanks to: Sunny-C , OTHRULEZ08 , Ohiobuckeye , naley19, meg07 , theroxetandtroyellalover , HJS-NS-23 and ravens23fan

**Chapter 17: Im Coming Home**

_Do you think about me now and then_

_Do you think about me now and then_

_cause im coming home again_

_maybe we can start again_

It was no secret that I had pondered the idea of not telling Nathan about our daughter. In fact I had rationalized the idea by telling myself that this would be better for everyone involved. However, Brooke changed my mind. I don't think she even realized she had done so, but she made me think twice.

_Flashback_

_It was her last night here in Georgia and already I was beginning to miss it. Having Brooke here made me want to go back to Tree Hill more then ever. It made me yearn once again for everything that use to be mine._

_"I can't believe this is my last night here" Brooke mused out loud. "Time flew by and it was only a week" she continued sitting up on her elbows. Curiously she watched her friend noticing something was off. Suddenly Haley had gone quiet._

_"Are you ok?" Brooke asks bringing me out of thought._

_"Yeah" I say nonchalantly. It been a couple days since I've told her about my plans for the baby and already I beginning to rethink my plans. Keeping the baby, a secret from Nathan, it'll hurt him beyond repair. And despite how much he hurt me. I couldn't hurt him that way. I wasn't the only person that lost a child, Nathan had lost JJ just like me, he mourned our son and he lost hope like me. Keeping our daughter from him, would be the ultimate betrayal because he would miss out on all the things we had missed out with JJ all over again._

_"Listen. I know that what I said about the situation with Sam and the baby was a bit harsh, but Hales you have to know that I love you, and I really just want what's best for you and your baby. I know that Nathan has hurt you in the past I know that he deserves hell for all the things he's put you through but he doesn't deserve to lose another child."_

_"I know" I say before biting the side of my lip. "I'm scared B. " I admit softly_

_"I know" she says comforting me once again. "You have to be strong for you and your baby. You have to face the things that made you run away in the first place. I know you love Sam, I get it, I see it, you two are in love and that's great! But it's not the same way you love Nathan, it's the reason you left Tree Hill in the first place and the reason why you're so scared to return to Tree Hill."_

_End of flashback_

When I got the call, it was nearly eight o clock in the morning. I had been up all night with Jamie so hearing my phone ring non stop was unnerving. Nudging Sam I silently ask him to get the phone and being the gentleman that he is, he actually reaches for the phone. I hear him mumble something into the phone before quickly passing the phone to me. Sitting up in bed, I quickly grab the phone from him, almost ready to yell at whomever would dare call me knowing I had a nine-month-old baby who liked to stay up late at night.

"Hello" I say grumpily

"Haley, theirs been an accident"

At the sound of her words suddenly I feel alert. I can tell that she's been crying and hearing her cry so hard is starting to make me worried. Brooke almost never ever calls the house, and the sound of her voice it's like she's been crying forever.

"Brooke what happen?" I ask trying to stay calm, but it's hard to stay calm when you hear the word accident. "Is it my mom, my dad? Who is hurt?" I ask jumping out of bed. I hate waiting and since im nervous im starting to pace back and forth.

"Haley, its Nathan- things are really bad, really, really bad"

Suddenly I can't hear her words because the phone is dropped from my hands. I can feel my body shaking as I process what she's just said. Nathan, is hurt, Nathan was in an accident, Nathan, my Nathan. I could hear how scared she was in her voice, and knowing that scares me. What if something happens, what if the doctors can't take care of him properly. I wouldn't know how to survive if I lost Nathan the way I lost JJ. He had to live for our daughter....for me. Sam is at my side instantly his arms wrapped around me as he continues to talk to Brooke. He's holding too tight and I want nothing more then to be with my daughter.

"Haley you have to calm down" Sam said holding my shoulders. "You're a mess"

"I have to go to him" I say after finding some sort of strength. "I have to be their for him, he's hurt and you heard Brooke she was crying" I say my lip trembling. "What if he doesn't make it? What if he doesn't get to see his little girl?" I asked before shaking my head at him. "Sam I have to see him, I have to" I whisper the last part before moving past Sam.

I can see it in his face, how hurt he is by my actions. I can't worry about Sam right now. I have to concentrate on Nathan, and our baby. Without much of a word Sam and I silently walk to the nursery room, and that is when I see my little girl. She is every bit of Nathan, from her blue eyes to her porcelain skin, she is our miracle baby and to think that Nathan might not get the chance to meet her, kills me.

"Haley" Sam calls from his position at the door. I turn my head his way all the while holding my daughter tighter then ever. "Its gonna be ok" he says moving closer to me. He wraps his arms around me and for the first time in a long time, I feel like being with Sam is wrong. I tense for a minute before looking up at him.

"I have to go to him" I say again. "I know this may be hard for you to understand, but I have to be with him. He hates hospitals as much as I do" I say looking down at my daughter. Jamie deserves the chance to see her father and Nathan deserves to see his daughter. I know that its time for me to do the right thing.

"Its time for me to go home Sam" I say finally looking in him

+-+

After receiving the news about Nathan and Peyton I was on the first red eye flight out to Tree Hill. Over the years the three of us had gone through hell together, we fought a lot and loved really hard, but despite all of the bad things, I never once wished that the two of them would ever be hurt. I really had no room to hate either one of them anymore. Peyton had fallen in love with Nathan that was her only crime, sure we didn't like each other but time heals old wounds. And Nathan, my Nathan, the thought alone of him hurt broke my heart. It made everything seem so petty. Over the years we had truly been through just about hell and back and despite all of it I still believed that he was my soul mate. It didn't matter if Nathan and I never got back together I would always love him and I'd always be grateful for the children we had together. Now I just wanted him safe. I wanted everyone to be okay.

Things had gone so terribly wrong, so wrong. I never in a million years thought that I might not be able to see Nathan again. And now that I was faced with the prospect of never seeing him again, it scared more then I ever imagined. Looking over to Sam I watched closely as he held Jamie in his arms. He loved her like she was his own, we were his family, and now I feared that all of that would crumble to pieces. I knew it was hard for Sam to understand the bond Nathan and I shared together. Though he had always accepted it, I was sure seeing it first hand might be a bit challenging. I mean I had only said the worst things about Nathan when Sam and I were only friends but now, now he would see it. He would see what I was trying to hide from myself. And that was the fact that I still loved Nathan Scott, maybe even more since giving birth to Jamie. Jamie cemented the two of us together forever, just like JJ.

"Haley are you okay" Sam called causing me to blink out of my daze, he was currently looking at me with the uttermost concern and it made me feel guilty. I felt guilty for a lot of reasons, things would never be the same again, and I knew that, and I was wondering if he would ever realize that our life was changed- for the better or worst depending on how you look at it.

"Im sure Nathan will be okay. You'll see once we get to the hospital" he continues

I nod my head not being able to fully speak yet. I feel like if I talk I might cry and I don't want to cry. Nathan needs me to be strong, and Sam needs me to be strong and most of all Jamie.

"Im fine" I say stiffly. As we continue to drive through Tree Hill memories start flooding back, memories that I've tried to forget for so long

-+-

Before I know it we've reached our destination and I feel like I've just run a marathon. I honestly want to do nothing but sleep but I know that I have to see Nathan. Know one knows that I'm back home except for Brooke and my parents, but assume everyone is expecting me to come back, you can only run for so long before you find your way back home. Once I step into the hospital I feel the anxiety reach me, this is really the last place I would like to be, but if Nathan is here, then so am I. Years ago we had promised always and forever and despite everything I still meant it. I would always be available for Nathan, always.

Sam had offered to go to the hospital with me but I had easily declined. Things were going to be weird enough around the hospital and I just didn't want to add anymore tension or stress to the whole situation. We were gathering at the hospital to hear about Nathan and Peyton, not for me to come back home with a new boyfriend and a baby that didn't belong to that new boyfriend. I knew it was really selfish of me to ask Sam to stay back but I didn't want to draw any of the attention from Nathan....or from Peyton. I was thankful that he had traveled with me to North Carolina and when everything calmed down I was sure things would get back to normal between the two of us, but as for now all I could think about was Nathan and the secret I had been harboring for so long.

When I had gotten off the elevator, I was greeted by Brooke. No words were spoken between the two of us as we hugged for a long time. She was the only person I had been in contact with, hell she was the very person that had told me about Nathan, and the moment I saw her I just broke down into tears. I despised being in this hospital. It brought so many bad memories and knowing that Nathan was here it really did a number on me. Over the last couple of hours I had mentally gone over everything I loved and hated about Nathan Scott. And I knew I couldn't bare to lose him the way we had lost our son.

In the distance I could hear Brooke talking. She had informed that just about everyone had been down at the hospital the last few days. She had also said that Karen had taken the crash the worst because her little boy was hurt. I felt a lump in my throat at the mention of Nathan being hurt, Karen was a strong woman and Dan was even stronger if they were torn to pieces then I didn't have a chance.

"How is everyone, I know you said Dan and Karen were taking this really hard, what about Luke he must be just as upset?"

She gave a look that almost unreadable before speaking. "He's taken the news hard."

Now it was my turn to look at her oddly. She was hiding something from me. "Brooke, what's going on?" I asked quickly. "Your hiding something from me, does it have something to do with Nathan? How, how is he?" I ask apprehensively.

"He's doing better. The last couple of days he's been like a yoyo going up and down But im sure since you here it'll make all the difference."

I shook my head and quickly moved away from her. "I should have been here. I should have kept in touch and now I might never get the chance to speak to him again. What if he doesn't wake up, what if he doesn't make it?"

"Nathan will make it, he's a Scott." she said cheerfully. "He's got Dan Scott's genes which has to mean something"

" You're right. He's a fighter but what if he can't fight this? I can't lose him B." I say as she comes to give me yet another hug.

"And you wont" Brooke says calmly. "Nathan is a fighter Hales and he'll fight to get back to you because he loves you" she says as if she's stating the obvious.

I shook my head. "Brooke the last time we talked he hung up on me" I reminded her. I had called one day to tell Nathan about our baby but when he heard the words baby he freaked out and hung up on me. I didn't even get a chance to tell him that I was having our baby.

"But he never stopped loving you; Hales just like you never stopped loving him when Peyton was pregnant with their baby" she said once again calmly. Brooke Davis was my guardian angel because without her, I'd be nothing short of a hot mess.

"You know on the plane ride here, I just kept thinking about what you said about me and Nathan"

"Hales, don't do this to yourself" She said sympathetically. She knew all to well that this might be too much for her friend. Seeing Nathan this way, could easily send her in a depression. But she also knew that Nathan would want Haley to not blame herself for the past.

"You were right. We were meant to be together. And if I don't have a chance to fix things" I said before covering my mouth. I couldn't say the words, and it hurt so much. "I can't lose him B! We can't lose him." I said again. Nathan and I were meant for meant to be together wether that meant romantically or just as friends.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Haley James"

Turning around I caught sight of Lucas Scott. He looked horrible, and we all knew why. His brother was in the hospital fighting for his life, and I knew how much Lucas loved his brother, he loved him so much. We all loved him so much.

"Luke" I said unsure of how to approach him. The tone in his voice was edgy and the way he looked at me terrified me. Never in my life had Lucas Scott ever looked at me with such hatred as he did today.

"Lucas don't." Brooke called from her place beside me. "Not here. Not now." She said finished. I watched as she pleaded with Lucas almost silently to bite his tongue and wondered what I had done for him to obviously be disgusted by my presence. I hadn't seen Lucas in a very long time and talked to him in just as long. It was easier that way- for me...for everyone.

Before I knew it, Lucas was standing in my face glaring down at me. "You have some nerve showing up here like you care about my brother" he shot out acidly.

Once again I was taken back by his venomous words. Of course I cared about Nathan; I'd always care about him...always love him. We promised always and that didn't end because we were no longer together. "I do care about your brother" I said rather defensively. "Its why I'm here right now"

He gave me a sarcastic laugh before speaking again. I could see it in his eyes. He was scared, and probably lashing out at me. But truth be told I was just as terrified as Lucas was.

"If you really cared about him, you would have called. He was going crazy here without you and you just left."

"Im not going to defend myself to you Lucas. Nothing matters but Nathan right now." I shot out putting my hands on my hips. I was growing tired of arguing with Lucas. Whatever happen in the past was in the past. Now we just needed to deal with the future and focus on Nathan."

"I'm glad you wont defend yourself because nothing you can say will make this right. You are the reason my brother is in the hospital fighting for his life." He growled. "You have no business being here, you're not a friend and certainly not family"

His words were like a slap in the face. But I kept trying to remind myself that he was scared and that I was an easy target. I mean I left, and the only reason I had returned to Tree Hill was because of Nathan and his accident.

"Lucas that's enough" Brooke voiced interrupting the heated argument Lucas and I had found ourselves in. Brooke was the voice of reason because suddenly Lucas wasn't glaring at me anymore. In fact he just looked like a guy who was worried about his little brother.

"Haley has every reason to be here. She loves Nathan just like the rest of us" Brooke voiced ever so calmly to Lucas. Of course it was Brooke Davis to the rescue. She was notorious for saving people.

"Her love, or rather lack of love, is what caused this accident" Lucas gritted out glaring at me once again."

I had bit my tongue for as long as possible but Lucas had crossed the line when he questioned my love for Nathan. "You don't anything about me or what I feel or felt for Nathan. Listen to me" I said grabbing his face in my hands. "I don't care what you think about me, just know that I am not leaving till I see Nathan. You cannot keep me away from him and you even try im going straight to your parents" I said before storming off in the opposite direction. I needed air. I needed space.

When she was gone, he found himself facing his girlfriend. "He's my brother Brooke." He said quietly. "And I've watched him sulk because of her for too long."

"Lucas" Brooke said reaching for his hand. "Haley didn't cause the accident and neither did you. It was an accident."

He let out a sarcastic chuckle. "We both did this. I was fighting with him about Haley on the phone. And she devastated him by calling to say that she was pregnant." He scoffed. "He was heart broken. Especially after Hope. He's lost so much and it's all her fault. Finding out Haley was pregnant, it nearly killed him...it could kill him"

She bit her lip for a moment before deciding maybe it was time to enlighten Lucas about the situation. "Luke, What if I could tell you that Haley could make everything all better"

-+-

After my argument with Lucas I had actually wondered if I really had a place here. Lucas sure as hell thought I had no business to be here for Nathan and maybe he was right, maybe coming here was a mistake, but it was my mistake to make. I had spent the last couple of months running away from everything and now I realized that running away wouldn't solve my problems. I needed to be here plain and simple, this was my home....Nathan was my home.

I had found myself wandering the halls of the hospital trying to ease my mind. It didn't matter what Lucas thought about me or my reasons for being here, the only thing that mattered was that I was here to support Nathan....and that was all that mattered.

As I continued my way through the halls, I caught sight of someone I hadn't seen in what seemed like a lifetime ago. Chris Keller. Chris and I had been really close, he was my friend but he didn't like Nathan and the moment he found out about the affair, lets just say our friendship ended on a sour note.

"Chris Keller!" I exclaimed surprised to see him here. What was even more shocking was that he looked up at me. Our friendship had ended much like my other relationships had ended in T.H.- badly. "It's been a long time" I say almost a bit too uneasy because he gives me this look. I tried to keep my distance from him based on the whole Lucas ordeal. I didn't want to upset anyone else by my presence.

"Haley James!" He says standing up. For a brief moment I feel like a deer in headlights. I really don't know what to expect from Chris so all I can do is hope for the best. "I guess you're here to see Nathan huh?" he asked before he places his arm around my waist. Chris was still my buddy after everything we had gone through. I guess time does heal old wounds.

"Yeah im here to see Nathan" I admitted before looking down sheepishly. "Surprised?" I asked, knowing that of all the people besides Brooke, Chris Keller knew me the most and then after Chris would come Jake.

"Nope" he said little out a tired breath. I could tell by the way he was looking at me that whatever he had to say was going to be either a smart ass comment or another smart ass comment. "You and Nathan had this thing. It use to drive me crazy- but looking back now I guess it was love....I guess it still is love" he said before fixing the two of us a cup of coffee. It was nice to know that Chris and I could still be like this. We still clicked.

"Yeah I guess it was love" I said before chuckling."We never wanted to admit it though" I finished before shaking my head at the thought. Nathan and I could barely admit that we were in love with each other to ourselves so when we finally admitted to each other it was something that I will never forget.

"So how you holding up" He asked as his arms still lay draped around me. "Brooke was worried about you, what this would do to you." He finished

"Honestly I feel like I'll break down at any moment." I finally admit. "I feel like I've been running a marathon and now im just so tied. Im physically and emotionally drained and it's not a good feeling." I look up and see the concern in his eyes and I know he wanted me to continue to tell him how I really feel but I can't do that. Nathan is all that matters right now. My feelings can wait.

"Hales"

I cleared my throat gaining his attention. "I don't want to talk about Chris" I mumble out. "Nathan will okay and then everything will be much better. He just needs to wake up" I say strongly. I figure if I start talking like I believe maybe something good will come out of this horrible accident. "So" I say turning around in his arms what brings you here? Don't tell me you and Nathan are now secretly besfriends and you couldn't stand to see your bud in so much pain" I joked.

"Peyton" he said simply before showing me the teddy bear that was located in his bag.

"Oh!" I said surprised. I had completely forgotten about Peyton, she was in the car with Nathan so she must be in bad shape as well. "Are you going to see her now?" I asked starting to feel nervous. "I mean, are you gonna go see her today?" I questioned.

"Yeah" Chris said easily. A smile came to his face when he even mentioned Peyton, or when I mentioned Peyton. "The first time I came by she had been sleeping, but Chase called and said she's awake so...."

"Can I come?" I asked while wringing my hands together. "I mean, if its okay, I'd like to come along with you...I'd like to see her." I guess my words took Chris Keller by surprise because he gave me a look that said he thought I was bluffing.

"Seriously?" Chris asked skepticism mirroring his voice.

"Seriously" I echoed. When he continued to look at me skeptically, I decided to explain myself. "It's time for us to grow up"

"Ok" he said nodding. "I'll take you to her but you have to promise that you won't upset her. The last couple of months have been hard on her. Ever since the miscarriage of Hope she's been in so much pain" he said before taking a hold of my hand.

I felt myself stiffen at the mention of Hope. I had heard that Peyton had complications with having her baby that either she or the baby could die if she chose to continue with the pregnancy. Apparently Hope hadn't made it leaving Peyton all alone. My stomach churn at the thought. I knew what she was going through. It was like every day of your life was a living nightmare and no matter what things would never change.

"Are you ready?" Chris asked causing me to look in his direction.

"Yeah" I said nodding my head. And before I knew it he pushed the door open and they're she was Peyton Sawyer and by the look on her face she had been waiting to see me.

"I was wondering when you were gonna show up. I guess today's my lucky day then huh?" Peyton said sitting up.

I watched as Chris had quickly rushed over to Peyton and displayed the teddy bear he had bought earlier. She looked genuinely happy to see it, in fact they looked very happy to see each other.

"Play nice girls" Chris said before placing a kiss to her cheek and sending a wink my way.

When the door was closed, I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. It was odd being here especially here with Peyton. We hated each other for years, we fought hard and loved hard- the only problem was that we loved the same boy.

"Surprised to see me?" I asked as I sat down in a nearby chair. By the look on the face she was surprised at all, maybe a little bit amused by not surprised in the least.

"Not really. You and Nathan have always had this thing" she said staring at the girl that had been her competition for years. She had been jealous of Haley James the moment she had burst out of her shy girl shell. Haley was likable, easy going and everybody loved her. It was one of the reasons she hated her so much. "Nathan is in the hospital so its only fitting that you would return to see him" she said even toned.

Her words surprised me because this was Peyton Sawyer and if anything she had always hated the connection Nathan and I shared throughout the years. I did have to look down though at her words, because it seemed like everyone was reminding me of what Nathan and I use to mean to each other.

"Have you seen him yet?" Peyton asked causing me to look up at her.

"No." I admitted honestly. I was afraid to see Nathan. Afraid of what it might do to me. "But I've heard from reliable sources that he's sleeping" I finished.

"I see" she said nodding her head. It was odd sitting here with Peyton. We had hated each other for so long yet here we were almost peacefully.

Clearing my throat, I spoke. "I um, heard about your daughter . . . Hope" I whispered out. "I truly am sorry that you had to go through that kind of hurt." I said brushing back tears. "I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone...not even you" I admitted honestly.

The two of us sat in an awkward silence for a moment or two before Peyton broke it.

"Thank you." She said looking down. "Losing Hope was the hardest thing I had ever gone though, it's the hardest thing that im still going though. Listen Haley" she said looking up. "I owe you an apology I was horrible with you about losing your son and now that I've lost my daughter I understand what you were feeling."

I closed my eyes at the memory. Peyton had been nothing short of horrible, she had made fun of the fact that I had lost my son, she even said that I used his death to keep Nathan around. I had never been so hurt in my life because my son was so innocent, he had nothing to do with the triangle from hell, yet his memory was used to mock me and my relationship with Nathan.

"Haley" Peyton called causing me to open my eyes. "Do you think our kids are happy in heaven?"

"I hope so" I said. A small tear escaped my eyes. "I like to think that my son is being the best big brother to your daughter that he can be" I said meeting her eyes before going over to look out the window. "Maybe our children are the reason you and Nathan are alive today"

"Maybe so. Or maybe it is you. Maybe you're the reason Nathan is alive. You know he never gave up on you- even when we were together. He searched high and low for you. He loved you. He still loves you. He believes he's cursed Haley, that's why both of his children have died, but you . . . you can make things better for him because you are the person he loves." She said before pausing. "He needs you- he's always needed you and I can see that now. Only you can save him Haley . . . only you"

I was about to say something when the door swung open and in walked Chris Keller.

"Im sure you too are enjoying your heart to heart, but Hales your keeping Chris Keller from his girl and that is not cool "

"Point taken" I said walking to the door only to be stopped by Peyton.

"Haley I meant what I said about You and Nathan. And everything else."

I nodded my head in her direction before leaving the room. It was time for me to go and see Nathan. We had a lot of things to catch up on.

song credit: homecoming by kanye west

**Spoilers:** Nathan and Haley finally come face to face. Nathan meets his daugther, Sam finds himself out of place. And Haley finds herself in a compromising situation.

**more to come**: Nathan decides that he wants Haley and his life back at any cost

**A.N. 2:** I hope you guys liked this chapter. I wanted to move forward with the story and finally say bye bye to the bad stuff that happened. I also wanted Haley to come to terms with her feelings for Nathan and everything else so we could move forward. Oh yeah im writting a new story called Foolish hearts, so be on the look out for that one.


	18. Chapter 18

**A.N.**

**Hey all! School is finally out which means I will have free time to write which is awesome! Thanks for reading and replying, it really means a lot to me. This is the first angst free, or at least less angst then usual chapter. I tried really hard not to write sad stuff, so my fingers are crossed that it came across that way. I hope to have things a little bit lighter. I got the inspiration for this chapter while listening to Marie digby's version of umbrella. Oh gosh there is so much I want to say but I cant give it all away. Enjoy :)**

**special thanks to: HJS-NS-23, naley4eva, WWUFANOTH, RitaOTH-HomeandAwayFan, mirna23, kaya17tj, twilightnaley19, meg07, oth23oth23, SammieM**

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 18: Umbrella**

_You had my heart_

_And we'll never be a world apart_

After talking with both Peyton and Chris I realized that just about everyone in Tree Hill or at least the people that really knew me had faith in Nathan and I. I thought it was strange because the people I had spoken to had been the same people who were mainly against the two of us. They thought Nathan and I were a train wreck waiting to happen and maybe they were right but that didn't change who we were to each other. I had made amends with my past and now all I wanted to do was see Nathan, and tell him everything.

When I had finally gotten my chance to see Nathan, the sight of him left me nearly breathless. I had always viewed Nathan as someone who was nearly invincible but upon seeing him now, with cuts and bruises not to mention the horrendous machines hooked up to him; it made me realize how fragile Nathan really was. It took me a minute or two just to calm myself down...to compose myself. Nathan and I may have had a troublesome past together but that didn't mean we loved each other less. We had promised always once . . . many times before and it was something that stuck with us even now.

"Are you gonna come closer or just stare at me the whole time from afar?" he asked his eyes still closed. He could tell by the sudden intake of breath that he startled her but Haley had always been easily spooked. The moment she walked into the room it was like something had happened to him, he had been beyond tired while his parents were fussing over him, yet when Haley walked into the room, he felt a jolt of something. His heart got heavy as it always did when Haley James was around.

"I thought you were sleeping" I said uneasily. It was weird being here, standing in front of Nathan right now. When I had first, heard about the accident, I had been beside myself. I wanted nothing but to be with him yet now that I was looking at him . . . now that I was with him I had nothing to say.

"No, its okay" he says opening his eyes. "I was just pretending in case my mom came back in here." He says before grinning " She's been driving me crazy"

I let out a small chuckle. Only Nathan would hate the fact that his mother was being motherly after he survived a horrific accident. "Your mother loves you." I said easily. It was on the tip of my tongue to say that I loved him too, but I held back the words.

"I'm glad you came" he said before reaching his hand out to stroke my own. Our hand touching was the first contact I had with Nathan in a physical way in a long time, and I still felt the stirring of butterflies that I had thought long died.

"Of course I came. I wouldn't want to be any other place then next to you right now." I admitted easily. The intense way he kept looking at me made me turn my eyes in the other direction. I felt like I had been a ball of nerves for so long and now I just wanted to unwind. I just wanted to release everything I had been holding in for so long.

"Come here" he said reaching his hand out for her. He needed her to be closer to him. When he had woken up the only person, he could think of seeing was Haley. He knew that she would probably be worried and wanted to reassure her that he was fine. Nothing could ever keep him down for too long.

"I am here" I say while stroking his knuckle with my thumb. "I'll always be here" I whisper out.

"No. I mean here. Come into bed with me" he says before patting the bed. He can see the hesitation in her eyes, see the fear that is brewing and wonders why. "Please Hales, just lay next to me"

When he looks over at me, my heart already starts beating a mile a minute. It's been a long time since I felt the surreal feeling of being around Nathan. I think he's the only person that can bring me pleasure and pain at the same time. I can love him one minute and hate him with all my being the next. Before it use to hurt seeing him . . . being around but now . . . now im just glad he's here . . . that he's alive.

The moment I climb into the bed with him, his arms come around and circle me. And for a moment I feel at ease. I feel like everything is going to be okay because he's fine, yeah he has a few cuts and bruises and his leg is broken but he's still here. And I know I still have a chance.

"This feels good doesn't it" he asks before nuzzling his nose into her neck. The smell of her hair overwhelms his senses. And he knows that the choice he made was the right choice. Haley James is the girl for him and will always be the girl for him. Being with Peyton was the easy way out of things because he didn't love Peyton. Being with Haley was harder because he loved hurt.

My words are hesitant because deep down I know that this is probably not the best thing for either one of us. I know that being this close to Nathan being like this, could complicate things more then ever, but being in his arms feels so natural. It feels like, home.

"Yeah it does" I say looking up at him under heavy lashes. It's been so long since Nathan and I had gotten a chance to look in each others eyes, it's been so long since we've been like this. I'm afraid to say something. I'm afraid it will break the spell. But I know that we have to talk, we have so much to talk about.

"I am so glad you're ok" I say turning around to face him."I was so scared" I say as the tears start to fall. I've been trying to hold back the tears for so long that they just start to flow and I'm not crying just because I am happy for that Nathan is here but im crying for Sam because I know this is going to be a long hard road, Jamie Leigh because I am going to turn her life upside down and finally im crying for me because I've done so much that cannot be repaired.

" Hey, Hales" he says placing his hands on both sides of my face. "Im ok" he says simply before brushing off stray tears. "I couldn't leave you."

I shake my head in earnest. Im completely ready to apologize for keeping Nathan away from his daughter. Im ready to confess everything and suddenly he pulls me into a heart stopping kiss.

The moment our lips meet I feel my heart began to soar. Before I had met Sam, I had dreamed of the moment when Nathan and I would forget all the mistakes we had both made. I use to dream of the moment when Nathan and I would first see each other and yet now that I was living in the moment with Nathan, my dreams though wild were nothing compared to real thing. With his arms wrapped around me as his mouth begged for greater access I had never felt so, inhibited. I felt like the same girl that had fallen for him all those years ago. The spark was still as strong as ever.

"You shouldn't have done that" I stammered once I had realized what we were doing. Immediately I fled from his arms. I wouldn't do this again. I wouldn't let myself get swept up in Nathan and most importantly I wouldn't cheat on Sam. I was better then that. I wouldn't hurt another person because of my history with Nathan, not again.

"Why not" he asked sitting up in bed. He hadn't anticipated her reaction to be so skittish. "I love you and you love me." He said pausing for her reaction but instead she just looked at him. He knew she loved him. She had told him so. And if she hadn't loved him then she wouldn't be here right now.

"Nathan" I said shutting my eyes tightly. I wouldn't get into this with him, not now. He was still in the hospital recovering and after he found out about Jamie I knew all the love he claimed to have for me would probably disappear.

"I meant every word I said to you last night. Seeing you at JJ's grave last night it made me realize that I want you, I need you . . . I choose you Haley"

"Oh god!" I said backing away from him. I couldn't possibly form a complete sentence. I remembered the night Nathan was talking about all to well. Nathan and I had gotten in a fight at a party thrown by Peyton and I was so mad at him. He had chosen to console Peyton over me, after she had uttered a cheap shot regarding our son. Somehow Nathan and I ended up at the cemetery and he declared his love for me, and I agreed to forgive him. We had conceived Jamie Leigh that night and hours after we had finally gotten back on the right track, Nathan had left me again with a broken heart.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked sensing something was off. When she said nothing at all, he let out a sarcastic chuckle. 'Are you planning on crawling back to Chase as if he would have you? Are you planning on pretending that we didn't make love last night?" he questioned once again. "I had you body and soul last night and you had me, are you going to act like nothing happened?" he demanded yet again.

_Flashback_

_"I can't believe we just did that" I sighed as we lay together on the floor. "I told myself I wouldn't let you touch me with a ten-foot pole"_

_"I did more then touch you" he voiced from his position next to me. I felt his fingers trail down my bare back and shivered involuntarily._

_"Do you really think we can do it this time around Nathan?" I asked getting serious for a moment. I wanted things to work out with Nathan. I always wanted things to work out with him. He was my heart, the one true thing I had in my life._

_"Of course." He says wrapping his arms around me. "I choose you Haley James, you're the girl I want to be with...the girl I've always wanted to be with"_

_end of flashback_

"Nathan calm down" I voiced as alarm seeped through me. His heart rate was beating fast and I was afraid that his blood pressure would spike any minute.

I felt a shiver run down my spine as the memories flooded back to me. We had been so happy and then he had dropped the bomb on me. Peyton was pregnant and he was going back to her so they could be a family. Nothing had hurt more then hearing those words from his mouth and that was why I knew that when I told him about Jamie Leigh he would hurt so much because I had felt the pain first hand.

"What you remember is true" I said approaching his bedside again. "But it didn't happen last night. It happen a long time ago" I informed him.

It was apparent that his memory was a bit fuzzy. Especially if he thought that this was the day after we reconciled. The night Jamie Leigh was conceived we had gotten back together in fact we thought that we were going to rewrite our history together but we had broken up by the end of the next day.

"Nate" I said almost cautiously. "We aren't together anymore, we broke up" I said almost painfully. It was hard to think of that night, or the day following that night. I had such hope for the two of us and it was shattered a mere hours later.

"What do you mean we're broken up? You took me back, we agreed to start all over,"

"You chose Peyton, you just don't remember" I said before casting my eyes down. "The doctor will be here soon and he'll explain things." I mutter out

"That ridiculous. I remember being with you I remember everything"he argued.

I could tell by the look on his face how upset he was getting; and I wished that my words weren't so hard for him to take but it was all true. Maybe this wasn't the best time to get into things with him, but I didn't want to lie and I didn't want Nathan to think I was treating him differently because he was in the hospital. He would resent me more that way.

"Damn it Haley" he said hitting his fist on the bed. "I don't need a doctor to explain anything to me. I am fine. However what your saying about Peyton is ridiculous, I wouldn't do that I wouldn't choose Peyton not after the night we spent together" he gritted out as his blood pressure continued to rise.

"Calm down Nathan, we will talk about this later when you're better" I said alarm mirroring my voice again. "I just . . . I just wanted to see you I didn't mean to upset you" I admitted. At this rate I was expecting a nurse to come in any minute. Every time I spoke Nathan seemed to get more frustrated. The only time he was calm was when he was holding me and despite me wanting to comfort him. I couldn't be that close to him for my own sanity.

"You keep telling me that we aren't together how am I suppose to calm down. My memory is jumbled and you're the only thing I was hanging onto and now I've found out that we aren't even together anymore." He voiced dejectedly.

I didn't know what to say and luckily I didn't have to say much because soon Dr. Davis had walked in. He had his clip board and a look that I had seen him use on his daughter many times when he was upset with her.

"How are you doing Nathan" Dr. Davis said as he brickly walked into the room.

"Im fine" Nathan said keeping his eyes trained on me. I had to look away, I think this was too much for both us right now.

"Well, your blood pressure says otherwise" Dr. Davis voiced sternly. "Your blood pressure is extremely high Nathan, you need to try and relax" he continued before turning to me. "Haley will you please step out while I continue to examine and further discuss with Nathan"

"Of course" I said heading for the door. I needed to get home to check on Jamie Leigh, and I was sure Sam was going out of his mind. I also needed to give Nathan space and time to rest.

"Wait" Nathan voiced causing me to stand perfectly still. "I want her here for whatever you have to tell me Doc, just tell me why my head feels like its on fire."

I knew that I should leave because it was the perfect escape route but knowing that Nathan needed me, knowing that he wanted me here despite the fact that I only caused him to have high blood pressure made me want to stay.

"Ok" Dr. Davis said before looking at me once more. I understood that he was giving me a way out. He had known about our history together and more importantly I was sure he heard the two of us arguing. He probably figured Nathan would be much better without me here, or maybe he thought we were poison to one another which was a common thing for most people to think.

"Well Nathan, the cat scan has indicated that you have suffered small brain trauma that has resulted in temporary retrograde amnesia" Dr. Davis said as he pointed to the x rays scattered across the board.

"How is that so, I know who I am, I know who everyone is that has visited me?" Nathan asked confusion etched in his voice. "The last couple of months are just gone"

"Well Nathan. The type of amnesia you have developed is not long term, nor does it mean that you would forget everything about your life. Seeing as you remember your friends and family it further demonstrates my prognosis is correct. The memory that you have lost is simply classes of memory, meaning that only the most recent events are lost."

From the sidelines I watched as Nathan absorbed everything. He seemed to be taking this harder and harder with each second. And I wished that I could do something to help him.

"How soon will I get my memory back?" he asked with a furrowed brow.

"You can get your memory back at anytime. But its best for you to just let it happen naturally. I will inform your family that it is not wise to rush you. I would also prefer it if information of the last couple of months is giving to you at a minimum. I don't want to rush things too fast"

As soon as he was finished Nathan and I looked at one another. I think realization hit the two of us at the same time. I knew that after such an event, Nathan wouldn't want to stay alone and had taken a seat in the chair once again.

"So you were telling the truth we aren't together anymore" he voiced looking down at his fingers. "What happened? What did I do?"

"Nathan" I called reaching out to stroke his hand. "You already heard what the doctor said. You shouldn't rush things, in fact you should get some rest"

Letting out a sigh he spoke. "I need to know Haley. I don't like knowing and thinking about it ....wondering about it will keep me up all night"

"Trust me Nate, it's better that you don't remember. I wish I didn't remember" I admitted before standing up and heading for the door. This time I intended on leaving. Nathan needed rest and I needed space.

"Hales" he called causing me to stop once again mid stride. "Promise me when I wake you'll be here" he asked in a voice that was so fragile that I couldn't help but comply with his wishes.

"I promise" I said looking over my shoulder one last time before leaving altogether.

-++-

When I got to the apartment, I found Sam lying on the couch a book in his hand while Jamie lay on his chest. The picture that the two of them painted was beautiful. In fact I had a picture of the two of them in that similar pose and I loved it. Sam really loved Jamie, he really loved me and I hoped that we could all manage now that I was going to let Nathan into our lives...into Jamie Leigh's life.

"Hi" I said letting my presence be known. For a while I just looked at the two of them. I was lucky to have Sam in my life. And Jamie she was a lucky girl because soon she would have two dads that love and adored her. Nathan would love Jamie because she was our creation, she was our baby and Sam he already loved Jamie and me, despite everything.

"Hey" he said sitting the book down. He had been worried about her for a while but he knew she needed this time alone. She needed space and he would give her anything, even if it hurt him. . "How was it?" he asked genuinely concerned.

"Exhausting" I blew out before leaning over to place a kiss to Jamie's head. This was the first time I had been away from her for such a long amount of time. Sam and I had usually incorporated Jamie into our date nights and I missed my little girl. Looking over at Sam, I placed a chase kiss to his lips. I was lucky to have him, and I had to keep reminding myself of that because he had been with me through every step of my pregnancy.

"How...how is he?" he asked concerned.

I shut my eyes at the thought of Nathan. He was lost right now and the only thing that made sense to him was me, or us. And that scared me. After my visit I gathered that he wanted things back, like it use to be between us and I wasn't sure that could ever happen. Maybe it could, maybe we would be better then before, because we had Jamie cementing us together forever.

"Scared and confused" I voiced before looking at Jamie. She was so peaceful and innocent. "But he's alive and that's all that matters. Nothing else matters" I finished. Nathan had said the only thing he could feel so strong was his love for me, our love for each other, and I could deal with that as long as he was okay.

"How are you?" he asked cautiously.

I gave him a warm smile before speaking. "Im better now that I'm home with you and Jamie" I admitted while caressing his cheek. After seeing Nathan I knew I needed to get away for a while. And seeing Jamie, made everything better.

"So are we" Sam whispers out. "Haley I know that this is a difficult time for you with Nathan and everything about to come out in the open." He said before clearing his throat." But I just want you to know that I'm here for you and that I love you and Jamie more then anything"

I felt my eyes tear up at his words. I knew this was hard on Sam. He pretended that he was okay but his eyes betrayed him. He was scared for the two of us....for the family we built together and so was I. The moment I saw Nathan all the bad things seized to matter to me. I was just glad that he was here and we still had a chance to make things right. He would always have a piece of my heart but I was committed to the life I had now.

"I love you too" I admitted. For a moment I watched him watch me and it appeared that he believed me. Sam knew the hold Nathan had over me, he knew how much I had loved him, but he also knew that I was happy with him.

Grinning he spoke. "How about we go to bed? You've had a very long day"

"That sounds like a good idea" I said before taking a hold of Jamie.

I let Sam go ahead of me to the bedroom so that I could spend some much needed alone time with my daughter. Jamie, my beautiful Jamie. She was the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew for sure that Jamie would make everything okay for everyone, especially Nathan. My heart felt heavy with the thought of him. He already lost two children and was sure once he remembered the pain of losing his daughter with Peyton he would be...distract, and like always he would blame himself. But this time I hoped Jamie could save him, because I wasn't sure I was capable of doing it anymore. Especially once he found out that I kept Jamie away from him.

However I prayed that Jamie would be the light that Nathan needed. Jamie had already done so much for me, and for Sam and I hoped and prayed that she could do the same for her daddy. I hoped she could take away the pain that I helped caused.

"I love you baby girl" I whispered before placing a kiss to her cheek. "And so does your daddy" For a moment she opened her blue eyes and looked at me. With a yawn she closed her beautiful eyes once again. She was my angel and soon she'd be Nathan's angel as well.

I soon returned to my own bedroom and found Sam staring up at the ceiling. He had this pensive look on his face and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was bothering him. I knew he was scared even if he never admitted it. I had put him in an uncomfortable situation that had the potential to end good or bad. Sam was aware that I had only been in love once before falling in love with him, and of course my first love was Nathan. He was also aware that circumstances, were the reason Nathan and I failed as a couple. I was sure that the knowledge of that was quite daunting.

I didn't know how to show or tell Sam enough that I was committed to the two of us. I loved him and I wanted things to work out between us and Nathan. Sam would have to accept the fact that Nathan was going to be a big part of our lives, he was Jamie's father and he was now apart of our family.

Rolling over I turned to face him. His eyes were still on the ceiling, so I decided to just tell him how I felt. "Thank you for being so wonderful. I know this is hard and...."

My words were soon cut off, by the crash of his lips.

+-+-+

_Because when the sun shines_

_we shine together_

_told you I'll be here forever_

That night I had only managed to get three hours of sleep before I had decided to give up on it all together. I kept thinking about Nathan, and how he was alone and probably scared. I couldn't leave him alone in that hospital, I just couldn't. I had made a promise to him that I would always be their for him, not to mention that I promised that I'd be they're when he woke up. It was my duty as his friend and mother of his children, to check on him. So without much hesitation I threw on some sweats and grabbed Jamie. It was time for her to meet her daddy, and it was high time for Nathan to meet his daughter.

When I arrived at the hospital, I had noticed most of the family had gone home. And for that I was thankful. I really didn't want to share this moment with anyone except for Nathan. I knew the doctor had specifically told everyone that we weren't to push Nathan, or give him information that could or would result in a relapse, but I wanted him to see Jamie. I wanted Nathan to get the chance to meet his daughter, to hold her. As I got closer, I found that both Dan and Karen were sitting together with Nathan's grandparents. Although I would have preferred to be here alone with Nathan, seeing Dan and Karen wasn't the worst thing in the world. For starters they had known about Jamie. In fact they had found out just after Brooke had left Georgia. They had been in town and wanted to see my grandfather and instead of getting my grandpa they found me. Karen took one look at Jamie and knew she was her grandchild. And although I had been a lot of things, I had never really lied to Karen nor Dan.

"Haley" I heard a voice call. Slowly I turned around to find Chase Adams. Only I could run into my exboyfriend and doctor at Tree Hill General Hospital while trying to sneak in and see the person, the reason we didn't last at all

"Chase" I called with the same question in my voice. Chase and I had ended things badly, so it wasn't a treat to see him tonight, especially since I was trying to sneak in to see Nathan. I was waiting for him to read me the riot act. Chase always acted superior then everyone else, and I could only imagine what he was thinking about when he saw me.

"I presume you here to see Nathan" he voiced even toned.

"Yeah" I said looking down. "Do you know if he's awake?" I asked as I brought Jamie closer. Chase seemed to be eyeing her rather closely. I think he was shocked that I had a baby, or maybe he was thinking that I was crazy for bringing my baby here in the middle of the night to see Nathan no less.

"Visiting hours are over Haley" he said matter of factly.

"I know I just....I couldn't sleep. I need to see him" I pleaded. I didn't expect Chase to comply but the moment he took his eyes off Jamie, he agreed. I guess it was the look of desperation or it could have been the baby that had accompany me. I guess everything spelled out desperation.

"Fine. You have fifteen minutes. I'll come and get you in fifteen minutes exactly."

"Thank you" I said graciously.

Chase had led the way and soon Jamie and I were in Nathan's room. The moment we walked in, I found Nathan looking out the window. When he saw me, a smile appeared on his face. He looked genuinely surprised to see me. He made a move to get up but I stopped him.

"I thought you forgot, or changed your mind considering everything that's apparently happened between us"

"I'd never forget" I admitted while coming closer.

"I see you've got something in your arms, what did you bring me?" he asked while turning on the bedside lap. And it was then that he realized what I was holding in the carrier was actually a baby.

He let a gasp as everything hit him at once. I couldn't read him, his stance was so still and I wondered if this were the right thing to do.

Setting down the carrier I took Jamie out and nuzzled my nose with hers. She gave me a toothless grin and my heart skipped a beat. Turning to face Nathan, I took in the shock that had crossed his features. "Nathan, I'd like you to meet Jamie Leigh...."

"You have a baby" he interrupted. His voice was soft, softer then I had ever heard it before and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.

"Yeah" I said holding back tears. This was the moment I had waited for, for so long yet here it was and somehow it wasn't what I had expected .Nathan looked hurt, he looked like I had betrayed him and when I was finished telling everything he'd know just how badly I betrayed him.

In my dreams I would have told Nathan from the beginning and spared us all this heartache. In my dreams we would forgive each other and raise Jamie but this wasn't a dream, this was reality and I didn't know what would happen.

"Can...can I hold her?" he asked outstretching his arms.

I bit my lip and nodded as I handed Jamie over to her father. The moment Nathan held her, a ghost of a smile traced his lips. Nathan had always loved kids, and kids had always loved Nathan. The breath that I had been holding suddenly released as Nathan held his daughter for the first time.

"She's beautiful Haley" he said while keeping his eyes on Jamie. I watched as he tipped her back gently and she continued to coo. Her blue eyes had gone big and I could have sworn that they were twinkling.

I could do nothing but nod as a wave of emotion hit me. It wasn't just the fact that Nathan was finally holding Jamie, it was knowing and realizing that Nathan and I would always be linked together. Our hearts would forever be entwined, and it was bittersweet.

"She looks just like JJ. Her eyes are so stunningly familiar to his. They're so blue, so beautiful." He says choking up. Earlier today he thought it hurt knowing that he and Haley were no more, but seeing that she created another life with someone else it was harder then he ever expected. "I know this sounds crazy but when I look at Jamie I get the same feeling I felt with JJ."

"What feeling is that?" I dared to ask before gnawing on my lip.

"Love. I feel a connection with her" he said before looking down. "Maybe its because I love you so much"

I let out a small gasp. I truly believed that parents shared a profound bond with their children. And hearing Nathan's confession proved my assumption true.

"She likes you" I admitted truthfully. Jamie was a very picky little girl when it came to the people who held her, but with Nathan it was so easy. I could tell by looking at her the Jamie was just as in awe with her father, as I was.

"Well who wouldn't" he asked as a smirk spread across his lips.

"I didn't" I reminded him with a smirk of my own. My eyes easily scanned Nathan and Jamie, and I realized that iw anted to be near the two fo them. So I sat on the bed with the two of them.

"Not for long and then...." he said keeping his eyes on her.

"Yeah" I admitted knowing where the story was going. "How are you feeling" I asked clearing my throat.

"I'm alright" he admitted honsetly. "I still cant believe that we're broken up but that something I will have deal with" he said cradling the little girl in his arms. "I wish I wasnt stuck here alone, loving you"

I closed my eyes tightly. "Nathan"

"Its okay. I'm glad that you got a chance to be a mother again. Jamie is lucky to have you"

"And you too" I said causing him to look my way sharply.

"What are you saying Haley?" he asked

I bit my lip once again. I had completely forgotten about what the doctor had said but I couldn't keep this in, any longer. Nathan wasn't alone, he'd never be alone because he'd always have his daughter and me.

Licking my suddenly dry lips I spoke. "I'm saying that we're your family. Jamie Leigh and I....we are your family"

_now that its raining_

_more then ever_

_know that we still_

_have each other_

**Spoilers: **Haley's actions cause complications between her and Sam.Nathan makes a decision reguarding his family, Haley feels torn, and Sam wonders where his place is in Haley's life. Plus Jamie and Nathan spend time together.

**A.N. 2: **Hey all ,so that was the chapter. I know some of you were expecting more between Nathan and Jamie, and that will come in the next chapter. I wanted to show how connected Nathan and Haley were, despite everything they had been through together. Nahtan has hurt Haley, and in turn Haley has hurt Nathan, but in the end they still love each other. I wanted to also show the difference between Haley and Sam, vs. Haley and Nathan. though Haley loves Sam, he can never really be the person her heart has always belonged to.


	19. Chapter 19

**A.N. **Hello everyone! Once again i have to say thanks for those who have read and replied, it makes each chapter seem so special to me. This chapter was a long time coming i had most of it written but the ending had me stuck, and originally the chapter was 13 pages but i managed to split the chapter into two parts. With that being said, the next update should be quicker because its finished already :) Im glad you all are enjoying Nathan and Haley, and Sam and Haley. These three are in for a whirl wind. with that being said i hope you enjoy the chapter.

special thanks to: RitaOTH-HomeandAwayFan, naley4eva23, naleyforevernalways23, HJS-NS-23 , Ravens23fan, and hopeful2024

hopeful2024: you gave me the kick in the butt that i needed to update this story, so thank you

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 19: I never can say goodbye to love**

_Never can say goodbye_

_Even though the pain and heartache_

_Seems to follow me wherever I go_

_though I try to hide my feelings_

_They always seem to show_

**Flashback**

_"Thanks for being here with me Hales" he said reaching out to stroke my hand. "I don't know what I would do without you" he said sighing harshly. "This place is driving me crazy and what's even worst is that I feel like I am a spectator in my life. Its like my memories are coming back but I don't even feel like I've lived that life."_

_" I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." I admitted before giving him a small smile. "Nathan, I'm here for you. Whatever you need, if you need to talk or anything" I say unable to stop myself. In the last couple of days I'd like to say that Nathan and I were getting back to being Nathan and Haley, without the drama. Nathan needed things simple and so did I. It was time the two of us grew up and this was our big chance._

_"Do you really mean that" he asked quickly. He was waiting for the moment when she pulled away because that was their story, they'd get close enough to having what they both wanted and one of them would run. They could never be happy for too long and he knew that part of that was his fault. He kept her close but not close enough and she did the same to him._

_"Yeah" I said biting my lip out of nervous habit. "We've been through a lot together and no matter what your still the same guy that I fell in love with" I said standing up. "Your still Nathan, and I'm still Haley and that will always matter" I admitted truthfully._

_"Good" he said smiling for the first time. "You know I'm gonna be out of this place in a couple of days and I was wondering if maybe I could stay with you and Jamie Leigh. I want us to be a real family Haley; I want you and Jamie and me to be together" he asked keeping his eyes trained on her movements._

_"Oh" I said running my hands through my hair. I knew I wouldn't turn Nathan away but just thinking about the four of us meaning, Nathan, Jamie, Sam and I - it made my stomach churn. I had never had a relationship after Nathan that lasted long, and it was partly due to our connection and bad habits._

_"You don't sound too thrilled" he said causing me to look up at him. I was easy to read, always had been and probably always would be._

_"Of course you can stay with us, until you're back on your feet" I finally said once my breath was able to come out correctly. "Sam, Jamie and I would love for you to live with us" I finally stuttered out._

_"The boyfriend" he said before clicking his tongue. "So if you have a boyfriend where does that leave me in your life, in Jamie's life" he questioned trying his hardest not to show his disappointment or jealousy. It would have been nice to forget or at least to have her forget about all the crap he had put her through but obviously that wasn't going to happen._

_For a moment I just looked at him. I don't know what I expected from him and I wasn't sure what he expected from me. That was our problem, we expected things from each other- things that were hard to comply with. We weren't together anymore and we hadn't been for a long time, but that didn't mean that I stopped loving him. Or stopped thinking about him, because I hadn't._

_"Your family Nathan and family is forever" I said simply. I knew what he was getting at, and I wanted to further elaborate but his blood pressure was still an issue and once he was out of the hospital I would tell him everything about Jamie Leigh. But for now I would continue to keep everything vague as possible._

_"What about you and me?" he asked pointedly. "I can see the alarm on your face hales and I know this is a lot for you, especially with what I did to us," he said stopping momentarily to wipe his tired eyes. . "I love you and I just want you to know that I wont give up on us ever."_

_I closed my eyes tightly. I had waited for Nathan to say that he loved me and wanted me for so long, and now that he kept saying it...it broke my heart because I feared the repercussions of the choices I've made._

_"The love that I have for you, will never go away Nathan, ever. Their were times when I've hated you with all of me, but through those times I've still loved you, and I always will. But for now we're friends"_

_He let out a snort before turning his eyes the other way. "We've never been friends Haley, never. We've either loved or hated each other and that's the way its always been."_

_I let out a humorless chuckle. "True but Jamie Leigh, needs us to be better then that. JJ, needs us to be better then we were after he died" I said looking down. "And we need it too"I said letting my emotions get the better of me. I was tired of fighting, I was tired of lying and doing things that in the end hurt people I loved, it was time that Nathan and I grew up. For so long we had done things that satisfied ourselves and it was time that we stopped. Their was more to life then just Nathan and I, and although some would call it shocking that I would admit such a thing, it was true._

_"Okay" he said reaching for her once again. He wanted to complain, to get answers from her but he decided against it. He knew she was keeping something from him, their was more to her story he could see it in her eyes, but he wouldn't push not now. He'd wait and figure out how he would make things work between the four of them. "We'll make this work. I promise you, the four of us will make this work, for Jamie Leigh"_

**end of flashback**

_I never can say goodbye  
No, no, no, no, I never can say goodbye  
Every time I think I've had enough  
I start heading for the door  
There's a very strange vibration  
That pierces me right to the core_

It had been two weeks since we move back to Tree Hill and in that time I had reacquainted myself with old friends and attempted to mend old fences with my parents. My parents and I had always had a stormy relationship especially the moment when the found out I was pregnant the first time, they both wanted more for me and I think it disappointed them, that instead of going to college and one day starting a career, I had gotten pregnant while still in High School and planned on raising my baby with Nathan on our trust funds. However when I arrived home, they were happy to see me and happy to welcome Jamie .

I had also spent a vast amount of time with Nathan. The two of us were trying to be friends although I wasn't sure how that would really work. We had never been friends, enemies of course ,we loved each other too, but we had never been friends. However knowing that he had been through a lot made me want to try. This week had the horror of watching Nathan relive losing Hope. It was honestly one of the most heartbreaking things I had ever witnessed. I knew how I felt when Nathan and I lost our son and to watch him have to relive that nearly broke my heart. And that was why I had agreed to let Nathan stay with us, he needed Jamie, he needed me and I wouldn't turn my back on him, not when he needed me.

It had been two weeks since I had confessed to Nathan that we were a family, two weeks since we had moved to tree hill and two weeks since my relationship with Sam had taken a slight detour. It was hard for me to juggle Nathan and Sam at the same time for completely different reasons. I wanted to be with my boyfriend, I loved Sam and I wanted to make the circumstances that surrounded us work. And as for Nathan, I just wanted to make everything better for him, I felt guilty for keeping Jamie away for so long. That was the reason I had agreed to let him stay with us and thus the reason Sam and I were now in a midst of our first big fight.

Sam and I had rarely fought, hell we had rarely disagreed until Nathan came into the picture or maybe it was my natural reaction to Nathan coming into the picture. Sometimes I tended to forget that some people were not use to "Naley" as Brooke liked to call it. For the most part my loyalties had lay with Nathan and I had to realize that I had to be loyal to the person I was currently seeing.

"Sam please just wait....let me explain" I called after him. I had just informed him that Nathan would indeed be living with us for a while and by the looks of it he wasn't too happy about my latest bombshell.

"I cannot believe that you would agree to let the guy stay with us, without mentioning it to me. What was I just suppose to do, wake up one day and find him sitting in the living room?" Sam asked his brows furrowed and his hands running through his long hair.

"No" I said clicking my tongue. "I was going to tell you but then he got released earlier" I soothed, only to get a pointed look from Sam. It didn't appear that he believed me. "What was I supposed to say to him, he's just been in an accident, and I've been keeping him away from his daughter for months now." I shot out honestly.

Wiping his eyes in frustration Sam spoke. "You could have consulted me, I mean I am your boyfriend and this effects me just as it effects you and Jamie Leigh"

"I get that, and I'm sorry that I've sprung this on you" I said getting closer to him. I reached out for his hand and surprisingly he took it. "I couldn't turn my back on him Sam." I admitted honestly. "He needs me and I owe it to him...he's the father of my children and although we've done many things to each other, when it comes down to it, we still have each others back"

Letting out a frustrated breath he spoke. "I get that. I understand that Nathan will be apart of your life and Jamies life; I just didn't think he'd be staying here in close quarters with our life." he said meeting my eyes. "I don't want to sound like a dick, but doesn't he have somewhere else to stay"

I knew this would come out. I mean that was probably the first thing I thought of. I knew Sam wouldn't be too thrilled about Nathan staying with us, so I anticipated him wondering why Nathan wanted to stay with us all together. "As soon as Peyton was discharged so got on a bus with Chris Keller. And his parents would love for him to stay with them, but Nathan would go crazy with the two of them." I admitted.

"What about Brooke?" he asked hopefully. "Didn't you say she was dating his older brother. I'm sure he could stay with them" he asked once again hopeful.

I shook my head. "Lucas isn't an option" I said quickly. Living with Lucas and Brooke was not an option at least not a good one. Lucas hated me and blamed me, and I didn't need him in Nathan's ear trying to start crap when we were taking things day by day. "He doesn't want to be alone" I said looking down. "And we're his family"

He let out a sarcastic chuckle. "No. You and Jamie are his family."

I narrowed my eyes his way. "What are you saying" I asked my hands on my hips.

"Have you ever thought that maybe just maybe he wants to live here so that he can get his chance with you again?" he asked pointedly.

I closed my eyes. "Your sounding like a jealous boyfriend. Besides he knows about you, he knows I love you and...and"

"And he still loves you, am I right?" he asked walking closer to her. "Right now I am a jealous boyfriend Hales, because I fear that I might lose the two most important you in my life. I love you and I love Jamie. And im sure Nathan wants the two of you as much as I want you if not more."

"Sam its only for a little while, until he gets back on his feet. Nothing is going to happen to us. I love you and I want to be with you" I admitted honestly. "You and I are always honest with each other and im telling you- you have nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure about that" he asked placing a hand on my cheek.

"Im positive." I said before giving him a hug. As I wrapped my arms around him I caught sight of an old picture Brooke still had hung on the wall, it was our prom picture from senior year, with Brooke, Lucas, Nathan and I. We were the fab four back then, and nothing was ever suppose to tear us apart, sadly everything tore us apart.

-+-

Nathan Scott was counting the minutes till he was finally released from the four walls confining him to the Tree Hill General Hospital. Haley had agreed to let him stay with her and he figured that- that alone was a step in the right direction. They needed each other, they always needed each other and he hoped that- that alone would send her in his direction. Although the boyfriend might be trouble he figured it wouldn't last too long because things like this never did. He and Haley were suppose to be together and this time he was determine to make sure they'd be together in the end.

Hearing the door he looked up to see Brooke Davis with a smirk on her face. Although he was always pleased to see Brooke, since she was like his bestfriend, he couldn't help but wanting to see Haley. He had grown accustomed to her visits. She and Jamie Leigh would come over every day and spend hours with him, and being with the two of them felt right.

"Looking for someone else" she asked knowingly, her hands on her hips.

Clearing his throat he looked past her waiting for the moment Haley would walk into the room. He knew that somewhere along the lines he was probably asking too much from her. Because well they weren't together anymore. In fact he should be lucky that she was even willing to be his "friend" but that didn't stop him from wanting her, or wanting to see her every second of everyday.

"Not that im not grateful that you've graced me with your presence," he said winking in her direction.

"That's better" Brooke said smirking.

" I thought Haley was coming to pick me up. Or are the two of you planning on granting my wish of a threesome between the three of us" he asked a smile playing on his lips.

Now it was her turn to become uneasy. When Haley had called this morning asking if she could pick up Nathan today the intial reaction was, what happen? And Haley had soon filled her in. On one part she sympathized with her bestfriend, Haley was trying to make up for lost time, she wanted Nathan to be around Jamie Leigh and that made perfect sense. However what didnt make sense was Nathan moving in, while things with Sam were currently going smoothly. It was time like this when she wanted to knock some sense into Haley James, but then again when it came to Nathan all logic went out the window.

"She wanted to be here but, her parents came over to spend time with everyone." she said vaguely " so im here to bust you out of this place" she said looking over at him."

He let out a scuff of course this had something to do with her parents. For as long as he could remember her parents had never been fond of him, and it wasn't like he was a novice or something. I mean he came from a great pedigree of a family, he was Nathan Scott for havens sake not Joe Blow.

"It figures" he muttered. "Her mother hates me and her father...well he could care less either way"

"Well yeah" Brooke said before nudging him "But you already know that. Besides you knocked up their daughter while still in High School. Not to mention all the other things you've done to Haley over the years, like marrying Peyton." she said causing him to scowl at her. "She was broken until...well until recently."

"Yeah well knocking Haley up is one of my biggest accomplishments in life" he said thinking back to the moment they found out Haley was going to have his baby. No matter what he'd never forget that. Haley had brought meaning to his life, she gave him a child, a son.

"And it's the reason why the James family isn't too fond of you." She admitted easily. "But its one of the reasons we all love you. "

He knew this was his one chance to finally ask about Haley and her current love. Haley had mentioned him a couple of times but he could never get a straight answer from her. He assumed that she was afraid that he couldn't handle things, but he was sick of everyone treating him like he was helpless. Brooke would tell him straight up what was going on, and then he could act accordingly.

"Speaking of, have you met him?" He asked as patient as he could. Brooke saw behind his facade and rolled her eyes.

"of course" she said simply, not offering anymore then that. She figured that he was bound to ask questions about Sam and was ready to tell him as much as she without betraying her bestfriend.

"And is this the real deal or is she having another one of those moments like with Chase" he asked hoping against all hope that maybe Haley had convinced herself that she was indeed in love with this guy when really she was just lonely. It happen before so it could happen again.

"Nathan I'm gonna tell you the truth, even if it hurts. This is the real deal." she said causing him to let out a long breath. I've seen the two of them together, and its love Nate. She loves him and he loves her. Its real" she said casting her eyes down quickly.

For a moment he was silent before speaking yet again. "She thought she loved Chase too, in fact she convinced herself that what they had was love, when really it wasn't...it was just friendship"

She nodded her head. "I know, but this is different. With Chase she stayed with him out of obligation. She stayed with him for her parents and for you. She thought she owed Chase something for taking care of her, but its not the same with Sam."

He sucked his teeth. "So are you telling me that I might actually have to fight for Haley"

"Yeah" she said easily. "And you might not win. Are you prepared to fight for Haley, fight for you love because Sam wont give her up without a fight Nathan."

"Brooke, I was born for this. I'm going to get Haley back at any cost. She belongs with me. We will be a family again no matter what" he said finally ready to get out of this place. He was heading home to Haley and Jamie Leigh- where he was supposed to be.

_Don't want to let you go  
I never can say goodbye, girl  
Ooh, ooh, baby, I never can say goodbye_

Song credit: The Jackson 5- Never can say goodbye


	20. Chapter 20

**A.N**. Hello everyone! Its been ages since my last update. Well school has started and as usual has taken up most of my time, and since I'm taking a little break, I decided to update this story. This is the chapter that begins the next arc of this story. Nathan, Haley and Sam are three people that are going to be intertwined for the next couple of chapters.

On another note, did you all see last nights eppy! I felt so bad for poor Jamie, that little boy is just getting his whole world turned upside down. I swear one of the best part of the whole show was Haley sticking up for her family, that slap was heard all around the world. Ok enough of my rambling enjoy the story :)

Special thanks to my faithful and patient readers: twiligtnaleyfan, Mel10, hopeful2024, HJS-NS-23 and shelyn23

P.S. we're almost at 100 reviews I am so excited! This will be the first time on the site that I've reached the big 100! Enjoy

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 20: All I do is think of you**

As we sat with my parents, I had been nothing but a ball of nerves. Firstly this was the first time I had seen my parents since I had left Tree Hill in the first place. They of course had known all about me living with my grandfather, and all but things between us had been tense for a long time. I had managed to disappoint my parents years ago and despite everything I had done , to better my life for the better, I still knew that deep down, I was the girl that thrown it all away for a boy and not just any boy, Nathan Scott two times.

_Flashback_

_Savannah_

_"Haley Marie James, you get down here right now." I heard my mother yell. I had been in Savannah away from everyone and my mother was still complaining. I had gotten the heads up by Brooke that the word was out, everyone had known about Nathan and I, and the affair. Good news sure does travel fast. Of course my mother would love to rub it in my face that once again she was right, Nathan didn't want me, he didn't even want to try to work things out with me. Joy to the world._

_I let out a long yawn before finally descending the stairs. If my mom wanted to argue then she was in for a long fight, because I was ready to tell her everything. I had found out I was pregnant for the second time with Nathan Scotts child and since then I had been laying low but my mother had decided to pop up out of nowhere and well, I couldn't hide the growing baby bump and I didn't want to, not from her._

_"What do you want mother?" I asked causing her to finally look up at me. I guess it was the sound of my voice, but for once my mother had looked at me the way she use to look at me. I didn't see resentment in her eyes. I saw compassion._

_"Your father and I were passing through, and we wanted to check up on you. We ran into Dan and Karen Scott." She said before pausing._

_"So you know" I said letting out a tired sigh. "Mom I really don't want a lecture about how I screwed up with Chase by cheating on him with Nathan or how badly I've made you look. I've got too much on my plate to even think about anyone else right now." I admitted. "So could you please tell me the real reason you're here?" I asked pointedly._

_"That's easy" she said standing up. "Your pregnant, and this time I'm going to make sure that we do everything right for this pregnancy. You will not wallow in self pity for that boy Haley Marie James. So what he's married that skinny blond girl, so what if they are expecting their own child."_

_"Mom" I said closing my eyes at the mere mention of Nathan. When it came to discussing Nathan I had my good and bad days and today was one of my bad days. Suddenly my mother grabbed for my hand and spoke with such love, it almost knocked me down._

_"I won't lose you. We won't lose you again. One day Haley, you will find someone who loves you the way you deserved to be loved, and on that day you'll forget about that boy who's been breaking your heart since you were sixteen."_

_End of flashback_

Luckily for me Sam seemed almost oblivious to the fact that I was about to jump out of my skin. I was sure it had to do with the fact that my parents had liked him. In fact my father had liked him so much that he had invited Sam to go golfing and to my delight Sam had agreed to do. And since he had gone with my father I had time to prep the house for Nathan, while my mother spent time with Jamie. The plan was to let the two of them bond with their grandchild for about an hour and within that time span Sam could play golf with my father. After both my parents manage to get what they wanted Sam and Jamie could come home just as Nathan would hopefully be settled.

My parents had liked Sam and after spending all of an hour had asked if the two of us along with Jamie Leigh could possibly stay a little bit longer. Sam seemed pleased by the idea while I knew that I had to get ready for Nathan.

"Your parents seemed nice. I think they liked me." Sam said happily.

"Yeah! My mom especially. I don't think she's liked any of my past boyfriends excluding Chase." I admitted off handedly. My parents were very picky about the guys I dated and in fact they hardly ever liked anyone I brought home. Chase didn't count because they set me up with him, so it was good that they actually liked Sam.

"Well it's good that they like me, because I like them." Sam said before scooping up Jamie Leigh who was laying on her back playing with the mobile toy my parents had bought for her. "Haley are you sure this is okay. I mean me going out to play golf with your father."

Sam was probably the most compatible boyfriend I had ever had in my life. We got along well and he loved me and what made things even better was that I loved him just as well. I had waited so long to find someone that I could give my heart to and Sam had come along. He was the polar opposite of Nathan and I think that was what I admired most about him. Sam fit in with just about everyone including my judgmental parents and that said a lot about his character, he was adaptable.

"Its fine" I said standing on my tip toes to place a chaste kiss to his lips. I knew that Sam needed this. He was just as nervous about Nathan moving in with us, if not more then I. This was a lot for him, and if he needed to male bond with my father to help accept what was about to happen, then who were I to stand in his way.

"I love you" he said reaching out to stroke my cheek. The emotion in his voice caused my heart to lurch out my chest. He loved me so much and I was putting him through so much hell, I could only hope that we could all learn to accept each other because wether any of us liked it or not we were a family...Sam included.

"I love you to" I said smiling over at him. "Take all the time you need. Jamie Leigh and I will be at home waiting for you." I said turning to walk away.

"Haley" he called causing me to stop and turn his way. "Promise me you'll call when he gets there if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right. We're a family all of us and we have to try to work through everything together."

His words had instantly touched my heart and it was then that I knew that Sam Winchester was the right guy for me. He changed his whole life to fit with my life and that showed me how much I meant to him, and in the end I hoped to repay and give him as much love as he needed.

-+-

After spending an hour or so with my parents I was glad to get home, and even more thankful for my father. Since he had invited, Sam to play golf that meant I had time to myself before Nathan had arrived. When it came down to it, I could always count on my dad to want to play golf and luckily for me Sam was eager to please my parents.

When I had heard the car in the drive way, I had instantly become nervous again was naturally a ball of nerves. Brooke had phoned me saying that she was on her way and since then I hadn't been able to sit still. It had taken ten minutes to get everywhere in Tree Hill and I was just wondering when Brooke would arrive with Nathan. I felt bad for ditching him but he knew my parents as well as anyone and knew that it was always hard to get rid of them.

The click of the door sounded and I knew that now I had to get a hold of myself. I couldn't show one ounce of weakness because if I did so, then everything would be ruined. And really had nothing to be nervous about. I mean so what if my ex boyfriend/the father of my children was moving into the place I use to share with my best friend forever. So what if I had agreed to let Nathan stay here while I moved in my new boyfriend Sam and my daughter Jamie Leigh. I mean things could only get better since Nathan was okay and Jamie Leigh was healthy so that was all that mattered. And Sam well, yeah he was worried about our relationship since Nathan was moving in but in the end I had to do what was best for Jamie and me and right now that was being with Sam, and letting Nathan in our lives.

I couldn't let the past get in the way of my future like I did before, and having Nathan here was going to test my strength tremendously. It didn't matter that he had finally told me he loved me and never stopped and it also didn't matter that he had admitted his fault to our failing previous relationship, all that mattered right now was moving forward and that was what I was going to do.

"Honey I'm home" Brooke called in her ever so familiar sing song voice.

"I'm coming" I called back to her before scooping Jamie up in my arms. I let out a small chuckle at Brooke I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was overly excited and I wondered why, as if she needed a reason to be hyper. One of the things I missed most about Tree Hill was Brooke. And it was nice to know that despite everything I might've done Brooke still had my back and loved me unconditionally.

As Jamie and I made our way to the living room I caught sight of my beautiful baby girl and infectious smile. Jamie meant everything to me, everything I had done, had been for her- everything. Today I had my pretty girl dressed especially nice, Nathan was coming home and I wanted her to look perfect for her daddy. Today she was dressed in a pair of green shorts and a yellow t-shirt and she looked adorable. Placing a kiss to her cheek we soon met our company in the living room and the sound she made was undescribable. I had never seen my little girl so happy and to be honest I wasn't sure if she were excited to see Brooke, whom I was sure she associated with presents or Nathan whom I knew that she liked a lot. I think the two of them had a special bond together it was the parental father daughter bond even if they didn't now it.

"Aww there is my girl" Brooke shrieked with her arms wide open. I knew at that moment I had to surrender Jamie Leigh over to her auntie Brooke. It would have been nice to get a reaction like that out of Brooke, but since giving birth to Jamie Leigh I

"Hello to you to B." I say handing Jamie over to Brooke who giggles in delight. Everyone loves Jamie and I know that she loves it. Jamie Leigh has become a ham, much like her father.

"Hi" he says as his eyes settle on her. The moment he had seen her walking into the living room with Jamie on her hip, his heart had practically leaped out of his chest. Haley was always beautiful to him, but seeing her holding a baby, it always tore at his heartstrings. It looked so natural for her, and every time he looked at her, he wondered what it would have been like had their son lived.

The sound of his voice rattles me. I think it's because I can hear the familiar lust/appreciation in his voice. Nathan doesn't have to say much for me to get that feeling that always comes from being near him, or hearing him speak. Although he didn't say much, it was what he didn't say that along with what his eyes were saying that caught me by surprise.

My eyes had scanned his face and I noticed the stubble that was forming from lack of shaving. Nathan always looked handsome even if he were just waking up and today he looked so laid back so relax with a pair of sweat pants and a backwards hat, it reminded of the days when he used to get up early to either run or play basketball. Back in those days I use to tag along just to watch him move.

Every time I see him, I want to smile. He's alive and he's here with Jamie Leigh and me, which is where is was supposed to be all along.

"Hi" I say a smile tugging on my lips. As the words leave my mouth I see Brooke out of the corner of my eye, she's looking at me and I wonder if it is obvious that I am unarmored by Nathan once again.

"So where are we parking Nathan, and please don't tell me he's shacking up in my bedroom, because after all it is still my bedroom, and I have a hard time chilling in my bed"

"Oh please. Brooke you've been begging to get a piece of this since we were teenagers" Nathan said causing me to hold back a laugh. I had always considered both Brooke and Nathan very sexual people, people who would no doubt hit on just about anyone for the fun of it but they had never crossed that line. They always had this brother/sister bonding thing that connected them. "Need I remind you that you had sex in our bed?" Nathan said looking from Brooke back to me.

My eyebrows furrowed as I thought back to the time I had come home after a practically frustrating night with Nathan, to find Brooke and Lucas in my bed. Apparently they couldn't wait and I was behind mortified and disgusted at the same time. "Why did you have to remind me?" I asked mortified at the mere thought. I was just beginning to get that god awful image out of my head.

He smirked, "well that has been running though my head."

"Since Brooke had made it very clear that she wants you nowhere near her bedroom, I guess that means you can stay in my bedroom."

Brooke coughed loudly and I turned to look at her strangely before looking back at Nathan. This was her fault. All she had to do was let Nathan sleep in her room, and then we wouldn't be in this predicament. I had secretly been hoping that Brooke would allow Nathan to stay in her room but he since she was dead against it, he would have to sleep in my room, which made me feel very uncomfortable. It wasn't like Nathan had never been in my bedroom it's just, everything in my bedroom was the same way I had left it, I even had a few pictures of Nathan along with the gang. I had the sonogram of our first baby still in my bedroom and for me it was hard to go back to that bedroom, so I could only imagine what Nathan would feel.

"Your- your bedroom?" he asked to make sure thing he was hearing things correctly. He knew what she meant but hearing her say that he could stay in his bedroom had brought back so many memories. He licked his lips as he looked at her once more, she looked even more beautiful today without even trying. She had on jeans that were slung low on her hip and a white tank, her hair was piled high on top of her head and she looked amazing.

"Yeah. I know it's not ideal, but Sam and I are staying in the guest room and,"

Focusing on anything but her, he speaks. "Thanks for letting me stay here...with you" he says his eyes focusing on what is in front of him. He thought that Haley had given up on him, he thought that she could care less about him, but the moment she opened her home up to him, he knew that he still had a chance.

"No problem" I say cheerfully. "I'm here for you Nate, my home is your home" I say on the verge of reaching out and touching his hand. The way he looks at me, causes a chill to run up my spine. And for the first time I second guess what it is that I am doing. Nathan living here is just asking for trouble and I know that, but despite that, I can't turn my back on him. For a moment I almost forgot that we weren't alone, and then Brooke started to fake cough and I knew I was big trouble

"Hales can I see you in the kitchen for a moment? You know for my cough" she says eyeing me closely. I don't miss the tone in her voice and neither does Nathan. And then she pulled the famous fake cough which was only used to escape something. It was all too obvious that Brooke had something to tell me, and by the tone in her voice I knew what it was concerning.

"Yeah sure. We should probably fix some tea and honey to relieve that cough" I say before coughing myself. "Its starting to get around" I say with ease.

Taking a hold of Jamie. I place a kiss on her cheek before turning my attention to Nathan. "Nathan would you mind watching Jamie for me?" I ask. Instantly his face lights up as does his daughter. Neither Brooke nor I could deny what was in front of us, Jamie was her fathers daughter and Nathan was her father- weather he knew it or not.

"Of course" he says opening his arms up for her. "Jamie is safe with me" he says and I know it's true.

+-+-

When we're alone Brooke finally asks the question that I've asked myself a hundred or more times.

"What are you doing Haley?" Brooke asked a look of pure confusion crossing her features.

"I don't know" I admit. I know that Nathan and I are getting close, we're acting like we did when we were together and that is not a good thing. Every time I thought of my teenage years I could always think of Nathan. I spent most of my teenage years either running from him or running to him. And whenever I am around him, I feel like that same girl that fell head over heels in love with him. I wasn't supposed to love Nathan, and he wasn't supposed to love me, but we did fall in love. And the connection I felt with him, despite everything we had done to each other is still strong.

"Are you sure about this?" Brooke asks while sitting on a stool.

"Yes" I say adamantly. "I owe this to him Brooke. It's the least I could do" I say looking down at my fingers. For the first time I missed the ring that Nathan had once given me, the ring that I wore on my pinky. It's odd because I haven't worn it in so long, in fact I gave him back the ring that night I left.

_Flashback_

_I had always known that Nathan Scott was poison. I felt it, I knew the moment I laid eyes on him, yet I still let things go too far between us, and now I was sitting here again with a broken heart. Even when we were fighting, I still knew that I loved him and I knew that despite whatever he said he still loved me, but this was the last stray. I needed to get out of Tree Hill and away from him because if I stayed here any longer he'd kill the little bit of me I had left and I couldn't risk it._

_I wanted to start fresh and that meant leaving everything behind, including Nathan. Looking down at my hands I spotted the pinky ring that I had worn for so long. He had given it to me in the very beginning, when we had realized we loved each other, and now like the bracelet I had thrown in the water, it was tarnished by lies and deceit. Nathan chose Peyton, and he chose to believe that I was sleeping with Jake. He chose to hurt me purposely because he was jealous and I was so tired of it all. I couldn't take it any longer. That was why I was leaving, but not before giving Nathan something he deserved to have back. I wasn't his girlfriend anymore, and as far as I was concerned we weren't even friends anymore._

_Looking down at my hands I debated for only a second before removing the pinky ring that had been located on my pinky for so long. The sound of Jake honking the horn had reminded me that it was time to go, and without much thought, I kissed the ring before placing it in an envelope. One day, Nathan would know how much I loved him, and how much he hurt and on that day I would be over him._

_And on that day I would vow to never let Nathan Scott get close to me again_

_end of flashback_

I was brought out of my revere by the sound of my friends voice. I could tell by the look on her face and the tone of her voice that she wasn't too thrilled with my decision.

"I know but Haley when the two of you are together, its like time hasn't passed. You play the Naley dancing game. I'm use to it, but not everyone meaning your boyfriend will find it as entertaining as the rest of us." Brooke reminded me.

"It'll be fine" I said more to myself then to her. "Nathan knows where I stand with Sam. I am committed to being with Sam and only Sam." I admit. "As for Nathan, he'll always be a part of my life and he knows that. He's Jamie's father and once I tell him he'll be a permanent fixture in my life."

I wanted Nathan and Sam to get use to one another. We were a family now and no matter what we had to stick together. Jamie Leigh loved Sam and she loved Nathan as well. And for the four of us to work this out we had to be open and honest with each other.

"Hales" Brooke says coming closer to me. "Nathan loves you, and he'll do anything to get you back. You have to know that. He won't stop till you're his again. There is nothing holding him back now, Peyton is out of sight and Sam, well he means nothing to Nathan in the long run. He's just the current obstacle standing in the way of him getting what he wants."

I knew what she was saying was true but I could only hope that Nathan would respect my wishes. When he had chosen Peyton, I gave him up- I picked up my stuff and I left town. I did the right thing, not only for me but for the two of us, we were only hurting each other, back then. A lot had happened since I had left town and I prayed that he could respect my wishes. Because despite the fact that we were on good terms he still hurt me and I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to be with him romantically again.

"Brooke please, can we just pretend that everything will be okay" I ask her. "I have to believe that we can do this and I need you to have my back." I pleaded with her. I knew it was unfair to drag Brooke further into this mess, but she was my rock, and really the only person who actually had my back at the end of the day.

Smiling she spoke. "I will always support you Hales. I told you that when I found out about Jamie and it's still true. Hoes over Bros. But I still think you need to remember who your dealing with and what he's capable of."

"I won't" I say giving her a hug. "We should go back out there. He already knows we're talking about him." I say rolling my eyes. "The fake cough come on."

"Hey" Brooke says laughing. "You guys were starting to creep me out, with all the lustful looks I felt like I was being a voyeur. Sex is what got the two of you where you are now." She says jokingly. "Or did you forget?" she asked grinning my way.

I felt my face flush. Of course I couldn't forget what had gotten Nathan and me in the situation we were in, not just now but all our previous situations. We lusted after each other and somehow we fell in live looking back, I think it was probably better if we had just continued to lust after each other.

"Anyway im gonna head out, Lucas is being a pain in the ass and I figure that if I can keep him away from you then it's a good thing."

"Ok" I say trying to hide my disappointment. I wasn't ready to be alone with Nathan, but I didn't have a choice. And as for Lucas, I knew he still blamed me for everything that happened to Nathan. He thought that I was the reason his little brother had started drinking heavily and mostly I was the reason he had nearly died.

"Thanks B. For everything" I say hugging onto her tight. Without Brooke I was sure I would be nothing. She was the best. She was the only person that knew all my demons and despite all of that she still loved me.

Smiling she spoke. "No problem, be carful H.J." she said winking my way.

"Always" I said watching as she slips out the back door. I let out a sigh. Lord knows I was scared to death not just about what would happen but what could happen with Nathan living here.

-+-

Nathan Scott had never seen anything more precious then the little girl in his arms. Jamie and her angelic face had captured his heart from the moment he had seen her. He had never felt so strongly about someone, since the birth of his son. With J.J. it came natural and it was the same with Jamie Leigh.

He liked being near the little girl. She had reminded him so much of his son. Being near Jamie made him feel closer to his son, as odd as it sounded. He knew that if JJ were alive now that things would be much different. For starters he wouldn't have to deal with another man vying for Haley's affection. And secondly the little girl in his arms, would be his daughter. He would have been lucky enough to give JJ a little sister and Haley the daughter she had always wanted. They would have been the perfect family.

"You're a lucky little girl. Jamie Leigh you have an amazing mother."He voiced as the little girl placed her chubby hands on his face. "And I promise you that I will be here for both of you. I love your mother, and I love you as well. You're the baby we didn't get to have Jamie." He said touching her soft hair as her blue eyes met his blue eyes. "And I will love you like you were my own child forever."

He heard a sudden gasp and looked up to see that Haley was standing off to the side and emotion across her face he couldn't quite read. "You heard that?" he asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah" I said walking further into the room. His words were so beautiful. And they broke my heart at the same time. I was lucky enough to have two men in my life that loved me and my daughter and I probably didn't deserve either one of them.

"I meant every word of it." He admitted before changing the subject. He didn't want to push her, not yet. The plan was to make her think that he would go along with this living situation quietly and then when neither she nor Sam was expecting it, he'd remind her why she fell in love with him in the first place.

"So where's Brooke?" he asked sensing that she needed a change.

"Lucas called so Brooke rushed over to see him." I said rolling my eyes.

Nodding he spoke. "He's always been jealous of your friendship with her."

I made a face as to which Jamie laughed. She was sitting on Nathan's lap her blue eyes were amazed by the sight of the man in front of her. "So were you" I pointed out, distinctively remembering how jealous Nathan used to get of all the attention Brooke and I gave each other.

"True" he said grinning. "I knew that no man could ever really take you away from me." He said pausing to look over at me. "But Brooke Davis could and would take you away from me."

I let his words soak in before speaking. "What makes you think that?" I asked off handedly. I knew I shouldn't have pushed but I was curious to hear his answer. It had been so long since we had really talked without malice and hurtful words.

"B. Being your bestfriend has always been able to give you what I couldn't or wouldn't. She's always known what to say to you, how to calm you down and give you exactly what you needed. The only time I felt secure in our relationship was when you were pregnant with JJ." He finished.

The tone in his voice had gotten my attention. It alarmed me. "Why are you telling me this Nathan?" I asked, afraid to hear his answer but afraid to ignore his words. Our relationship had never been stable we both did things that hurt each other and sometimes we emotionally drained each other for the hell of it.

"Because I've spent the last couple of weeks wondering where we'd be if JJ had lived. Don't you ever wonder what it would be like?" he asked

I didn't get a chance to answer him because soon the sound of my boyfriend's voice had broken the Nathan fog I had found myself in.

"Haley! I'm home" Sam said stopping when he saw us. I bet we painted a devastating picture. Nathan held Jamie in his arms while I hung onto every word that came from his mouth.

"Hi" I said standing up to give him a hug. At first he was stiff but he soon relaxed the longer we hugged.

"I saw this and thought of Jamie." Sam said dangling a stuffed toy in the air. I gave him a smile and turned to see that Jamie had her arms out for me to hold her. Carefully I took her from Nathan so Sam could give her the new toy.

"Survey says, she loves it" I said eyeing Jamie as she held her new stuff toy from Sam and a bear from Nathan in both her arms.

"And of course, Gardenia's for you" Sam said before kissing me on the cheek.

For a moment he studied the two of them, Haley and Sam. They appeared to be the perfect couple but he knew that looks were very deceiving. He watched quietly for only a few more moments before he grew tired of being ignored."I thought your favorite flower was white Lilies?" he questioned knowing that she loved Lilies.

I swallowed with a gulp. I could hear it in his voice. Nathan was already on the edge. And I already knew what he was doing, and he was stating his claim. "They are but when I was pregnant with Jamie the smell got to me." I said looking in his direction. "So Sam bought me gardenias instead." I admitted.

Chuckling he spoke. "Yeah the tack house had gardenias everywhere."

I smiled at the memory. Gardenias' would forever remind me of being pregnant with Jamie. Though I was an emotional wreck, it was truly one of the best times in my life. I would always remember Savannah as well, it as my home away from home, the place I met Sam and where my grandfather lived.

Not one to be outshone he spoke. "Our house used to have a combination of the white Lilies and those tiny purple flowers because she loved them so much." He said smiling curtly.

Thank god Jamie was in my arms, or they may have had a pissing contest. Deciding no time was like the present to introduce then men in my life to each other, I spoke.

"Sam this is Nathan, Nathan this is Sam."

I watched as the two men in my life shook hands. I knew a power struggle was brewing between the two. And the worst part about a power struggle was the fact that I didn't know whom I wanted to win. I loved them both.

**Spoilers**: Nathan settles in and starts his plans, Haley finds herself in a compromising situation and Sam steps up his game and decides to fight. Plus Lucas uncovers the truth and decides to have a talk with Haley. Dean comes to visit his brother and bonding of every kind occurs.


	21. Chapter 21

**A.N. **

Hello everyone! Happy New Year and Happy MLK day! Finally after such a long time away I am back with the next chapter of A Right Kind of Wrong! Thanks to everyone who has been reading and replying I am still over the moon for passing the hundred review mark :) This chapter was very hard for me to write. I had this whole scenario in my head and I ended up going a different right. With that said I am very pleased with the new route of this chapter. Enjoy!

special thanks to: hopeful2024, Ohiobuckeye, HJS-NS-23, twilightnaley19, FiFi4EvEr1007, kaya17tj, Mel10, vampiregurl, and Mrs. Peyton Scott

**xoxo**

**queena**

**Chapter 21: Love**

_Love_

_So many people_

_use your name in vain_

It was early morning and I had found myself attempting to cook breakfast. Sam had gotten a phone call late last night from his brother and had decided to go and see him. I knew that whatever reason Dean had called his younger brother, it had to be important so when Sam had said he'd be gone for a couple of days I had accepted it. The timing sucked, it really sucked but both Sam and I knew that Dean would not call unless it was very important. So I packed the leftovers and sent Sam on his way leaving Nathan and I alone to spend time with our daughter.

_Flashback_

_"Are you okay?" I asked after Sam had placed a kiss to Jamie Leigh chubby cheeks and the two of us had put her back to bed. Sam had been really quiet after getting off the phone with his brother and especially after he informed me that he would be gone for a couple of days. And I knew the reason was Nathan._

_Already Nathan had been living with us for four weeks and already Jamie had grown a strong liking to him. When Jamie and Nathan were together, you had to pry the two of them apart. Jamie loved Nathan she loved everything about him and he loved her just as much. They held a strong father-daughter bond without even knowing it. I had never seen Jamie Leigh so excited until she was with Nathan. And I knew if I had seen the bond that Sam had noticed how much Jamie had loved Nathan and vice versa._

_"Yeah" he said while putting the duffle bag over his shoulder. "I'm really...just going to miss you guys." he admitted looking down._

_Walking the distance that separated the two of us I used my had to lift his chin. "And we'll miss you too! But it wont be too long. We can talk on the phone and before you know it, you'll be home again." I admitted giving him a hug._

_"I know you're right." He said putting his arms around me. "We've never been separated like this since Jamie was born."_

_"Everything will be fine, Jamie and I are fine, you just go see your brother and remember I love you" I admitted._

_"I love you too." He said looking worriedly my way. "Are you sure you can handle this? " Sam asked quietly._

_I smiled his way. "I can handle Nathan, trust me. Everything will be okay you need to concentrate on your brother and whatever is going on with the family" I said hugging him tightly._

_Minutes later Sam had gone to the door with his duffle bag in hand. I held Jamie Leigh in my arms and in the moment time stood still. Our eyes held one another and I think it was then that I realized that Nathan would always be a threat and always be an obstacle that Sam and I faced. However long Sam was gone, and what occurred during his absence would determine what my future with Sam and with Nathan._

_It was only when I was left alone did I make the concise decision that to tell Nathan the truth about Jamie Leigh being our daughter. The timing was perfect and although the notion terrified me I knew it was something I needed to do. Nathan was getting stronger every day and his memory was becoming clearer and clearer. He deserved to know the truth and so he would get it._

_End of flashback_

The moment I had introduced the two men in my life to each other I knew a power struggle was brewing. It was easily forcible both Nathan and Sam had very strong personalities so I expected the two of them to clash occasionally but what I didn't expect was what had eventually happen. The first week of our newfound living situation had consisted of a battle of who knew me the best. I had to admit I was aware that something of this sort would happen but I was a bit surprised at how far it had gone, and how competitive it had gotten. Sam would remind me of how we spent our summer or little things that occurred during my pregnancy with Jamie Leigh or how we first met and how since then we had been inseparable. And Nathan...he would remind of everything with one touch of one look. He was never the one to be outshone by anyone and especially not Sam. He had reminded me of our life together by simple doing things in a more subtle way- like cooking my favorite breakfast or playing a certain song. Nathan had home advantage and he knew it and used it very well. At the end of the day I had two guys vying for my attention and willing and ready to do anything for me, and although it may have sounded like the ideal situation it drove me crazy.

Nathan would mention key things about my past, things that made me tick to show me and Sam that despite everything that we had been through including his accident that he still remembered everything about me. He knew what I liked, what I loved and what I craved from life. And part of me felt I twinge in my heart on hearing how well Nathan had known me. But then again he had been my first love, he should have known everything about me, and we grew up together. Sam on the other had only known me a couple months Sam, despite the fact that we had only been together for a couple of months, Sam had made sure that Nathan was aware that he knew well enough and that our time together had bonded us, thus the reason we were still together.

The last couple of weeks while Nathan had been living with us, I had gone through so many emotions. I was elated that he was here that he got to spend time with Jamie Leigh but I was terrified that I would ruin things with Sam by falling in love with Nathan all over again. Being back in Tree hill had made a lot of feelings resurface...feelings that I had tried to bury deep inside. When I was alone, I allowed myself to admit that Nathan still held some sort of power over me, and he'd always have that power over me. Briefly I closed my eyes. I couldn't allow my feelings for Nathan or his feelings for me to take over. Sam loved me and I loved him and despite everything I owed it to him to stay true. Opening my eyes I caught sight of Nathan who was leaning against the door frame.

"Something smells good" he said stepping further in the kitchen. He had been up for some time now. The smell of pancakes had filled the air and when he couldn't take it any longer, he had decided to come out of his room. He was surprised to see that Haley was cooking alone. He had noticed that Haley and Sam usually cooked together and he found that nauseating. But this morning it was only Haley and he hoped that maybe just maybe Sam had found something to do so that he could spend time with Haley and Jamie alone. "Hales are you crying?" he asked noticing her tear streaked face.

Before I had a chance to wipe my eyes or turn away, Nathan was at my side. "I'm fine" I lied turning away from him. It was hard to look at him and see the love in his eyes and know that I was deceiving him. It was even harder knowing that whatever trust we had built together would be shattered in a few hours. I planned on telling Nathan the truth tomorrow.

"You're not fine" he said turning her around so that she was now looking at him. "Hales" him said placing his hand on her cheek. "What did he do to you?" he asked his voice darkening? "Is he the reason your crying?" he demanded. He had been playing fair because he knew that Haley had loved Sam and vice versa but he would be damned before he'd let that do gooder hurt Haley.

"Sam didn't do anything." I said still in his grasp. I bit my lip momentarily before speaking. "I guess I'm just a bit overwhelmed. Being back here in Tree Hill is a lot for me to handle. " I admitted before turning my eyes downwards. And it was true. I had lost my heart in Tree Hill, my son had died in Tree Hill and everything that I had been running from was here in Tree Hill.

"Is that so?" he asked still trapping her between the sink. "Is it because of me?" he asked his voice cracking just a little bit. He'd hurt her so many times, and each time he swore to himself that it would never happen again but things never seemed to work out that way. His jealously and anger had always gotten in the way and he reacted without thinking. And then she would look at him broken hearted and he couldn't take back the words. "Because of us?" he asked again, this time raising her chin with his thumb. He wasn't blind, and he had noticed that at times when he and Haley had gotten closer or whenever they shared a small moment she would later retreat as if she were afraid to get too close to him. He also knew that she was very carful when around him and he could only guess why, she didn't trust him and he couldn't blame her.

I swallowed hard as our eyes were trained on one another. "I never expected to come back here, yet here I am and the memories they're stronger then I ever thought." I said trying to keep my voice level. "And then you have my parents and..."

"Me" he interrupted knowingly. He knew it was hard to be in Tree Hill especially for Haley, they had lost so much here but at the end of the day Tree Hill would always be home. "What aren't you telling me Hales? You can't lie to me Hales, you never could. Where is Sam? Did he leave you because of me?" he questioned.

"Sam and I are fine" I lied. The truth was I wasn't sure if Sam and I were going to be okay. I loved him. I really did love him but being around Nathan made me realize I wasn't over him. I was glad that he was here with us because then I could pretend that everything was ok.

"Is that so? " He questioned. "So Sam is fine leaving you and I here alone? He's okay knowing that I'm just down the hall away from you? He's not stupid he knows I want you and leaving was a big mistake because it gives me the perfect opportunity to make you mine again." He smirked.

I smiled against myself. Only Nathan could possibly find me in near shambles and then say something that was so arrogant and so Nathan like that it made me smile. And the sad thing about this whole situation was that I knew for a fact that Nathan was dead serious. He thought that with Sam being out of town that this was the perfect opportunity to make his move. Little did he know that I would never let him sink his teeth back into me again.

"Not that it's any of your business but he had family business to take care of." I admitted nonchalantly. If Nathan knew that I was a bit nervous about being alone with him, then he'd run with it and I didn't need than not when I already had plans for us.

"Leaving you alone with me wasn't the smartest thing to do." He said brushing her hair to one side. He had planned on waiting till he made his move on her, but Sam had given him the perfect opportunity to remind Haley how great they were together. It was no secret that they had a turbulent relationship but that didn't mean that they loved less.

"And why is that Nathan?" I asked annoyed." Sam knows how much you mean to me; he trusts in our love." I said pushing him away from me. He seemed to enjoy the banter between us because he just grinned my way. This was one of the reasons I had problems with Nathan he assumed that I was still the girl that had fallen helplessly in love with him, still the girl that was so much in love with him that I believed in all his lies.

"Well he shouldn't trust me. " He said grinning. "I want you and Jamie Leigh for myself- anyone can see that." He said leaning closer to her. "And soon you'll come around to your senses." He said to lace their hands together. "You belong with me Haley Marie James, you always have."

"Listen" he said to cup her face. "I love you. I never stopped loving you and I know you love me too. We were dealt a bad hand Hales, if JJ were still alive we would still be together and Jamie Leigh would be our daughter. " He said before placing a kiss to her cheek. "We belong together. We always have."

I shook my head violently. "You don't know that, you can't know that!" I stuttered out. And before I could even blink he was close again in my face his face was so serious it almost scared me.

"We both know it's true, sweetheart." He said winking. " We've been inevitable from the moment we laid eyes on each other." He said before breaking out into a grin. "You may have convinced yourself that your in love with Sam, hell you might even really be in love with him- but you don't love him the way you loved me....the way you love me."

I said nothing and squinted in his direction. Anything I said would be held against me and I wouldn't give Nathan the satisfaction of knowing that I was starting to rethink everything I had done in the last couple of months. At the end of the day I feared that I had trashed the lives of two guys that actually loved me.

"Just give me one day Hales" he said almost desperately. "I just need one day to remind you why we belong together. And if in that one day you still want him then I'll leave you alone." He said quietly. Reaching out he touched her face again, his thumb lingering on her bottom lip. "I just need a chance Hales, just one chance."

I swallowed hard at his words. I felt myself leaning closer to him wanting to erase everything we had done to each other..all the horrible things. "Okay." I said simply. "Today we will spend the day together and pretend all the bad stuff never happened. We'll spend the day together- just the three of us."

"Really?" he asked a genuine smile spreading across his lips. The only thing he had wanted was another chance with Haley. He wanted to prove to her that he could still be the man she had loved. And she was giving him the opportunity and he wouldn't pass it up.

"Yeah" I said smiling at the smile that had lit up his features. I would give Nathan his day and if his next doctors appointment had gone well then I would tell him the truth about Jamie Leigh. So in retrospect I was giving both Nathan and me a perfect day to spend together before the storm came along and ruined everything we had worked for.

-+-

One hour later the three of us were at Tree Hilltop beach. The beach itself had been a very significant place for me and Nathan. It was after all the place where we had finally decided to give into the little voice inside of us...to give into our urges and be together. I had sworn up and down for so long that Nathan was nothing but a poisonous arrogant jock, and then something happen one starry night at the beach- it was like we caught fire and underneath the stars we had started what had become one of the most significant relationships of our lives. We fell in love when neither of us thought it was possible, and since that night our lives had been entwined just as our hearts.

"I can't believe that you've managed to drag me to the beach." I wailed while rolling out my beach towel.

"Don't tell me, you've forgotten how good I am at persuasion tactics." He said eyeing her closely before turning his attention back to the little girl in his arms.

"I haven't forgotten." I whispered almost shyly. My mind had instantly gone to the gutter. And I was sure that was what he had intended. I knew exactly what he was talking about and for the first time in a long time I felt a blush hit my cheeks. Sex on the beach was never as romantic as it looked on television or in the movies. In real life when the sand got wet it truly made you feel really dirty and despite multiple showers sand remained everywhere after doing the deed. Nathan Scott was my poison and I was his poison as well, we couldn't stay away from each other for life of us or anyone else.

"Good" he said winking in her direction. His eyes traveled to what she was wearing, a wrap of some kind. You do know that you're at a beach and most people tend to wear less clothing." He pointed out while jostling Jamie Leigh up in the air.

He had suggested going to the beach for two reasons, reason 1) was the prospect of seeing a nearly naked Haley. It had been way too long since he had gotten to see a really good view of her and today he was getting the wish that he had wished for so many times. He had done everything since moving in with her to get a chance to see her nearly naked. Whenever she took a shower he had always tried to sneak a peak but he had never gotten the chance and this time he was enough to getting what he wanted. Reason 2) had everything to do with Jamie he wanted to see how well she played in the sand. Most importantly he wanted to be able to share a place where he and Haley had started their lives together with her little girl.

"I know that Nathan" I said rolling my eyes. The truth was that I was uncomfortable around him nearly naked. I hadn't worked off all the baby weight and I didn't want him to see me as undesirable. "Need I remind you that I just gave birth eight months ago, nobody wants to see me in a bathing suit."

Sitting up he looked her directly in the eye his voice, fierce and honest. "These girls have nothing on you. You're the second most beautiful girl on this beach."

"Second?" I questioned causing him to grin.

"Well" he said almost sheepishly. "Jamie Leigh happens to be the first." He said looking over at the little girl who had crawled off of him and was now sitting with keys in her hands. " It's those big blue eyes. They get me every time."

My heart swelled at his words of love and admiration for Jamie Leigh.

"Seriously Hales, you still take my breath away with every beat of my heart." He said placing his hand on my leg.

I bit my lip at his words, I knew it was superficial but I never grew tired of hearing those words from Nathan. It made me feel like I was special. "Real smooth Scott" I said lying back on my beach towel, my glasses now covering my eyes. I turned over so that I was now facing Nathan, while Jamie Leigh was between the two of us. Jamie Leigh looked simply adorable, she wore a yellow beach hat and with a cute pink and yellow bathing suit, and she had Nathan wrapped around her finger. Watching the two of them made me long for us, for our family for the family we could have had.

I was sure that we painted the perfect picture but in truth we didn't have a chance in hell.

"I'm a smooth criminal. Believe me. You'll fall in love with me all over again. And then I'll get to see you naked all the time."

I let out a chuckle. "Those are bold words." I said honestly. "What makes you think it'll ever happen?" I asked.

"My words are the truth, and it'll happen because your you and im me. " He said confidently. "The stage is set and before you know it, we will be married and Jamie Leigh will become a big sister." He said while watching the little girl who had soon left the comfort of her mothers embrace to crawl onto his lap. "See Hales," he said grinning. "Jamie Leigh agrees with me!" he said pointing to the grinning girl.

It was on the tip of tongue to say something to bust his bubble but the sound of a very unexpected voice had stopped me.

"Da Da."

As the word was said Nathan and I both shared a look, and before we had a chance to process everything Jamie Leigh had said the word again this time more excitedly.

Immediately Nathan and I had sat up so that we could both cover Jamie Leigh with hugs and kisses, as she had said her very first word. For so long I had been worried because I wasn't sure if she were on time or far behind. But it was official, she had said her first word to Nathan, her father and I couldn't be happier.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed while capturing Jamie in my arms. I planted kisses on her cheeks and held her close to me. "She said her first word!" I said still excited. This was probably one of the best days of my life, my baby had said her first word and she shared it with the two people who were going to love her the most. "Yeah Jamie!" I said excitedly before my eyes started to get misty. I was a sap after all.

"She called me daddy." Nathan said excitedly before suddenly turning somberly. "She called me daddy" he said again. His thoughts soon drifted to the two children that he had lost, and how he had never gotten a chance to hear those words. It made his heart ache to think about JJ and then to think about Hope. He had lost a son and a daughter and it was tragic and he was sure he would never ever feel whole again. Looking over at Jamie Leigh he grinned as she smiled over to him, he would cherish this day for as long as he lived. He was grateful that the little girl had called him daddy and not the man that was currently in Haley's life it made the bond between the two of them so much more.

"Our baby said her first word" I said again amazed. Now I just needed to hear her say mama and everything in the world would be right. "Now we have to get her to say mama" I said repeating the word to Jamie to which she replied da da. When I heard nothing from Nathan I swiftly brought my eyes his way, and I noticed a look that was on his face that was a mixture of happy and sad.

I suddenly felt so drawn and so compelled to be close to him so I did the first thing that came to mind....I kissed him.

+-+-+

After the incident at the beach we had quickly headed home so that Jamie could have her bath and make it home in time for nap time. The kiss had been a topic that Nathan had wanted to talk about desperately and no matter what I said he wouldn't let it go. I knew that spending the day together would amount to nothing but trouble because we still had the same spark, the same flame that threatened to consume us.

_Flashback_

_"Are we gonna talk about what happened at the beach?" He asked just as we had put Jamie Leigh down for a nap._

_I had known after the initial shock of what I had done had worn off that I had made a huge mistake. It was bad enough that I was lying to Nathan about Jamie but now I had dragged Sam further into this mess and I didn't want to hurt him, despite my actions. I loved Sam very much but being back here in Tree Hill had reminded me just how interlinked my life with Nathan had become or maybe it had always been that way? We shared so much together and at times that frightened me because I knew that the past had a way of catching up with you and in particular me. I was afraid to get comfortable because if I let my guard down I knew Nathan could reclaim my heart, because he was the only person that I ever really gave it to fully._

_I hated myself for what I had done, for what I had been doing. I had two guys that really loved me and I had a feeling that in the end I would hurt them both. And the sad thing was that I truly did love both Nathan and Sam. If I could be two people I would do it in a heartbeat but I couldn't and trying to be two people was starting to wear down on me._

_"No" I said simply before walking away from him. I didn't want to do this with, this was his perfect day and it hurt thinking about what tomorrow would bring. This was his perfect day and I would not ruin it by being confused and torn between the two men in my life. In addition we had agreed to go to his parents house for dinner tonight and I didn't want anything to go wrong. I knew Lucas would have his glare turned on me, and Dan and Karen wanted to see Nathan and their granddaughter._

_"You can't just walk away Haley!" he said grabbing my arm. "You kissed me!" he reminded._

_I let out a tired sigh. "I was excited that Jamie shared her first word with you...with me...with us. It was the excitement that got to me. It was the familiarity of being with you." I rambled out. "Don't read into it Nathan. It was nothing."_

_"Your lying!" he flared. "You kissed me because you wanted to...just like I want to kiss you now." He said before grabbing and kissing me senselessly._

_End of flashback_

The car ride to the Scott compound was for the most part silent. Jamie Leigh had fallen asleep once the car started moving and I wouldn't dare look or speak to Nathan, for fear of what would come out of my mouth. I was nervous, really nervous and that hardly ever happened when it came to the Scotts but tonight particularly I was a ball of nerves. I had spent most of my teenaged years in the very house we were going to and never had I felt so shameful as today. It had been hard on both Karen and Dan to help me keep the secret of Jamie Leigh but we all agreed that if I were to tell Nathan too early the news might cause a set back. My reason for keeping the secret was that telling him too early while he was still in recovery could really hurt him and that was the last thing I wanted.

"You look nervous" he said eyeing her out of the corner of his eye. He had pushed her too far earlier with the kiss and most importantly what they both knew was the truth and as a result he was trying to take a step back. After the first kissed they shared earlier today he had gone in for a second after an intense argument and for a moment it was back like old times, until Sam called and ruined it. She had retreated back into her shell the moment the phone had rung and now he was dealing with the fallout.

"I am nervous" I said letting out a shaky breath just as we pulled onto the compound. I nervously ran my hand through my hair before looking over at him. "Brooke is going to take one look at us and know something is up." I dead panned.

"So what, I'll tell her you finally came to your senses." He said smirking my way.

"And Lucas is going to tear me to pieces for kicks." I reminded him.

"He wouldn't dare" he said so fiercely that I believed him. "You helped me Haley; that little girl who called me daddy today helped me and nothing will change that." He said reaching over to stroke my hand. "Now come on, my parents are waiting for us."

With that we both excited the car and made our way to the doorstep. As it turned out we didn't have to knock nor ring the door bell because Karen had been peering from the window. Swiftly the door swung open revealing a grinning Karen and Dan Scott.

"My baby!" Karen called with her arms wide open.

Rolling his eyes, he spoke. "Mom you just saw me yesterday" Nathan said a smile on his lips.

"Who said I was talking about you, maybe I was talking about Jamie Leigh." She said winking.

"A likely story." He said before hugging his mom.

I stood off to the side holding Jamie Leigh tight as Dan came outside a smile on his lips. "Welcome home" Dan said before half hugging. I watched as he adoringly looked at Jamie Leigh who had her hands out for him, before passing my little girl to her grandfather. I watched as Nathan followed Dan inside as I stood outside with Karen. She easily embraced me with a hug that soothed my nerves.

"Thank you for bringing them home." Karen said before kissing my cheek. "Thank you for taking care of Nathan and bringing my granddaughter home."

"We're family and family forever and I will take care of Nathan as long as he wants me." I said truly speaking from my heart. "And Jamie, well she's part of your family and family is forever." I said repeating something she had once said to me.

"Indeed it is."

+-+

Before I knew it, I had been swept up in the whirlwind that was the Scott family. The moment we had entered the house it felt like old times once again. I was truly comfortable at the Scott home and I felt like we were all connecting in a way that we hadn't connected in- in a very long time. And of course the reason was Jamie Leigh she captivated the hearts of her grandparents, father, aunt and uncle and because she was so innocent. Jamie was a special little girl and she would keep our family together.

"You know what, it's been a long time since this family has all been together in the same room." Karen said picking up her camera. "Nate, will you and Haley take a picture with Jamie Leigh. I would love to put it up in the house."

Immediately my eyes met with Nathan and although I didn't want to be too close to him I had agreed and soon moved from my seat next to Brooke so that I was sitting next to him. I watched as Jamie Leigh smiled a toothless grin. Nathan sat close to my while Jamie Leigh rested on his lap, I felt his arm go around me and soon we were putting on smiles for everyone. Once we were finished with the photo Karen showed me the picture and immediately I felt my heart leap out of my chest. We looked like a happy family and the truth, hurt me, more then anything. Without warning I soon got to my feet and headed to the bathroom. I needed to be alone.

Once inside of the bathroom I took a good look in the mirror before sliding down onto the floor. I was so much better then this, better then lying, better then hurting other people yet that was what I was doing and I wanted to stop. I loved Nathan and I loved Sam, and I couldn't string the two of them along any longer.

"Haley" I heard Brooke call. "It's me open up"

Sighing heavily, I got up from my place on the floor and opened the door to allow my best friend inside.

"You wanna tell me the reason you look so sad?" Brooke asked before sitting next to me. For a moment we both sat in silence as I rested my head on her shoulder.

"I can't do it any more B. I'm going to tell Nathan the truth tomorrow." I said tiredly.

Now it was her turn to be quiet. She had known that keep this secret was killing Haley, and being together with the family was probably the tip of the ice berg. Despite the front that her friend had tried to put on for the men in her life, she knew deep down that Haley was slowly drowning.

"What made you decide that to tell him so soon?"

Looking over at her, I smiled sadly at her. " Jamie Leigh called him daddy today." I said shutting my eyes tightly the memory still in my head. "And he loves her and she loves him...its time he knew the truth."

"I know" Brooke said biting her lip. "Nathan told us the moment he came inside the house."

Leaning against her I let out another sigh. "I've made a mess of everything B. And I don't know how to fix it. I kissed Nathan today." I said not daring to look her way. I didn't want her to see the pain that was threatening to escape me. "And I shouldn't have done that because he loves me and I have Sam. But I just looked at him and he looked so different, so vulnerable." I said looking down. "The excitement got to me and for a brief moment I felt like we were a family, just the three of us."

"Haley" Brooke called while running her fingers through my hair. "Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" she questioned knowingly.

"Maybe both." I whispered out. Maybe I was still in love with Nathan. Maybe it took Sam being out of the picture for a couple of hours for me to see that, and that was what I was afraid of.

"You're still in love with him?" Brooke said more like a statement.

"I don't think I ever stopped." I admitted, whole heartedly. "But that doesn't mean that I love Sam any less. Besides when Nathan finds out I'm going to lose him all over again and whatever bond we created within the last month will be broken." I said to hold back the tears. "Jamie is eight months today. I've lied to him for months and he will never forgive me."

"You don't know that Hales" Brooke said to hug me tightly. "Nathan loves you and yeah he'll be hurt and upset but he's done worst things to you." She said wiping my tears. "You can't change what happened Hales and neither can he, if you could then all of the heartache never would have happened. All you can do is move forward, and let the bad stuff stay in the past."

I let out a sad chuckle. "It looks like I'm on a sinking ship without nowhere to run."

"Well at least you and Nathan will be together on that sinking ship, or you and Sam." She said comically.

"Thanks B." I said putting our foreheads together. Brooke had been my rock since we were kids and even till this day she was still holding me up and when I was seconds away from breaking. I think it said a lot about our bond together. We had both been through a lot of things over the years, and we had weathered the storm together. Brooke was the first person I told, I was pregnant she was also who could reach me after my son died. "I don't know what I would be without you."

"Well then aren't you glad you'll never get a chance to find out. Hales its you and me always and forever and if the men in your life can't handle you- know that I can always take care of you and my niece" she said winking.

I let out a shaky laugh. "Yeah well Lucas wouldn't like that now would he?"

Rolling her green eyes, she spoke. "Lucas can get over it. You're my bestfriend, my sister and I love you and unlike my relationship with him our relationship is forever."

"I love you to B." I said smiling her way as she stood up.

"Now, hurry up and pull yourself together before we have the whole Scott family banging down the door to the bathroom." She said winking before slipping out the door.

-+

Within five minutes I had reemerged from the bathroom ready to take on the world. I could to do this and Brooke had reminded that all I had done, had been for the sake of welfare of my daughter and myself. People could say what they wanted to say about me, but everything I did was for Jamie Leigh and I would not be ashamed of anything. I couldn't be ashamed of the way she was conceived nor the way I lived my life while not in Tree Hill. All I could do was live in the present and enjoy the rest of the night and that was what I had planned to do.

I had almost made my way back to the living room when a hand shot out, pulling into the trophy room.

"What the hell?' I said surprised. "Nathan I swear to you.." I said stopping mid sentence when I noticed who had pulled me into the darkened trophy room. It wasn't Nathan, no that would be too easy- it was Lucas. "Lucas?" I called surprised and peeved at the same time. I was sure he would ruin my mood.

"I see you were hoping for someone else." Lucas said his blue eyes, ice cold.

"What do you want Lucas?" I asked already growing tired of the conversation.

"To chat of course." Lucas said while gripping my arm tightly. " You may have everyone else fooled or at least feeling sorry for you but you don't have me. I know the real reason you've kept Nathan away from me. I know your big bad secret." He said sharply.

I rolled my eyes his way. It was no secret that Lucas had blamed me for the accident. He also blamed me for Nathan choosing to stay with me instead of his parents. Apparently I was evil and my one goal was to keep Nathan away from his family. When really all I did was offer a place for him to stay since I knew how he hated to be babied.

"Well Lucas, its no secret that I like almost as much as you like me which is a shame if you really think about it because we use to be close...until you broke my best friends heart." I pointed out. It was actually a shame that me and Lucas weren't as close as we use to but that was life in friendships in Tree Hill.

"Cut the crap Haley." Lucas snapped causing me to jump back in surprise. "I heard you and Brooke talking. I know that Jamie Leigh James is really Jamie Leigh Scott. I know that Jamie is my brothers daughter, not the child of some guy you met while you were hiding out."

I felt my world spinning at his admission. Lucas knew the truth and it was only a matter of time before he told everyone.

"Luke....I can explain" I stuttered out. If I thought, he was made before calling him Luke had set him off further.

"Peyton once said you were a sneaky bitch. After all you had an affair with her boyfriend and now I know why." He gritted out while holding my arm still tightly."

"Lucas! You're hurting me, stop it!" I cried out as he continued to whisper harshly to me.

"When Nathan finds out- your going to wish you were dead. If you ever thought you'd seen him mad, just think of what he'll do to you when he finds out the truth." He said darkly. "You'll be left all alone again and I can't wait for the day maybe then you'll know what it's like to mess with other people's lives."

"I don't have to explain myself to you Lucas." I said yanking my arm away from him. "Stay away from me or I'll tell Brooke what you just did to me." I said making Lucas even more upset. I jumped as he made a move for me and was startled to hear the voice of someone else in the room.

"What the hell is going on here?" Nathan demanded while walking into the room. He took in the sight of the two people in front of him and knew something was up. Lucas smiled at him while Haley wouldn't dare look his way.

"Nothings wrong Nathan." I said quickly, too quickly because Nathan turned his watchful eye over to Lucas who had this smug look on his face.

"We're not going anywhere till you tell me what you've done to Haley." Nathan demanded while looking at Nathan.

Immediately my eyes met with Lucas and I knew that the game of Russian Roulette was over and so were my hopes of having a perfect day.

song credit: musiq- love

**Spoilers**: A night alone together turns into much more. Haley makes a decision that will effect the rest of her life. Nathan learns the truth and his reaction is will shape the rest of the story.

**More to come**: Sam comes home to find that everything is not how he left it. Nathan is a man on a mission and he soon plots his next move. How far will he go to keep Jamie Leigh and Haley?


	22. Chapter 22

**A.N**.** Hey all! School has winded down and I can finally post the next chapter to this story. As always thank you for reading and replying! My goal is to finish this story by the end of the summer so that means I've got my work cut out for me. Once again I have to say thanks to those who have stuck with this story, it really means a lot to me that you still like it.**

**Special thanks to: hopeful2024, Mel10, RitaOTH-HomeandAwayFan, twilightnaley19, Ohiobuckeye**

**xoxo**

**queena**

**Chapter 22: Its Complicated**

_I was only looking for a shortcut home_

_Buts its complicated, So complicated_

_Somewhere in this city is a road I know_

_Where we could make it_

_But maybe theirs no making it now_

I felt like the walls were starting to collapse around me and I knew I had to make a decision and fast. I watched as Nathan looked between Lucas and me, as if he were waiting for one of us to break the silence yet surprisingly we were both quiet. The silence ticked on for what felt like hours and then a sudden fire lit under my ass. I needed to get Nathan out of this house and far away from Lucas before our perfect day was ruined.

It seemed like lately, I walking on eggshells waiting for the moment when the other shoe would drop and it appeared like right now was about that time. I felt like I was back into a corner and I hated it. I knew what I had done. I had to tell Nathan the truth. I had no choice. Our perfect day wouldn't be too perfect till Nathan knew the truth, about our daughter.

"Nate!" I called, baring a smile that I prayed looked sincere. "Lucas and I were just... talking." I said reaching out to touch his arm affectionately. He turned a skeptical eye my way but said nothing for the longest time before finally breaking the silence.

"About what?" He inquired looking between Haley and his brother. Lucas had made it perfectly clear what he thought of Haley and Haley had never been the one to hold her tongue if she were ever being mistreated, he'd argued with her enough to know that she could take care of herself and she wasn't afraid to get down and dirty when needed.

"You and Brooke." I said simply. "I was reminding Luke that his hatred for me could cost him Brooke." I voiced while casting a small glance in the direction of a squinting Lucas. "And Lucas wanted to know what you and I were doing together." I finished causing Nathan to let out a tired sigh. I had seen that look before and I knew he wasn't happy.

Turning his attention to his brother, he spoke. "Lucas, I've told you what goes on between me and Haley has nothing to do with you."

Squinting Lucas spoke with a tone that was filled with venom and sincerity. "You are my brother and I will do anything to protect you from Haley. She's bad news Nate." Lucas swore. "Your life was better before she came into it."

I watched in horror as Nathan balled his fist and then before I could even process what was happening he lunged for Lucas. Immediately I reached for his hand and within seconds he had turned to look my way. "Nathan please." I called out shakily. Nathan loved his brother, in fact they were best friends and I hated being the reason they were fighting. Nathan needed his brother and although Lucas despised me, I knew that he hated fighting his brother as well. "Lets go home. Please Nate lets just go home." I begged shamelessly.

Something in the way she said his name, had him retracting from attacking Lucas. He was so tired of dealing with this crap with Lucas, for some reason he blamed Haley for everything bad that had happened and she wasn't to blame. They had all made mistakes...everyone and he wouldn't make the mistake of letting Haley go so easily.

Turning to look her way he noted the desperation in her eyes, in her voice. Haley hadn't sounded so desperate in a long time but tonight, in this moment she was begging him and he wouldn't deny her.

"Fine." He said keeping his eyes focused on her for a few moments more before turning to glare at the elder Scott. He didn't have time to deal with Lucas and his grips. He had to concentrate on winning Haley back. She loved him, and he loved her and he would be damned if he'd let anything ruin what they could be.

Taking to step he turned once again to face his brother. Lucas needed to know a few things before they left the family home.

"Luke, I know you think the accident was Haley's fault but that isn't true. I was driving and I take responsibility for what happened that night, to Peyton, to my daughter and to myself." He said solemnly. "She's important to me, Luke so you need to get over whatever issue you have with her and our relationship." He said squeezing her hand lightly. "Don't you dare disrespect her again Luke. You're my brother and I love you but if you dare challenge my decision about Haley, you'll regret it." He said deadly.

For the most part I watched in horror as the Lucas and Nathan spoke both determine that they were right and the other wrong. So when Nathan took a hold of my hand a sense of relief washed through me, I had stopped a fight that could and would ruin everything me and Nathan had accomplished today.

"You're a damn fool if you put your hopes into Haley James." Lucas whispered loud enough for both me and Nathan to hear.

"What did you just say?" Nathan demanded! I could feel the heat radiating off of him. He was so angry that I felt a small tremble in his hand.

"I said you are a damn fool" Lucas recalled. "But I guess that's love" he finished glaring my way. "And you'll soon realize that." Lucas said knowingly. "You're my brother and I love you, and when the dust settles you'll see what I see."

As Lucas passed the two of us, I held my breath. I waited for him to say something...anything but he walked away in silence. His silence scared me, because I knew I would break Nathan's heart all alone.

Suddenly I felt two arms wrap around me and I relished in the closeness of Nathan. Today was a great day and I would always remember it as the day that Nathan and I let down our walls to just be.

"How about we go home?" Nathan asked resting his chin on my shoulder. I gave him a small smile before nodding.

"I think that's a great idea." I said offering him a smile that I was sure failed to reach my eyes.

I had already made pervious arrangements for Brooke to take Jamie Leigh for the night, although I was starting to rethink my previous plans. I honestly didn't want Lucas near Jamie Leigh at this moment. I knew he hated me for hiding the fact that Jamie was part of the Scott family but I did what I had to do and now I was trying to fix things. I was human just like everyone else and I made mistakes and it wasn't fair that when I made mistakes it was like everyone magnified by bad choices. I wasn't perfect and I never claimed to be and I think that was what scared me the most, because even though Nathan knew first hand that I wasn't perfect, my lies would ruin the newfound friendship that had been blossoming between Nathan and me. Now I was seeking redemption for all my past sins and I hoped I would be granted a chance to start newly with everyone, including Sam.

I had already decided exactly what I was going to do so the very moment we had gotten home I began to set the mood right. I found myself sitting by the fire that was now brewing with two glasses of wine on the coffee table. Nathan had gone to take a shower and I was expecting him to return soon. The task at hand which was to finally tell Nathan the truth about Jamie Leigh was so daunting, so frightening that I almost changed my mind, however I knew it was time to tell Nathan the truth, he deserved this...Jamie deserved this.

I couldn't help but let out a tiny sigh at the thought of Nathan. It was only befitting that he and I would find ourselves in a situation that was fatal to our current relationship. After all that was our history we loved hard and fight hard and no matter how hard we tried things never turned out the way we wanted them to. Over the years our good intentions had always come back to bite us in the ass and this time was no different. At the end of the day we were still the same Nathan and Haley, two people who were selfish as hell, the same two people who would never fully recover from damage that we caused one another.

Nathan had been someone that I had honestly hated with every fiber in my body- yet loved so purely that the thought of ever really losing him was something that I couldn't bare. It was easier to pretend that the fire that burned between us, the love we shared, and of course all the heartache was a distant memory when we were apart- but when I was with him I felt like the stupid girl who fell in love with him so long ago...and I was afraid to be that girl because that girl and that boy would ruin each other without even trying.

The sound of the creaking down caused me to wipe away some of the tears that had carelessly fallen and soon I was greeted with the sight of a man that I knew I would break in less then thirty minutes. "Glad to see you've finally joined me." I said without bothering to turn around to see him. I had always known when Nathan was near; I'd always get the feeling in my chest that just told me he was near and no matter where we were in our lives no matter if we were hating each other or loving each other, that feeling in my heart made me feel like I was no longer alone.

He clicked his tongue, "well you could have joined me anytime and I promise I wouldn't complain." He said smirking. He watched her from afar fighting the urge to be near her because in truth he didn't know what kind of restraint he could demonstrate tonight. He was hoping that she had come to her sense thus the reason for the darkly lit room and wine glasses but he couldn't tell.

Do you want to tell me the real reason behind your argument with Lucas?" he asked crossing his arms in front of his chest.

I bit my lip knowing that there was no escape. I wanted us to at least have some sort of peace before everything was shot to hell but I guess that wasn't in the cards. "Yes...No" I said taking a sip of my wine. "Nathan...please come and sit with me." I called out, my voice was weak and I could see the alarm that fluttered across his features by my admission.

The sound of her voice was so desperate it was the same way she sounded earlier and now he knew that something had happened. He couldn't ignore the fact that he had walked in on something big between Haley and his brother and he couldn't let it go. "Haley." He called captiously.

"Please" I begged again. "Just have a drink with me, Nate. We can sit by the fire and pretend..." I said getting teary eyed.

"That everything is okay." He finished shaking his head. He had known that Haley was hiding something, for a long time it was the reason why she pushed him away so much...the same reason she had hid behind Sam. He wanted to help her, and if sitting by the fire with a glass of wine was the trick he'd do it.

"Nate" I called again. I could see his resistance, he wanted to fight me on this, he wanted to know why I had been so sad earlier today and why I was fighting with his bother but he didn't ask- but Nathan loved me.

"Okay. "He said soon settling behind her. The close proximity had taken him back to so many nights that had lay awake together, so many nights when they had been so wrapped up in one another that they thought nothing could touch them. For a while they were invincible and then it all came crashing down and he was sure they never really recovered from it.

For a while they sat in silence the only sound was that of the fire crackling. He rubbed her arm affectional and placed a kiss to her temple. He never loved anyone the way he loved Haley...the way he always loved Haley. "Listen. I'm really sorry about Lucas. He was being a jack ass and that is why your feeling so undeserving of everything. I love you Hales and nothing anyone can say or do will change that."

His words broke my heart because I knew he believed them to be true. "Don't apologize for your brother. He loves you and he just wanted to protect you."

He couldn't help but scuff. Lucas was out of line and he couldn't believe she was defending him. "Protect me from what? From something he knows I want more then anything." He asked disgusted by the thought of his brother.

I couldn't help but turn around and look at him. Gently I placed my hand on his cheek. "He's trying to protect you from me, from you...from us." I said almost brokenly. Lucas knew like the rest of the town knew, that no matter how much we lived each other that we would always serve as each others greatest triumph and greatest tragedy.

"I don't need protection." He said easily. "I love you and that is all that matters." He said so easily that it scared me. Nathan was sure that love was all we needed but it had never worked out for us before and I knew it wouldn't work out now.

I felt my eyes tearing up and again and this time Nathan had leaned close to me. Our mouths were mingling at a mere distance and a part of me wanted to just savor it, to embrace whatever would happen between us, but I didn't want to lose it all over again. So when he tried to bridge the tiny gap between us I quickly turned my head and buried it in his I shoulder. "I will always love you Nate...always." I said before biting my lip.

"Haley tell me what's wrong so I can fix it...so we can fix it." he pleaded for the first time. "We've been through hell together and I know we can fix whatever it is that's got you so spooked."

I sent him a small smile. One of the reasons I fell in love with Nathan Scott was because he was so determined about everything and so was I. "Do you remember the last night we were together?" I asked and he nodded in agreement. "We were sitting by a fire just like this and I swore up and down that I would never love you again. I swore that I would never give us a try again."

"But you did." He reminded her, while thinking of that night. "It was the night I remembered after the accident. The same time we pledged our love for each other all over again." He said reaching out to touch her face. "We had so much hope, but time wasn't on our side." He said frowning.

"You know, that night meant so much to me because it gave me hope that we could be better. It gave me hope that we could be better together." I voiced truthfully. I let my words hang in air for a few seconds before continuing yet again. "That night you made me feel so loved, you reminded me that you will always be the one that gets it...that gets me." I said looking down. "Whenever I'm upset about the past I think of that night because it changed everything for me." I whispered out. I could feel myself trembling with fear of what was to come next as Nathan held me tighter to him.

"Hales your shaking." He exclaimed alarm.

"That night, was also the night I conceived Jamie Leigh." I said causing him to go stiff. "Jamie Leigh is your daughter. She's our daughter." I finally confessed.

The seconds ticked and Nathan had said nothing. I waited for the moment when he would yell at me when he would have any sort of reaction but all he did was get up and soon leave the house- leaving me and my lies to sit alone.

He had to escape he couldn't be around her because if he were around her for one more second he would surly loose his cool. How could she do this to him? How could she keep the fact that they shared a child a secret. Haley was the only person that had known how much his children meant to him, she knew that he lived for his kids and two of them had died and it nearly destroyed him. He deserved better and so did Jamie Leigh that was the only reason he hadnt gone off on Haley because he knew that she would probably use that against him, because he was such a horrible man. He knew he had done some shitty things to Haley in the past but he would have never kept their child away from her- never.

He rung the doorbell twice and then it swung open. He scowled when he noticed who had opened the door. He was sure she was in on it too. Brooke and Haley were thick as thieves even though he and Brooke had been best buds till Haley had come along.

"Nate, what are you doing here?" she asked surprised to see him. Haley had phoned her to tell her everything and she figured that this was the last place he would show up at yet here he was. "Lucas isn't here

Letting out a sigh he spoke. "Brooke I don't have time for idle chit chat let me in." he said pushing past her.

"Lucas isn't here if that's whom your looking for." she said closing the door behind her. She had expected Nathan to be further into the house but instead he stood in the foyer antsy.

"I didn't come here to see Lucas." he ground out before looking her in the eyes.

She looked him over for a second before coming to the conclusion that Haley had finally told him. "You know" she gasped upon the look that crossed his features by her admission. She had seen many faces of Nathan Scott but this one in particular had nearly chilled her to the bone.

If your asking if I know that Jamie Leigh is my daughter then the answer is yes" he said darkly. "Where is she?" he asked turning to face Brooke.

"I just put her down for bed." she said eyeing him closely she had never seen Nathan so shattered and it scared her. "Maybe you should take a seat...we could talk" she suggested.

He nodded his head before joining her on the couch. He peered a sleeping Jamie who was resting in a play pin. Jamie Leigh was simply beautiful even in her sleep she was still the most enchanting baby he had ever seen, and she had his blood running through her veins was a added bonus.

"Nate" she called hesitantly

"How could she do this to me?" he asked looking up at the burnette in front of him. "In fact how could you do this to me, you knew how much I missed Haley, and she knew how much I loved her. And you've known this whole time that Jamie was my daughter and you helped her keep it a secret."

She bit her lip she hated seeing Nathan in pain, he was her friend and if she could take away the pain she would- for both Nathan and Haley but she couldn't. "Haley had her reasons." was the only thing she could say.

He let out a sarcastic chuckle. "I'd never keep Haley away from her daughter but she kept me away from mine."

"You know the sad thing about this whole situation is that if it weren't for Lucas threatening to spill the beans, I would still be in the dark." he mumbled out only to get a sudden gasp from the burnette sitting across from him. It was obvious as to the gaping look Brooke Davis had sent his way that she had been in the dark about Lucas and his part in the news that Jamie Leigh James, was indeed a Scott.

"Lucas?" She whispered out. Now everything made sense Haley was so upset and Lucas had been the reason why. "How could he do that...how could he..." The words of betrayal hung on her lips but she dare not say them knowing Nathan was upset enough that the mention of betrayal would send him on a tangent.

"Lucas was the only person that was decent enough to get this ball moving. If it hadnt been for him you and Haley would have continued to keep this from me." he pointed out.

"I helped Haley because she is my best friend and she needed me." She breathed out. She understood his anger, Nathan had missed out on the birth of his daughter he had also missed on seeing Haley during her pregnancy but that didn't mean that Haley should be left or should have been left alone. In truth she had helped Haley because the thought of seeing her friend go through yet another dark patch in her life was heartbreaking and if she could help ease some of the pain Haley had been in as a result of her relationship with Nathan and how it ended she'd help all over again.

"Haley doesn't need anybody" he said sarcastically. Whenever things had gotten bad between he and Haley, Haley had always said that she didn't need him- that she was a big girl and she could take care of herself.

Crossing her arms she squinted her eyes in his direction. Nathan was being difficult purposely and she was growing tried of it. "She needed you." she said simply. "She always needed and wanted you and you've known that since we were kids Nathan." she finally ground out tiredly. She loved Nathan and Haley she really did but they were a mess and had always been a mess- they would never be able to move forward unless they got over their issues from the past. "Listen" she said walking over to him. "You can be mad at me if you want to- but I was not going to abandon her while she was pregnant with your child." she said gaining a sarcastic smirk.

"And you should have told me." he said darkly. "You watched me with Peyton and still when you found out I married her you still kept silent." he said through gritted teeth. "Me and Haley could have been working on us...everything could have been different." He mused out loud. If haley had told him about the baby they could have worked together maybe Hope would still be alive and Peyton wouldn't be so broken without their baby.

Running her hand through her hair she spoke. "Nate- she didn't want you to have to chose between your children- between their mothers. I cant give you the answers your looking for, you need to speak to Haley." she said grabbing his hands. "Just know that while she was away from you- she was miserable. She hated keeping you from Jamie- she hated keeping Jamie a secret but she did what she thought was best for you- and Peyton and Hope."

He found himself rolling his eyes yet again at Brooke Davis. Brooke would always be on team Haley and he should have been happy that someone was constantly looking out for Haley when he couldn't- but it just pissed him off"

" So she chose for me?" He asked annoyed. "Who does that?"

She shook her head at him. Haley would have done anything for Nathan and now it was almost like he was blind to that fact. "Haley. She wanted you all to have a better life you asshole." she finished before tossing her hands up in the air as if to signal she was done with the coversation.

"Well you know what, she failed and so did you. Keeping Jamie Leigh away from me was the worst thing either of you have done in a long time."

She heard it in his voice, the bitterness. "Nate don't do this- you have them back don't ruin it because your angry." she pleaded.

Her words didn't fall on deaf ears and soon he placed a kiss to her forehead. "I gotta go. Try not to be too hard on Luke ." He said before heading over to Jamie Leigh. He smiled as she moved slightly and placed a kiss to her temple before heading to the door.

I hated being alone, it was something about the sound of absolute silence that nearly drove me crazy. I guess I could blame it on the fact that I had always been surrounded by people so being alone was something I didn't like. It made me think about the days I had sunk into a depression after the death of my son, the silence stretched on for so long and the darkness crept inside of me.

Once Nathan had left I was left to think about everything I had done. And to tell the truth I wouldnt change anything because I was doing what was best for me and my unborn child. Of course I would have liked to tell Nathan in a better way but you cant change the past and it's a waste of time trying to do so. I had debated wether or not to call Sam but at the last minute decided against it. I didn't want to alarm Sam or get in the way of whatever was going on with his brother. I needed to stand on my own two feet and deal with the everything in Tree Hill- running away is what got me in this mess in the first place.

The sound of the door opening had caught my attention and soon I noticed that I was no longer alone. "You came back" I called upon seeing his tall figure entering the den. He looked tired so tired and I could relate because I was tired too. Its not easy being spread thin and I knew he was as worn out as I was. Everything was so screwed up- in fact it had been screwed up for a long time now and now that he was back I wondered if it could be fixed or were we all doomed.

"Yeah, well I figured we needed to talk." he said. His voice devoid of any emotion. I watched as he tossed his keys onto the nearby table and soon he was watching me watch him.

I nodded my head in agreement we did need to talk. "What do you want to know?" I asked closing the baby that had been made for Nathan long before tonight.

He walked closer to me knelling down almost in front of me, it was an ackward postion but I knew not to even ask questions at this time. "Tell me everything" he said devoid of emotion.

Licking my lips I stood up and retrieved a diary I had been writting since the day I had found out I was pregnant. Sometimes words made things worst or maybe it was our inerperetation of the right words, I figured Nathan would better understand my actions if he read through my thoughts and feelings.

"Whats this? 'He asked looking at the bounded notebook of some sorts.

"Its for you." I said handing over what I had held sacred for so long. "Brooke thought it might be a good idea to write to you and I found that I wanted to share my joruney with you so every page in that journal is addressed to you." I said biting my lip as he continued to stare almost blankly at me.

He looked at everything she had given him from the journal to the photo album that had an inprint of Jamie Leigh's foot and soon exploded. "You know it didnt have to be this way...all you had to do was tell me- I would have found a way to make it right for the sake of my children." he yelled. "But no, you do whatever it is you want to do and you think its okay because your Haley," he said stepping closer to her. "Well guess what your wrong. You don't get a fucking free pass because your Haley- in fact you get no pass at all.

I shook my head. "The way you made it right with Peyton." I lashed out before taking a moment to calm down. "You and I were barley on speaking terms and I could not deal with you and Peyton and being pregnant all at the same time. I needed to protect my unborn child and that is excatly what I did." I said walking away from him. "You cant fault me for protecting Jamie, she was all I had left! You left me and I was fine with that- I was content with us living separate lives but fate got into the way and I took it upon myself to do what was best for me and my baby."

The anger coursing through him only boiled at her words. "She's our baby Haley and don't you ever forget that." he said walking out of the room before giving her a chance to speak.

I slid my hands to my hips. "Where are you going Nathan?" I asked surprised to see that he was already done with the conversation.

"Away from you." he shouted over his shoulder.

"Great, run thats what you always do." I called out causing him to stop mid stride. "You always run with things don't go your way." I said scuffing. It was typical Nathan to take off he always ran. Normally he had a girl to run to but it seemed that-that was old news. It was on the tip of my tongue to suggest that he go run to Peyton but that came with more drama then I was willing to deal with tonight.

Turning around sharply he marched over to her. "Your gonna talk to me about running when you just came back from an extended vacation due to running away." he asked heatedly. "You're the Queen of running away."

"And you're the King" I replied just as hotly. "You've been running away since hte moment we got together...maybe even before." I said licking my lips. "You've never met anyone like me and that makes you run it always has." I said matter of factly.

He let out a humourless chuckle. "And you've been running since the night I told you I loved you.

We both stood in silence till the sound the sound of a distinctive cell phone began to ring. I looked to Nathan as he made a move to answer his phone.

"You arent seriously going to answer that now?" I asked as he ignored me. "We are in a middle of a conversation."

Tossing a look her way he spoke. "Its Luke and it must be important."

I rolled my eyes and no more then two seconds later my own cell began to ring. Nathan looked my way and I knew the words that were on the tip of his tongue. "Its Brooke" I said not bothering to look his way. I soon picked up the cell phone and then I felt like my world was spinning all over again.

Song credit: Lifehouse: it is what it is


	23. Chapter 23

**A.N. **Its been ages since my last update and today I caught the writing bug so I decided to post the next chapter of this story. For those of you who have kept my story on your alert list and or favorite me on your author list thank you very much. Thanks to all who have read and replied past and presently. My goal is to finish this story by the end of December so buckle up its gonna be a ride.

Thanks for reading and replying

xoxo

queena

**Chapter 23: Wish Right Now**

Can we pretend like airplanes in the night sky

are like shooting stars, I could really use a wish

right now, wish right now, wish right now

Nathan and I stood still looking at one another as our worst nightmare had come true. Jamie had a fever and because it had come so sudden we had taken her to the hospital. And Tree Hill General Hospital was possibly one of the places that I feared the most. It was here that our son had died and that too came so sudden, it was here that Nathan had gone into a coma after the accident and lastly it was here where all my fears lye. And it was here that once again I wondered if my faith was being tested? Maybe this was a sign from above or maybe just maybe Nathan and I were being punished for being so vengeful...for all the things we had done to each other over the years.

"Haley" Nathan called causing me to finally look his way. When I looked at him, I saw the same fear that I knew was plastered on my face. "Nate." I cried out as tears had run down my face. I felt my body shaking and before I could even blink twice Nathan was at my side his arms wrapped around me as if he were trying to save me. His arms that once felt so foreign to me felt like the only thing that was holding me together.

" Hales" He called while rocking her back and forth. "I need you to hold it together for Jamie Leigh, she needs you- you're her mother and your all she knows." He whispered almost brokenly. His own personal fears were beginning to rise to the surface, he had already lost two children and he would be damned if he lost a third child. The only thing he knew was that he needed to be strong for Haley because she looked like she was about to pass out and he knew that Jamie needed her mother.

The sound of his voice breaking had snapped me out of my own daze. Nathan was just as scared as I was and yet here he was trying to save me from the darkness that could easily claim me. And that was when I felt this sudden surge of life, I couldn't explain it but I knew what I needed to do and I was determined to do it. "Jamie Leigh needs both of us, you're her father and I'm her mother and we have to show her that we love her." I said finally finding the strength to get up.

Nathan and I may have not been the best people, we may have had our faults or hangups but we loved Jamie Leigh and she was our reason for breathing.

-HJ- NS-JLS-

When we had arrived to the hospital, we were met with Brooke who was cradling a wailing Jamie Leigh, Lucas in tow. The four of us shared a painful look before Brooke had given Jamie over to me while Nathan had run off with Lucas close behind him.

The moment we had gotten to the hospital I didn't dare take my eyes of Jamie Leigh, she was arguably the best thing that happen to me and I couldn't lose her; she was the light at the end of tunnel and if my light had left me, I didn't know what I would do. I had already lost one child, I couldn't lose another and the thought had nearly killed me.

"Where the hell is the doctor?" Nathan demanded slamming his hand on the counter. I watched as his temper got the best of him and for once in a long time Nathan and I were on the same team. He roughly grabbed a male nurse demanding to be seen. "My kid is sick and I need a damn doctor now" he growled out before releasing the male nurse who took a step back.

"Sir, we're doing the best we can do but due to a gas leak at the Tree Hill clinic most of our workers are helping, those who were exposed the gas." I heard a nurse call out to Nathan, while I continued to cradle a wailing Jamie. This was so wrong, she never cried like this, she never got sick and here I was her mother and helpless.

"I don't give a shit." Nathan argued. "Do you have any idea who I am?" he asked annoyed that people were standing around looking at him like he was a fucking circus animal. Something was wrong with his daughter and if he had to threaten every single doctor in the hospital he would do it so that Jamie Leigh could get the medical assistance that she needed.

"Sir please calm down." The nurse called backing away. "You need to restrain yourself or I'll have you thrown out of this hospital for causing a scene." The man said almost wearily of the fury that was starring in him in the eyes.

Nathan for the most part could not believe the gall of the so-called nurse. There was no way in hell he was leaving this fucking hospital and if anyone dare to touch him then they were going to get a fight.

Pacing back and forth he sent a glare in the direction of everyone who was staring at him. He felt like the hospital was closing in on him as if he were in a cage and he hated to be locked away in tiny places. He could barley breathe, thinking about Jamie Leigh and what could happen. He couldn't lose Jamie Leigh, he had just found her...he had missed so much of her life and he didn't want anyone to cheat him out of any more time with his daughter.

"Calm down, calm down. I will not calm down. I am Nathan fucking Scott and you know that shiny wing that we are both standing in was built in the name of my son. I want the chief of staff now." He raged. If there was one thing he hated, the most was to feel helpless and at this point he felt helpless. "You listen to me, if someone doesn't help my kid so help me god I'll..."

And before he could even finish his sentence Lucas was at his side. "Listen my brother is upset and we really need a doctor, if this hospital refuses to help us in our time of need we will be forced to call the mayor who is our father." Lucas stated rather calmly.

Looking over to his brother he mentally thanked Lucas, because he would have decked the dude if he started on that hospital bullshit once again. He sent a glance in the direction of Haley and noticed that she was now standing up, she looked so pale, so frail, he knew that what scared her the most, was not being able to protect her children. It was the reason she had slipped so far in depression after their son had died. She couldn't handle the fact that he was gone, and that as a mother she could do nothing to save him. He had watched her slowly slip into dankness before and he wouldn't let it happen again.

Between Nathan and Jamie Leigh I didn't know whom to look at. Brooke was soon at my side rubbing circles on my back. "Its gonna be okay Hales." Brooke called while I continued to try and soothe me best as she could.

I nodded my head in understanding as her words reached my ears. My body felt prickly and I felt sick. I wasn't strong enough for this. I couldn't lose Jamie. It would kill me. I had liked to think that I was strong enough to withstand anything but I wasn't. I broke..more often then I would like to admit. And if anything ever were to happen to Jamie, I don't know what I would do with myself.

I watched as Lucas and Nathan tried to talk to the nurse and he still seemed so resilient. Finally I had enough and I walked over to the three men, with Jamie Leigh wailing in my arms.

"You listen to me, I need a doctor right now, my daughter is sick and I swear to god if I don't any assistance, I will personally make it my mission to sue the pants of your ass for refusing to help us." I said my anger bubbling over.

"What's going on here?" a voice from behind said.

Turning around I spotted Chase and mentally thanked the heavens for sending him my way. I sent a glare in the direction of the nurse before pleading to Chase. "Chase, she's sick" I said trying to soothe Jamie Leigh but to no avail. "Please, please help us." I begged. It was then that I noticed a look cross his features before he quickly led us to an empty room.

"How long has she been crying like this?" Chase asked as he soon was accompanied by two nurses.

"I'm not sure. But she had been getting worst in the last ten minutes." I said setting Jamie Leigh down. "Chase, please help her." I begged again once our eyes met. It felt odd begging him to help me even after everything that we had been through. He had forgiven me, but I still felt ashamed of my actions. I had only been gone for a while and still I was haunted by my past actions.

"Hales" Chase said touching my arm almost affectionately. "I will do my best to help her, I promise." He said giving me a squeeze. We stood looking at each other for a few seconds before Nathan had settled behind me. I felt the change in the atmosphere, and once again cursed my past. Only in Tree Hill would I find myself begging my ex to save the child I had with the man I cheated on him with, during our relationship.

"Chase, take good care of my girl." Nathan said before grabbing a hold of my elbow and leading me away. I found myself looking back at Chase, as unspoken words had passed between us. If anyone could help Jamie Leigh it was Chase. He was the top of his class and I knew he was good at what he did, after all he was the chief of staff because he was the best at what he did.

Silently I followed Nathan till he came to stop nearly causing me to bump into him. "What the hell was that?" Nathan asked causing me to furrow my brows. Here I was talking professionally to the man who was trying to diagnose our daughter and now Nathan was on my case.

I was ten seconds away from deactivating but I decided that this was not the time nor the place to throw down the gauntlet. "Not now Nathan." I said walking past him. "This is bigger then your ego or your jealousy this is our daughter and if Chase can help her then you are going to get over whatever problem you have with him." I said leaving him to make the choice to either stand with me or go against me. In the end I didn't really care because the only person that mattered right now was Jamie Leigh.

Three hours later

After everything was said and done, I had found myself sitting alone reflecting on the mess that had brought our way today. The one thing that I was thankful for was that Jamie Leigh was okay. We had all overacted but it was understandable. Now Jamie Leigh was resting in her room after the antibiotics had run through her system. I was glad my daughter was safe and healing from her infection.

The moment I walked into the hospital I thought about JJ and the thought of losing Jamie the way we had lost JJ had caused Nathan and I to stop fighting briefly. But I knew that this was the calm before the storm and for once I wanted it to pass without much destruction.

-H.J. N.S. -

It was a brand-new day; or at least I hoped so. Nathan and I had spent the last three days fighting for what we believed in, fighting for what we thought was right and in the end fighting the urge to let history repeat itself. We were always a poisonous couple it was like something dark and dirty lye imbedded in everything that we were as a couple and in return that had tainted everything about the two of us. Nathan brought out the worst in me and I did the same in him, no matter how much we loved each other it was never enough because in the end, we would ruin each other.

_Flashback_

_I watched as he slammed his hand down on the wooden table, any minute I expected glass to shatter or for him to up and walk away because that was the way Nathan dealt with his unwanted emotions. He threw a fit._

_"You know what, I won't apologize any more for what I've done." I said glaring over at him. Thank god Karen and Dan had offered to take Jamie Leigh while Nathan and I dealt with our shit. It of course was not what I had wanted, I wanted Jamie Leigh to stay here with us but it wasn't good for her to be around hostility especially while she was getting over an ear infection. "I did what I thought was right for me and my baby and you're going to have to deal with that." I lashed out._

_"Our baby." He interjected before pouring himself another drink. "Don't forget she's got Scott blood running through her veins."_

_Despite myself I took a step forward. "I could never forget that- it's the best part of Jamie...she's your's and mine- she's our miracle baby." I admitted letting out a gasp as he turned to look my way his blue eyes shining. One look and I felt myself getting sucked back into the Nathan Scott vortex. We had to be better for Jamie. We couldn't let old habits render us horrible parents. I would not let my daughter grow up in the dysfunction I had grown up in. I wanted better for her._

_For a moment he let her move closer to him and for a brief second he felt the tug that had always drawn the two of them together. They had been through hell and back together but he knew that Haley was just as poisonous to him and he was to her. But in the end he was in love with her despite the hell she had put him through he still wanted to be with her and he knew deep down she wanted to be with him. They had chance to be a real family. This time they could get it right. The most important thing to him was family and that included Haley._

_"You're right about one thing." He declared as their eyes met. "Jamie Leigh is our miracle, she's our baby and because of that I'm going to cut you some slack" he said placing his hand deep in his pockets._

_I glared in his direction. I didn't want slack from Nathan, in fact I wanted nothing from him. He could hate what I did all he wanted but in the end I had to do what was right for me and my baby and leaving was the best thing I could have ever done. Leaving gave me the strength that I had surrendered to him a long time ago and now I was strong enough to stand not only on my own two feet but I was strong enough to face Nathan and the rest of the town._

_"Don't act like you're innocent in all of this." I reminded him. "You've done some shitty things to me and I forgave you." I admitted._

_He clicked his tongue as images flooded through his mind. He had definitely done his share of screwing things up between them, in fact he had treated her horribly over the years especially with the whole Peyton thing. In fact if he were to think about it, much of their history together he had done something to screw it up and yet she still opened her home to him yet again._

_"Fine" he admitted standing before her. "It's agreed that I've done some things in the past that hurt you and vice versa- we can fight all night and it won't change anything." He admitted almost defeated._

_I let out an amused chuckle and for the first time in what felt like a long time, I actually smiled in the direction of my former boyfriend. "I'm glad you're finally seeing things my way" I said sitting down on the couch where he soon followed. On a whim I brought my hand out to touch his and surprisingly he had let this rare moment happen. "Nate, the darkness inside of you, it reawakens the darkness inside of me- and I really just wanted what was best for our daughter." I admitted whole heartedly._

_He nodded in understanding. He had known a long time ago that he and Haley were toxic together but they loved each other and that was all that mattered. "I know that...its wrong, it's probably always been wrong, but we fell in love and we haven't been the same since." He sighed out._

_He soon bridged the gap between the two of them so that she had nowhere to run. If they were going to do this better this time they needed to be honest with each other- so that they didn't fall apart like all the other times. "I love you..."_

_If this had been a couple of months ago, I would have run away but this time I had to stand on my own two feet. "Nathan" I interrupted not liking the turn of events._

_"I love you...and our love our daughter and I refuse to sit around and watch some surrogate father take what's mine." He admitted truthfully. Haley and Jamie Leigh were his family and he wanted his family back._

_By the tone of his voice I knew he was talking about Sam. Nathan may have been the father of my children, but that didn't mean that I would allow him to take over my life again. We had already been down that road and it had never gotten us anywhere except heartbroken. "Sam was never a surrogate, he was my friend and my grandfather considered family and he became our family." I admitted causing Nathan to shift from one foot to another._

_"I am your family! " He admitted quietly. "I made a promise to god that if our baby was okay that I would do everything in my power to rebuild our family...yours and mine and I meant that promise Haley._

_I let out a sudden gasp. I loved Sam and I wanted to be with Sam and if Nathan was saying what I thought he was saying it meant he was preparing to fight for us- but their was no "us". In fact we hadn't been together in a very long time. "Nathan, we will always be family- you'll always be in my life but I'm in love with Sam." I said causing him to ignore my words. "I'm with Sam."_

_Suddenly Nathan was in my face harsh lines were strewn across his face. "Things change, especially since I don't want him anywhere near my daughter."_

_I felt myself backing away from him. When it came to it Nathan could be nasty and if he wanted something he'd do anything to get it. "Are you threatening me, Nathan Scott?" I asked balling my fist up. "Because unlike Peyton I do not back down and if you want a fight, I'll give you a fight."_

_Grinning he looked over at her. "I'm simply reminding you whom you are dealing with." He said taking a step back. "I am fighting for what's mine and that includes you." He admitted using a different tactic. "You don't want me as an enemy Haley especially with all that I know.."_

_"You cannot tell me what to do Nathan Scott." I shrieked feeling tears prickle my eyes. I ran my hands through my hair roughly while trying to take a deep breath. "I will not let you dictate my life because suddenly you're in love with me. Jamie is fine and that is all that matters, you now know you're not cursed because Jamie Leigh is alive- she's all that matters." I finished knowing that this was only the beginning. I watched as Nathan ignored my words his facial features appearing bored. "My personal life is none of your business." I said walking away._

_Gripping my elbow, he spoke. "As long as Jamie Leigh has Scott blood running through her, your business is my business...as long as you have my daughter you are my business." He said firmly._

_I sucked in a breath. " Don't fight me on this Nathan, or you won't be living with me or your daughter. Just accept that Sam is in our life...we can all be one big happy family. You will get your daughter and all that matters is that you and Jamie bond like father and daughter."_

_He bit his lip momentarily. "I will not accept Sam in our lives and you know why, because I just found out I had a daughter. And if you want this to drag through the court system so be it." He said matter of factly. He loved Haley he wanted Haley and he would get Haley. She was being stubborn and the only way to get through to her would be to shock her. "And if you fight me on this, I'll win- I mean what kind of judge would award custody to a woman who had a nervous breakdown." He said regret hitting him as soon as the words tumbled out of his mouth. That was the problem with the two of them they kept going at it till someone was left broken._

_His words were like ice and I struggled not to crumble. "You would use that against me?' I asked my voice cracking._

_For a moment he stopped and looked at her. The hurt on her face the anguish he had put her through for so long and he hated himself for doing it all- but he was fighting for them because she wouldn't._

_"I'm doing this for us Haley." He said calmly stepping her way. "You would never leave him because you feel like you owe him." He pointed out. "You feel like you owe him because he loves you but at the end of the day it'll always come back to you and me...it'll always come back to us. Ask anyone who has dared to get in our way."_

_I ignored his words. This was different, what I felt for Sam was not the same as I felt for Chase. I knew where Nathan was going- he thought I latched onto Sam because I needed someone but it wasn't like that. And I wouldn't defend my relationship to him. "You really are a sick individual" I said shaking my head. "Jamie Leigh loves Sam...and I love Sam and you can't deal with the fact that another man has part of our hearts." I pointed out. "She loves him Nate..." I said as tears fell freely down my face. "Please don't take your anger out with me on Jamie Leigh." I cried. "She can have you and Sam in her life. It'll be perfect!" I exclaimed. "He's uncle Sam and he can be just like uncle Lucas and ...and.." I stopped to let out a sob. "Please don't do this...don't make me choose." I cried yet again._

_Through tears I watched as Nathan walked to the door. "I guess I have my answer then."_

_"Wait." I called getting my bearings. "I shouldn't have to choose between my boyfriend and my daughter but you're a sick bastard. I choose Jamie Leigh...I choose my daughter."_

_Crossing his arms. He spoke. "You're choosing between your boyfriend and you're family that is different."_

_I shook my head at him in disbelief. "I choose my daughter! And you can go to hell." I said walking away from him. For right now I had given in to what he wanted but I knew in my heart that I would find a way for all of us to be together- Jamie deserved the best and that included Nathan and Sam and I would give her what she deserved no matter what._

_End of flashback_

I watched as the door opened and Sam had came through the door, quickly I rushed to his side giving him a hug.

"Hey, what's the matter?" he asked dropping his duffle bag as I rushed into his arms.

"We need to talk." I said pulling away from him.

Song credit: b.o.b- airplanes


	24. Chapter 24

**A.N. Hey all! Im back with a new chapter! thanks for reading and replying. I'm glad you all seemed to be so passionate about the last chapter because it was a turning point in the story. As always thank you for reading and replying. I just finished this chapter this morning, so I hope you all like it :)**

**special thanks to: Mel10, Ohiobuckeye, chase the memories, Grooviejj-othfan88, kaya17tj, and twilightnaley19**

**Chapter 24: Turning Tables**

_However far away_

_I will always love you_

_Whatever words I say_

_I will always love you_

For as long as I could remember I had always been told that I was a fighter; I wasn't the type of girl that like got into fist fights on the regular or anything but I was the type of girl who would fight for what she believed in and fight for her family and everything that I held sacredly. My Mother had once told me that me that I had too much heart for my own good, while my Father had said that I had inherited my strong will and vast independence from his side, he also said that in the end it would be my greatest asset and probably my greatest weakness. And for the first time I was getting to realize that fighting for you loved ones, fighting for everything could be a good thing but it could also be your downfall and today I had realized that it was my downfall. I was strong and independent and I could fight with everything in me for everything I believed in, but what I couldn't fight was the truth and the truth was screaming at me the moment I returned home.

If I had been honest with myself, the moment I stepped back in town I knew that things wouldn't end well with Sam. It wasn't because I didn't love him. Unlike my past relationship with Chase, whom I stayed without of obligation and probably loneliness I really did love Sam, in fact I was in love with him and not because he had saved me from myself but because he was the only man I could ever see myself really being with, besides Nathan. Sam and I had a bond that was completely different from the one I shared with Nathan and although it could never be a profound as the connection I shared with Nathan, I could never say that it wasn't special to me.

And I guess that was why I had made the decision to give up Sam. I had always hated the saying if you love someone let them go because I had never been able truly understand it but now I had realized that I could not be selfish with Sam anymore. It wasn't fair to have him hoping that the two of us could get our happy ending when I had knew that no matter what I did, or who I was with I would always love Nathan and because of that I could never give my full heart to Sam, who had deserved only the best. So that was why I going to set him free because in the end I knew that in another life Sam and I would be together- but in this life, the man I was destined to be with, was Nathan Scott.

I had been on pins and needles after my big confrontation with Nathan and even more so when Sam walked through the door a grin on his lips as his eyes shown with happiness. It was probably one of the few times where it appeared that Sam had felt settled in here in Tree Hill. My first reaction upon seeing him of course was to run into his arms, because this was the man that had literally picked up the pieces of my broken heart and rebuilt it. The last thing I had ever wanted to do was hurt Sam, I loved him- god I loved him. It may have not been the kind of love that I felt for Nathan- though I suspected I could never fully love someone as much as I loved Nathan.

When Sam rushed through the door I couldn't help but run to him. This was the man that had been by my side for so long. He was the man that had gotten up in the middle of night with me whenever my daughter cried, the man that reminded me that it was okay to love again and most lastly the man that I was going to let go.

"I missed you." I say hugging him. For a moment I just relish in the fact that we're hugging. Sam has probably become one of the most important people to me and despite the fact that I'm breaking up with him, I always want him to remember that he'll always have a special place in my heart, after all family is forever

"I missed you too!" he says grinning. "Now where is Jamie Leigh, I've got a present for her." He says the smile dropping from his lips. "Hey- why do you look so sad." He asked pulling away to get a good look at her. He hadn't been able to keep in contact as much as he wanted but he knew that she knew how much he loved her and the little family they had established. He loved Haley and he loved her daughter, they were important to him and every day he pinched himself not believing that he could have this sort of life.

I bit my lip while looking up at him, Sam had so much hope in his eyes so much love and the mere thought that I had to choose between him and my daughter had done nothing but make me ache. I give him a false smile hoping he won't see through it as I quickly turn my back. "My parents have Jamie Leigh" I say chuckling despite myself, my daughter had everyone who loved her wrapped around her little fingers without even knowing it, she was something special and it wasn't just because she was my daughter.

He nods his head in understanding, taking her by the shoulders and wrapping his arms around her tiny body. There was something in the air tonight that was telling him that something was wrong, and he'd be lying if he said that the thought of what was looming didn't unnerve him. "Haley, what's wrong?" he asked while really looking at her. He hadn't seen her chocolate orbs, so sad since the day she had come into his life. That day would forever be branded in his mind because he had never seen someone so beautifully broken yet so desperate to fix herself. Haley was strong, she had persevered against so much of her own inner demons, and he had fallen in love with her strength, loyalty and everything that had made her Haley James.

_However far away_

_I will always love_

_you_

Out of habit I found myself looking down. The last thing I wanted to do was ever lead Sam on. I had done that once, with a man I had never really loved and the thought of leading someone on, I actually did love, it hurt. I had never expected to fall in love again, especially after everything that had went down between Nathan, Peyton and me but somehow it had happened to me, I met Sam and he made me heart beat again- and now I was about to break his heart.

"Sam, we need to talk." I say my words coming out shakily as I think about what I am about to do. Today I was going to walk away from a great man, a man who had loved me, a man who had accepted me and more importantly a man who didn't deserve to be brought down for any of my choices. And I that moment I hated Nathan Scott, I hated him for making me choose between Jamie Leigh and Sam, but most of all I hated myself even more because I had always known this would one day happen. I was happy, really happy and whenever I was happy something always ruined it, this time it was Nathan. Nathan and I couldn't help ourselves we were drawn to each other and it didn't matter, how much pain we brought to each other at the end of the day it always came back to us and that was painful for me to admit. Their was always something that had brought Nathan and I back together wether that was love or hate.

He gave her a suspicious look. "Why do I get the fleeting idea that this is a bad thing?" he questioned before firing yet another question. "Something's changed, and it's not good it's the reason you're sitting with a glass of wine that hasn't been touched." He further lamented. "You only think about taking a drink when your upset..." he said pausing.

My head shot up as tears began to well in my eyes. "Because everything had changed." I said as he reaches out to comfort me, but I don't want his comfort. I am the bad person in the scenario, I brought someone in knowing what the outcome could be and that was selfish of me.

"Whatever has changed, know that my love for you and for Jamie Leigh hasn't changed- it'll be the one constant thing in an ever-changing world." He says while using the pads of his thumb to wipe away stray tear.

Instantly I moved away from him. "Please don't make this any harder for me." I cried while keeping my distance from him. "I never thought I was going to fall in love again and you-you came into my life and you made it better." I said rather tearfully. I loved Sam, but loved Nathan more and that was something that had always been in the back of my mind. I may have hated the way Nathan had made me choose but he knew my heart-sometimes better then I did. "We fell in love and I always knew it wasn't fair to you because of my situation with Nathan. You were everything I could have possibly wanted," I said pausing.

"But I wasn't Nathan." He said everything now beginning to make sense. "What happened Haley? What has made you so unsure of us- of what we've created?' he asked

I bit my lip, out of nervous habit. "Nathan knows about Jamie Leigh, I told him everything." I said pausing to see the look on his features. "He wants us to be a family...a real family."

He let out a painful gasp. "He wants you to be his family." He says already knowing the answer. "What do you want?' he asked not daring to look her way.

_Whatever words I say_

_I will always love you_

I let the tears fall freely. This wasn't what I had wanted. I wanted to be happy, I wanted my daughter to be happy and I loved by two men who adored her but I wouldn't get those wishes granted. The only thing I could do was let Sam go, because he didn't deserved to be weighed down by someone like me. He had deserved a girl who could give him her full heart and not half of it, Sam had deserved to be happy. "I don't want to do this" I say brokenly

His jaw clinched at her words. "Did you sleep with him?" he asked glutton for punishment. He loved her but he couldn't make her love him if she didn't.

"No" I say quickly. " I would never do that to you or me." I say brokenly as I reach out to hold his hand. "I love you." I say, and it's the truth

"But you love Nathan more." He said letting go of her hand. His eyes were beginning to well up as he looked at her. He knew in his heart that he would always love her, that he loved her but sometimes you had to let the person you loved the most go, because you loved them.

I shook my head. "I hate him- but he'll always have a hold over me and I don't want to further entwine you into this situation only to fall back into Nathan." I say as simply as possible.

He nodded his head. "I get it, you've been in love with him since you were teens, his the father of your children. You guys are bonded and know one will ever take his place in your heart." He said while containing his emotions. "Know that I love you and that I'll always love you and Jamie Leigh" he said as his words started to come out choppy.

"Sam" I called out as he walked to the door. "For what its worth if their was never a Nathan and Haley, it would want nothing more then for the two of us to be together."

He gave her a sad smile. "Maybe in another life- we could be together."

And it was only then that I started to cry.

_However far away_

_I will always love you_

**HJ-HJ-HJ-**

_Whenever I'm alone_

_with you-you make_

_me feel like I am_

_young again_

Sometime later I had awaken with Nathan standing in front of me his arms crossed as he peered down on my all superior and smug. Just what I needed a living breathing nightmare staring at me like I was a freak show on exhibit at a museum. I let out a groan and rolled over, while trying to ignore him. I had fallen asleep on the couch after an emotional goodbye with Sam. The worst thing about my break up with Sam, wasn't just the fact that we were now broken up but to see the hurt on his face when he declined to say goodbye to Jamie Leigh because saying goodbye twice would hurt just as much.

"You should get up, we've got somewhere to be.' He said his void devoid of emotion. The only way to do this was to act as if seeing her pine away from another man hadn't affected him. He had spent the latter part of the day making sure everything was set, he had been planning the moment he had given her an ultimatum and now that she had made her choice they were ready to move forward. However they couldn't move forward if she was still moping on the couch with red eyes.

I let out a sigh and sat up. "The last thing I want to do is pretend that you and I are on good terms in the public eye Nathan." I spat out while he continued to look my way as if I had said nothing at all. "Why don't you use this time to spend time with your daughter instead of bugging the hell out of me?" I shot out while getting up and heading toward my bedroom. He of course had stopped quickly by holding onto my arm.

"We aren't going to live like this Haley." He said sternly. What he had wanted was a chance for the three of them to be a family but that would never happen if she was too busy hanging onto the past. He knew she was upset but he had freed her out her obvious self obligation to Sam and he had done so because he had loved her, he loved her so much that he willing to be the "bad guy" in her eyes so that they could be happy. He would never apologize for doing what was best for his family and he wouldn't start now.

I glared his way. "You got what you wanted Nathan!" I nearly shouted his way. "You always get what you want, but you don't get to act like my feelings don't matter." I said while running my hands through my hair. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with Nathan because I didn't know what would happen with him. On one hand I agreed with breaking up with Sam because it was only a matter of time before Nathan and I got back into old habits but the way he had gone about it had been so nasty- that the mere thought of his actions had caused me blood to run cold.

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, Haley could hold a grudge, but she'd get over it because what he did...what she did was the right thing to do for their family."How do you feel?" he asked pointedly.

_Whenever I'm alone_

_I think of you_

"I hate you." I say simply. I looked him square in his blue eyes hoping to get some reaction, for him to see that maybe I wasn't as mad about the Sam situation but upset by the way he had gone about in getting what he wanted. We weren't kids anymore, we were supposed to have matured but lets face it, he had blackmailed me into doing what he had wanted and then claimed to being doing it for love. That was something, the old Nathan, the Nathan I never wanted to touch me would have done.

He sucked his teeth resisting the urge to touch her again. "You may hate me now, but in the end I did this for our family."

I couldn't help but let out a bitter chuckle. "Oh I see" I say crossing my arms in front of my chest. "You blow up my world, and take away someone your daughter is used to seeing for our family." I say before letting out an unattractive snort. "But you left our family, to start another one with Peyton." I say not missing the way his eyes flicker in anger.

_Whatever words I say_

_I will always love you_

He buried his hands into his pockets and mentally counted to ten, she was baiting him and he knew it and he wouldn't fall for it, not tonight. "That was a different situation and you knew that." He said flicking his eyes her way. " You're not mad at me for ending your fake fairytale with Sam you're mad because you brought him in knowing that our bound would end the two of you."

I let out a shriek. "You know why I'm upset Nathan, why I can barely look at you without bile rising in my throat." I asked while he inclined his head to side."You took something so personal, so devastating as my nervous breakdown and you through it in my face." I said quietly. "You left me when I needed you, you always leave me when I need you and then you take away the person who has done nothing but love me and my daughter for what?" I asked stepping closer. "For kicks, to remind me that you're the big bad Nathan Scott and I'm little Haley James. Why?" I asked again.

He licked his dry lips and took a step back at her words. "Because I couldn't bare the thought of you loving someone else other then me." He said before walking over to the canter. "You should get dressed we have people waiting for us." He said with his back to her.

I clicked my tongue and turned on my heel before stopping short. "You know he always knew that I loved you- he didn't try to erase what we had because he knew how much you meant to me- how much I loved you." I said pausing. "I loved you...I loved you so much that it nearly killed me." I say meeting his eyes. "And you know why I fell in love with Sam, because he wasn't you." I said shaking my head as I walked into my bedroom slamming the door.

He heard the door slammed and flinched. Haley still loved him, she was just afraid of what would happen if the two of them gave their all. If they had failed this time, it meant that they were no longer meant to be and he knew that scared her because what Haley James wanted most was for her family to be complete. It had been what she had always wanted and he'd give her that- because he wanted the same thing.

_I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

**NH-NH-NH**

An hour later I was dressed and ready to put on the best performance of my life. I knew our families were jumping for joy that they had their granddaughter to dote over and I didn't want to ruin what could possibly be a wonderful family outing. It had been years since the James family and the Scott family had really been in the same room. My mother had never really approved of my relationship with Nathan and she had blamed him for my personal demons taking over me. She had never really gotten over the fact that he had deserted me, but she was one to talk- she had never supported my decision with JJ and it was only when he was gone that she had finally apologized about her harsh remarks regarding me people a young mother.

When I walk out of my bedroom, I find Nathan sitting on the couch texting on his cell phone. He too has changed, our eyes meet and we say nothing as he too gets to his feet.

"You look nice." He breathes out his eyes raking over figure clad in some black jeans with a grey off the shoulder top that reveals a peach colored tank the same color of her skin. His eyes instantly go to her feet and notices she is wearing black and tan wedged shoes, and he bites back a remark on how he loves to see her in heels, because it true.

"Thanks." I say, while grabbing my purse and cell phone. If Nathan and I were going to do this, if we were going to try and do this for Jamie Leigh we had to at least try to be civil because Jamie Leigh deserved a family with loving parents who cared only of her, and I would give her that even if it killed me in the process. "I'm ready when you are." I say meeting his eyes

Sometimes it was odd to look at Nathan and see the man standing in front of me, he was the same man that I had sworn to hate, the same man that I had sworn to love and the same man that he turned my world upside down. We were so wild and free in the beginning, things had moved quickly between us one moment we had been hating each other and then it was like we could hardly keep our hands off of each other. We were a mess, dysfunctional in all the wrong ways but Nathan was the first man I had ever really loved, he was also the father of my children and no matter how much I loathed him, his place in my life, was forever.

_whenever I'm alone with you_

_you make me feel like I am_

_home again_

When we pulled up to our destination, my startled eyes met his and I say an inking of tears that had threatened to spill from his eyes.

"Please take my hand." He said reaching out for me, and despite the fact that I was afraid of what was to come, the look in his eyes, the emotion that had been lacking since our last argument, had told me to go with him. Silently I reached for his hand and his led me to our place by the river. We had come here often, sometimes to fight, sometimes to just talk but most of the time, to be honest.

When we came to a halt, I took a seat while he continued to stand and look down at me. "You know I never forgot about you...about us." He said while burying his hands deep into his pockets. "One of my biggest regrets was leaving you the first time because it started a trend for the two of us that we have never been able to break." He said pausing. "Whenever we were apart while you were with your family and I was trying to live another life I kept this picture with me, to remind me that what we had was real." He said reaching into his jacket pocket to reveal a worn photograph.

_Whenever I'm alone_

_I think of you_

Reaching out I took hold of the photograph and I felt my heart break at the sight, it was worn, from obvious love, wear and tear. The picture was of me and JJ after I had given birth to him, it was the first picture we had after his birth and he was in my arms. My heart ached not only for our son, but because we were so broken after we had lost him. You never get over losing a child, in fact it is the worst possible thing that a person could go through. The hurt never goes away, it aches so much that you're afraid you will never be able to feel again. "Nathan."

He pulled at his fingers nervously deciding that if he were going to have her, it needed to be on her terms. He couldn't make her love him or want to be with him and for trying to do so was wrong of him. He wanted Haley for the rest of his life but she had to want him to. "If you don't love me, if you don't want to be with me- it's okay." He said solemnly. "I won't fight you for Jamie Leigh. I want this to be your decision if you want to be with me, then be with me but if you don't then you're free to live your life." He said looking at her cautiously.

I furrowed my eyebrows his way. " If I didn't want to be here, I would have left and you wouldn't be able to find me." I admitted honestly. I had always known that Nathan and I would forever be entwined, and despite the fact that I hated hurting Sam, I knew it was for the best. I had loved Nathan and that had always threatened everything that was Sam and I because I never knew what the love I had for Nathan would make me do.

_However long I stay_

_I will always love you_

He nodded his head in understanding. "I've done things in my life that I am not proud of, I've done many things that I wish I could take back because it wasn't worth it- but I could never take back my love for you. You gave me, my children, and you've been the only woman that I've loved for so long that the thought of not getting a chance to really start a new with you- it scared me." He said pausing. "It scares me to think that maybe you'll never really love me the way you used to." He said turning away because his eyes were beginning to get misty. It didn't matter how far away she had gotten from him, he would always love her and if she would give him a chance, he'd show her how much he loved her.

This was the man that I had fell in love with so long ago and to see him reemerge gave me hope that Jamie Leigh might get a chance to see the good side of her father. I had known who Nathan was when I had gotten into a relationship with him, he wasn't perfect but I wasn't either. We had both done things that were damaging to one another because we were still hurt from the past- but if we could just move on from it, learn from our past mistakes then maybe we could have a chance. I knew in my heart I would never love anyone the way I loved Nathan, and fighting him, it was too much- it hurt not just me, but it hurt him and it would hurt Jamie Leigh.

I licked my dry lips. "Nothing could make me stop loving you Nathan," I said while using the palm of my hand to wipe away stray tears. "I've tried to stop loving you" I say pausing, "But you're in my heart, you're in my soul and I could hate you for a million years but I'd still love you just as much."

_I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

He soon stepped closer to me and dared to wipe my tear stained cheeks. "I love you, and I'm so sorry for bringing up.." He couldn't bare to say the words. "I am so sorry" he said reaching out to hold her. "I'm sorry for Peyton, for JJ, for Sam for everything. The kind of love I have for you selfish and unpredictable..."

I placed my finger to his lips. "Shh. It's okay" I said pausing. "You love me and despite everything I love you." I say feeling the weight of the world off of my shoulders. I had been fighting it for so long, because I truly did love Sam, but I just loved Nathan more.

"Good" he breathed out before nipping at her lips. "I was hoping you would say that." He said while digging into his pocket. "Haley Marie James, I've been in love with you for so long it feels like its transcended time and space. I can barley think of time before you were in my life" he said pausing to look down. "I've always known that you were the girl I wanted to be with," he said finally succeeding in telling her what he had been holding onto for so many years."Haley, not many people get a second chance, and we have ours and I want us to get it right this time. " He said finally getting the words out. "But first I need you to trust me, say that you'll trust me, that you'll believe in me one more time.

His words rung in my ears loud and clear. In order for us to move forward we needed to let go of the past. "I trust you Nathan." I say the words coming out easier then I had imagined. When he smiled I may way I realized that this could be the start of something good.

Song credit: Adele- love song


End file.
